[BlueMoon6]

I liked her! She was great!

I walked into the office and it was vey cozy and homey (But so was the reiki, no-show t's office). Her room had a couch (very comfy) and she sat in a big chair near me. This is important to me b/c of the distance I feel in my t's office. She was a good age- probably about my age-ish. Maybe younger. But she did seem experienced. We talked about a lot. I felt comfortable and very not judged by her. We started off with what worked and what didnt work with my t. She really understood why I was leaving and said my t is probably a "behaviorist" who doesnt work with trauma. I even explained that I felt like I was cheating on m t by being in the room with her.

Then we talked about what is going in with me. She explained a lot about dissociation to me that I didnt understand before. She explained the difference between dissociation and day-dreaming (as my t had called it). And we talked a lot about trauma. I did not get into specifics, but we talked about triggers. Triggers throughout my day and the times I dissociate and why. She suggested I notice my triggers throughout the day and write it down. We talked about schema therapy and she said she does that kind of therapy but doesnt particularly use the schema therapy terms. She did say she isnt a psychodynamic therapist and isnt trained that way. I dont know it this is a good or bad thing. She did say she does a lot of trauma work and csa work. I can imagine myself feeling comfortable with her to talk about this stuff eventually, but definitely not yet. I didnt get into specifics. It was easier to talk about things I had talked with my previous t about, but most of it I had written down. oh, we talked about the bpd diagnosis, how I felt about it and how I felt my previous t saw me because of it. I felt that my entire therapy was based on this. I had been helpful in some ways but I feel as if I am being seen as a diagnosis first and human being second. That I get this behavioral approach to bpd behaviors. I feel like my t doesnt like me b/c of the bpd and then I cried a little. She was very gentle and explained more about trauma and the way I developed as a child in response to that.

I could go on and on. But I liked her and mad another appt. She is away for part of next week for a conference, my monday is not available and was booked and the rest of the week. So.....monday the 5th is my next appt with her. Which is fine. I called and cancelled my t's appointments through that 1st wk in october.

I am not sure now whether I should use my insurance appts to see the other t's. My next appt is with my friend's t tomorrow at 10. And this is the only t that is a little far (out of my immediate area). Im considering cancelling. What do you think?

Anyway, this sounds good, she did explain a lot about CBT and its relation to the present, but it doesnt sound like she does strictly cbt. She did use the word eclectic.

So.....talk to me.....what do you all think?
I was hoping she would say she has some kind of psychodynamic approach. But that is no this t. Other than that, I liked her a lot. Smart, knowledgable and NOT put off by the bpd thing. Focused mostly on trauma. I felt a connection. And I felt she understood me.

She sounds very promising! I would go to your friend's T tomorrow, then make a final decision with all the facts about which is the best fit. Good luck!

I REALLY like the sound of her! A LOT. She already feels so much more caring than Desk T. I loved how she related the BPD to trauma...it sounds like a much more understanding way of looking at it, and like she sees another pathway to healing (dealing with trauma) besides the strict behavioral stuff your other T was doing (if that's even what she was doing!) She sounds great

As for whether or not you should cancel the other trial Ts....if you cancel, will you always be wondering what they would have been like? If you think you'll be left with that, then I would go ahead and go. If you think that this is the T for you and you won't be wondering about the other ones, then I would cancel and save my insurance visits and money!

One thing you could do is see this T for a few appointments to see how it feels and THEN decide if you want to check out the other Ts. I think that might be what I would do.

I'm so glad that you had such a good experience today. You were WAY overdue for a good T experience!!!

I liked her a lot. Smart, knowledgable and NOT put off by the bpd thing. Focused mostly on trauma. I felt a connection. And I felt she understood me.

BlueMoon, I think this says it all. Yay for you!

One thing you could do is see this T for a few appointments to see how it feels and THEN decide if you want to check out the other Ts. I think that might be what I would do.

I really like Tree's suggestion. Ditto.

[Dazed and Confused]

That's awesome! I'm so glad you had a good experience today.

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

I liked her a lot. Smart, knowledgable and NOT put off by the bpd thing. Focused mostly on trauma. I felt a connection. And I felt she understood me.

She sounds great. Bluemoon! You were able to tell her a lot of important things on only the first visit. I think it is very strong that she has the trauma background. Did she say how she treats trauma?

She did say she isnt a psychodynamic therapist and isnt trained that way. I dont know it this is a good or bad thing.

I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. A T can have everything you need without being trained in a specific approach. A T need not be psychodynamic or CBT but yet can be very creative, have a lot of success in treating trauma, be willing to work on the past, etc.

It sounds like she reacted well to the BPD diagnosis. I think if she didn't like to work with BPD clients, you would have sensed it or she would have steered you away from herself.

I feel like my t doesnt like me b/c of the bpd and then I cried a little. She was very gentle and explained more about trauma and the way I developed as a child in response to that.

This sounds very strong to me.

I called and cancelled my t's appointments through that 1st wk in october.

Good for you.

it doesnt sound like she does strictly cbt. She did use the word eclectic.

That also sounds very strong. So if CBT (or any particular technique) doesn't work for a client, she can move on to another technique in her tool box. With your current T, it sounded like she had no other skills to draw on when her approach with you wasn't working, so this T sounds more broadly trained and more flexible.

I am not sure now whether I should use my insurance appts to see the other t's. My next appt is with my friend's t tomorrow at 10. And this is the only t that is a little far (out of my immediate area). Im considering cancelling. What do you think?

And who is the third one? If it were me, I would probably see all three and then decide. It might be worth the insurance visits. You are looking for someone for the long term, for a T really well suited to you, so I think it is worth paying out of pocket a few times to find the best match. What I mean is--I wouldn't let the insurance thing prevent you from seeing the other 2 therapists. If you decide you don't want to see them because flat-tire-T is such a great match, then fine. But don't use the insurance as an excuse to not see the other 2 therapists.

said my t is probably a "behaviorist" who doesnt work with trauma.

It would be interesting if you see your current T for a last session to ask her why she treated you the way she did. I think it was dreamseeker who quoted something (in one of your threads) from a book that suggested your T's behavior (e.g. not answering a question you asked her but instead just sitting there and smiling) was psychodynamic and designed to frustrate you. I guess as an outsider looking in, I would be interested to know why your T was so consistently rude to you. Was it just because she is a rude person, personally dislikes you, or is it some kind of therapeutic approach? Of course, you may not ever want to see her again, and I completely understand!

[hangingon]

Wow bluemoon,
So happy it went well for you!!! It sounds like she is much more caring and warm.

I would say see the other one as well just so you don't second guess that in the future.

This one sounds really promising though. My T is not psychodynamic, she is eclectic (adjusts to the needs of the client, not a one size fits all) and humanisitic and is very warm as well.

Best of luck!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Sunny said (about prospective T not being psychodynamic) >> I don't think it's necessarily a bad thing. A T can have everything you need without being trained in a specific approach. A T need not be psychodynamic or CBT but yet can be very creative, have a lot of success in treating trauma, be willing to work on the past, etc.
I very much agree. I like the idea of "eclectic" in that a T is maybe not so bound to a particular rationale, but is open enough to consider or use other ideas as well. People (clients) are each a little world in themselves, and the science of psychotherapy is so vast and complex, that a flexible approach sounds like a reasonable thing IMO.

but about this >> It would be interesting if you see your current T for a last session to ask her why she treated you the way she did.
Just speaking my own thoughts, but from what you've shared, I would think she'd be far too defensive to give you any kind of satisfactory closure (and if that turned out to be the case, it would fry me to have to pay her for it too). She sounds like Mrs My-Way-Or-The-Highway! But of course, it's up to you.
BTW, I am glad to hear you decided to hit the highway instead of trying to get healing out of her - the open road sure can hold a lot of great new possibilities

[rainbow8]

I am SO happy for you!!I have a big smile on my face though I am not a banana. Flat tire T sounds really good for you. Maybe you will even tell her your name for her one day! My T is eclectic though she leans more toward behavorist and CBT. It's good because it means they are flexible. Desk T was definitely not flexible.

I think you should see the other T or Ts just to compare, though if it were me, decisions are so hard for me that I probably would just go to t he first one. I never shopped around for a T; I just used whoever was recommended but I see the advantages now, for doing that. Flat tire T seems to fit, but who knows if another one may also fit? Also, what about the ED? Did you discuss whether she had experience with it?

I think it would be a good experience for you to see that there are more Ts out there than Desk T, and more than one choice. Just my opinion.

I wonder what desk T would say or will say if you tell her you are quitting and why. I think the consensus here is probably that you don't need an appointment for closure, but think about whether you do or not. Maybe she won't get defensive. I would want closure with a T I saw that long, but that's just me. You have to do what is best for you.

[Confused_1982]

She wounds much nicer than your current T, and willing to work on the things you want to. She seems to have some of the qualities you have been looking for, and sound like you are at ease with her (well, as much as you can be in t!)

One thing you could do is see this T for a few appointments to see how it feels and THEN decide if you want to check out the other Ts. I think that might be what I would do.

I also agree with Tree about this. If you like and feel she can help you and you will be able to open up to her, then I would stick with her and give her a "trial". You still have the option of the other Ts if you dont get on as well as thought with her.

After the horrible day you had with T and flat tire T cancelling, I am glad you liked her

woo hoo!! i'm so glad it went well. i like tree's suggestion as well to see her a few times and then see if you still want to check the other ts out.

[RiverX]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Im considering cancelling. What do you think?

So.....talk to me.....what do you all think?
.

Hi Bluemoon,
THIS is where you wanna look primarily, and where any recovery path should look to really get help, look at what you asked, you're asking for a approval from others and answeres that you already know.
Thats the borderling dynamic ~ relationships based on engaging others by needing help, getting rewarding response for not acting on your true abilities.
(or someone else needing help same principles, different actors).

If you're acting out this dynamic, you'll get responses that make you feel good, but not get well in a deep way, and I know thats what you're looking for.
And I have such respect for your intuitive and intelligence that I know you'll know if I'm talking bs or not..

(- Im being the bad faery at the party again thats how I got the schiz dx ~ )

YGG

[BlueMoon6]

Thanks all. Wow for all of your amazing feedback.

I had a busy day after the appt and afterwards I came home briefly to pick up my 2 yo (h was watching her) and to post here

The appointment was about 1 hour and 10 minutes. I cannot believe she gave me that much time! I didnt feel like I was in a rush to get to everything. I had time. It was a relaxing feeling. She talked to me a lot about trauma and bpd and how my ED keeps me from my feelings. The reason I chose her was b/c she is specifically an ED therapist. She did talk to me about ED and trauma. She really seemed to know what she was talking about. She asked me if I had ever done any trauma work. I said no. I didnt mention any specific trauma.

There was one point where she said to me that I was getting overwhelmed. When she was explaining something to me I got this strange "spinning" feeling. And she seemed like she was far away or underwater. I didnt say anything about it, but it looked like she picked up on it. She seemed very "in tune" with me even though it was difficult for me to say everything.

I have to say, I thought Id go see the other 2 t's (one is the friend's t and the other is the vacation t) but I feel a little overwhelmed with what went on today and I dont know how well I can go into all of this again with another t. It isnt just like describing a story. It is hard. I didnt expect this to happen. I dont know if I can talk to anyone tomorrow. Especially knowing I like flat-tire t. I feel like Id be disloyal to flat tire and desk! What a nut I am! But the disloyal feelings isnt really the reason. Its more that this is hard work to go to therapy and talk- especially to someone I dont know.

So, I may cancel the other 2 ts and see flat tire t and see how it goes. I think this may be the best b/c it is really overwhelming to have to talk about my history and evaluate the t at the same time. I dont think I can do another one tomorrow. She suggested I notice during the day when I am dissociating and what triggers me and write it down. To keep a journal. I told her my t strongly discouraged me from journaling. She said it took me away from my family. Flat tire t said she felt the opposite from my t. I thought, thank God! Still, I found during the day that it is not easy at all to notice when I "check out" and to write down triggers. Things trigger and I react or shut down or dissoc or whatever. I am having a hard time "catching" it before or during. Flat tire t is making me work!

Sunrise- it was great to read your feedback about not being necessary to have a specific approach, but for her to be creative and experienced with trauma. She is all of those things. I think she is a strong choice, too.
Like SAWE said, I believe that my t, if I would see her again, would not be open to what I would say. As a matter of fact, I think Id leave there feeling worse. I dont know what she'd say, she'd try to be supportive and wish me all the best, but Id feel worse, I think. I dont have plans to go back, but I will see how I feel. Im not going to decide now.

Rainbow- I guess I forgot to mention it- but she seemed to know what she was talking about when it comes to what my ED does for me. For so long, I used this to help me cope with my feelings as a child. It is another method I used to "disappear." To do something with my feelings and protect myself. And I still do. It does a lot. She wants me to write down the feelings I have when I eat. Scary. I hope I can do this.

RiverX- I understand what you are saying, but I am looking for feedback. It helps me to make a decsion. Especially in an area others know more about than I do. In the end, the decision is mine

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

She suggested I notice during the day when I am dissociating and what triggers me and write it down. To keep a journal. I told her my t strongly discouraged me from journaling.

Wow, I have never heard a T discourage journaling! It is useful in so many ways. It can help one be more self reflective, get in touch with feelings, get in touch with what is important in one's life, to who we really are, to what we have been avoiding. It helps one be more self aware. Plus it can be a coping method if we feel alone--we can always go and write in the journal. Some Ts suggest it as a way to help get through a long break from therapy or even as a way to help not have to call the T in the week between sessions. There are just so many great uses of a journal, it shocks me your T would discourage it. I think the reason she gave, that it would take you away from your family, is lame. You're not a child, you know how much time you can spare each day (or week) to write in a journal. We're not talking about 2 hours a day here. Bluemoon, your T just sounds so.... well, kind of warped. Sorry.

[BlueMoon6]

[quote=sunrise]Bluemoon, your T just sounds so.... well, kind of warped. Sorry. [quote]

I didnt get it either. She had this whole thing about me being self-absorbed and going to too much therapy. If I could have cured myself by telling myself to just be with my family and appreciate the blessings in my life I would have done that a long time ago and saved myself some time and money. Journaling went along with that- too much tme spent on myself. Hard to believe as I think about it now.

And you should know....I ignored her on this one and journaled anyway

So....this t wants me to journal I posted about what I am supposed to write down- but it is very difficult. Much more than I thought it would be.

I didnt cancel friend's t yet- I called her number to cancel and then hung up. Not sure I want to cancel. My friend who referred me to flat tire t heard the whole story from me today about FT T and then looked up the vacation t on line. She said she doesnt sound like a t for me! Her concerns were my concerns all along, too. She seems like a short-term life coach (that is what she says on her website). And nothing at all about ED. My friend said I (and she) shouldnt see anyone who doesnt have a lot of experience in that area. I agree. So...I may cancel vacation t for next week.

[deliquesce]

Originally Posted by sunrise

Wow, I have never heard a T discourage journaling! It is useful in so many ways. It can help one be more self reflective, get in touch with feelings, get in touch with what is important in one's life, to who we really are, to what we have been avoiding. It helps one be more self aware. Plus it can be a coping method if we feel alone--we can always go and write in the journal. Some Ts suggest it as a way to help get through a long break from therapy or even as a way to help not have to call the T in the week between sessions. There are just so many great uses of a journal, it shocks me your T would discourage it. I think the reason she gave, that it would take you away from your family, is lame. You're not a child, you know how much time you can spare each day (or week) to write in a journal. We're not talking about 2 hours a day here. Bluemoon, your T just sounds so.... well, kind of warped. Sorry.

not commenting on bluemoon's (old?)T, but old-T and Austin-T have both discouraged me from journaling also. Austin-T reckons i don't need it because i'm pretty self aware anyway and he thinks i need to work more on the behavioural components. old-T thought i was too obsessive, that i needed everything done perfectly, and he thought it would be more of a problem than not.

i do have a problem with obsessive and depressive ruminations which vary depending on my mood, but it isn't unknown for me to sit and write for 3+ hrs and then continue to think and think and think even after i've finished writing.

again, not saying anything about bluemoon's T or whether it is/isn't a good idea for her, but i'm your classic case of where too much thinking is a bad thing .

[sunrise]

deli, that makes a lot of sense. Sorry for making such a blanket statement about journal-writing! I began keeping a journal again when I began with my current T, after about 20 years layoff. I think I took such a long break because I was being very avoidant and didn't want to "face facts" about my life. (Deli, you sound anything but avoidant!) Beginning to journal again when I started with my current T dovetailed with my desire to stop being avoidant, make progress, and solve my problems. I think without the journal-writing, progress would have been slower. I find that now that I've "achieved" some of what I wanted to, my journal writing is not as frequent. But I really like that I have returned to it, because I really liked it when I was younger. If nothing else, it is a record one will always have of that period in one's life. Bluemoon, I hope you find it helpful to you too.

[jexa]

Originally Posted by deliquesce

i do have a problem with obsessive and depressive ruminations which vary depending on my mood, but it isn't unknown for me to sit and write for 3+ hrs and then continue to think and think and think even after i've finished writing. .

I'm the same! When things are bad my journal fills up with negativity and endless ruminations, sometimes the same word over and over again. I got significantly better when I followed my T's advice and stopped journaling!

[BlueMoon6]

i do have a problem with obsessive and depressive ruminations which vary depending on my mood, but it isn't unknown for me to sit and write for 3+ hrs and then continue to think and think and think even after i've finished writing.

My t thought the jounaling would take up too much time. She thought 15 minutes was too long. She asked me how long and where I am and where my kids are when I write. I told her they were busy in the house and I was spending no more than 15 min unless they were asleep. I never gave her the impression my journaling was obsessive or negative or ruminating. I was writing down things to talk about in therapy with her or thoughts I had after a session. And memories I had when I was having trouble remembering childhood details. That was it. And I continued to write even tho she told me not to. I did bring some of it in to work on so she knew I had continued to write. And she was open to hearing what I remembered. Mostly csa. The younger memories are fuzzier and I wrote down what I remembered.

I have something to write in it tonight, but I find it difficult to describe dissoc when it occurs. FT T described things that can be triggers- bigger things and small things like smells, feeling in a room, music, weather. Things that trigger trauma. I will get a new book tonight and begin my journal with this t (ft t- flat tire t).

I still dont know if I will leave a message tonight for friend's t to cancel or go to the appt and put my 2yo in school. I want to spend the day with her (my 2 yo) and I not sure I want to talk right now- I am stilll processing the things ft t told me. Maybe more input will confuse me.

[jexa]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

My t thought the jounaling would take up too much time. She thought 15 minutes was too long. She asked me how long and where I am and where my kids are when I write. I told her they were busy in the house and I was spending no more than 15 min unless they were asleep. I never gave her the impression my journaling was obsessive or negative or ruminating. I was writing down things to talk about in therapy with her or thoughts I had after a session. And memories I had when I was having trouble remembering childhood details. That was it.

Wow, I can't believe your therapist thought that was excessive! It sounds like your journal was very healthy for you, a very useful tool. It should have showed her that you were committed to the process and willing to put thought into your sessions. If she'd used your journal as the tool that it was, she could have used the information you share to a deeper advantage. But instead she tried to take it away from you. I guess that's just one piece of the big picture that tells you she wasn't the therapist for you.

I'm glad you looked elsewhere and didn't get stuck with her! I know how hard it is to "break up" with a therapist -- it feels like you're insulting them, hurting their feelings, after they listened and know all these secret things about you. It takes courage! So, nice move, way to go!

[BlueMoon6]

Originally Posted by jexa

Wow, I can't believe your therapist thought that was excessive! It sounds like your journal was very healthy for you, a very useful tool. It should have showed her that you were committed to the process and willing to put thought into your sessions. If she'd used your journal as the tool that it was, she could have used the information you share to a deeper advantage. But instead she tried to take it away from you. I guess that's just one piece of the big picture that tells you she wasn't the therapist for you.

I'm glad you looked elsewhere and didn't get stuck with her! I know how hard it is to "break up" with a therapist -- it feels like you're insulting them, hurting their feelings, after they listened and know all these secret things about you. It takes courage! So, nice move, way to go!

Thanks Jexa. I was always surprised at her attitude toward my writing. But I thought she knew better than I did
I do feel like Im breaking up with her. She knows all of these things about me, listened to me and cared and now Im being ungrateful by leaving. Even her secretary sounded funny on the phone today when I called to cancel a bunch of appts and said, "OK, moon,.....I'll tell her....." I felt bad, I liked her secretary, too.....

[jexa]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

Thanks Jexa. I was always surprised at her attitude toward my writing. But I thought she knew better than I did
I do feel like Im breaking up with her. She knows all of these things about me, listened to me and cared and now Im being ungrateful by leaving. Even her secretary sounded funny on the phone today when I called to cancel a bunch of appts and said, "OK, moon,.....I'll tell her....." I felt bad, I liked her secretary, too.....

Are you going to get any closure with this T? Will you need it? I know I would need closure..

[chaotic13]

Bluemoon,
It sounds like flat-tire t holds a lot of potential. As for wheither continue to shop around...I guess there is a point of diminished return where the effort it takes to "shop" just totally drains you. Only you will know if you can handle reviewing your mental health history with yet another stranger.

As for flat-tires specific training approach.... I say don't worry about it. When you were interacting with her she seemed to give you what you needed and seemed experienced and capable. That is all that matters. I've been with my t for over 2 yrs nows and when I read what people post about CBT, schematic therapy, EMDR, psychodynamic, holistic,... and what ever else there is out there... I still have a hard time classifying what my T does. I think once I referred to her as a constructivist. After this my T did mention that technically she has more training in behaviorist techniques but that she has also has taken courses and stuff in all kinds of treatment modalities. She mentioned that she had tried a few times to direct or lead me places my therapy but that offen I either couldn't or wouldn't (wasn't ready) to follow. Basically what she was saying was that she has a lot of formal and informal ways of getting people from point A to point B. I think most well trained T's don't just limit there treatment to one narrow textbook approach.

I think you are probably right about your desk T not really giving you helpful insight into why she treating you the way she was. But like Sunrise mentioned , it if were me I would be curious to know if her responses and treatment of your was based on some specific technique. If for no other reason then to know to avoid choosing another T that uses that technique. LOL Having said that... you indicated that you are kind of worn out from the T shopping experience, maybe it just best to let her go.

[rainbow8]

I just wanted to say that my T also discouraged me from journaling. She said that she recommends it to most people, but told me that I am already too introspective/obsessive about myself. I've kept a diary since I was 8 years old! I sort of replaced journaling with message boards like PC, but I never stopped processing my sessions in writing because writing to me is like breathing. I HAVE to do it.

BlueMoon--I have confidence in you that you will make the right decision for you about therapy. Either way, see the other T, or start out with flat tire T; you can always change your mind. I'm just so happy for you that flat tire T was so nice. You deserve a nice and competent T.

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I just wanted to say that my T also discouraged me from journaling. She said that she recommends it to most people, but told me that I am already too introspective/obsessive about myself. I've kept a diary since I was 8 years old! I sort of replaced journaling with message boards like PC, but I never stopped processing my sessions in writing because writing to me is like breathing. I HAVE to do it.

i had a friend give me a little pink diary with a lock when i was in junior high and i've kept a journal since then with some breaks at times. i'm like you in that i'm super introspective/analytical but i find journaling to be a total emotional release. once i am able to get the stuff down on paper somehow i feel so much better than just having it ruminating in my head. i think it if helps why not do it? that is my perspective.

BlueMoon--I have confidence in you that you will make the right decision for you about therapy. Either way, see the other T, or start out with flat tire T; you can always change your mind. I'm just so happy for you that flat tire T was so nice. You deserve a nice and competent T.

i totally agree.