eating disorder's daily check in spot

Today was decent. Ate at super weird times, but made peanut butter cookies which were super yummy, super easy, and a good way to get some more protein in (especially since there are only 3 ingredients: peanut butter, eggs and sugar)!

Yesterday I ate dinner, and actually managed eating chocolate.

I'm having a really hard time eating the last few days. Not because I don't want to gain weight or feel like I'm too fat or anything, I just have to FORCE myself to eat and it's HARD. It hasn't been this hard in a long time. Despite my ED, I have always loved and enjoyed food, so when this happens it's always disconcerting. (Of course, if I was in relapse mode I'd be thrilled, but I'm trying to be in RECOVERY, so like...HELLO body, cooperate with me please!)

Today was good, I had 3 meals and a snack. Being in the partial hospital program helped me immensely even though it wasn't for EDs. Now that I am done with the program, I don't know what I am going to do with my time. I am going to attempt to keep with the schedule that I was on, I just hope I can stick with it. I really need to find a better job with better hours so I can stick to my schedule better. In time I know I will, it's just what will I do until then.

Had a so-so day today food-wise, though I am very glad to say that I actually ENJOYED dinner tonight! Partly because my dad's home from California for a bit and I had his company, but also because what I made was absolutely perfectly done!

Celebrate that! That sounds like a great victory. Even if the rest of the food day was so-so, the fact that you not only enjoyed a meal but also ALLOWED yourself to enjoy it shows some awesome recovery stuff is happening. I don't know anything about you or your struggles with this, but something like that is always worth recognizing and being proud of.
(Sorry, I know this isn't like much of a talking back and forth thread, but I always want to congratulate people when they mention enjoying food, because when I was struggling a lot, I had a really hard time admitting it if I liked what I was eating. So it makes me happy to see others being able to take that step beyond just eating food, but actually liking it.)

I finished a chocolate bar. Which sounds ridiculous I suppose, but I don't feel gross. I haven't had candy in forever, and I finally finished the damn thing and it's okay. I haven't had a melt down or weighed myself or anything.

I'm doing okay. I've been allowing myself to snack lately. I follow the same guidelines: I don't binge, don't eat when I'm not hungry. That sort of thing. It's okay right now. I just can't stop panicking. I'm not doing anything wrong and yet I still cannot stop panicking. This 'healthy relationship with myself' thing is a killer sometimes.

I found some really delicious snack chips that are pure sweet potato & sea salt in ruffle like chips.......they are so delicious & healthy & baked, not oily like normal potato chips.....they are one of my favorite snacks that keep me going when I'm not being good about eating.

I made a mushroom chicken pot pie from Marie Callender's yesterday. Ate on it most of the day......then was running late for the Bible study I was going to & didn't have time to make the steak I was really planning on eating yesterday.....that's going to be tonight's dinner along with grilled bananna peppers & eggplant out of my garden.

That's the kind of food I really like. I was surprised at how wonderful the grilled aspergras tasted the other week.....Definitely going to do that again only with fresher aspergras just purchased, & that hasn't been in the refrig for a couple of weeks.

Some things are just more appetizing than others IMO & it does make a difference in whether I enjoy eating or not....I need things that taste good but don't take long to fix.....hate it when it takes longer to fix food than it does to eat it......something's just NOT right about that IMO

I just wanted to tell everyone reading this today that whatever number on the scale you are cursing or body type you are chasing - you are worth more than that. Lets try and go easy on ourselves for one day (or one hour).

Ate breakfast. Ate lunch. Dinner is going to be a smoothie because I can't imagine sitting down and facing another plate. But I put some weight on! Which is good!

I stupidly ate pizza last night and of course, the gluten got the best of me and I was in bed sick all day. I had a Coke and some French fries, and that's pretty much it Hoping I feel better tomorrow.

I hope you feel better, Sing!

All the stress that's been in my life lately, & that just ends up causing bad diarrhea & I just continually end up loosing weight. What ever I gain when I eat, gets lost right after. Had serious problems with that right before going to my pain specialist last week & he even commented on how much I had lost in the last 1 1/2 months....then he piled another stressor on me....he's quitting his practice & going to take a position in a hospital where he's been doing a small amount of work all along. He's been my one place where I've been able to continue getting help here for the migraines I have that never go away.....even with the pain medications, I still get the symptoms of the migraines like the smell's effecting me & light....but with the meds....no pain......now to try & find another pain specialist who will be willing to treat me at the level I've been treated at since 2003 (4 years before I even moved here).......I'm stressing even more......feel like a complete mess because with the stress comes even worse insomnia along with the not eating well & then the depersonalization hits at times.......& just feel like a total mess.

I actually did eat well last night....I grilled a top sirloin steak nice & rare the way I like it & grilled eggplant, vidalia onions, & the bell pepper & the sweet bananna peppers I grew in my garden.....grew everything except the steak & the onions......made a balsamic ginger baste for the vegies & BBQ sause for the steak....lightly done.......Luckily, I didn't have problems at that point with what I ate......so I was able to gain a little back.....but my body just won't keep it there.

Good thing the blood pressure monitor wasn't working because I'm sure my blood pressure was sky high & even higher when I left.

Life can be so unkind at times.....& those are the times when I really don't care about eating.......sometimes I would just like to fade into nothingness.....but it just doesn't work that way

I had a good day. Ate three meals, a snack, and I am having a soda (a trigger food) and two cookies now. I feel good today. I missed having energy.

i am doing well. i am working on eating whatever i feel like one day a week. it seems reasonable.

I'm having a bad pain day. Which means getting the energy/want to eat is running low. But I don't feel like I am restricting today. I just cannot get hungry.

I found a teeny bit of shaved dark belgian chocolate I use for cooking. I found it in the little draw I used for storing grains in my refrigerator. I do not go in to that draw. So I didnt know it was shoved way in back there. I do not know how mnay years its been there. Its a teeny amount. Less than 2 tablespoons worth. I just ate it. now I am sad and scared. I am having company on Thursday. I am afraid that it will show on my body. How sick is that? Makes me so deeply sad I think this way. my heart is breaking because of this illness. I am not supposed to lose more weight. And yet I dont seem to be able to stop. Even a teeny amount of chocolate that I eat scares me.

Pretty good day today. It helps that I'm now working at a daycare and can (and am encouraged) to eat with the kids.

Yup...the new job is really good for me! Even though I couldn't eat part of lunch today (it was pasta), I did eat a boatload of eggs, peas and corn!!

Found out at the dr's office how much I weigh and now I am freaked out. It is just a few points off of my heaviest weight ever (besides when I was pregnant). I told the nurse that I didn't want to know, but she didn't erase it off the scale when I turned around to get my things it was there, just glaring at me. Of course Ana had to know what the numbers were and she isn't happy. Now Ana is much louder and the urge to restrict is humongous! I am tired of this fight. Will I ever be happy?

Buttrfli, this recently happened to me. The only thing I could do to get that number out of my head was write it down over and over again, rip up the paper, and flush them. Gaining the weight is good! Stressful, but good. And I worked really hard to carry on, but I know you can do it too.

Didn't eat much yesterday due to pain, and actually felt bad about NOT eating! That was a new feeling. Today I've had fruit for breakfast, and pasta for lunch.

great point Teen Idle about how you dealt with it.

It's been hard lately and I need to eat-today. I have been trying to figure out what I can manage without it turning into a purge and I always come to the same conclusion....I don't trust myself around it, so avoid it. Or I spend a few days thinking "when is a safe day to eat?"--- and then I realize how absurd that is, most people eat daily, even many times in a day. I've never been able to stop purging without it turning into total restriction.

I've gained weight! I feel really good, and A LOT better than I have. I am still not where I want to be, but I am proud of myself. I am eating really well and it's getting easier every day.