loss of my son

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does anyone have any suggestions on trying to handle the horrible empty feeling you are left with when you lose a child and how you can possibly try to start again. My only child, my whole reason for being was being a mom, and since his death this march i feel lost. All of the wonderful things I will never experience like be a grandma, seeing him marry a woman he loves, calling & needing my advise even though he might be 25 years old, and notice how men , boys when you see them on tv, what do they usually do, say I love u mom. All these wonderful things that ended for me on march 16, 2008. How do you even try to begin to be happy each day knowing part of my heart has died forever. The pain is so overwhelming, I would give my own life in a second just to bring him back, he had his whole like ahead of him, great things to contribute to this world & that day it was taken away just like that. How do you make it through now ? The pain hurts so bad, and why did he have to leave, I needed him in my life, he was my everything.

((((((((((squid)))))))))) I'm so very sorry for your pain. I have had some close stuff with my son where I thought I would lose him. It was very traumatic. I feel so much for you right now and I wish I could take away your pain. Do you have anyone there to help you through this time? I know when my husband died, the worst times were after everyone went home and back to their lives and there I was.

Is there anything you can throw your mind into for now to ease back from the pain some? I know it's cliché to say that time helps, but it did for me with husband. I know that losing a child is so much more different than a mate though. It's not something that one gets over, but I did learn to live beside it. I'm glad you found us here and I hope we can be a support to you.

Please take good care

I wish I could make this better for you, all I can do is offer hugs and prayers.
Angel

Hi Squid,

This was a really HUGE loss for you. It won't be easy. I am so sorry for your loss.

My husband and I tried to help an older child by adopting her. Because of her severe emotional disturbance, we were unable to help her despite getting her the best treatment. When we no longer felt safe maintaining her in our home, we had to make the very difficult decision to disrupt the adoption.

It is not the same type of loss, but I feel a huge whole in my whole being, and it has been almost six years now.

Let me know if I can help in anyway.

EJ

((((Squid))))

I am so sorry for your loss, I can not even fathom the pain you are going through.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.

(((squid))) I know some of what you are feeling. I lost a 3 month old granddaughter that lived with me from birth until right before she died. I know how hard it is to not understand why they had to die. so many unanswered questions and what might have beens. it took me a long while to accept her death. it was only after that that the healing could begin. strange thing here. she died March 11, 1996. my daughter lost her last baby March 6 08. seems we have things in common. if you need to talk just let us know hon.

a great grief/pastoral counselor could do wonders

(((squid)))

sorry 2 sound stupid, but what does your reply mean?

He was giving you a hug. And I am too. I am so sorry for your loss. The pain must feel intolerable.

You are going to have to keep just putting one foot in front of the other and make it through each day. Keep your love for him and all your wonderful memories of him close in your heart. Could you perhaps work on making a scrap book of all your photos? Or write down all your memories?

I can't promise even time will make it better. The ache remains, I'm afraid.
Take good care of yourself.
Love,
Okie

Very sorry about the loss of your son.
It must be very painful to lose such a young and innocent child.
Hopefully there is peace for him.
And for you too.

Yes, Squid, and you are not stupid

squid,

i am deeply sorry for your loss. i can't begin imagine what you are going through. now this may sound a bit corny, but it's the first thing i thought of when i read your post. i was watching Dr. Phil the other day and he was talking to a mother who had lost her daughter, her daughter had been murdered and she was having a difficult time dealing with it. dr. phil said something i found very interesting. he told her that she is focusing on the one moment of her daughters life in which she had been taken, instead of focusing on the 18 years that she shared with her while she was alive. i don't know if that is of any consolation, just thought i would share it with you. again my sincerest condolences to you and your family.

(((((((((((( squid )))))))))))))))

As a mother, my heart aches for the pain and loss you are feeling right now. I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved son.

It's been such a short time since your son passed. We all grieve in different ways, different times and with different feelings and thoughts. You are allowed to feel what you are feeling. A parent never wants to loose a child, we always think we will go before our children.

I think what agony wrote about is so very true. In time, I hope you will be able to put your focus on the time you had with him, not on the time he passed. In time, you will find the strength to embrace the memories of good times, of the love you shared for one another as mother and son.

For now, sometimes all you can do is muster enough energy to get out of bed in the morning and take one step at a time. You will get through this.....you will be a testament to your sons' memory by continuing to live your life in the best way possible. Let his love for you shine through in your heart and your mind. I'm sure he understands how you are feeling now, but hopes you will once again find peace, all in your time.

Bless you squid.


sabby

Hello and I`m sorry to read of your loss. I do know of the feelings you are talking about...My son 18 died on Aug 29th last month. I am still in blurr at the moment..He struggled with issues that I could not help with and I will not know the cause for another month or more while I await tests from autopsy.... My mind keeps questioning everything. I have several scenarios of what could be,but, have to wait and hope for answers.

I am planning to go to support group for parents who lose child...they have website.you can pm me for the site since I`m not allowed to post it yet. I was told they are throughout the country..hope it will help you.

I have had other losses in my life,but,this is different. My feelings are past tears...dont even know how to describe...

Forums sure do help with a lot of sorting of feelings,coping and just being able to share. I have learned this for the past 3+ years of dealing with other neurological issues continuing to effect my life.

I hope you can find strength to keep going..I know it `s very difficult..one minute at a time.

Thank you for your post...