[PsychNitrous]

Been pretty down lately. I've been sick, the weather has been crappy, and I'm feeling really unsure of everything. I've agreed with my therapist (finally) that I need to get help with my addiction, so I'm going to start going to meetings again. I haven't been yet because of being sick, and I'm afraid of finally going. I'm afraid of seeing someone I know. Work has been terrible, I'm being reduced to one day a week, and I feel like I'm not healthy enough to keep doing this. My boyfriend finally started counseling for some issues he's having with work, but I feel like we're becoming more distant now. It worries me so much, he had an appointment today and came home upset, but won't talk to me about why. I need some stability in my life.

[Fuzzybear]

[Monticello]

Good for you, psychNitrous, for deciding to get help. That's a hard decision and you are very brave.

[Monticello]

This was my (very)long commute day and I am now very tired and my hip hurts. I do feel better after choir practice. It is like mindfulness practice because you have to pay attention to what you are doing and do a lot of deep breathing.

[Deilla]

Feeling all alone. Not sure what to do with myself. Having trouble sleeping. I wish I could talk with someone about anything.

[LucyD]

Depression has lifted for me recently. I still expect to get some bad days, tho. Things are not great but I am dealing with them better. Lots of self talk to combat negative thoughts and eating lots better. Not on an antidepressant any longer. Can't take any of them. They always gave me such bad side effects I'm glad to not be on them any longer.

showered today which has done absolutely nothing to improve my mood (in fact made it worse, and made me feel dirty)

one funny thing about the shower is that it nearly flooded the bathroom. I find that funny anyway. my 4 year old mind doesn't seem to apreciate the complications it could have caused if it had got through to the bedroom

I am still feeling a little sick from yesterday's dinner (it was disgusting) I will never use that brand again.

no sleep.

today my friend sophie was meant to deliver me some doctor pepper, now it's not coming until tomorrow night. hope I have enough fiz to last me today (I go through it like a hungry dog goes through dog food)

think today I'm going to do some creative writing and listen to music. nothing special going on

[Monticello]

My hip still hurts, which has me worried. I did too much research on prediabetes which is a depression trigger for me and I did not stop in time so I spent a few hours feeling bad. I picked out a new avatar which made me feel better. I am still very tired.

[Rose76]

I did little today . . . and I don't feel too guilty. It was a busy week. Guess I needed to unwind.

Friday is supposed to be the happiest day of the week. Well, it wasn't for me today. At first, I got talking to a guy co worker about me wanting to leave my place. I did quite a bit of talking to him about it. He didn't have any helpful suggestions, but it was nice to vent. There was a room next to where the coffee and water is, in which that's where I was doing the talking. Someone was in that room. I didn't know about it until I heard rustling near the end.

And at lunch, I did a bad thing. I went into the auditorium (a room next to where I am and it was not used) and put a NuWave oven (a portable cooker) on a table to heat up my leftover pizza. It's really good that way. A co worker who had told me not to do that was aware that I did it. He got mad and told me that I don't take directions well. I thought that was insulting. He had said that some carpet stains happened because I was using it. I don't agree with him because the stains were far from where I'd be using the NuWave and the leftover pizza would never spatter. I was never crazy about that guy.

And on the way home I got caught in heavy traffic at an intersection. I had decided to go into a left turn lane because I had a chance at it and it's a shortcut. That didn't work out well.

[OliverB]

Spent all friday crying in bed.

My friend and her boyfriend are here. At least they make me want to eat and get up from bed. Probably I am going to buy some clothes with them.

I am losing weight from no eating enough. Usually I don't eat for 16h until my friends eat somthing around 3:00 pm. I don't know what would I do if they weren't here...

Possible trigger:

I think I like to starve myself, but I don't want my friends to notice it, so I eat when I am with them

Woke up feeling dreadful. Just as I got up my friend called. Last night he didn't call and I called him and there was no answer. I was worried about him, so he and I didn't connect last night. It was nice of him to call but we didn't say much because he had to go somewhere and I was getting breakfast. Sometimes something happens to my phone that's weird.

I'll be doing my usual Saturday stuff. This is my favorite time of the week. During the past days this week at work, things have been very weird and not pleasant. There are times when I'm not feeling as good about my job as before. I seem to have a hard time admitting it.

[Monticello]

Did you get your Dr Pepper, raging vortex?

Woke up again with dreaded thoughts. Been busy in the morning. I put together my spaghetti sauce, like I always do every month. And did some light shopping. My sister called and it went alright, but not much to talk about. Then she drifted off to sleep like she always does.

I was planning on a bike ride this afternoon. I don't know if I'll go. The weather can't make it's mind. One minute it's sunny, the next it's cloudy and threatening to rain. I've looked at the radar and there's some rain coming. But not yet. Extremely windy outside. Maybe within an hour or half hour from now it will rain. So we'll see what I can do from now on for the rest of the day.

mostly a wasted day (again)

been feeling anxious, agitated, a little suicidal and upset over **** all

well, truth be told, a lot of it's probably to do with the fact I have a new alter who is taking over my ****ing life

and she's.... blah. I don't like her

[OliverB]

I wish I could do everything I have to and fix the negative consequences of depression...

I am studying a 5 years long degree in pharmacy (currently I am in my fourth year) and a 4 years long degree in philosophy (first year). I shouldn't mess around. I am doing it

Messy me messy me

Possible trigger:

I wish I were dead

The afternoon was very dull. Just stayed in all day. The weather was not great. There were some passing showers that dumped a lot of rain. And there was hope that I could at least go on a one-hour bike ride and more showers came. So I never got to go. So I just spent some time on here and didn't go anywhere. Very windy today, too, and cold.

[Monticello]

So tired...

[mote.of.soul]

Yes, so tired. Feeling defeated and empty due to my social anxiety and paranoias getting the better of me today. Came home and slept. I'll see how I feel later. May still go for my daily long walk. Depressed.

[PsychNitrous]

Still very down. I'd been filing unemployment since I lost my job a last fall, and last week was my last week of benefits, apparently. I'm still going to call today to see if anything can be done, but I lost it last night over this. I was up for a while just crying, and actually suggested out loud that I should just kill myself. I don't know what I'm going to do without that money coming in, I don't make enough at work for anything, and I just can't find new work. I feel like a waste of space.

[Rose76]

I have things to catch up on, but I feel too tired. The attendant is here with my boyfriend, so I'm trying to take a nap. But I can't fall asleep. So the break time I have is being wasted. I'm not sleeping, and I'm not getting anything done.

I don't know what to do to get feeling better.

[OliverB]

I am tired.................



I think I have been taking more of my AD than prescribed by accident, I just forget if I have taken it yet and I take it again.


I ordered Tryptophan, melatonin and tyrosine.

It seemed like it was a useless day being at work. It's a holiday, but we had to be at work anyways. Not many people there. Not busy and a draggy day.

Feeling depressed about the future. I'm getting the feeling that as I get older, I won't have much money, even though I feel like I'm doing a good job saving. Feeling alright emotionally but very empty. Also I feel like there are some little "thorns" in my life that won't go away. It's like nothing's going to change.

[Rose76]

Originally Posted by OliverB

I am tired.................



I think I have been taking more of my AD than prescribed by accident, I just forget if I have taken it yet and I take it again.


I ordered Tryptophan, melatonin and tyrosine.

Go to the pharmacy (I recommend Wal-Mart's.) and buy yourself one of those weekly pill minder boxes. Get two of them. Next Saturday night lay out your pills for the following two weeks. It's close to impossible to avoid the problem you describe without a system like that.

This will keep you on track, and you'll know to order refills before you run out. I've done this for decades. I've not heard of a better system

[OliverB]

Originally Posted by Rose76

Go to the pharmacy (I recommend Wal-Mart's.) and buy yourself one of those weekly pill minder boxes. Get two of them. Next Saturday night lay out your pills for the following two weeks. It's close to impossible to avoid the problem you describe without a system like that.

This will keep you on track, and you'll know to order refills before you run out. I've done this for decades. I've not heard of a better system

I have forgotten those things exist.

You know, it's ironic. Some months ago I went to a pharmacy congress and I attended to the presentation of an innovative pill boxes (I hated the congress, I wanted to hear about new treatments while it just was people wanting to sell you expensive stuff, some useless). My psych nurse often says "How can you forget to take your meds/run out of them/forget to refilll them if you know that much about them!?" which is annoying, I wonder if she thinks that surgeons usually performance appendectomies on self.

I am going to buy one.