My broken heart will never heal

I am so depressed I feel all around me is dark. To see my kids I have a paralegal who mediates and I have to pay her 700 USD for each time, how can people profit from my misery. I asked her to just mediate to ask my ex wife to see my kids monthly. My exwife does not answer my emails and calls, her family does not help, and I am alone in Japan. A culture that is closed to foreigners by nature. And I love my exwife so much how can I cure my broken heart and every single time I see a glimpse of the life I had with her how can I forget her, I miss her so much, I think I have no way out and I want to take my life. How can I cure myself? If I only could get my kids exwife I need some advice some help.

Wow, I wish I had the answer for you, captaineo. Very heartbreaking (((Hugs)))

All I can suggest is to keep focusing on your job and your daily routines, which are the essential basic things right now. Try to let go of thinking too much about what you've lost and perhaps seek legal advice in terms of your kids.

Hang in there captaineo. Stay strong. The pain will ease in time.

Im so sorry sorry you are going through all of this my friend . i wish I knew how to help and solve your problems . please stay strong because there is hope . i know things are so tough for you . message me any time please . i really care about you . you are a kind good person .

Just leaving you some hugs if they will help, captaineo, so sorry you're having to go through this

Kids need Dads as well as Mum's...

You are a brilliant Dad...

I'm so sorry, captaineo. You don't deserve to suffer like this. You're a kind and loving person and I'm sorry you can't see your kids. I wish I could do something to help... but all I can do is listen. That, I can promise. I hope writing here helps a bit. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Please don't give up. You're a wonderful person and I hope things will get better for you soon. Sending many hugs to you

My dear friends, you are my support, my lighthouse, you know you are, and I appreciate it so much. Life has not been kind these few years and I am resentful for it and I look in the mirror and is hard to say I like what I see. I was an excellent dad my kids loved me, I miss their laughter, their body heat, their smell, loved to do their laundry every night and wonder how small socks can be. They have been taken from me J law does not allow for joint custody so I am screwed, People can be nice here but also cold as ice. And I am having a terrible time. All I have are my books, games and work. I don’t drink thank god if I did it would be the end of me with all the meds I take my heart would stop. Thank you for always being there, I hope I can be there for you too. Although 99 percent of Internet is not gr8 this app and you guys are awesome and I thank god I found you all.

Are you a US citizen or a citizen of Japan?

Hi, I have residency in Japan but not citizenship (they don’t allow dual citizenship) I am from Venezuela. I am looking to other lawyers see how they can help me. This April 6th it will be 20 years on Planet Japan. Almost half of my life.

I guess what I struggle with is with the question I ask my self everyday, do I deserve to be happy? Do I deserve to live? Do you know?

I mean what do you guys think about that? Logically I say yes, but emotionally I cannot get over the hole in my heart, the missing piece which has been torn apart from me. Is incredible.

Hello Captaineo. You deserve life and peace and joy. Not feeling that way now does not mean that you won't in the future. All feelings are temporary. Have you sought treatment for your depression? Talked to a therapist? I found it very helpful particularly when I did not have a support network. I know what you mean by the "hole" in your heart. I had that feeling after my divorce. It was a shocking feeling. However, one day after plenty of time and therapy, I noticed that the hole was gone. It has not returned. I wish the same for you

Hi,

I do know, and the answer is yes you do deserve to live and be happy, captaineo. And I can completely empathize with your heartbreak as well - it's a very downheartening, depressing feeling, a great longing in the heart from what I recall. But I don't have children so I can't relate to that side of your struggle so much - but of course I know it's obviously difficult for you.

Hang in there captaineo, what you're experiencing has been shared by others as well, believe it or not, and if you can just keep moving forward getting through each day at a time, I guarantee you one day you'll wake up going about your day and suddenly realize 'wow, I'm through.'

I find logging onto this site and relating to other peoples struggles very helpful as well.

Sending you support of spirit, captaineo.

Thank you so much for your kind note you guys make a lot of difference to me you all. My PDoc is a nice J guy and god bless him, but he is so pragmatic about his style, I mean he is just take these pills and see you next time ok?. No talk, no deep delving, or may be I am just asking too much and I should man up more. Is confusing at times, but some good words from you all make things clear. And clarity has so much to play. I wish there was a drink at the vending machine ‘Clarity’ I can just buy and zoommmm I am in the zone again. But this heart is knows the quest is to regain my children and may be even my ex who knows so I am playing loooonnn g game and if I I lose in the end I will accept it but with my hand on my chest I will say on my death bed at least I gave it my best to something that was very real to me. Any ways I am such a drama guy and I apologize but is also in my culture to speak so much like the mating guy from Ant Man ( love movies too ) god bless you all.

Thank you very much you guys are my therapists. Japan PDocs are very pragmatic and a heart to heart talk with my doctor is hard also they have so many patients is unbelievable, I think I need to go to the church groups may be and see if I can find help there. May be the hole can be filled there. Or voluntary work.

Of course you deserve to be happy, captaineo! I'm so sorry you're hurting so much. I'm glad you're still conctacting your lawyers to see what you can do. I hope you'll be able to find a solution. Can I ask you if you like Japan overall? Sometimes the place we live in can have a great effect on our mood. Perhaps you should consider that. I'm so sorry, please don't give up. I hope things will get better soon. Going to church seems like a great idea to me, if you want to do it. Keep writing here if it helps. Feel free to PM me anytime. Let me know if I can do something to help you. Wish you good luck! Let us know how it goes. Sending many hugs to you

So he's a psychiatrist...the guy you see? Not a psychologist? Do I have that right? Psychiatrists have medical degrees and tend to focus on medication. Psychologists have PhDs or PsyDs in psychology, they cannot prescribe medication, and tend to provide psychotherapy...talk therapy. I think you'd really benefit from talk therapy. You are self-aware and intelligent...that's a great foundation for progress! There are also some wonderful therapists with master's degrees in counseling in some countries. Though I've no idea about the mental health system in Japan.

You made a comment about possibly needing to "just man up." Please remember that struggling emotionally is unrelated to your masculinity. A lot of men don't openly discuss their emotional concerns for fear of being judged but trust me, many men are living with emotional struggles. I work in healthcare and I've sat with plenty of male patients (men anywhere from age 30s to 90s) who cried in my office because they were so overwhelmed. I didn't think any less of them...for me it's no different than when a female patient cries. I believe that tears are the body's release for emotional pain. Crying can be cathartic. Have you had a good cry recently?

I also don't perceive you as "dramatic" as you suggested. I was going to say that you write and think like a poet! I think that's beautiful. When you described going to the vending machine for a Clarity drink I thought WOW! I also need some Clarity...not only is it delicious but also stimulating and enlightening!!!

If you can't get access to a psychologist (no pills doctor) then exploring church counseling or a support group sound like great ideas! See, you're already taking charge. Keep pointing out your strengths...sounds like you have many.

Peace and hope to you

Hi Hope, thank you so much for the advice I am trying and doing everything I can to stay on some sort of track that can hopefully take me to my children and this is very hard, I am very emotional you see and may be the words stem from that, also being alone in my quest for happiness is also perhaps why I may sound like a poet but I am not, but thank you, I am just trying to express myself and I guess it helps me with you all supporting and I thank god again for having this medium to keep in touch with you my friends in this battle that we all have to face.

I do cry, movies that made me cry memories that make me cry, I do. Interstellar , About time , Shawshank redemption are one of the ones I see lately. But I have to find a good psychologist or therapist to work with me however is not that easy over here.
Will keep trying

I meant the poet comment as a compliment. Sorry if it didn't come across that way Be well

Thank you for the compliment and I gracefully accept it. I wish I can write magical poetry that brings the love of my life back to me but I am afraid she is in her own world now and I need something like a government overthrow coup plan to get her back. But I vision her a lot so much with me that she has to come back to me. We were meant for each other. She has to know that in her soul. Again I talk a lot but thank you for the compliment, I thank you for it.

Sharing me and my true love with you guys

It’s so painful guys I wish you all luck and if you are in a relationship, value each other every minute, every second, you never know when life takes a turn. But hopefully not.

Big hugs

Aw, you guys look happy, captaineo. Maybe she just needs time to think and clear her mind before reaching out to you again, or something like that. I hope that's the case.

I really do hope mate. Not easy, this pic is 13 years old. I pray for a miracle. Do you guys believe in miracles , should we believe in them?