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#451
Feb 25, 2016, 03:57 PM
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Feel OK today. My GP ordered more medication to lower my blood sugar. I have already started. I feel better
 and the measurement (glucose device) shows that so I should feel. (It is so easy to think that one's depression has become worse when it in reality is too high blood glucose that is the cause of enormous tiredness).
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 citra29, Fuzzybear
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#452
Feb 25, 2016, 07:57 PM
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I should be happy today, so many good things have happened. Instead I'm numb at best and want to cry at worst.
In looking at my thoughts, my problem is I envy and loathe basically everyone. And there's no way to get on their level: I'm neurotypical as they come, my IQ and personality are set, my past is done and unchangeable. I'm just stuck here and the best I can hope for is subsistence. But I can't stop, just can't stop thinking that I'm inherently, despicably inferior and worthless. Sometimes there are stretches where it's all I think about. |
| citra29, Takeshi
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#453
Feb 25, 2016, 08:31 PM
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Spent most of my day in bed, feeling like I had a fever (but it's just withdrawal I think). I kept thinking my bed was some kind of vehicle and I had Go West's "Call Me" playing in my head over and over. Not a terrible song, but it gets annoying after the 30th time.
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| kecanoe
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#454
Feb 25, 2016, 09:48 PM
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i'm ugly. i can't seem to get past this fact. it's all i can think about.
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| Clara22, ScientiaOmnisEst, Takeshi
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#455
Feb 26, 2016, 08:53 AM
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Quote:
But I am very sorry because you feel so badly. I feel you deserve better. You are a beautiful human being
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
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#457
Feb 26, 2016, 11:18 AM
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Quote:
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| Fuzzybear
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#458
Feb 26, 2016, 11:41 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| Anonymous37914
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#459
Feb 26, 2016, 11:54 AM
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Quote:
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
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#460
Feb 26, 2016, 07:12 PM
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Quote:
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| Clara22
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 Clara22
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#461
Feb 26, 2016, 07:14 PM
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Down today. I don't seem to be able to control my emotions. I wonder why and what happens to me during the night that I wake up a certain way...
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| Clara22, Curry
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#462
Feb 26, 2016, 07:32 PM
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Quote:
I am sorry you feel down
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| Anonymous37954, Curry
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#463
Feb 26, 2016, 08:32 PM
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i've had a headache all day and they know this but they're drunk and have been playing their crap music all evening, to the point i have to put my earbuds in and listen to my own music, because if i have to listen to music against my will at least it should be music that i like. anyway, it's 8:30 and i'm ready for it to stop. plus i've been pmsing for a week now and just finally got the first blood today, so now i have at least 6 days to go until i'm free of this icky feeling. sometimes i skip periods, and i was hoping this would be one of those months i'd have a few cramps and a bit of spotting and that'd be it. nope. nope nope nopenopenope
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| Clara22, Curry, Takeshi
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#464
Feb 26, 2016, 08:39 PM
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^ sorry, that probably belongs more in a rant thread than here.
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| Clara22
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#465
Feb 26, 2016, 11:54 PM
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I'm not enough for anyone and i can't ****ing take it anymore!!!!!
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| Clara22, ScientiaOmnisEst, Takeshi
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#466
Feb 27, 2016, 05:28 PM
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my head hurts so bad i swear i have a ****ing brain tumor. i hope.
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| Anonymous41141, Clara22, Takeshi
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#468
Feb 28, 2016, 09:18 AM
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My brother is back from his long excursion (he went to a tourist city to do some seasonal jobs) and his sole presence depresses me. He is a bully and I am not sure why. Probably there is a combination of drug use and mental health conditions. I really hope we will be able to sell the house we live in and split by the end of the year. I cried the first 3 days after he came back to live upstairs, as usual. And I got kidney infection. Now, I am a bit better. I am doing some meaningful volunteer work and I think this is helping me to cope
__________________
Clara Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out. Vaclav Havel |
| Anonymous41141, Curry, Takeshi
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#469
Feb 28, 2016, 02:10 PM
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Quote:
Hi Girl, just wondering, how is the medical stuff coming along? I noticed a while back you said you had some kind of appt. I hope that happens soon, you need help and you need to get out of there. Thinking of you and hoping for the best!  I'm doing okay, I know it won't last. I want to get off my pills for depression and anxiety, but it's for the best. My eyesight has gotten very bad and my heart can't take some of these meds. Blood sugar is too hard to control lately. |
| Clara22, Takeshi
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#470
Feb 28, 2016, 08:37 PM
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Hello. I'm checking in. Things got away from me. I've alienated the people who could be friends. I have to move to a new apartment. It's not easy to what needs to be done alone. I feel very old today, and very inadequate.
__________________
Technology and human potential don't have to be adversary positions .. we can use advanced machinery and advanced people. Likewise, the idealists on the right and the idealists on the left would do better for all if they worked on the same team. Get comfortable with combining positions and not choosing sides. -- Jim Channon, LTC. U.S.Army |
| Anonymous41141, Clara22, Curry
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#471
Feb 28, 2016, 11:55 PM
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Today was a busy day with lots to do, but not much going on socially. I was hoping that some people would call me but they didn't. I had left voice mails with them.
Yesterday I was feeling pretty bad. Felt like I had a lot of self-pity. I was doing fairly well with my finances and then some unexpected bills came from a couple of doctor visits I had. So the pretty good amount of money I saved up is about to be gone. Also I have been feeling like I have to really put myself out for other people. And when I do, I don't get much back in return. I don't expect anything, it's just that I practically don't get anything back, or they expect me to do more. It seems like no one is putting themselves out for me. And then I'm feeling like I'm getting older and there's nothing in the future to look forward to. But there seems to be some things coming up that I am dreading. There are times when I get bad feelings when I first wake up in the morning. |
| Clara22
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#472
Feb 29, 2016, 12:00 AM
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i am not meant to be loved.
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| Clara22
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#473
Feb 29, 2016, 07:28 AM
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It looks like I'm getting evicted. I'm terrified.
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| Anonymous445852, Clara22
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#475
Feb 29, 2016, 09:32 AM
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So. The first half of yesterday was sublime - I actually enjoyed a social gathering followed by 2-3 hours of 1-on-1 socializing with someone I met who found me "interesting". This was the first time in my entire life that I've actually felt engaged and calm in social interaction - normally, half an hour with someone would leave me exhausted and eager to leave. Yesterday, I actually enjoyed it. I think I said too much about myself, but I can make up for it. We exchanged information and the guy emailed me saying he thinks we're kindred spirits.
The second half of yesterday, I went right back into my old emotional ways. A video gave me a minor existential crisis, a few articles revived my anger and anxiety attached to food. I almost cried; I woke up sad. I intend to just kind of keep pushing through, keep being productive. But god I feel awful. |
| Anonymous445852, Clara22, Takeshi
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| Takeshi
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| Closed Thread |
This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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