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#951
Feb 13, 2015, 06:56 PM
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Husband is slowly improving. Taking the afternoon off to just sit for a few hours. Back to the hospital in the morning
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I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
 angelene, Anonymous37807, Bark, Clara22, herethennow, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup, waterknob1234
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 angelene, Angelique67, Bark
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#952
Feb 13, 2015, 07:07 PM
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I'm not sure how I feel right now. I'm sick and tired of taking care of everyone. My "stay at home" husband doesn't think he needs to clean and do laundry. Hmmm what does a stay at home husband do then??? It use to bother me before, but now since I can't walk I can't pick up the slack. He was perfectly okay with me working two jobs and now we are faced with the fact that I may not be able to work any and he keeps acting like it's my responsibility to fix it. I'm just tired. He hid my car keys so I couldn't drive. The Doc said I could...I just need to find the keys and leave. I would but I have a very sensitive 14 year old still living at home. Sorry for the rant. No one needs to hear all of this. We all have our own problems. Hugs to all and again sorry
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Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. no matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness got there first, and is waiting for it - Terry Pratchett |
| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous445852, Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup, waterknob1234
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#953
Feb 13, 2015, 07:37 PM
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I'm having very peculiar feelings today that are setting off depression. I feel as though I'm from a different time and place and should be there instead of here. I just don't belong in my generation. This is leaving me with very intense feelings of loneliness and isolation that I can't shake off. It hurts. I feel like I will just never connect with others my age, and this destroys a lot of opportunities for me - friendships, romantic relationships... all are impossible, unless I can somehow 'get over' this (which I don't see how I can). I feel like a true freak... needless to say, this Valentine's day will be a very difficult one for me to stomach...
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| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous445852, Bark, Clara22, color14u, Nammu, Rose76, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#954
Feb 13, 2015, 09:43 PM
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I am doing really good at present. If I could just stay like this, I'ld have a good life.
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| Clara22, dandylin, Nammu
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| angelene, Angelique67, Bark, Clara22, color14u, dandylin, Nammu, Rand., TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84, Turtlesoup
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#955
Feb 13, 2015, 10:24 PM
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I have a horrible sense of doom. Everything is as I don't want it to be, my body, my apartment, my whole life. I don't know what to do to make changes with my back this bad. I'm so heavy that my efforts at exercise in here don't seem to pay off. But I'm not consistent enough due to the horrible coldness in here this winter. All the layers make fast walking through narrow paths impossible. I just am so miserable and unhappy.
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| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous445852, Bark, color14u, Nammu, Rose76, TheOriginalMe, tigerlily84, Turtlesoup
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#956
Feb 14, 2015, 12:36 AM
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realising theres no point of trying to improve myself... i cant be healthy, no matter what i do or how hard i try im still stuck here and cant sleep...
tonight i have to stay up all night with white noise blasting in my ears at full volume and its STILL not enough to drown the noise out. i also have to stay up on wed night because i need to go out at 8.30 with this much sleep deprivation (caused by others not me) how can i possibly be healthy? why bother? i give up... |
| angelene, Anonymous37807, Bark, color14u, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#957
Feb 14, 2015, 01:45 AM
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Slept well last night but got up a little too early so I indulged in a rare nap. Had a really good day & did much better voicing my feelings. It was so gorgeous here today when we went on a hike & saw the most beautiful birds-it was very serene & I thought wow I'm glad I'm here to enjoy this day. My heart goes out to all here who are struggling-sending you lots of positive energy & cyber hugs
 Take care all.
__________________
"This is just a moment in time. Step aside and let it happen."-Inara from Firefly  Bipolar Disorder Depression Generalized Anxiety Disorder OCD PTSD Insomnia Chronic Pain Prozac 30mg daily Buspar 10mg three times daily Propranolol 10mg three times daily Currently titrating up Lamictal daily Ambien 5mg prn Trazodone 50mg prn |
| Bark, TheOriginalMe
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| angelene, Angelique67, Bark, color14u, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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#958
Feb 14, 2015, 06:14 AM
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pdoc and T appt coming up soon and i feel like i should lie to get off their backs.
i miss stability.
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"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| angelene, Anonymous37807, Bark, color14u, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#959
Feb 14, 2015, 09:11 AM
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Second day in a row of feeling really depressed. I'm so tired of feeling like this. Life is such a struggle. I have to force myself to do everything. We're going to a movie and out to dinner later on but in the meantime I'm at such a loss. I long for the days when life was enjoyable and I looked forward to getting out of bed and living life.
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| angelene, Bark, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#960
Feb 14, 2015, 09:50 AM
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Had an orange and a few nuts because they were right next to me. Making a sandwich takes too much effort.
Don't feel like doing anything. Just trying to distract myself. Every time I sit with my feelings the thoughts come back and I can't handle them. I don't trust myself to tackle them head on because I might end up feeling even worse. Need to study. As usual. If I can get myself to eat then that might help. As it is I don't have the energy to do anything, including preparing food, which means I'm going to have even less energy. I need to push myself. I don't want to sleep (which in a way is nice; I'm not as sleepy as I used to be), but staying awake feels like torture. My brain won't shut up. |
| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous445852, color14u, herethennow, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#961
Feb 14, 2015, 10:41 AM
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My brain won't shut up either, hasn't for years, I miss having a good sleep, wish I could remember a time when my ears didn't ring like nuts, wish I had a way to get to the store, had enough money.... and I'm feeling like commiserating with misery today
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| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, herethennow, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#962
Feb 14, 2015, 11:06 AM
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How many times have I heard the phrase "it gets better" vs. How many times it actually got worse instead of better?...
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| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous445852, Bark, Clara22, color14u, herethennow, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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| herethennow, Nammu
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#963
Feb 14, 2015, 12:13 PM
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On the bed and wishing i could just cease to exist so as to not live this pain...
__________________
"The is no better exercise for the human heart than reaching and lifting others up." - John Holmes herethennow: This ward is a prison! dx: recurrent MDD.
Wardmate: No.. here's not a prison. *points to brain* Here is. |
| angelene, Anonymous37807, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, Nammu, Turtlesoup
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#964
Feb 14, 2015, 01:10 PM
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At the hospital watching Road Runner cartoons with husband. I feel better than yesterday
__________________
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell |
| angelene, color14u, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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| angelene, Bark, Clara22, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#967
Feb 14, 2015, 01:39 PM
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Quote:
(Can you detect my bitterness in this one) |
| angelene, Bark, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#968
Feb 14, 2015, 01:40 PM
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Today is a typical Saturday. Just doing some cleaning and shopping later on. Very warm outside and that's unusual for this time of year. I feel a little bit sluggish. Nothing eventful later on. Just nice to have a break from work.
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| angelene, Turtlesoup
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#969
Feb 14, 2015, 02:19 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| angelene, TheOriginalMe
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#970
Feb 14, 2015, 02:21 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| Bark
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#971
Feb 14, 2015, 02:24 PM
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Quote:
It's very depressing, I'll admit. It's about losing people.The end of the poem ties in with the title. ...YOURSELF Lately I’ve been flaking off – (paint chips.) each piece a person who was in my life, but left me. Whether death or choice, each left and took a piece of me with them. Now I find it’s hard to move on with all these holes and parts falling out – it’s hard to limp through life with no crutch, no love, and the same broken-leg hurt. Torn memories wave in the mind like torn white waving flags. Give up … as now, all you have is … |
| Bark, herethennow, Nammu, TheOriginalMe
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| angelene, Angelique67, Bark, color14u, herethennow, Nammu, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#972
Feb 14, 2015, 02:29 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| angelene, Angelique67, Bark
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#973
Feb 14, 2015, 05:03 PM
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I feel so normal since starting these meds. Even though I needed an adjustment upward, I have no side effects apart from a stiff neck for a short time after I take them. I was watching a series on TV when I relized I haven't felt "normal" for years.
 That made me wonder what if I'd found this combo of meds 30 years ago? Would I have had a chance at finishing college, keeping a job, not having so many physical problems? Better not go there. Can't change what has passed. 
__________________
Nammu …Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. …... Desiderata Max Ehrmann |
| angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, color14u, SeekerOfLife, TheOriginalMe
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| Bark, Turtlesoup
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#974
Feb 14, 2015, 05:59 PM
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I feel like I need to do or accomplish something today, but I don't know what???? There has got to be something I can do or plan to do...
__________________
Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. no matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness got there first, and is waiting for it - Terry Pratchett |
| angelene, Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, TheOriginalMe, Turtlesoup
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#975
Feb 14, 2015, 06:39 PM
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Death in the extended family yesterday, so I went to visit those mainly affected by it. Good to get out of the house and see everyone, horrible that it took such a loss to get me over there.
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* Panic Disorder w/ Agoraphobia * Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder * Hoarder * Fibromyalgia * Major Depressive Disorder w/ Recurrent Major Depressive Episodes ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "I exist here. I must learn to walk in this world." |
| Anonymous37914, Bark, Clara22, color14u, herethennow, Nammu, Turtlesoup
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| Closed Thread |
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