[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I came here to vent and I dont care if when you read this it causes you to feel I dont have a right to talk about the things I am or feel the way I am. That's been my past few experiences here but I just don't rightly care anymore. Wanna judge someone? Start with yourself! You here to help? Then red all the way through and never once tell me what I should or should not say or feel!

Every so often my husband goes through times when literally saying hi to him is enough to piss him off. Hes going through that right now. But I had a bad time with ppl on Facebook last night and needed to talk about it. I told him that people are going nuts on Facebook. He asked why .. so I explained. He was actually nice and not hateful and made me feel better. Now, hours later, he let's me know hes been sitting and building anger over me venting to him all day. I complimented him bc his feet are looking healthier than usual "well I will just go to bed and you wont have to see me!" Those outbursts are acceptable but me talking about bad experiences i have are not? Or complimenting him? I am stressing so hard and I seriously dont think anyone cares. Most of you here don't know me anymore anyway so you likely dont care either but I needed to vent the only way I can. And do not tell me to leave him. That's not helping. That's just a way of causing more pain. If you are gonna try to help ... tell me how to be able to communicate with him or how to vent. Dont tell me how to live my life though. I figure that out on my own.

Anyway done.

Hate me or not, whatever.

[Yaowen]

Dear Crypts_Of_The_Mind,

I am sorry that people are judging you and telling you how you should or shouldn't be. That isn't right.

Sincerely yours, Yao Wen

[RollercoasterLover]

I wish I knew what I could say to help ease your frustration/anger and fear (thats what I got from your post). I guess thats what I would feel if I were going through the situation you describe and the only thing I know about you is this post. Is that what you're feeling?

Its OK for you to feel any emotion. Emotions aren't bad IMO, it's what we as humans do when we feel a certain way that may or may not be bad. I think if you felt a bit of relief after posting, then you vented very well.

Has the communication issue and sudden explosion into a shouting match always existed or is it just recently? You mentioned it was every so often. I guess I'm wondering if/when there was happier communication and what's changed. If you've posted it before, I haven't read it and for that I apologize. I'm a newbie here and I admit that lots of reading hurts my eyes.

I hope that you find a bit of calmness soon.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by RollercoasterLover

I wish I knew what I could say to help ease your frustration/anger and fear (thats what I got from your post). I guess thats what I would feel if I were going through the situation you describe and the only thing I know about you is this post. Is that what you're feeling?

Its OK for you to feel any emotion. Emotions aren't bad IMO, it's what we as humans do when we feel a certain way that may or may not be bad. I think if you felt a bit of relief after posting, then you vented very well.

Has the communication issue and sudden explosion into a shouting match always existed or is it just recently? You mentioned it was every so often. I guess I'm wondering if/when there was happier communication and what's changed. If you've posted it before, I haven't read it and for that I apologize. I'm a newbie here and I admit that lots of reading hurts my eyes.

I hope that you find a bit of calmness soon.

I feel all those except fear.

Honestly years back he was abusive to me n I had online affairs. I left. We divorced.. but the DV shelter I was staying st kicked me out 3 months after leaving him .. so I returned. Other than one abusive event that was really caused by both our MH issues being triggered n we both went at each other basically just cuz of stress. It's been about 5yrs so I don't imagine it will start again (he literally leaves the room if he feels he needs to now)... but yes sometimes he still goes through times no matter what I say ... its worthy of yelling about. I dont know how to deal with it n he often has no clue why he does it n given therapy made things worse for us before we wont do that again ...

So yea sometimes all I know to do is vent.

Welcome to psychcentral. Sorry you caught me on a angry post. This is not my usual. Usually I help others or pour out my emotions or etc. Just really frustrated. Feel free to look at the "statistics" section on my account ... that's where you can see posts i have written n commented to in past.

Anyway, thanks for showing you care.

❤

[RollercoasterLover]

You're welcome. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I have a lot of stress too. And I had a lot of anger that I internalized when married. My ex husband was unkind at best and emotionally violent toward me the rest of the time. The best things I have done for myself have been color therapy and breaking stuff. The breaking stuff to release anger really helped. I broke stuff at my local recycling center while naming every thing I was angry about. I did this for weeks. I still go and crush cans from time to time when I'm not sure why I feel certain things or my stress level gets too much to deal with. My T helped me learn to focus on my current and future happiness and not my past emotional trauma with color therapy. Its really helped me work through my ptsd.

Besides venting, what do you do to relieve stress and release your feelings?

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by RollercoasterLover

You're welcome. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I have a lot of stress too. And I had a lot of anger that I internalized when married. My ex husband was unkind at best and emotionally violent toward me the rest of the time. The best things I have done for myself have been color therapy and breaking stuff. The breaking stuff to release anger really helped. I broke stuff at my local recycling center while naming every thing I was angry about. I did this for weeks. I still go and crush cans from time to time when I'm not sure why I feel certain things or my stress level gets too much to deal with. My T helped me learn to focus on my current and future happiness and not my past emotional trauma with color therapy. Its really helped me work through my ptsd.

Besides venting, what do you do to relieve stress and release your feelings?

What aggravates me most is I have gotten to where most all my mental health issues are now controlled ... until stupid stuff like the last 24 hrs hits ... then I start coming undone again.

I think if I could just figure out how to deal with not being allowed to talk/vent at times ... it may help.

Breaking things could be good except we dobt have a controlled environment like the recycling center you go to .. to do that at. I have 3 dogs so breaking glass in home probably isnt a good idea I like the concept tho so maybe I can work something out

Thanks again for caring ❤

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

I came here to vent and I dont care if when you read this it causes you to feel I dont have a right to talk about the things I am or feel the way I am. That's been my past few experiences here but I just don't rightly care anymore. Wanna judge someone? Start with yourself! You here to help? Then red all the way through and never once tell me what I should or should not say or feel!

I can see what you mean. It's a problem especially with processing issues psychologically. People definitely are not always able to avoid invalidating emotions even accidentally. Even if they mean well. It would be hard to always avoid that, as no one is a true mindreader. I think as long as someone listens to you mentioning you feel a problem with that, it's okay. It totally helps also with better "mindreading" if you state upfront what you need, e.g. "this is a vent, I don't need feedback, just hear me out". Etc.

Every so often my husband goes through times when literally saying hi to him is enough to piss him off. Hes going through that right now. But I had a bad time with ppl on Facebook last night and needed to talk about it. I told him that people are going nuts on Facebook. He asked why .. so I explained. He was actually nice and not hateful and made me feel better. Now, hours later, he let's me know hes been sitting and building anger over me venting to him all day. I complimented him bc his feet are looking healthier than usual "well I will just go to bed and you wont have to see me!" Those outbursts are acceptable but me talking about bad experiences i have are not? Or complimenting him? I am stressing so hard and I seriously dont think anyone cares. Most of you here don't know me anymore anyway so you likely dont care either but I needed to vent the only way I can. And do not tell me to leave him. That's not helping. That's just a way of causing more pain. If you are gonna try to help ... tell me how to be able to communicate with him or how to vent. Dont tell me how to live my life though. I figure that out on my own.

Anyway done.

Hate me or not, whatever.

And here is why I said all the above er, preface. So firstoff, yeah, I don't think you wrote anything that should cause anyone to hate you (if they do over this post they've got their own unrecognised problem but it's like 99.99% of people won't hate you over this post).

So you ask how to get communication working when your husband is like that going through such a period (the male period, right? ). Tbh I think with relationships at least for me the saying about recognising what we can change and what we can't totally applies, lol. So yeah, I think it's like, it doesn't look like he's even got his NORMAL capacity when he's being like that, let alone learn some more productive behaviour while he's like that. Avoiding issues that currently can't be solved (can be solved maybe later, maybe never), if avoiding is an option, it helps with relationship quality a lot. Like plain giving him space while he's like that.

You ask about how to talk out/vent about stuff tho' when he's got his er, period. IMO, if you can find friends who will hear you out, instead of expecting him to take care of this need, it can help. It's one way to avoid the issue as per the above guideline. Or you can try and journal about it, sometimes that can work too. Or act out the anger (when you are alone?) in some way, yea, like another post mentioned. There's also free emotional support chats online, on this forum too, 7cups, etc.

Hope this helps.

Btw, when you complimented him, did you tell him "your feet look healthier than usual"? Or "your feet look so healthy"? Not sure I followed that comment.

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by RollercoasterLover

You're welcome. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate. I have a lot of stress too. And I had a lot of anger that I internalized when married. My ex husband was unkind at best and emotionally violent toward me the rest of the time. The best things I have done for myself have been color therapy and breaking stuff. The breaking stuff to release anger really helped. I broke stuff at my local recycling center while naming every thing I was angry about. I did this for weeks. I still go and crush cans from time to time when I'm not sure why I feel certain things or my stress level gets too much to deal with. My T helped me learn to focus on my current and future happiness and not my past emotional trauma with color therapy. Its really helped me work through my ptsd.

Besides venting, what do you do to relieve stress and release your feelings?

Your question, it would be useful to me too to improve on that lol. I used to be able to just "cleanly" act out anger (no extreme negativity, no leftovers, the whole issue would be forgotten quick), but then I had too much s**t ongoing and yeah...well it's no longer that simple. Because now I also have ptsd (cptsd).


So anyway with you breaking things, did you get permission for that at that recycling centre or what was this? An intentional part of your therapy? Or something you accidentally ran into? I'm very interested.

[TishaBuv]

Hi Crypts! Nice to see you.

I’m sorry you are feeling frustrated. I hope some better communication with help you feel better with your husband.

Your mention of breaking things reminded me of something I found funny. Recently, I saw a shop someone started where you could go in and just break stuff. They had cheap, breakable stuff like you find in a thrift shop and they give you a club, I think. It really sounds like a fun, good release. And, if they have a shop for it, a lot of people must love to get their frustrations out that way.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Alive99

I can see what you mean. It's a problem especially with processing issues psychologically. People definitely are not always able to avoid invalidating emotions even accidentally. Even if they mean well. It would be hard to always avoid that, as no one is a true mindreader. I think as long as someone listens to you mentioning you feel a problem with that, it's okay. It totally helps also with better "mindreading" if you state upfront what you need, e.g. "this is a vent, I don't need feedback, just hear me out". Etc.

Honestly the reason I am so freaked out about ppl judging me here is bc the last several times when I posted things that were not upbeat, I got lectured on how ppl here don't need to hear about my problems, they got enough of their own that people come here to learn to deal with their issues in a positive way so unless I wanted to post something positive, the likelihood is nobody is going to respond. Since I have been coming here for years and truly used to post only really depressed things, that was a shocker. As a result, I started going solely to the forum for people that have been here for many years. This is me giving this forum another chance .. but still very nervous in so doing.

And here is why I said all the above er, preface. So firstoff, yeah, I don't think you wrote anything that should cause anyone to hate you (if they do over this post they've got their own unrecognised problem but it's like 99.99% of people won't hate you over this post).

So you ask how to get communication working when your husband is like that going through such a period (the male period, right? ). Tbh I think with relationships at least for me the saying about recognising what we can change and what we can't totally applies, lol. So yeah, I think it's like, it doesn't look like he's even got his NORMAL capacity when he's being like that, let alone learn some more productive behaviour while he's like that. Avoiding issues that currently can't be solved (can be solved maybe later, maybe never), if avoiding is an option, it helps with relationship quality a lot. Like plain giving him space while he's like that.

You ask about how to talk out/vent about stuff tho' when he's got his er, period. IMO, if you can find friends who will hear you out, instead of expecting him to take care of this need, it can help. It's one way to avoid the issue as per the above guideline. Or you can try and journal about it, sometimes that can work too. Or act out the anger (when you are alone?) in some way, yea, like another post mentioned. There's also free emotional support chats online, on this forum too, 7cups, etc.

Hope this helps.

Btw, when you complimented him, did you tell him "your feet look healthier than usual"? Or "your feet look so healthy"? Not sure I followed that comment.

As far as his phrases.. I think it's more to do with his own mental health issues and the fact he is in pain than it is the "man cycle". Also, neither he nor I care for the people around here so the only friends I have are online and for whatever reason at the time i wrote this, my online friends were getting mad at me for things that still make no sense to me.

An example - a man I do not know (but is a friend of one of my friends) saw a post I had commented on that was posted by our mutual friend. Apparently, she had shared his post so he thought it was his post. The problem was that our mutual friend had posted a rant that was based upon someone else's post describing the type of person they enjoy having sexual relations with. In my comment, I referenced that particular post to our mutual friend. So this man, decided to call me rude and crude and a bunch of other things. Then he realized his err (that it was not his post, but our mutual friend's post) and deleted the comment. But I had seen it and it upset me .. so Inasked for an apology. The dude just got more aggressive and insulting. I tried talking to him about it on his page rather than hers but he kept deleting my comments and then going back to her post to comment on .. so I conversed with him there. In the end, he simply blocked me rather than apologize, which was fine. I messaged her to apologize for blowing up her post. She got furious with me and started calling me ridiculous and etc. Them she blocked me too. She was a friend of over 5 yrs. So me defending myself and requesting an apology was "wrong" in her mind. Wrong enough to end a 5yr+ friendship over. I don't understand that.

So I was reluctant to speak to them but still needed to talk. My husband got weird like I explained in the post. So I reluctantly came here.

As far as how I complimented him, my exact words were "I can't get over how much better your feet look!"

Does that help understand the situation?

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Hi Crypts! Nice to see you.

I’m sorry you are feeling frustrated. I hope some better communication with help you feel better with your husband.

Your mention of breaking things reminded me of something I found funny. Recently, I saw a shop someone started where you could go in and just break stuff. They had cheap, breakable stuff like you find in a thrift shop and they give you a club, I think. It really sounds like a fun, good release. And, if they have a shop for it, a lot of people must love to get their frustrations out that way.

Hi ❤

Nice to see you too!

Yea I will never return to therapy, nor will my husband. When we did that previously it only escalated our issues. Now we do things more natural but I just dont know how to deal with him getting upset just from me saying anything to him at times. Nor do I understand it.

That store does sound like an awesome idea. I know I'd go a lot if I could, lol. Nothing like that around here I know of though.

I hope you have been well. ❤

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

Honestly the reason I am so freaked out about ppl judging me here is bc the last several times when I posted things that were not upbeat, I got lectured on how ppl here don't need to hear about my problems, they got enough of their own that people come here to learn to deal with their issues in a positive way so unless I wanted to post something positive, the likelihood is nobody is going to respond. Since I have been coming here for years and truly used to post only really depressed things, that was a shocker. As a result, I started going solely to the forum for people that have been here for many years. This is me giving this forum another chance .. but still very nervous in so doing.

As far as his phrases.. I think it's more to do with his own mental health issues and the fact he is in pain than it is the "man cycle". Also, neither he nor I care for the people around here so the only friends I have are online and for whatever reason at the time i wrote this, my online friends were getting mad at me for things that still make no sense to me.

An example - a man I do not know (but is a friend of one of my friends) saw a post I had commented on that was posted by our mutual friend. Apparently, she had shared his post so he thought it was his post. The problem was that our mutual friend had posted a rant that was based upon someone else's post describing the type of person they enjoy having sexual relations with. In my comment, I referenced that particular post to our mutual friend. So this man, decided to call me rude and crude and a bunch of other things. Then he realized his err (that it was not his post, but our mutual friend's post) and deleted the comment. But I had seen it and it upset me .. so Inasked for an apology. The dude just got more aggressive and insulting. I tried talking to him about it on his page rather than hers but he kept deleting my comments and then going back to her post to comment on .. so I conversed with him there. In the end, he simply blocked me rather than apologize, which was fine. I messaged her to apologize for blowing up her post. She got furious with me and started calling me ridiculous and etc. Them she blocked me too. She was a friend of over 5 yrs. So me defending myself and requesting an apology was "wrong" in her mind. Wrong enough to end a 5yr+ friendship over. I don't understand that.

So I was reluctant to speak to them but still needed to talk. My husband got weird like I explained in the post. So I reluctantly came here.

As far as how I complimented him, my exact words were "I can't get over how much better your feet look!"

Does that help understand the situation?

I'm sorry about that. I ran into the lecturing too sometimes before but a lot of people have been nice and supportive on here. It's really about the other person, not you, if they are so easily critical like that.

And I think there's a lot of "negative posts" on here, and everyone can decide if they will read such threads or not, so it's stupid and unfair to try and blame you for it. I've responded to "negative threads" and I've had people respond to some of my "negative threads" too. I hope you'll feel better about this over time.

And yeah with your husband, it could be mental health issues, I was half joking. I think it's in general harder coping if you (general you) only have access to online relationships, that's just my experience and psychology says the same. It's just a lot more stressful mentally and emotionally too. So I hope you can find people IRL too over time, if you want to. I personally am really sick of online relationships stuff, I did it for too long at one time in my life. I don't mind these support places and stuff, because these are international forums and they have an actual purpose but otherwise if I can meet someone IRL in my city then I don't want to bother with having only an online relationship with the person. I find it's too unnatural and ungrounded and stuff for me. I really prefer doing fun activities together IRL, it just makes me feel more grounded in the whole relationship. I took a while to figure that out though : / I don't know if this is helpful.

I don't really get that drama either, right. Was she an online friend for 5 years or an IRL friend? Did she ever try and block you like that or do drama regularly? Was that guy like the love of her life? Did the guy say/do something to affect her judgment? I really don't think it was your fault if she did drama and blocking like that. People are responsible for ensuring they interact in a constructive way rather than the drama stuff.... And sometimes they manipulate others to create drama so your friend could have even been manipulated if it was out of character for her.

About your compliment, it sounds fine to me, but maybe due to his bad mood your husband read it as some insinuation/implying that you don't like his looks at other times.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Alive99

I'm sorry about that. I ran into the lecturing too sometimes before but a lot of people have been nice and supportive on here. It's really about the other person, not you, if they are so easily critical like that.

And I think there's a lot of "negative posts" on here, and everyone can decide if they will read such threads or not, so it's stupid and unfair to try and blame you for it. I've responded to "negative threads" and I've had people respond to some of my "negative threads" too. I hope you'll feel better about this over time.

And yeah with your husband, it could be mental health issues, I was half joking. I think it's in general harder coping if you (general you) only have access to online relationships, that's just my experience and psychology says the same. It's just a lot more stressful mentally and emotionally too. So I hope you can find people IRL too over time, if you want to. I personally am really sick of online relationships stuff, I did it for too long at one time in my life. I don't mind these support places and stuff, because these are international forums and they have an actual purpose but otherwise if I can meet someone IRL in my city then I don't want to bother with having only an online relationship with the person. I find it's too unnatural and ungrounded and stuff for me. I really prefer doing fun activities together IRL, it just makes me feel more grounded in the whole relationship. I took a while to figure that out though : / I don't know if this is helpful.

I don't really get that drama either, right. Was she an online friend for 5 years or an IRL friend? Did she ever try and block you like that or do drama regularly? Was that guy like the love of her life? Did the guy say/do something to affect her judgment? I really don't think it was your fault if she did drama and blocking like that. People are responsible for ensuring they interact in a constructive way rather than the drama stuff.... And sometimes they manipulate others to create drama so your friend could have even been manipulated if it was out of character for her.

About your compliment, it sounds fine to me, but maybe due to his bad mood your husband read it as some insinuation/implying that you don't like his looks at other times.

I'm not sure if you misunderstood me when I spoke of online friendships. That is legit the only type of friendships I have, but as far as relationships, I am married irl and we live together.

As far as my husband misinterpreting me, I doubt it .. bc he is always telling me how much pain his feet n legs are in and having me massage them. So we speak on the health of his feet n legs often.

As far as my friend online who blocked me: She had never referenced this guy nor had I ever spoke with him so I do not know if they have a relationship that goes beyond friendship. Yes she spike with him privately as well regarding our exchange of words.. so I dont know what was or was not said. No she is not manipulative by nature but has gone through a lot of abuse in life, same as me. And no, she has never blocked me not warned me she would (as in trying to end a conversation that irritated her or etc).

Thank you for saying you dont see me as responsible.

Also thank you for the kindness regarding my anxiety of speaking on here due to ways I have been treated. ❤

[TishaBuv]

I think it was smart of you to post how you don’t want any commenters who are going to be judgmental and tell you what to do. You drew a boundary.

The idea behind this forum is that people are supposed to be supportive and non-judgmental. Some people can’t resist being antagonistic and you gave them notice.

[MickeyCheeky]

i was thinking of you some days ago i think! So Sorry that you were judged and i Hope it won't happen again! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about finding methods to release your own stress perhaps like either breaking stuff in a legal way or perhaps some meditation. Unfortunately i am not sure if i have a lot of advice to give. i think your husband may need to work on himslef before trying to work on your communication problems perhaps. Perhaps try to limit contacts with him if things don't improve although i realize how difficult it can be since he is your Husband. i'd also suggest to try not to let his comments bother you too much and to recognize your own positive qualities. If you're feeling hurt try to write down all the good things about yourself that you can find. i know it can be hard but perhaps give it a try. You can't change other people if they don't want to i think but you can change how you do react to what they sai i think. i Hope things will improve really soon for everyone and between you and your Husband. So Sorry if this post wasn't Really Helpful. i Hope you'll be able to manage though. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you @Crypts_Of_The_Mind, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

I think it was smart of you to post how you don’t want any commenters who are going to be judgmental and tell you what to do. You drew a boundary.

The idea behind this forum is that people are supposed to be supportive and non-judgmental. Some people can’t resist being antagonistic and you gave them notice.

Thank you ❤

This was very appreciated. ❤

I agree the idea behind this forum is support and up til about a year ago that's what I received with very few problems here and there. But then it got to feel like I was expected to hold in my feelings even here and just pretend I felt great. That's why I stay away a lot but on this day I needed to vent bad and truly did not care what anyone thought of me venting, lol

Thanks again, you made me smile. ❤

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

i was thinking of you some days ago i think! So Sorry that you were judged and i Hope it won't happen again! i agree with the other wise and wonderful posters about finding methods to release your own stress perhaps like either breaking stuff in a legal way or perhaps some meditation. Unfortunately i am not sure if i have a lot of advice to give. i think your husband may need to work on himslef before trying to work on your communication problems perhaps. Perhaps try to limit contacts with him if things don't improve although i realize how difficult it can be since he is your Husband. i'd also suggest to try not to let his comments bother you too much and to recognize your own positive qualities. If you're feeling hurt try to write down all the good things about yourself that you can find. i know it can be hard but perhaps give it a try. You can't change other people if they don't want to i think but you can change how you do react to what they sai i think. i Hope things will improve really soon for everyone and between you and your Husband. So Sorry if this post wasn't Really Helpful. i Hope you'll be able to manage though. Sending many Safe, warm hugs to BOTH you @Crypts_Of_The_Mind, your Family, your Friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS, OK?!

I agree with all you have said here. I honestly am not trying to change him, just trying to figure how I can change my way of communication or etc so there is a way to speak to him bc sometimes thsts necessary even when hes in a crap mood.

Please never apologize to me for either reaching out or trying to help. You have helped me many times over the years. I know your heart. ❤

You sound a bit deflated compared to the usual bubbly posts I am used to from you though. Is everything ok? *hugs*

[Alive99]

Originally Posted by Crypts_Of_The_Mind

I'm not sure if you misunderstood me when I spoke of online friendships. That is legit the only type of friendships I have, but as far as relationships, I am married irl and we live together.

I see. I was trying to address this situation exactly with my thoughts and when describing my experiences (you may or may not agree with them, you are free to do in whatever way you see fit). I understand that you have a marriage, my main point was that if you only have online friends next to the marriage, it is going to be harder to handle all the stress and going to be hard with trying to not expect too much from your spouse to make up for the lack of IRL friendships. Because my experience is really just that online friendships are far from satisfying and fulfilling like IRL ones are. And it's less effective at emotional support, too, and more bad drama can happen online, more easily, where people can more easily block each other and stuff. People do not even really know who they are talking to when communicating online, unless that person is someone they know well IRL too. All that makes the experience too ungrounded, not fulfilling and not worth it for me. That is me, again. Just saying all this in case it helps or makes sense in some way.

As far as my husband misinterpreting me, I doubt it .. bc he is always telling me how much pain his feet n legs are in and having me massage them. So we speak on the health of his feet n legs often.

Ah yeah that makes sense about the background of that comment. But I thought he was in some irrational bad mood, so that's why he responded with "well I will just go to bed and you wont have to see me!". To me it sounds like he was unable to remember the normal context for your compliment, the actual background for it and interpreted it with the negativity he was already sinking into. That's just my guess, it could be something else.

As far as my friend online who blocked me: She had never referenced this guy nor had I ever spoke with him so I do not know if they have a relationship that goes beyond friendship. Yes she spike with him privately as well regarding our exchange of words.. so I dont know what was or was not said. No she is not manipulative by nature but has gone through a lot of abuse in life, same as me. And no, she has never blocked me not warned me she would (as in trying to end a conversation that irritated her or etc).

Ah OK, to be clear I meant that she may have been manipulated by the guy, not that she herself is manipulative. I meant that if this behaviour is out of character for her (and it seems so?), then she could've been affected by the guy's "machinations" or emotional influence where the influence was in an unhealthy way (ie emotionally manipulative). I don't know, it's only one option. Another one would be what you mention about abuse, maybe she's got into some negative phase trying to process all that and she overreacts easily now. I really don't know though. Whatever it is, I hope you two can sort it out somehow, or if not, then I wish you luck to moving on from it and feeling OK again.

Thank you for saying you dont see me as responsible.

Also thank you for the kindness regarding my anxiety of speaking on here due to ways I have been treated. ❤

Glad if I could help.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by Alive99

I see. I was trying to address this situation exactly with my thoughts and when describing my experiences (you may or may not agree with them, you are free to do in whatever way you see fit). I understand that you have a marriage, my main point was that if you only have online friends next to the marriage, it is going to be harder to handle all the stress and going to be hard with trying to not expect too much from your spouse to make up for the lack of IRL friendships. Because my experience is really just that online friendships are far from satisfying and fulfilling like IRL ones are. And it's less effective at emotional support, too, and more bad drama can happen online, more easily, where people can more easily block each other and stuff. People do not even really know who they are talking to when communicating online, unless that person is someone they know well IRL too. All that makes the experience too ungrounded, not fulfilling and not worth it for me. That is me, again. Just saying all this in case it helps or makes sense in some way.

Honestly, the people around here are not the types you want to befriend. They brag about

Possible trigger:

incest (even the kids being brought up incestuously brag "my dad was my first partner" or etc as adults).

They brag about jail time served

Possible trigger:

(especially if for r*pe or molestation)

They figure out who is worthy of friendship by figuring out who can mess over who's life the most (intentionally) .. and that becomes the person they befriend. Back stabbing is not a "bad thing", its seen more as a "right of pasage" and it's how you deepen your friendship bonds. It's all backwards and I want no part of it. So online friendships are all I can do. I understand your point. It's just not feasible here is what I'm saying. ❤

Ah yeah that makes sense about the background of that comment. But I thought he was in some irrational bad mood, so that's why he responded with "well I will just go to bed and you wont have to see me!". To me it sounds like he was unable to remember the normal context for your compliment, the actual background for it and interpreted it with the negativity he was already sinking into. That's just my guess, it could be something else.

I don't think I will ever understand it.

Ah OK, to be clear I meant that she may have been manipulated by the guy, not that she herself is manipulative. I meant that if this behaviour is out of character for her (and it seems so?), then she could've been affected by the guy's "machinations" or emotional influence where the influence was in an unhealthy way (ie emotionally manipulative). I don't know, it's only one option. Another one would be what you mention about abuse, maybe she's got into some negative phase trying to process all that and she overreacts easily now. I really don't know though. Whatever it is, I hope you two can sort it out somehow, or if not, then I wish you luck to moving on from it and feeling OK again.


Glad if I could help.

I honestly dont think we will ever be friends again nor donI think I will ever have answers as to what happened. I am slowly making peace with it but all this happened in one day and it just sent me for a loop. Ya know?

Thanks again. *hugs*