[lenjan]

I swear to god, if ONE MORE PERSON from my family tells me to "cut the drama," I am going to travel to every single one of their homes and strangle them barehanded. It's funny how NOBODY ELSE I KNOW *EVER* calls me a drama queen, just my immediate family.

I have sent a couple of posts to them all over the last few days trying to explain exactly where things stand with me this day, mental- and physical health-wise. Mentally, I am depressed as all get-out. Physically, I am 8 weeks removed from 5 weeks in the hospital near death. Yet the jerks don't understand how they trigger me!

I *HATE* being misunderstood. One of my sisters told me I am depressed right now because I won't do what she wants me to do. Naturally, my depression has absolutely nothing to do with being chronically ill and having to spend one day a week in a cancer clinic, getting whatever treatment they think I need that week. Nor does it have anything to do with the fact that I spend all my time and energy tracking down and applying for every form of financial aid I can find, since they've all informed me they'll no longer help me with bills. I haven't worked since the first week of December, and so far I'm not getting unemployment, and SSDI has just started collecting my paperwork in order to make a decision.

Yet, when I try to tell them exactly how I feel, mentally and physically, and that it doesn't help me when they disregard those feelings, they tell me to cut the drama. All I am doing is trying to be understood!!!!! They have NEVER understood the extent of my mental illness, not even the one who works in the mental health field. And now they don't seem to understand how my physical health is impacting it. I don't know if they don't care, or they're too wrapped up in their OWN "drama," or whatever, but it pisses me off to be called a drama queen when I am merely trying to explain as best I can where my life is at right now.

Sky made me laugh last night in another post when she said she'd heard somebody say friends are God's way of apologizing for families, but I think she's right! I love my friends, and they've been terrific to me through this, but right now I think I would like to take out and shoot my entire damn family!

Why can't people UNDERSTAND?!

ARGH. What are YOUR "trigger words"?



Candy

[LMo]

I hate the words "goodies", "veggies", and "slacks". But then again, I don't think that's what you were asking, was it?

My family calls me a drama queen, too. Nobody else in my life does -- just them. I know what you mean. And Candy, you do not deserve one teaspoon of grief from them after all you've been through lately. Drama ... I imagine you could explode after hearing that...

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((((((((((Candybear))))))))))))
I love the way you are able to express yourself. I'm so sorry your family is doing this to you.

My least favorite word is "But". You look nice, BUT. You did a alright, BUT. You are whatever, BUT.

[Sabrina]

I have had many instances where I am told to stop acting or looking for attention.

Ugh!

Otherwise I hate it when my husband tells me he is going to be late!

[Twisted_Soul]

"You disappointed me!"

This by far is the worst thing someone could say to me

[SerenitysWave]

<font color="purple">((((((((candybear)))))))))
For me it is: " stop being a baby", "snap out of it", "get over it" , " your just lazy", and even though this next one is peoples honest response I still hate it- " I dont understand".... makes me feel unvalidated and more like I am really crazy.... I want people to understand. So frustrating! </font>

[radio_flyer]

I think one is "why did you do that".. or saying I did something I didn't do. Like the toilet seat upstairs broke so it was replaced with one with flowers. My son said I see you put the flowered toilet seat back.. I said WHAT? I was accused of switchen toilet seats and I swear on my life I didn't do it. I might of thought about switching the seats but I never touched it... I just hate it when someone says I've done something I didn't dooo.......It wasn't just my son that said it, it was everyone here.... They all laughed about the flowered toilet seat switch. Thinks they like head trippen me...... grrrrrrr ..

[cstrong82]

my family is the same way, the exact same phrases. + "drama queen, selfish, and petty"
my favorite that sends me over the edge is "if you stop thinking about it, it won't be a problem - just ignore it and get over it" and the absolute worst one is "your so sensitive quit taking things so to heart."

THEN DON'T SAY THESE THINGS TO ME !!!!!!!!




And the all time favorite is " i understand" when they have no clue !!!!!

[eskielover]

"I don't know" (just like when a little kid gets caught doing something he shouldn't

"Whatever"

"I don't care"
All my husbands favorite trigger words he knows makes me madder than anything. He can never make up his own mind & yet he says I am controlling. Someone had to take control or my life is going to fall apart.

The other one is when he is asked a question & doesn't look up the real answer & does he guessing game which he is always wrong......when I tell him I don't trust his answers & I want the papers to prove the information because after 30 years of this I have learned not to believe a word he says. He never lets me know where the information is filed so I can get the real information, I have learned to force him to get all the paperwork so either he or I can read for real the information that is needed.

Several years ago when my Mother was first Dx'ed wih cancer I would call her every night. I did't know where the contract for my cell phoe was so I could know what hours were the free ones. Stupidly I listened to his answer & after getting a huge bill that cost me over $500 in one month, I forced him to find the contract so I could know the what my contract really was. He is always that kind of person who says things so convincingly that it is hard to not believe his BS. That was the final straw.....from then on I made him plow through the computer room until he finds what I need. I have finally learned to not trust a thing he says after 30 years.....then he just can't understand why I don't trust him & he gets mad because believe him without proof. GEEZ....I can't imagine why I don't trust him. There have been so many things why I haven't been able to trust him...mostly because he always believes he is always right & hates it when I make him proov it. I have spent so much money because of issus like this, I have given up on trustint hin on anything & he is getting so pissed of because I make him prove he is right. What a difficult way to live...never being able to trust a word your husband says....the only thing I do trust isthat he is not fooling around with anyone else.....I don't think even woman who was married would put up with this junk.. There are many others like this & I feel like i am living with a little boy (I don't mean to offend all you good guys who are out there....I know you have to exist...I just haven't found one yet)
Debie

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Candy}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I know and understand completely how you feel. Like Fuzzy told me yesterday "FAMILIES SUCK!!!!!"

Nobody can misunderstand and HURT us like family can... probably because we don't love or expect from others like we do Family.

Stop trying to explain to them. They'll never understand! They don't WANT to, because if they did, they'd feel compelled to help or do something about it. That's called Apathy. My oldest son hates "drama," too, especially when it's in his power to change some things within the family.

[(JD)]

<font color="brown">[b] Hmmm... least favorite words to hear??? "That will be $$$$ ----." LOL Ok I know that isn't what you wanted.

I guess I don't listen to "family" any more... but then I don't listen to them any less now either, there is no "less." I don't like the term drama queen, never have been called that, but surely everyone else in the family has their own "drama" and reactions. They sure are overly dramatic about things I'm supposed to do (According to their rule book, which I threw out long ago.)

I think the least favorite word is "JUST." It's a red flag to me, if I hear someone insert it into a sentence,.. "they JUST have to..." "why don't you JUST... this or that." It's minimizing, to me. Like the user thinks it's easy and if I would "just" do it their way, I could do it?

[Lexicon78]

Least favorite words or phrases to hear:

1. I know
2. I understand
3. Whatever
4. I know what you're going through
5. The word "pet"

I don't get irritated when people say any swear words. Those are fair game. I know a lot of people don't like the "F" word or the "C" word. Sometimes I will purposefully use them just to make people mad.

[DaveyJones]

1. You can't...
2. You should have...
3. You never...

AND THE EVER POPULAR

Why didn't you....?

DJ

[SeptemberMorn]

Ut oh! No doubt, I've said "I understand" to you. I'm sorry! Hopefully, I'll remember since I haven't heard that many people say they don't like it.

"I know what you're going through"?? Nah! No one knows what anyone else is going through because we each cope or don't cope differently.

"Whatever" pisses me off to no ends! To me it says "I don't care!" My middle son was good for that one. He wanted me to teach him Spanish and when I'd correct him and tried to get him to repeat the word right, he'd turn around, say "Whatever!" and walk away. I stopped trying. He's in his early thirties and STILL doesn't know any Spanish. His loss, not mine!

[Eva1nder]

What are you stupid?

[SeptemberMorn]

{{{{{{{{{Debbie}}}}}}}}}

Are we married to the same man??? I would have thought you'd recognized your old man when you came over!!!

I'm sorry, I know it's not funny. I live with the "other" pea in the pod! I don't trust mine any more than you trust yours!

[LMo]

Yeah Sept - I was also alarmed by the number of people who ranked "I understand" up there on their lists! Ok! Ok! I don't understand!!!



I thought of another one: "Let me put it to you this way". That always sounds to me as though they are REALLY saying "let me put it to you in simplistic terms that you'll actually be able to understand"

I also agree with the "I don't know", "whatever", apathetic statements. Those drive me nuts, too.

nonunderstandingly yours,
LMo

[Genevieve]

Number one on my hit parade, right now, is "The problem is, is that..." Followed closely by, "Oh -- by the way..." My husband uses both of those. The first one just hits my grammar button, but the second one scares the bejaybers out of me. I'm always afraid of what's coming next.

The other one that bothers me is any variation on, "That happened a long time ago -- get over it already." But I"m learning to respond, "That's why I'm in therapy now, in order to get over it." Another favorite is, "OK, you've identified the problem -- so you don't have to worry about that anymore." "Hello? Identifying a problem is only the first step, right?"

Oh, and I get the drama queen thing, too. Isn't that funny? How many of us do? Only my family, of course. My mother, though, didn't say "drama queen" -- she'd say, "Theda Bara." I was probably the only 10 year old in the country who knew who she was...

Funny thing, have you ever noticed that it's often the people who inflict the hurts who tell you to get over it? Or that it shouldn't hurt?

Sorry you're getting smashed, Candybear.

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

I do not mind I UNDERSTAND because in some to many cases people DO understand..they may have been or be broke or a victim of something I have been a victim of...or they too have bounced a check or have a messed up checkbook ..I dunno I do not see so much black and white..to me sometimes people REALLY DO understand. Not much annoys me like this. I tend to dislike when people will say things they will not say to someones face..If I say something I do not have issues saying it to them if need be

[January]

I can't stand the p-i-s-s word. To me it's as bad as the F word. I don't know why. It just sounds.... so nasty and harsh.

"You've got to try to help yourself", and "You need to suck it up and just have enough self control to do this.", drive me nuts! If I didn't try I'd be dead by now! Aargh.

"Ain't" and "warsh" are also on my list, but they are just grammar triggers.

Jan

[lenjan]

I have a new phrase to add to MY list now -- "I don't want to talk about it."

My sister has been giving me crap, saying vaguely how my emails always seem to say more than I realize they do and that's why people get upset. So, naturally, wanting to know what she means, because it isn't something I see in myself or something I do on purpose, for sure, I asked her to explain what she meant so I could learn from it and do something about it.

Her response? "I'm not into that. We've gone from being productive to counterproductive over this. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

SOOOOOOO, I *still* don't know how I apparently make myself sound when I don't realize I'm sounding some way that will p*ss people off. I asked her to explain so I could learn from it, and I get "I don't want to talk about it."



Candy

[Lexicon78]

Let me explain the "I understand" thing. For me IRL, people will say I understand or I understand how you feel, which I don't think they do, and it's usually on stuff I know they've never been through or that I know hardly anyone's ever experienced.

Also, the phrase "I understand" to me is saying that people are seeing things my way.

I don't mind it so much from people here when they say that, because I KNOW you guys have been through hell and back, ya know?

[SleepsWithButterFlies]

CandyBear plain and simple she sounds like an idiot..I mean you worded it just fine..I am assuming your tone was ok...so then I would say its her issue...I dunno some folks can be...idiots

Hugs

[kimthecatlover]

"You have too high of an income for JerseyCare"..when I am obviously disabled and am living on SSDI.

When I mention that I want to go to Philly or a NASCAR race at Dover, Delaware..my PACT team or my housing staff says "Why don't you take someone with you?"..they must think I have to 'fit in' and learn to 'socialize' with other people...If I go to the Dover race, it will be a tour package with a busload of other NASCAR fans, so why would they push me to bring someone with me? It's not like I'd be all alone out there, and yes they have disabled accmodations at Dover such as trams from the parking lots for those who have trouble walking...I'm beginning to think they would like someone to go with me to make sure I don't cheat on my diabetic diet, or overeat..When I have been doing well sticking to my diet for a year without major problems..
and
"I don't care if you're in pain, you have to do this" when my knee pain flares up and I have to go to the doctor, and they want me to be there for a house meeting...I'm not weaseling out on anything, I have to see my doctor to get relief...Some people just don't get it that I have a life, too...

[Catherine]

Aren't you over that yet...i thought you were over that....you have to be happy...think about people who are in a worse situation.....
Those are my pet hates. it shows how little people actually listen.
I also dont like i understand but i look at it this way, its a risky thing to say unless you are willing to go a bit deeper in some situations, some times i think we assume too much about others, even those we have known for a long time, what they have and havent seen etc... but there is a big difference between understanding and relating. i dunno how clear that was but i was never good at words!