How to cope with lack of motivation when depressed?

How do I deal with the lack of motivation that I've been having?

Ever since last week when my case manager that I grew close to and saw as a friend left to start another job at a homeless shelter, I have been struggling with depression.

I'm a college student, yet, I can't motivate myself to get my homework done no matter how hard I try. I find most of the work boring and tedious and I have been procrastinating because I simply don't care. In fact, the only reason why I went to college in the first place is because I need their resources to help me with things like therapy, job placement, help improving social skills, and having the leftover FAFSA money to pay for my living expenses since finding a job is still hard for me because of my poor social skills and struggle in interviews.

All I want to do is play games. I hate working. I just want to save up enough money to buy a cheap tiny house and some land for it and live there so I no longer have to fear homelessness. I don't care about my major or my education, especially considering the fact that I lost so much of my IQ due to being abused most of my life. I no longer see the point in learning because if I can't be a genius that changes the world, why bother? I would rather focus solely on a small, specialized set of knowledge that I can monetize than deal with all of the subjects at school that I truly don't care about.

My end goal has always been self employment. I am choosing this route because I hate working regular jobs and I hate being told what to do and I especially hate revolving my life around some prick that doesn't care about me. I want to do something like resell goods online or internet marketing because a lot of the money made off of these things require less work in the long run. All you need to do is set them up initially which takes a lot of work but afterwards, you can work 10-20 hours a week or less and make more money than many regular jobs pay.

Because of my long term goals, I truly have no desire to focus on my studies and education. The only reason why I'm here is because I'm poor and jobless. I am dependent on donating plasma 2x a week to get my needs met because I struggle with employment because of how utterly terrible I am at job interviews. I just want to do the online business ventures that I talked about but you need money to make money doing them and it would take me 6-12 months to establish a business to be able to take out loans or business credit. I have no desire to do anything else because having all of these adult responsibilities is so freaking overwhelming.

I just want to play my game right now. Gaming is the only thing that makes me happy right now especially since most of what little social life that I have right now involves people in my online game. I have nobody else in real life and I can't keep living this way. I'm so freaking miserable.

Starting a business is not simple or easy.

Depending on your market, it usually takes 2-3 years to be profitable.

Playing games is a good past time, but it should not be your main focus.

You should try to spend some time doing something creative - writing, drawing, painting, music.

It doesn't have to be good. It is the act of creating that is therapeutic.

Most of those things that you mentioned hold little value to me both because I suck at most of them and because I can't monetize those skills. The only exception is writing which I'm sick of because I've been writing a lot of essays for my college classes.

Starting an online business actually becomes profitable much sooner. I'm doing dropshipping right now and I'm already making a profit off it, all be it a small one. If I had more money to work off of, I could easily pay my basic living expenses off the profit that I would make.

Still though, until I get to that point, I need to figure out a way to fight this lack of motivation that I'm having.

DarknessIsMyFriend ... I remember some of your other threads about helplessness, hoeplessness resonating with me. I'm going to ask you what I have had to ask myself recently (feeling as despondent as I have been at times): where is that inner hero, the go-getter, the motivator, the caring and inspiring person, the rear-end kicker, who I want to be? Am I going to let him flounder, am I going to let him down, abandon the person I COULD become, because fears are dragging me backwards!?

Sometimes you just have to get angry at the fears holding you back and show them who's boss, and refuse to listen to all the naysayers out there who will sap your determination. Pull out some of your stubbornness and feed that into determined action. That's what I'm trying to do today and man, it's hard, but it has to be worth it.

How much money would you need to set up the business you want to?

Instead of playing games rather than your homework, why not switch it up? Do a certain amount of homework (20 minutes, or complete a whole assignment, you choose the milestone) then reward yourself with 20 minutes of game time. It helps me to get chores and exercise done, knowing there are rewards between the work time.

Maybe give up the games entirely. Just as an exercise in learning to be you and be you with stuff you don't like and aren't fun. Sort of an exercise in discipline. There was a book I read once on "soft addictions" called "there must be more than this" about getting off the little addictions that sap time away.. though i got it for internet addiction so you see I failed.

Maybe the bigger thing to accept is that no matter what.. even if you get your house your going to have a lot of boring and uninspiring things you need to do. And it only gets worse with age. And so you might as well learn right now how to get all those stupid little things done and find a way to deal with doing things you don't care about. I like the suggestion above about just devoting 2 hours per day or something to these things... it doesn't have to be done all at once. Do 15 minutes of boring stuff, 1 hour of games... 15 minutes of boring stuff, something you are interested in.

I am sorry to say I do think you are going to have to get "a job" at some point just to save money. I just don't see any other way. But that doesn't mean it has to be forever.

Screw this. I would rather die than lose the one thing that brings me happiness in this stupid world. Gaming is a majority of my social life as well as something that I take pride in because I am actually good at them and I get compliments from people in these games when I do good and cause our team to win which in turn boosts my already fragile self esteem Yet, in real life, I am just another random human that isn't particularly good at anything or valued by anybody.

Ok so that is a no then?

Of course how do you know if anything else would bring you happiness if you are so involved in gaming? Something to think about.

Oh and to clarify, I know I will likely need a job to achieve my goals. Unfortunately, finding employment is still hard for me because no matter how hard I try, I can't find any self confidence. The only time I feel good about myself is when other people compliment me. If I am not getting the idea that I have value reinforced by other people, I feel like I have no worth as a person to anybody. So how the hell am I supposed to find a job when nobody wants somebody that doesn't have confidence?

One of the only reason why I started college in the first place is because I need help with employment. I need access to services to help me build my interviewing skills up and obtain self confidence and more importantly, I need somebody to help me with job placement. I figured that qualifying for the federal work study would be the only way I can find a job that I don't completely hate because I have no value to any employer if they don't have a financial incentive to hire me.

If it wasn't for these reasons, I would not have started up with college in the first place. Associate's degrees are pointless because people only value 4 year degrees and I do not want to waste 4 years of my life away on college when I could just as easily learn the stuff that I need or want to know on the internet for free without all of the boring stuff and rules and pressure that comes with a regular college. I want to enjoy my life for once instead of being miserable all of the time because life is too damn short for this crap.

I don't know and I genuinely don't care. I hate this world.

Why did I even bother starting this thread? It's not like anybody will ever accept or understand me.

I'm past the point of no return. I turn 26 next month and I have already wasted most of my life anyways. I never went to a prom, I never went to parties or had a girlfriend or have had a chance to do any other "normal" young people things. Now, I no longer even have any friends and I can't make friends when I am so ****ing miserable and unhappy all of the time. People want somebody who makes them happy, not somebody like me who is sad and angry all of the time.

I've tried to cut down on game time in the past and it has never ended well for me. I am so overwhelmingly unhappy with everything else that the moment I turn off my game, I go from being relatively content to being so unhappy that all I feel is anger, sadness, and numbness. I can't be happy no matter what and I don't know how to change.

I appreciate some of the advice given to me in this thread but it still doesn't change the fact that I can't work past how chronically unhappy I am to try to discipline myself to do them.

I am not cut out to live in this world. I wish somebody would kill me because I'm too much of a weak little coward to do it myself.

I'm sick of feeling this way. I am almost always either so angry that I want to break things or hurt other people and/or myself or so sad that I want to cry myself to sleep. I am sick of hurting and I can't take it anymore.

I can't handle the pain of being alive. I can't handle living in this dark lonely scary world. I can't handle being an adult. All I want is for somebody to show me some compassion and help me but I have nobody. I just want to be loved by somebody. I want somebody to hold me and tell me that I will be OK. I want a mother figure. I want somebody.

I want to live in a fantasy world. I game because I want to live in a world where I'm good at things and people respect me. I want to escape from this world because it is so ****ing painful. All I want is to either game or die. Nothing else is important to me.

I'm sick of everything. I know I'm not good enough for people. I am so unhappy all of the time, that must be why I don't have any friends. I push people away or piss people off because I am always an angry cynical selfish little bastard. I have no redeeming factors about myself. I can't make friends or get a girlfriend or get a job because all of these things require confidence and good social skills and I don't have any of that. I am useless. I am nothing.

I hate myself. I hate everything about myself. I have scars all over my body from biting, scratching, burning, and beating myself because of how much I hate myself. I want to drown out the emotional pain that I feel deep down inside somehow. I can't take it anymore.

I hope I don't wake up tonight. I want out of this **** world. If there is a god, please take me tonight. I beg you.

Hi Darkness,

It sounds to me like you've gone through a lot, and I'm deeply sorry to hear that, and reading these posts, it sounds as if you might be blaming yourself for many of your issues. The truth is, you are far from useless and are, in fact, something much greater than nothing. You've exhibited that you're able to identify your strengths, like your talent for your video games, or the fact that you started some small business with, Dropshipping, is it? You've identified some goals for yourself and now it's just a matter of reaching the smaller goals that lead up the larger scope of how you want to see your life.

You wrote that you want to "either game or die" and I don't know if you mean to say that you would like to play games all of the time or just continue to play video games while reaching your goals. Either way you look at it (and I don't have to tell you this but it begs reiteration) gaming all the time isn't realistic. Constant gaming can lead to a sedentary lifestyle which exacerbates the anxieties you experience. At this point, you just have to figure out a way to balance the gaming with work.

If you can, try to strip away all the negative connotations associated with work away from the term, and look at it again. I believe what remains is work in a greater sense that leads to you accomplishing your goals. Like another poster mentioned, maybe try looking at the naysayers (even if that naysayer happens to be yourself) and prove them, or yourself, wrong. When you feel angry and want to hurt yourself or others, why not go out for a run, or take it out in some healthy way using your body.

And maybe a drastic life change is the right thing for you. College is not for everyone, and many of my friends are so successful without having gone to college! It's expensive, and the arguments for not going are strong - many already understand that. However, don't stop learning and pushing yourself. It is the age of the autodidact with the advent of the internet!
Is dropping out and getting a job an option for you? College will always be there for you to return to.
When you speak of life being "too damn short for this crap" you are right. The society we live in is unfair and often unjust, but with the right mindset, life can be entirely rewarding.

You mentioned that you don't want to write because you already write too many essays for class, which is understandable. But I urge you to try to see the sort of therapeutic journal writing as something entirely different. There is no professor to grade it, just sit down and write. Write about anything and everything. When you write about your trauma and your internal struggles, they are very literally leaving you through the ink or lead, or pixels for that matter. Your feelings of anger and distress are all of a sudden separate from you. This makes it easier to look at them objectively and see them for what they really are.

When you wake up on July 06, and read these posts, know that you can begin today by getting yourself closer to reaching your goals. Write out a schedule, be strict with it. If you don't want to give up gaming, then don't, but gaming all the time won't get you any closer to realizing your potential.

I feel better now. Thanks for the kind words Mobius.

I guess I was just triggered by the video game comment. I do have a passion for both video games and technology and these things are what I love above all else in life. When I was around 7 or 8, I l first started video games when at school, they had a Super Nintendo in class for the children to play every Friday when they did well on their school work and behaved themselves. I developed my passion from there and later moved onto PC gaming and was inspired to build a PC at around age 8 with the help from a relative (which isn't in my life anymore because of my mother's selfish lies but I won't get into that).

Later on as I dealt with my mother trying to control my life and lying to the doctors about my mental illnesses that I didn't have and having me institutionalized constantly when I would defy her or act out. She even would not allow me much of a normal childhood due to her claiming that I was a threat to other children when I wasn't, I spent more and more time gaming because I had nothing else to do when I wasn't allowed to play outside and make friends. I was told on more than one occasion that I needed to stop gaming so much and I had people try to take my games away and I used to get so hurt and angry because I had no friends and nothing else to do; gaming is all I ever had and the only happiness I had in my life when I was bullied for being a fat nerd and even physically abused by other children every day and I had to come home to my mother's drama.

So for anybody who comes across this thread or interacts with me on other threads, please don't tell me to not play video games anymore because it's perhaps one of my biggest triggers. Thank you.

I wish you luck in finding motivation in doing your school work while allowing plenty of time for gaming. I believe you can do this. I've found a lot of people on this site that suffer from depression that causes lack of motivation, myself included. Best wishes.

I just wake up and push myself. It's not a real push though, it's just a logical decision that I need to keep living. That life is for the living. So even if I don't feel it right now, I'm going to at least fake it until I make it.

I hear you Darkness, I also enjoy video games and believe that you can find a balance between work/play that works for you. For me it is alternating game time with work time. I wish you the best on finding your own balance.

You sound like you are not open to advice people are offering you.

Let me you in on a secret - almost everything you do in life is not "monetized". You seem to want money for nothing.

Hard work will help you maintain. Eventually you will find something that you can make money to.

Arguing with people that offer support on a forum based on support - shouldn't you be playing kids video games? You ARE best at that, right?

I'm trying to be cordial here because I don't want to step over a line, but if your aim is to argue, find some other place to do it.

Actually, I have taken the advise of the many people recommending me to find an even balance between work/play as well as some of the advise from Mobiusmoon.

If anybody here is arguing, it's certainly not me. If I am dismissive to your advise, than it's nothing personal that I don't particularly agree with it.

Don't come into my thread and start conflict with me because it won't end well for either of us. Just accept that your advise wasn't the most relevant to my situation/personality and drop it because if somebody pisses me off, I don't know when to shut up and I really don't want to get my account suspended if possible.

Thanks for understanding.

DarknessIsMyFriend--
I am sorry you had such a tough time yesterday. Sometimes when I have a bad day or evening, I feel better the next day if I get some decent sleep. I DO hope you are feeling better today.

I really do like you. Your explanations of your problems and feelings are expressive and make sense. You do not strike me as having a low IQ. Is this your first semester in college? I was from a really small town where most of the kids did not go on to college. I got one D and some Cs (can't remember how many) but changed to a major I could handle my sophomore year and received all As and Bs during the next 3 years. When I completed my masters degree, I received 9 As and 1 B. So, I am just trying to tell you that it takes time to get used to college studies. I had a terrible problem with procrastination during my freshman year as well. Don't give up. I have read that the male brain is still developing well into the late 20s. You can still get smarter! I do not think anyone's IQ is set in stone.

To clarify, I never did say that I have a low IQ. However, as a young child, I had an extremely high IQ. In fact, my IQ was so high that some adults considered me to be a genius and a prodigy.

Unfortunately, being forced into such extreme abuse and neglect for most of my childhood after that point has caused me to have a reduced IQ as an adult. I went from well above average or possibly even a genius level IQ to just barely above average all because of the hell I went through when my brain was in it's critical stages of development.

This is a big reason why I no longer care as much about education. In my mind, if I can't gain back what I lost, why even try? Even if I did gain back the high IQ of my childhood, I would probably put so much time into doing so that I would be unhappy most of the time and by the time that I'm done, there would likely be a new generation of children that would have geniuses that people would appreciate and love instead of me because I'm no longer a child.

This is why I seem intelligent but claim to function at a reduced capacity and this is also why I don't put a priority into schooling. I would rather focus on developing what few strengths that I have involving technology and video games. In fact, I eventually want to turn my passion for tech and games alike into me eventually into either having a company that makes game systems or even makes games or AI code for games or I want to fully master competitive gaming and make my own competitive eSport or Cybersport team (competitive gaming is actually seen as a type of cybersport with companies that sponsor teams for lots of money now).

I don't know which path I want to take yet out of those possible ones but every one of them requires a small specified set of knowledge and none of them require a college degree to be good at. I would rather be a specialist in things that I'm passionate about and am already good at then some kind of intellectual that knows a variety of knowledge who spends a great deal of time and money to get to where they are; especially since I would have to work much harder than most to become the former, yet, I have a solid foundation built already to become a true master my small specific set of knowledge.

See my point?

I will be continuing with college for now, primarily because I need to build a solid foundation to where I can support myself with a stable income before I focus on more of my entrepreneurial goals. If I can't get a job on campus like I'm trying to with the work study by the fall, then chances are, I will have to drop out rather I want to or not because I need a stable income before the end of Oct or I will be homeless and since I don't drive and am reliant on the buses, I wouldn't be able to budget the amount of time it would take me to get to and from a job site and go to school because just to get to and from school, I have to add in 3 hours to my day just on commuting.

If anybody is arguing here, it is you.

Cordial? How is it cordial to make a hurtful sarcastic comment like "shouldn't you be playing kids video games - you ARE best at that right?"

Sounds to me like you got your feathers ruffled be Darkness didn't feel your advice was helpful to him. Not all "solutions" work for everyone. So what? Let him figure out WHAT DOES work for him instead of insisting he listen to you. Do you somehow always know the "right answer"? He has in fact taken into consideration other people's advice. Did you bother to read the rest of the thread before making your snide remarks?

Darkness was very kind in his responses to you. I would have been much worse if you had said those things to me and I would have filed a report on you on top of it.

Now.... Sorry to get off track but I couldn't let that go without saying something.

Darkness, First I am sorry I didn't see this sooner. I have been wrapped up in my own bs lately. Next, you certainly are neither useless nor incapable of making friends. You have my friendship and help me a great deal which makes you very useful. I probably am not the best of friends to you and for that I apologize because you certainly have been nothing but kind to me. The very fact that you can put a computer together from ground zero makes you more skilled than I. There is NOTHING wrong with gaming. It is a good release valve, but don't let it take over. I did that once. It made my life miserable, just as it is yours. As hard and painful as it is... the only "cure" for it is allotting yourself a set amount of time each day (that you can break up any way you want each day) and the rest of the time find other things to do. Clean. Do homework. Watch TV. Go walking. Go out to the movies instead of staying home to watch them. Go out to eat. Go read a book. Take a nap. Learn a new hobby. Paint something. Listen to or play music. Whatever you want, but keep busy. You will find after a time you become happier with yourself.

Self esteem. Make a goal. Break that goal down into steps. Each step becomes small goals. As you complete each small goal, celebrate the completion by rewarding yourself.

For example:
Goal: get a job
Steps
1. Apply to (a set number) of places each day.
2. Get out amongst people to "brush up" my social skills
3. Read up on and practice at home any social skills I am not given opportunity to use in public.
4. Go to interview.
5. Accept job offer.

That's an example, you may decide a different method. There are also different goals to make. The point is though, you won't just celebrate getting the job. You will also reward yourself for completion of steps 1,2,3, and 4 too... and step 1 is more than just once so it can reaffirm you. Steps 2 and 3 can also be more than just once. But when you do get the job you allow yourself the biggest reward. The other rewards are things you do that are "nice for yourself " that you would not otherwise do. The final reward is something you look forward to and either never or rarely ever do. Then you tell yourself upon each reward "you did good, you deserve this!"

You are worth more than you know.
♥

Thanks for this. I'm trying to become better at controlling what I say because since losing my last case manager that I was dependent on for support, I am more reliant on this forum as a support system so me getting myself suspended really isn't in my best interest.

Anyways, I didn't read his whole comment but now that I saw it, I find it amusing that he still thinks that games are for kids. Guess what? There are more people becoming millionaires off gaming every day thanks to Twitch and YouTube and they are adults in their 20s, 30s, and some even in their 40s. Also, look up electronic sports. Competitive online gaming has become so widespread that it is treated like an actual sport similar to football and basketball in various parts of the world. Even in the U.S, you can get into game tournaments in some colleges similar to how you can become a professional basketball or football player for your school and you can even win scholarship money with it.

Then there is the whole business thing. Guess what? Things don't work now the way they did 20-30 years ago. We have the internet. Brick and Motor style businesses are becoming obsolete in favor of the internet. Building websites, affiliate marketing, starting an online store, Search Engine Optimization, freelancing, making YouTube videos, and yes, even gaming are all ways to make a profitable online business. The dropshipping that I mentioned earlier? That is a form of online resale that involves reselling products from another supplier, much like a middleman. I do that right now with game and anime themed clothing and cosplay accessories and I do make a profit off it and I started only a couple of months ago. To build a business the new way utilizing the internet, you don't need to spend years building it from the ground up; one can build a profitable online business in mere months if they dedicate themselves to learning about it and do the work which is something that I do on my spare time despite my lack of motivation that does make it hard.

People like "NeedHaldol" are going obsolete much like the floppy disk. They are stuck in the "old way" of doing things while not taking the time to consider the fact that things are changing thanks to technology. One needs to be adaptable to survive and thrive in modern day society or else they will become obsolete in favor of those who are willing to change their ways of thinking and adapt. In fact, I'm writing my final essay in college on this very subject so I'm glad to get my brain working with this thread.

Anyways, /rant off. Thanks for the advise and sticking up for my Crypts!