[purple_fins]

I don't really know if this needs a trigger icon or not.... thought I'd put one just to be cautious.........

This just occurred to me......
after all these years of feeling like I've just heard an air raid warning for a tornado or bomb or something.... that feeling to run and hide.... when someone-- just about EVERYONE-- refers to an "it", like a country, a car, a ship-- as a "she"........

the anxiety roars to 180 in 60 seconds... feel shaky.... mind then gets fuzzy and rational thinking gets difficult. ugh.

.....this just occurred to me..... it's a trigger.....
to hear people refer to an object as a "she". I hate it... hate it!!
a boat is an "it", a country is an "it", a car is an "it". Takes just as much speech/energy to say -- "it's" been running good, than she's been running good-- or-- "it's" been under attack for generations as "she's" been under attack for generations......

if it was half and half in English, like it is in some other languages-- masculine and feminine objects, then I don't think it would bother me. But in America--- EVERY object is a "she" and that is out of balance--dysfunctional.

Don't people know that when one is solely referred to as an object, it's NOT safe??? why don't people know that??!?!??!??
feel like I'm going to implode......

fins

[Perna]

Sorry you have such a bad trigger reaction to this! That must be so hard when it's societal convention and not something that can be "fixed". I think though that nouns are both male/female in US, not like with Europe/other countries but probably based on that; don't forget that hurricanes now alternate with male/female names?

I have had "male" cars as well as female (even though I'm female). Somehow I don't think monster cars or trucks are female

I think it's a personal perspective in this country. I don't normally think of objects as other than "it" unless I want to. But sometimes things that have names can feel less scary to me (hurricanes) and less likely to "break" (cars) or hurt me?

[lynn P.]

I see where you're coming from ((Fins)). You know what bothers me is when a man says something like - "I'll ask 'the' wife or 'the' wife is gone to the store".

[purple_fins]

That must be so hard when it's societal convention and not something that can be "fixed".

Yes, you understand so very well. It has made conversing just about impossible, as such comments as "she" being some inanimate object comes about quite often..... and then there I go to the universe of anxiety overload

I think though that nouns are both male/female in US

Really? I don't see it that way. I've RARELY ever heard someone refer to a ship, a country, a car, etc..etc... as a "he"..... especially not men. I don't think it's appreciated by our patriarchal culture that males EVER be referred to as any object.(they are above such things-they don't want to be controlled or owned) I am thankful that hurricanes are now alternately named males names too.

But sometimes things that have names can feel less scary to me (hurricanes) and less likely to "break" (cars) or hurt me?

hmmmmm... I've not thought of it that way........ I have to think on this some more... it does kind of lower the anxiety somehow....

thank you Perna

and thanks too Lynn for understanding, I appreciate that. sorry that some things being said bother you too.

[purple_fins]

I wonder what one does?
they finally find a puzzle piece and yet they don't know how to fit it back, to help make the puzzle whole........
I have a new discovered piece and know it will fill an empty space that has resulted in not being complete-- but.......
not sure how to fit it in.....
what to do with it.....

what good does finding a piece if one doesn't know where/how it fits

still feel such anxiety and trembling when this--- "she" as an object-- comes around..... ugh....

fins

[Typo]

((((((((((((Purple fins))))))))))))))))))))))

I understand how well that can trigger you, I am highly triggered by certain words and phrases that make me think of obejtification, like the word "plaything" or "toy" on the wrong day in a completly innocent sentence will set me reeling and in a bundle of anxiety for a few hours.

It is hard, the usuage of language and how we use "she" as a referall to objects, that use to cause me a bit of anxiety as well on bad days, I counteracted it by making myself go into logic mode, I explained to myself that I didn't like it, and that it upset me, but it is a structure built into our language, and that even I do it. (I named my car Miss Daisy, and call it a she all the time) and I don't do it to "objectify" but I do it because I have an emotional attachment and it was my way of personficating that attachment and I am more at ease using female pronouns and am more likely to because I am female and it is what I am comfterable with.

phew, sorry that was long, I hope that helped some, I know I have to rationalzie and break things down into logic sometimes in order to help deal with a trigger.

I'm sorry you are struggling with this purple fins, sending lots of safe hugs to you.

feel free to pm anytime, my nest is always open.

Lots of safe hugs and thoughts
Typo

[purple_fins]

Oh thank you Typo.

you are so kind(again, for the PM offer- thank you, you just might see one from me some time!)

ugh.... sorry you had "reactions" to certain words/phrases too.

It's so so difficult, it's partly the cause of keeping me from having any friends, keeping me from holding jobs long and is now affecting my physical health.... there's only so much hypervigilence the body can handle-- such physical tenseness.

I admire you for getting yourself to cope with it and calm the trigger, that is so very awesome and great work you've done!!Wow! it's not easy at all, I can sure appreciate that.

*sigh*....... it does help some to think that the pronoun "she" is used instead of "he", in affection and/or attachment. Yes, thank you.

However it's only 10 seconds and the warning kicks in that this is just a way to pull the wool over the naive's eyes. The culture wants us to accept that females are to be objects, owned and controlled, sets up for abuse to happen more easily.....
then I get upset with myself for not being able to let this go! "let it go --fins! argh.... what is wrong with you!"

ick-- get a "sick in the stomach" feeling......

when/how can I ever get beyond this.....

fins

[pachyderm]

I don't think I think of objects (boats, planes, spacecraft) as anything but "it" or "they". Hearing them described as "she" has always seemed strange to me, but fortunately it is not a big trigger. I just let people do what they want, because I don't have to do it myself.

Now, my cat is a she. And the other one is a he. I used to think of cats as "its" but not any more...

[purple_fins]

Hearing them described as "she" has always seemed strange to me

You know, that's comforting to hear. The notion that there are some people out there that don't just accept an object referred to as "she" or "her".
It's refreshing, somehow.
perhaps in that, some others don't see it as "normal" to think of objects/things that way.

about cats..... when I was a child I used to think that all cats where female and all dogs male......... funny how the child's mind sees some things.
both cats and dogs, as you've discovered--
definately have both genders!

thanks for posting.

fins

[Typo]

((((((((((((Purplefins)))))))))))))

oh hun, please don't be so hard on yourself for this, we all have triggers we have to work through, nothing to be ashamed of, the harder you are on yourself for it, the harder working through it is going to be.

have you talked to a therapist about this?

[purple_fins]

thank you Typo I appreciate your thoughtfulness.

I get frustrated with myself as I find dealing with this subject so difficult........ others don't seem to struggle with it to the degree in which isolating is the only way to calm.... even other females don't. What the heck?!? This has had me perplexed since I've discovered the cause of this particular anxiety.
Why don't others seem to care about it as strongly as I?

*****caution-- may trigger ******

Could it be that if one hasn't experienced abuse through female objectification, then this kind of thing doesn't have the "kick in the stomach" feeling? If one was not held against their will, months on end(because they were a girl and not a boy) and held at gunpoint another time as a child- asked to contemplate their own death, and ... well there's just more.......more and more......

What would my mind be like if none of this happened as a child, the time when one is taking mental notes of the world, learning about it and themself, about others and trust, safety and value??

oh, that would be so nice to not feel that
"kick in the stomach" ..............
to not feel that the whole world sees you as less valued, without feelings, to be used when wanted and disgarded when not...... like a car, boat or tractor.

and, in answer to your question: I have talked, a little, to the therapist about this...... it's just..... it's hard to talk about.... I fear the therapist won't be able to help calm my mind over this..... it's VERY strong and deeply ingrained. maybe I haven't given the therapist enough opportunity to try

fins

[Typo]

(((((((((((((Purple fins))))))))))))))))))))

I understand that kicked in the gut feeling, mine just comes in diffrent ways, I'm very fearful of being used, seen as an object, by men, it has had a lot of damage on my current relationship, and it still affects me a lot.

All it takes is one scentence said wrong, or me in the wrong mindset, and I freak out, I isolate, shove away, withdraw. I start getting pariond and jumpy.

I know how hard it is, I've talked to my T about it, and the man I'm involved with about it some, it's hard to talk about, hard sometimes to make others understand, but it helps, journaling over it, has helped me a lot, I can go back and read how I was feeling, and show my T and together we work on figuring out ways to deal with that trigger and the feelings so they don't have a negative impact on my life or relationship. First time I brought this up with T I thought she would laugh at me, or tell me I was crazy, but she said it's nothing to be embrassed about and that many abuse surviors have these fears, triggers, feelings, they just all come out in diffrent ways.

I believe you can conquer this fins, you are such a strong person and so kind. You are a person of vaule, not an object and you have so much worth.

Sitting here with you and sending lots of hugs
Typo

[purple_fins]

All it takes is one scentence said wrong, or me in the wrong mindset, and I freak out, I isolate, shove away, withdraw. I start getting pariond and jumpy.

gee, that sounds very familiar Sorry you also feel that.

it's hard to talk about, hard sometimes to make others understand, but it helps, journaling over it, has helped me a lot,

really? I've not ever journaled......been so fearful it would get in the wrong hands and I will be sorry for anything I express...... I think I should work on getting over this-- maybe the journaling thing would help. That's good you have found it helps you. And it's great you have such a helpful T.

I hope you are right, that I can conquer this....... it's like I'm watching all the people swimming, having fun.... but underneath-- I fear(for their well being as well as mine) those "mud monsters" that no one else seems to be aware of. Hard to understand how they are NOT aware, when it's so very apparent to me....

thanks for sitting here with me and for hugs, your kindness is so
much appreciated.

fins

Although I think in female terms when talking about our car, which I named Jenny, and our computer, which I named Margaret, I sympathize. I am triggered easily by gratuitous use of the f-word, and that custom has become so commonplace that it's hard to have any contact at all with the public, and not hear it. Is the fact that hurricanes have been alternating between male and female since the late 1970's, any comfort at all?

Maybe personalizing inanimate objects makes them seem friendlier and less intimidating, as some people find cars and computers to be. (By the way, I don't know if it means much, but I don't think in gender terms about all cars or computers, just my own.) Naming the machines that are the most useful to me kind of elevates them to Rosie the Robot Maid status. Remember the character from The Jetsons? Technically, robots aren't male or female either. I don't mean to belittle your trigger. We all have our own. I'm so afraid of snakes that if I see a picture of one in a book, I jump, and then I turn the page carrrrreffffulllllyyy by the corner, as if that picture of a snake is going to take a strike at me. And I heard of someone else who made a visitor leave his snakeskin boots outside. Same fear. Whether it's rational or silly, it feels just as uncomfortable.

Incidentally, I'm totally with Lynn on "the" wife. Even worse than that, the men (such as my grandfather) who jokingly say "let me check with the boss" right before asking their wives for their opinions. No need to be condescending about it.

[purple_fins]

Is the fact that hurricanes have been alternating between male and female since the late 1970's, any comfort at all?

Yes, as I'd said in a previous post here, it does keep the trigger at bay a bit. It's balanced, you see.
The way I could handle this better would be-- for example: If cars were referred to as female and trucks as male, and say, ships were female and planes were male....... then I think it wouldn't spark that awful feeling of female objectification and abuse. It would have -- BALANCE-- which is what's missing in this culture of today....... balance. and where there's imbalance there is almost always abuse......seems to be human nature.

I think our culture is so used to regarding females as objects-- that even females carry on with this practice--- BUT-- you would be hard pressed to find a male that would go along with such a thing if the tables were turned..... they seem to demand respect and have a VERY keen sense as to when that respect is threatened--
where sadly, most females don't.

Maybe personalizing inanimate objects makes them seem friendlier and less intimidating, as some people find cars and computers to be. (By the way, I don't know if it means much, but I don't think in gender terms about all cars or computers, just my own.) Naming the machines that are the most useful to me kind of elevates them to Rosie the Robot Maid status. Remember the character from The Jetsons? Technically, robots aren't male or female either.

I try to think of it in a positive way-- with very little comfort. *sigh*. It is nice to think that people name something female in affection and a type of friend...... but.... in the end, it seems to be just a mask for what really lies underneath.....

I don't mean to belittle your trigger. We all have our own. I'm so afraid of snakes that if I see a picture of one in a book, I jump, and then I turn the page carrrrreffffulllllyyy by the corner, as if that picture of a snake is going to take a strike at me.

while I can sure appreciate your phobia of snakes(I have them of spiders)-- I think a life threatening human caused trauma is far different than a phobia. It puts one's trust for life at stake, hypervigilence is ever present whenever humans are. One can never know just who the "snake" really is
I think it would be equal to if one had been bitten aproximately 4 times by snakes, and could have died and then have to face snakes every day of their life... never knowing which one could strike.... the muscles ever tense, the eyes taking just seconds to survey every area, the ears sharp to hear a gunshot, a yell or a crash of things being smashed-- every hour of every day.... that is the complex- PTSD I deal with and have since a wee child.

the triggers can feel as though my very breath is at risk..... ugh....

sorry I got on my soapbox.... just sometimes I feel so alone as far as people understanding..... I'm sorry I've meant no offense- to be sure.

fins

[AkAngel]

Purple,

I am sorry that this is such a difficult issue and trigger for you. While it is not for me, we all have our triggers and I think most, if not all of us can identify with what that feels like.

My particular perception on this is that society does not regard females as objects but rather, that our culture regards objects as female. That is a significant difference to me. I am not arguing your interpretation. Your feelings need no justification, just commenting that mine are different.

I would like to share an example which is representative of statistics throughout our culture with you. It tends to point rather poignantly to the idea that as a culture we value women more than men.

Average sentence for vehicular homicide:

Total for all victims: 4.3 years

If the victim was a black man: 1.9 years
If the victim was a white man: 4.1 years
If the victim was a woman: 7.2 years

I have verified (a few years ago) data that I had read in a book which had quoted the US DOJ website. The author was right. I don't recall the title but it was a book on society and gender...that I remember clearly.
Other crimes were similarly represented with vast and statistically relevant disparities between gender and race.

I remember being thirteen years old and listening to the Senate Confirmation hearings to confirm Sandra Day O'Connor as Supreme Court Justice and the question was asked about what she thought about women being drafted in the event of a draft. It was an issue during the ERA debates. She responded, "I do not think that society is ready, and I know that I am not ready, to see our women come home in body bags." I remember wondering why, as I turned off the TV, women were so much more valuable to society then men.

Clearly these are just my impressions and interpretations. I think though that there is room for hurt on both sides of the gender divide. Certainly women have received at least their share of disparaging conventions, but I think that men have too.

I wish you well.

[purple_fins]

society does not regard females as objects but rather, that our culture regards objects as female. That is a significant difference to me. I am not arguing your interpretation.

I can understand how you could see it this way. I thank you for sharing your interpretation-- though I don't agree.
I VERY much appreciate another's view-- gives me more to think about and ponder(and hopefully if I get enough other views- it will help to perhaps lessen the hold my view has on me)

wondering though....... have you ever wondered why an object should be regarded as female? instead of male?.... why not just "it"? why any gender at all??

I also appreciate your sharing the vehicular homicide stats. I'm sure there are some instances where females reap the benefits of their gender..... just that throughout history it's way over to the males advantage for gender. They get drafted because they are more likely to win a fight if/when strength is an issue(carrying the heavy artillary and ammo) and plus women are more a target for torture(rape). Who would rather have a 130 lb. less strong person fighting for you than a 190 lb. stronger person?
I doubt many males throughout history have ever been publicly punished for adultery, or being careless with results of pregnancy out of wedlock.(they rather get the pat on the back and the eye wink)

To be certain -- I'm not ever ever saying that men don't have biases-- they most certainly do-- and that upsets me too. A little boy should be hugged and kissed just as much as a little girl, a boy should be reveered for his sensitivity(IMO).... and if men don't care to share or converse about "feelings", then I think they should be respected for that.... as females generally don't care to hear how a steering column works......

**this is just a post about my trigger of female abuse....(not saying that males don't ever experience imbalance or abuse)

these imbalances are what causes rifts in the gender wars(IMO)-- why can't there just be mutual respect?? (if there are 10 strip bars that guys get to watch-- then why not 10 strip bars where gals get to go watch? why aren't there male and female names for ships?)equal value/or degradation- but in differing ways?
Protection for the less physically strong from the physically stronger, and understanding to those that struggle with thoughtfulness from the ones that tend to be more mindful.......

we are NOT as different as most want to believe........

thank you for your reply.

fins

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by purple_fins

wondering though....... have you ever wondered why an object should be regarded as female? instead of male?.... why not just "it"? why any gender at all??

Absolutely I have. While this might seem odd to you, it is nevertheless the truth... My father has always liked cars. So much so in fact that he devoted his life to them. He had a small car lot that barely made ends meet but he worked insane hours to insure that we didn't go without. Anyway, rarely there was a car that he got smitten with and that car would be 'she'.

It was so obviously a term of affection coming from him that I felt slighted - not because he didn't show me affection, but my interpretation was that he was saying that affection went to girls. That really makes no sense because my father did nothing but shower me with affection, but nevertheless, my five year old self got jealous.

I did ask him why and he said that it was cause guys liked to find a special girl and protect and pamper and take care of her. In a similar way, this car was special to him and he wanted to protect and pamper and take care of it. It didn't alleviate my feelings of being slighted.

I know that the whole idea of 'taking care' of a woman is pretty outdated these days, as well as the protect and pamper. ~shrug~ I'm still there I'm afraid and god knows that dad still is too. Anyway, I'm certainly not trying to change your mind on this - just answering the question 'did you ever wonder why?' and the answer is definately yes, and I remember wishing that the car was called an 'it' too at the time.

Originally Posted by purple_fins

**this is just a post about my trigger of female abuse....(not saying that males don't ever experience imbalance or abuse)

Absolutely and I'm sorry if I got off track at all.

I think OP feels triggered by the equation of "object = female," whichever direction it goes in. Simple mathematics states that if a = b, then b = a. Therefore, if objects are perceived to be female, in OP's mind it stands to reason that females are perceived to be objects as well. I gather that she, as a female, has been made to feel like an object all her life, and as a result, she is highly upset to the point of trauma when hearing inanimate things referred to as "she."

The objectification of women bothers me as well. My first adult relationship was with a man who automatically "approved" or "disapproved" every woman he ever saw. To him, women existed only for that purpose: to be evaluated by him and either accepted or rejected, based on sexiness. For example, I showed him a photo of my step-sister holding her newborn twins, and the first thing out of his mouth was, "She ain't bad." (Hey, you, it was the BABIES I was showing off. Twins, yet. But all you care about is the eye candy!) He would speak to females on the television screen, saying either some variation of "Mmm, mmm!" or, "Get off the TV, you ugly old broad." I soon found that I was an object to him as well. I functioned for his pleasure, and let's just say that as long as he was satisfied, he didn't care if I had any enjoyment of my own or not. Sometimes I felt as if I might as well be a hole in a tree stump, if you'll pardon the crudity.

Needless to say, this relationship didn't last long.

I can see where facing a lifetime of such devaluation, at the hands of everyone around her, would mess a woman up. It's been nearly 30 years since that relationship ended, and I can still remember things so vividly. It disgusts me to do so.

[AkAngel]

Originally Posted by LovebirdsFlying

I think OP feels triggered by the equation of "object = female," whichever direction it goes in. Simple mathematics states that if a = b, then b = a.

I just wanted to point out that while you are correct, "I think OP feels triggered by the equation of "object = female," whichever direction it goes in." I wanted to question, simple mathematics states that if a = b, then b = a." I don't believe this is an a = b situation.

Biologically, people are animals (a = b) therefore animals are people (b = a) does not hold. I think this is the same analogy. Certainly some animals are people (the animals of the species homosapian) just as "some' objects are referred to as 'she' by cultural convention, but that doesn't make 'she' an object any more than it makes all animals people.

Fins, I'm not trying to hijack your post. This originally (well before this line) was going to be a pm to LoveBirdsFlying as to not distract from the post but then I thought, maybe this whole a = b thing would be another perspective, you know? I really have appreciated your accepting my view on things here even though my view is different and I found myself talking to my wife and daughter last night about this post trying to see if they might be able to offer a helpful perspective too. (cause you said the more perspectives you hear...)

Originally Posted by AkAngel

I just wanted to point out that while you are correct, "I think OP feels triggered by the equation of "object = female," whichever direction it goes in." I wanted to question, simple mathematics states that if a = b, then b = a." I don't believe this is an a = b situation.

Biologically, people are animals (a = b) therefore animals are people (b = a) does not hold. I think this is the same analogy. Certainly some animals are people (the animals of the species homosapian) just as "some' objects are referred to as 'she' by cultural convention, but that doesn't make 'she' an object any more than it makes all animals people.

Fins, I'm not trying to hijack your post. This originally (well before this line) was going to be a pm to LoveBirdsFlying as to not distract from the post but then I thought, maybe this whole a = b thing would be another perspective, you know? I really have appreciated your accepting my view on things here even though my view is different and I found myself talking to my wife and daughter last night about this post trying to see if they might be able to offer a helpful perspective too. (cause you said the more perspectives you hear...)

We're not disagreeing, AK. The trouble with feelings, phobias, triggers, and terror is that they are not logical. So, since a = b, I am guessing that the OP *feels* that b = a as well. It may not be true in a strict sense, but it's hard to argue with the heart.

Maybe logic might help in the calming of stormy emotions. So it's good that you point it out.

[purple_fins]

Thank you AkAngel and LovebirdsFlying.

Let me see... what to say first....
Well, I think it's wonderful you had a father that cared about you and your family AkAngel. My father had a gambling addiction, left us many times without money to pay bills. The day after his death bookies were calling my mother to collect money-- she gave them the address of the cementary and told them to take it up with my dad there. though my dad didn't really abuse me-- he turned a blind eye when I was being abused and once even dropped me off to the very man's house that he knew was abusing me.. ugh... don't like talking about this...... so anyway-- I think it's nice that you had such an upstanding father and role model.

I felt slighted - not because he didn't show me affection, but my interpretation was that he was saying that affection went to girls.

ah! see how the imbalance can cause the mind to have negative emotions?! ..... even for a child that was safe with the father and nurtured. IMO-- objects should always be "it"-- then there is NO imbalance at all. and thanks for answering my question and also for the apology for straying towards the idea that-- males have imbalance too. I so know that and wish it weren't so for them too. (*** trigger**** I didn't get the cigarette burns because girls have to "look" good and boys weren't allowed to cry so they suffered as well... poor dear boys)

and LovebirdsFlying-- yes I think I do regard it that way: a=b so b=a. I never thought of it like that but I do believe that's how my scarred mind interprets it. thank you for wording it that way

The trouble with feelings, phobias, triggers, and terror is that they are not logical.

Oh but it DOES seem so logical to me! I'm not sure I see how it's NOT logical....... not able to grasp that, at this time..... I will think about this-- thank you.

one more thing-- AkAngel--

I really have appreciated your accepting my view on things here even though my view is different and I found myself talking to my wife and daughter last night about this post trying to see if they might be able to offer a helpful perspective too. (cause you said the more perspectives you hear...)

wow! You did?-- that is so kind of you. I will appreciate any view, as I'm hoping the more I hear of other views the less mine will have a tight grip on me. that is my dream- to be less affected by this and other gender situations as well.... it has in part, kept me from having friends, holding jobs long and so many other aspects of my life are adversly affected from this...... *sigh*.... it's hard to believe..........

thank you all
wishing you peace and healing

fins

[purple_fins]

Ok.... the part that seems logical to me is.....

How can anyone say women aren't regarded as objects when, not only are objects referred to as "she" or "her" but also women are paraded around on stages and judged by their bodies(ie-- Miss America)-- like one would a car.... and men go to strip clubs to gawk and touch women... like they would a boat or a car-- without any regard as to if she has a child at home, does she have a brother, a father-- how was her childhood, how is she feeling today....

--- that's how an object is treated.... a=b so b=a

it seems quite logical to conclude that women are an "it" by many in this patriarchal culture. To serve, to please, to be judged by appearance and valued if others can get something from her(without having to concern themselves with her).... like a boat, a car or a plane.

I s'pose I may be talking to the wall......... others don't seem to see things as realistically as I...... the connections of things.....or they get upset with me.... maybe I hit a nerve???

****** caution-- may trigger*****


I see how little boys not being able to show emotional pain can fester and in the right conditions, can bring an ill minded(perhaps highly sensitive) one to finally get that pain out with a knife or a gun. I see how a little girl taught that her value is in her body can be a target for repeated abuse and also because that body has let her down she may seek to mutilate it.
--------

I see connections........it's like having an answer to a big problem-- like an oil leak... but no one seems to really listen.....
I have ideas to stop that "oil leak"-- but-- the culture is too set in their ways to take any time/energy to help fix things.

argh......

fins

[Typo]

((((((((((((((Purple fins)))))))))))))))))))

Women *are* objectified by society. I see it too.

I also see, as I think AkAngel is trying to say, that this does not apply 100%. All women are not objectified all of the time by all men. But it still happens too often for me to be comfortable with it.

Fins is right on, about those beauty pageants. Lately they try to make it a big emphasis on "it's a scholarship pageant, and it empowers women by helping them get an education." Then why do the women have to be paraded out and judged by looks, like cattle, in order to qualify for the scholarship? It only affirms women who fit society's standard of beauty? Who are young, the right height, and have the right measurements? The vast majority of us, who look like regular women, have to work hard to put ourselves through college instead? Yeah, I feel empowered.

And, even though I never thought of it that way, and it doesn't trigger me like that, any time someone is working on a car and then says, "OK, start her up," it serves as a reminder to fins that women are objects.

I hear you, fins.

EDITED TO ADD:

When I said phobias aren't logical, I wasn't referring to the part that is fact. Women *are* objectified, fact. It's the fear response that is from the heart, not the head, and I call it "not logical" because it relies on emotion, not computation. Staying in the head, and out of the heart, is easier said than done, and I'm not sure it *should* be done. But "not logical" isn't the same as "not correct."