Dealing with the last ONE -

I was wondering if any one here might know of some helpful website's that deals with integrating your last Alter?

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

so srry just want to be ok knowing there are alters.

Hi Rhapsody,
Are you seeing a T? Sorry if you have talked about T in another post somewhere, sometimes my brain doesn't keep up very well with stuff like that.

I don't know about any websites for stuff like that, I'm so sorry. I'd be so lost without my T guiding the way, but I don't ever know what's going on when I'm not present so I don't have information about other parts of me outside of her telling me.

I think it's awesome that you are at that point of healing though and I wish you the best in trying to finish things up.

No - I am not seeing a T at this present time...... after 8 years of straight therapy my T and I felt that I was well enough to cont' on my own...... and to be honest I do not believe that I need a T again, I just wish I knew more about what a person with DID can and should do to deal with their last Alter, for it seems different than my others - for She is so close to me that it is often hard to tell when it is her and when it is me.

BTW - I have rarely become so lost with my alters that I am not aware of what is going on, or what just happened..... I am one of the few ppl with DID that are aware of what happens 98% of the time and only lost to about 2% of time - I just cannot stop the action when an alter is present, but I am aware.


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

HEY GUYS!!!
I really could use some HELP here..... for I just realized that I want one thing for my Life and my last Alter (a strong force) wants some things else for me and my life.
AND - that makes living very hard, for nothing I do is precise and my mind is forever confused in what I should / could be doing in this world and the Life I have been given.

HELP!!! - - - HELP!!! - - - HELP!!! - - - - HELP!!! - - - HELP!!!



LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Rhapsody, I read this:

Because of the intensity of the healing process and the occasional disruption of work and personal life involved in healing, many multiples will talk about leaving therapy at one time or another. Discourage him or her from quitting before integration35 and an adequate period of post-integration therapy. Integration can be frightening for multiples. In addition to the real loss of the separate relationships between alters, an alter often fears that he or she will die, and multiples will often fear big changes in their relationships with friends, relatives and their therapist. With a final integration comes the fear of losing their old coping mechanism of switching between personalities, the ability to be anything and everything to everybody. (Putnam 1989)

From: http://members.aol.com/MinEncourg/Wb...tting%20Worse?

Maybe you have a fear hanging up the process?

Don't know if any of these references might help? http://www.issd.org/indexpage/info.htm

Maybe it's time to call your old T or find a new one if this is getting too stressful.

That website I PM'ed you offered no advice?

Wish you luck with this,

Petunia

Maybe you are just really unsure of which way to go in life...like making the wrong choice will be devastating? Take your time and don't rush into total integration... many multiples don't fully consolidate...but certainly you don't have to rush it.

Maybe there is a compromise...that will be good or ever better than what you are thinking about now?

Good wishes.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

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Perna said:
In addition to the real loss of the separate relationships between alters, an alter often fears that he or she will die, and multiples will often fear big changes in their relationships with friends, relatives... (Putnam 1989)

Maybe you have a fear hanging up the process?


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_Sky said:
Maybe you are just really unsure of which way to go in life...like making the wrong choice will be devastating?

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Thanks for the replies...... the words read here today made a light-bulb come on.

I think the reason WHY might have just hit me dead center (Bulls Eye) when you all stated that maybe the last Alter (and/ or I) may be resistant to this due to the changes that will have to come about in my LIFE with the final integration being complete and I think this change (the FEAR of) has to do with my twenty year marriage / family[/b].

My Alter is still doing what she has always done, protecting ME when I fall short in coping with LIFE.

WOW!! - talk about an Eye Opening Experience!!!

Hmm -
Now I am feeling both relieved and yet sad - - - two feelings with two different perceptions... of my LIFE.

NOW - to try and figure out which wants are hers and which wants are mine.... I am confused to saw the least.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

I am just so tired of and growing greatly frustrated with this two sided part of ME - I want (need) BALANCE within ME!!!!! - I need to have one control, not two.


Rhapsody -

Sorry I couldn't be of more help. I wish you luck resolving this issue.

Hey sweetie. Sounds like you are ambivalent. I think that everybody is ambivalent sometimes but ambivalence can be hard to cope with. I guess that people who dissociate have a habit of splitting the incompatible thoughts / feelings / opinions across two or more alters but part of getting better is about being able to tolerate experiencing ambivalence.

Can you talk about what you are ambivalent about to someone? What are the different things that you are feeling split about? There must be some way of integrating them / figuring out what (all things considered) you most want to do or there might be some way of figuring out a comprimise.

I guess it is possible that this is controversial... I don't think it is controversial but you never know I guess...

That dissociation is a process. So when people start to feel ambivalent that is always a bit of a risk time when people can deal with the ambivalence by splitting the different viewpoints or people can integrate by finding some way... And that is something that can happen over and over and over... So the last integration doesn't have to be (is probably unlikely to be) final... It is about getting better at this process...

Do you have someone you can talk to about what is up?

People here might be able to help if you talk to us...
Or someone in real life (a church leader or whatever)

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alexandra_k said:
What are the different things that you are feeling split about? There must be some way of integrating them / figuring out what (all things considered) you most want to do or there might be some way of figuring out a comprimise.

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Main CONFLICTS that live within ME due to DID - and that create much unwanted STRESS

1.) I want to work / I do not want or like to work (to stressful)

2.) I want some friends again / I do not want friends

3.) I love my husband and wish to grow old with him / I hate him and want to leave, but don't - can't

4.) I want outside recreation with others / I do not care if I ever have outside recreation (stay home)

5.) I love my Marriage & Family / I wish I was single and living on my own (responsible for me only)

6.) I want to Live and to Heal / I hate having to live (some times)

7.) To remain FAT and be unhappy or be happy even though I am FAT (or) Loose the Weight

8.) I like taking care of my family & house / I do nothing all day long, except cook dinner - for I must

9.) I like having people around (i think- ) / I hate the site, sound & disturbance of others (just leave me be)

10.) Sleep don't Sleep, Eat don't Eat, Shower don't Shower, Get active Stay lazy - unmotivated


I Just can not win due to my DID and the strong force it has over ME and my LIFE


<font color="#880000"> .... The BEST thing that has happened within my DID conflicts is that WE both can now accept ME (looks - body - and all) just the way I am, we have both matured past the physical. </font>


LoVe,
Rhapsody -

Now I feel like crap, therefore, I have taken two pain pills to enable me to go to sleep even though it is 2 PM and I should be out taking care of a few things / errands, as I told my husband I would be doing today.

My entire LIFE is without oneness and it is taking its toll on ME..... on my sanity.

I just can't COPE right NOW - good night.

Hey. What an awesome list! I'm sorry you are struggling so much with this right now. I'll take one of these and lets have a look at the sorts of things one can do with it...

> 1.) I want to work / I do not want or like to work (to stressful)

Is it that... Sometimes you enjoy your work, but othertimes you do not enjoy your work because you find it too stressful? I guess there are a couple of things that one could do to reduce the tension / distress that comes from this. E.g., one could quit work altogether to reduce the stress. But that doesn't seem satisfactory because you do want to work (at times). one could quit that job and find a less stressful job. i guess there it depends how much you enjoy that job in particular compared with just working more generally. another option might be to cut down on the hours in the hope that that alleviates the stress. other things you could do would be to figure out ways to make work less stressful. these could involve changing things about work (where possible). these could involve changing things with you (with respect to how you deal with / respond to the stress).

i think that your list is amazing because they are a list of things that you are finding problematic and there are lots of options and things that can be done in order to improve each and every one of them.

would you be able to get a therapist? i think you might really find some benefit to being able to work through your list of problems so you have some idea how to deal with these ambivalences as they occur in life...

oh my, sounds like it is not much different struggeling with one as with many. Our T always brings us back to our listening to one another no matter what the other says. Letting us know that we are not aginst each other but we just do what we do for a reason and it is ok.

Is there a reason you are trying to integrate? Is there a rule it needs to happen?
Just seems you are putting too much pressure on yourself/s

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mlyn said:
Is there a reason you are trying to integrate? Is there a rule it needs to happen?
Just seems you are putting too much pressure on yourself/s

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I would say the number one reason I want my final Alter to integrate with me is that I (the person who was birthed, given life to and is personally known as: Me, Carolyn, Rhapsody, Mom, Wife, Friend, Daughter, Aunt, Sister - etc.) can no longer live or no longer feels able to live with the constant struggle that is always going on inside of me, and within all areas of my life - even going as far as to affect the relationships / people I desire to share my life & love with.

BASICALLY and IN A NUT SHELL:

The person I live in as ME is no longer capable of just submitting to the directions and needs of my thoughts and life, I (we) are always at odds with each other..... she forever remains opposite of any thing I want or seek to achieve, in life and in love.

Having HER in my mind / actions all the time is beginning to greatly affect (in a negative way) what I can or cannot do in this world and within the life I have been given - my final alter is always opposite of what I (the physical person) wants, needs or desires in order to be balanced.

LoVe,
Rhapsody -

................................ Does this make any sense - Can you all understand what I am trying to say?

HELP!! HELP!! HELP!!! - - - - - - - for this is no way to live.

P.S.

The worse part of all of this is that I am not 100% sure, not even 90% sure, to which thoughts / emotions / feelings are hers and which are mine.... I feel totally lost and screwed, ALWAYS & FOREVER.

Sad Little Me,
Rhapsody -

> The worse part of all of this is that I am not 100% sure, not even 90% sure, to which thoughts / emotions / feelings are hers and which are mine....

why they are ALL you sweetie.

YOU have thoughts, feelings, desires, opinions etc that appear to be in conflict. aka you are ambivalent. because YOU aren't sure how to integrate these different thoughts, feeings, desires, and opinions so that you can figure out solutions that speak to ALL of these some of the thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions are regarded as 'other' or 'not me'

dissociation is an inability to cope with ambivalence

integration just is about learning a process that one can apply to mental states that seem to be at war so that one can redescribe the situation as one of ambivalence. by acknowledging all the mental states one can get better at this process of coming to solutions that respect all of them (all the parts) so that they no longer need to be regarded as other.

i don't know that there is anything online...

but there is a lot of stuff about how after integration people often need supportive therapy to deal with exactly what you are struggling with now. that without the supportive therapy to learn this process of integrating apparantly contradictory mental states one will just keep on disowning them as other (aka 'splitting' aka 'finding' or 'creating' more parts).