Feeling Worse Every Day

here something that might be interesting
YOU.DJ - MIX MUSIC ONLINE for free

Cool, that might be fun to check out. I've been feeling so much anxiety lately I don't know what to do with it yet. I feel like I've been living in a haze.

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i dont wanna be an instigator
time to get drunk?

I've been considering it, but I've felt so nauseous the past couple weeks I don't know if I should.

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i wish i was better at this stuff... and had some good advice, i dont want you to do the things i do though, im horrible at coping skills
im embarrassed that i even do these things to myself, i just want you to know that you're not alone and try to encourage you just the littlebit that i can try....

i've been doing the unspeakable again and i took a few painpills tonight...
so im feeling a little nauseas too from them :/ but im intoxicated i guess...
i guess sometimes we just have to do whatever we can to get by - but i dont want anyone to do what i do because its not good at all... just hurting myself more... even though it feels good... or feels better? or different, i dunno i cant think :/

can you meditate? i know its hard to when you are panicking and anxieous... but if you practice when you feel better and calm then build skills up in it its supposed to be easire when you are in those hieghened stress moments... i try my best to do it, my brain tends to bounce all over the place though so i just get mad at myself because i cant focus... but it is a skill maybe that could help... i try to keep myself in a state of zen... just i fail alot obviously...

I try to meditate, but I'm so bad at keeping up on it. I used to use that during panic attacks, but lately the attacks I've been having are just so intense.

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im so sorry...

I'm at work. I don't know what I'm doing. I woke up near panic when my bf got up for work, and felt about the same when I got up later for work. I'm so anxious. I've nearly cried so many times already today, and it's only 2 hours in. I called both t and pdoc this morning, no response yet. I feel like I'm in a haze, so disconnected from everything. I don't want to feel this anymore.

How ironic. I was signed up to take a class on self-care Thursday night, and they just called to let me know it's cancelled. That helps.

i can't remember if i asked before or not but have you identified any specific triggers?

or things like not being comfortable with where you are at in life at the moment that might be fueling these strong anxiety feelings?

the bad thing about anxiety is sometimes seems like the more we try to examine it and try to understand it the worse it gets... when we focus on it then it intensifies... its a weird thing...

the way my mind is right now things go in and out and through one ear ant out the other quite often... all day... i dont retain much, but i try really hard to just let the feelings be instead of trying to contrl them or force them to do what i want...
it might be a little easier for me because my mind just isn't really working on full capacity right now for some reason... not that its easy to deal with, just that 1 axnious thought comes in and i just try to let it go ... but they keep coming due to triggers i guess? it just makes it a little easier for me to try to let them pass rather than ruminate on the same ones because they would build up and cause the panic attacks...
i forget what im doing all the time, forget what im thinking about, ect ect... so i could be panicking and then all of a sudden im confused and wondering what i was doing or thinking about and instead of panicking over that i just let it happen and move on trying to do something else...

im living in a constant haze/fog currently so i understand what you mean

The past week or so I haven't had any triggers. Anxious is a near-constant state for me since I started meds. The only trigger I can completely identify for panic attacks is the klonopin.

can you talk to your doctor about the wellbutrin exacerbating anxiety, just to see if it could be? i have bad anxiety and stuff too but its never done it to me... but i've read that it does give some people bad anxiety even if they dont suffer from anxiety before starting the medicine ( for depression or smoking cessation )

Does bupropion exacerbate anxiety? : Current Psychiatry

something is ramping it up... i dont know much about the sleep meds like ambien but i would consider looking into that too because if i took something like ambien i think it would make me feel more anxious...

are there any anniversaries of things that are near or passed or coming up or whatever that may be subconsiously causing increased anxiety?

i know my birthday in december and then the following birthday of my ex in feburary really made me feel alot worse... our anniversary was nov 21 too so it was like a wam wam wam attack to my depression and stuff...

i know it makes me mad when someone tells me to just try to relax... so dont take me the wrong way because i completely understand how you are feeling... but we have to try to breathe, try to take it easy, try to distract the mind... take warm bath or whatever kind of thing that really soothes you... baby/pamper yourself...
get your boyfriend to give you a full body massage or something

and call the doc and talk to him about maybe the meds increasing the anxiety...
it happens sometimes... even on a med that may of worked great in the past it might have a different effect in the future when started again... atleast this is what i have seen/read...

medications are tricky.... they are helpful, but it has to be the right medications...

starting out at 300mg wellbutrin xl is a little high i think, should of started at 75/150 or so and then went up... but im not sure if the effects would linger since you've been on it for a few weeks i would of thought that should be fine by now...

there really isn't a good cure for these things besides working out the reasons that we get these panics and anxieties... meds just try to slow it down so that we can process it to try to resolve those things and come up with good coping skills to deal with it ya know? atleast this is the way i view it... im not a professional of course...

klonopins are great for numbing it while you are taking them, but they dont fix it at all and it can make it worse because you get that relief feeling and then when the anxiety comes back you are like ****!!! because you had that relief and was relaxed for a little while... even if its same level of anxiety it feels intensified if that makes sense?
this is my experience with it atleast...

it sucks so bad, just try to breathe and do little things that distract you....
for example, i tap my leg ALOT ... i do it subconsiously but its something that i realized i was doing and seems like it is to try to change my focus from whats going on inside my mind to the tapping on my leg...
it probably looks weird to other people but they probably just think im being ADHD and playing music in my head or something

when is your next apt with the doctor?

did you look into that ptsd stuff?

Something is making the anxiety worse. I'm glad you mentioned the wellbutrin, I forgot that increased anxiety is a possible side effect. The klonopin is good to numb it, but I just get triggered right back into a panic attack when it wears off.

I can't think of anything this time of year that could trigger anything. I'm really bad at remembering dates of things anyway, I have to write important stuff down. It's always a surprise to me when someone reminds me of an anniversary that's coming up or recently passed.

I called the doc today, and my therapist. Everyone at the clinic I go to is so busy, I don't know if I'll be able to get in this week. I left messages, saying that I'm doing so badly. I told the doc about the panic attacks when I go off the klonopin, and that even without it I'm having several attacks a day. I haven't gotten an answer from either one. I don't have a follow up with the doc until near the end of May.

I've been kind of holding off on the ptsd stuff until I see my therapist again. I can only recall one trauma in my past, and I don't see it causing any of what's going on now, but I could be wrong. I don't want to diagnose myself, and I want someone else's opinion on things.

My therapist called me a little bit ago. I told her all about the panic attacks, and how they're interferring with work. She still doesn't have any cancellations this week, but she said she will call if she gets anything. Won't be until Wednesday or Thursday though. I also told her that I called the doc and left him a message about the anxiety, so maybe she can say something or leave a note or something and he'll get back to me sooner.

yeah i totally understand about the ptsd thing, my memory is really bad too so i forget alot of stuff i have said or already asked
dont really know why my memory is so bad though

i wonder if you could ask the doc about trying to half the wellbutrin to see if some of the anxiety subsides, then might be an indicator of whats causing it?
obviously dont want you to mess with your meds without talking to your doc though

how are you sleeping and eating?

That's a good idea, I'll have to remember it when the doc calls.

Sleep has been ok since I got meds. The ambien really knocks me out. My appetite hasn't been so good. I don't care about eating, and I've felt pretty nauseous the past couple weeks. I eat about a meal and a half a day.

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was trying to look up some stuff on ambien...

Ambien Side Effects
People taking Ambien might experience anxiety as a result of the drug's side effects, not because of its direct actions. Ambien's unpleasant side effects can include next-day drowsiness, nausea, impaired driving and poor concentration at work.

Ambien & Anxiety | LIVESTRONG.COM

This makes me just want to laugh. Or cry. I dunno. Everything I take to fix one thing just makes something else worse. It is so unfair.

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thats what happens with me with medications... might help a little on this one thing but creates other problems :/

gotta really find the right meds... really important in my opinion...
or else they keep adding more meds on to start treating side effects...

i took cymbalta, its an snri... i didnt really have any side effects with that one... no sexual side effects... i had withdrawal on it when i came off it though... if you have to switch from wellbutrin.. i think it can cause upset stomach / stomach burning in the beginning though..? it didnt really bother me though...

the zoloft didnt give me any sexual side effects or really any other side effects either... the antipsychotics is where i got all my side effects from

maybe seroquel would help though, since you want something to help you sleep ... i liked the seroquel for the most part but the 400mg pills are too big
it should sedate you at night, help a little with depression and anxiety during the day... that was what they told me atleast

Now if only I could get someone to listen to me. I feel like no one who can help believes how I feel.

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thats how i've been feeling too for years
just have to keep fighting them i guess... research research research!!
try to educate yourself as much as possible i would say... dont obsess as much as i do though because it can make things worse, just read snippets here and there ..

that way when you are talking with them you can make your case and try to explain as best as possible, but in my experience it seems the doc might look at you like you know too much and are being too specific, dont know why thats a problem, but seems like they did that to me... just because i've tried to educate myself



hang in there man...

That's because if you know too much they just think you want meds to get high on. Right now I just need actual responses. I left that message for the doc yesterday and said I'm having several panic attacks a day, and he still hasn't called me back or changed any prescriptions or anything. It's so frustrating. I just want to give up.

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I have twice-monthly meetings that I go to before work, for licensure purposes. I meet with one of the instructors from the graduate school I went to. She taught two of my classes, and I did my practicum at her clinic. So we are pretty close, and she has been able to see me grow in my work and makes me feel like I'm good at what I do. Today we talked about my depression and anxiety, and how it's affecting my work. Now all I can think about is when I'm going to have a panic attack while a client is in my office. It would destroy my credibility with like 90% of my clients. I'm so scared and hurt, I just don't know how much more of this I can take. Sometimes I feel like this could be the end for me.

If I could recommend a book that I have found very useful:

http://www.amazon.com/My-Anxious-Min...nagers+anxiety

This book is directed at teenagers, and so parts would not be relevant for you. The book is, however, clear throughout and I really like the explanation of panic attacks and how to deal with them. That is a whole chapter in the book. Maybe check it out and see what you think!

I'll check it out, thanks.