[zooropa]

I've been seeing T twice weekly for year, once for individual sessions and once for skills training group as part of DBT. Even after all this time together, I still get so nervous before our sessions every Monday.

I had a dream last night about our session today, which is not unusual for me, it seems like I spend all week looking forward to our session but then as it gets closer & closer I am more & more anxious.

I just last week completed the skills training group so I won't be attending that any more, so I'll just be seeing T once a week now and I am really scared about that, so probably more anxious than usual this week, but just wondering if anyone else feels this way?

I really like T & it's nothing she does that makes me anxious, it's just the knowing I'm going to be there & have to be open & honest, it's so hard when I spend the rest of my time trying to be as invisible as possible. It's so hard to let her see me.

(((((((((((zooropa)))))))))))))

Yes, I used to feel SO anxious before session. I almost couldn't function on the day of the session because I was so nervous. I think you put it so well: "It's so hard to let her see me"

I've seen T 2x a week for two years, and I still get a *little* anxious, but NOTHING like I used to. I even look forward to going sometimes And sometimes I don't feel anything - just "oh, time to go!" and off I go. So, I think it gets better.

It does sound hard to give up that extra day of seeing her at group. Would it help to add some extra individual session while you adjust to the change??

[ngold004]

I get extrememly anxious before sessions. I think I actually get hypomanic. I can't sleep, I have nightmares, and I plan everything I'm going to say. I do a lot of "what if" scenarios...meaning, what if they say this, how would I respond. I definately have a difficult time.

I've been seeing T twice weekly for year, once for individual sessions and once for skills training group as part of DBT. Even after all this time together, I still get so nervous before our sessions every Monday.

Going to therapy and being ourselves in front of T is certainly not easy! I also have therapy on Mondays - I've been going almost 7 months now (wow, it doesn't feel like that long!), and I still get nervous before every session, to varying degrees. Today, I am very nervous, because I had to miss last week's session, and I have some really difficult things to discuss. But the great thing is that once I'm in the room with T, that nervous feeling tends to go away - maybe not immediately, but soon after I go in there.

I hope you have a great session!

[rainbow8]

Yes!! I don't have time to write more now, but I've seen my T for 6 years plus, and I still get anxious. I'm seeing her tomorrow, and I'm jittery. I am fine when I start talking. I think it's common.

Originally Posted by zooropa

it seems like I spend all week looking forward to our session but then as it gets closer & closer I am more & more anxious.

***

I really like T & it's nothing she does that makes me anxious, it's just the knowing I'm going to be there & have to be open & honest

***

It's so hard to let her see me.

Hi Zooropa, Yes, I think this is perfectly normal. In fact, I could have written many of those exact things myself when I first started therapy. I used to get so anxious, like having a physiological reaction, before every single session. It took me a LONG time, but now it doesn't get like that for me. I feel so much more calm about it. I think the answer is just time and getting to know each other and having had worked through difficult stuff together enough that you know everything will be OK no matter what you share with her. Good luck -- I think it will get easier with time.

[jexa]

Yes!!! You are not alone! Sometimes I'm so anxious the day before sessions I'm practically nonfunctional. It SUCKS. AGH.

[chaotic13]

Spent my whole fisrt year of therapy trying to get my anxiety regarding therapy under control. For a while I was even taking a short- quick acting beta-blocker right before my sessions. It took me a really long time but, I am MUCH, MUCH better. Still get some pre-session butterflies but, nothing like I used to have.Keep working at it.

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by treehouse

(((((((((((zooropa)))))))))))))


It does sound hard to give up that extra day of seeing her at group. Would it help to add some extra individual session while you adjust to the change??

thanks, everyone, I feel a lot better knowing it's not just me! I feel like I spend all week looking forward to our sessions but as it gets closer I have more and more anxiety, and then by the time I get there I'm almost incapable of opening up.

I wish I had the option of seeing T more often during this adjustment time but she has never offered that to me. Even in our session today she didn't address the issue of me not being in group anymore, which is a HUGE change for me and something I had hoped we could talk about, but other things kept coming up and soon we were out of time.

I told her today that I don't know if she knows how hard it is for me, that I just want to be invisible & it's so hard for me to come in there and let her see me. That was a huge step for me, to say something that deeply personal to her. I don't know how it felt to HER but it was important to me to say that.

anyway, thanks again, everyone!

Originally Posted by zooropa

.

I wish I had the option of seeing T more often during this adjustment time but she has never offered that to me.

Could you ask her?? I realized about a month or two into my therapy that once a week wasn't going to work for me - at least not at the beginning - and I asked if I could come twice. And he said that some people find twice a week helpful, and that I could certainly come twice a week. And I've been going twice a week for two years now

I have learned in T that it is REALLY okay to ask about things like that. We won't get in trouble, and the worst thing that can happen is that T will say "no, that won't work". The best thing that can happen is that we will get our needs met!!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by zooropa

....I told her today that I don't know if she knows how hard it is for me, that I just want to be invisible & it's so hard for me to come in there and let her see me. That was a huge step for me, to say something that deeply personal to her.

hi Z, welcome to PC.

Good job being very courageous and open with yr T! I hope she responded with something that was helpful to you?

[polarsmom]

I get extremely anxious every time. I try to keep my brain occupied with other stuff the day of my sessions and I do alright until I get to my appointment. Then I am a wreck. I told my T about it. I felt I had to because he probably thought I was high on something because my hands would be literally shaking. There are times when it will take all I've got to actually stay seated! I get really restless. I was assured that this is normal.

My T pointed to the little stress ball/toys that are on the shelf. Suggested trying one. That that is why he has them. OMG...... it helps so much! At first I was like, what the heck is that supposed to do to help me relax? But that stupid little stretchy ball calms me. I am able to talk and actually get something accomplished while I focus on that toy. So now I walk in, grab one and sit down. I am fidgetting with it for almost the whole session. When I am in the waiting room BEFORE a session I end up texting like crazy. I do plan to get my own stress ball or something to use before sessions and other times when my anxiety levels are high.

Does your T have any stress balls or toys for patients? Maybe that would help you too.

Polarsmom, that's a great idea! I also tend to fidget with something (usually a hair tie that I have on my wrist, otherwise rings), and I think it does help. Maybe I'll have to look into one of those stress balls.

Polarsmom, that is a great idea!

Lately when I've cried in a session, if I grab a tissue, I play with it in my hands until it's all crumpled up.

If I'm in the waiting room and really nervous, I play some game on my iPhone.

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

hi Z, welcome to PC.

Good job being very courageous and open with yr T! I hope she responded with something that was helpful to you?

she just said "see you how?" and I had to think about that for a minute. I said "see how I really feel & my emotions & thoughts, just everything" and she didn't say anything else about that as far as I remember. So, no, she didn't really respond very helpfully but I still felt better for having been able to say that to her.

I don't think she might have realized how huge it was for me, a lot of times I can look "ok" on the outside when inside I'm a complete wreck. It's this problem of my outsides not matching up with my insides. So maybe she has no idea how hard it has been for me to come in there each Mon for the past year & sit with my heart wide open.

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by polarsmom

Does your T have any stress balls or toys for patients? Maybe that would help you too.

I've had the same experience of my hands being shaky, and also texting like crazy while I wait to go into the session, that kind of made me laugh because I do that every week just about.

I used to sit & just dig my nails into my hands or arms but once T realized I was doing that & saw the marks I was leaving on myself from my nails she pointed out all the stress "toys" she has, too. A lot of times she will hand me silly putty, that stuff is great because you can tear and rip it or pull it or squeeze it, whatever. She also has koosh balls & stress balls & all kinds of stuff.

I have started my own little collection of "toys" here at home & keep some in my purse, too, after finding out in session how helpful that can me, although the 1st time I was like, why would she give me silly putty to hold, I'm not one of her adolescent clients, I don't need that. I learned.

I'd be interested to know what kinds of stress toys people use, I wonder if we should start another thread for that?

[BlueMoon6]

Hi Zoo! I used to get very anxious before my appts with my previous therapist (dt). SO anxiouw that, like Jexa said, my day was wrecked. That was shy I wanted a morning appt, so it was only the morning that was wrecked. Actually, if I had a monday appt, Id start getting nervous thursday or so....then again increaase nervousness on sat night thru sunday. Sounds weird....maybe thinking about t was actually a way of avoiding what was really going on with me (???).
Anyway, with my new therapist (ftt) I dont fnd mysefl so nervous before session, I always have things to talk about and it seems that if I am scared or go silent, ftt knows what to do. Maybe (for mem I dont if you feel the same) I feel some kind of trust in ftt that the session will go as it is meant to go and there is less pressure on me- I can just "Be myself." With dt, I felt "pressured" to come up with the right "problems" to work on and, especially, to come up with the right "repsonses" and emotions. This was coming from me, but I dont think she made it a safe enough enviromnent for me. So, I was very nervous before therapy. I didnt feel safe enough to open up and, as you said, let her "see me".

[moonrise]

Yeah, I do, some days more than others. And some times I just want to run away and not see my T because I get so scared.

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by BlueMoon6

With dt, I felt "pressured" to come up with the right "problems" to work on and, especially, to come up with the right "repsonses" and emotions. This was coming from me, but I dont think she made it a safe enough enviromnent for me. So, I was very nervous before therapy. I didnt feel safe enough to open up and, as you said, let her "see me".

that is interesting, I'm not sure if that's what's going on with me but I am going to think about it, thank you so much for that! I'm glad you're with a T you trust & feel safe with now.

I do think I trust my T, but when I look back, there have been many things that have happened over the past year to break my trust with her, so maybe I just WANT to trust her, but don't really? And that inner conflict could certainly lead to more anxiety. I need to sit with this & see what comes up.

[polarsmom]

I'd be interested to know what kinds of stress toys people use, I wonder if we should start another thread for that?

My favorite stress toys are the stretchy balls. My favorite one is called a thredz- Flex Fettuccine. I play with that darn thing like it's a yo-yo most of the time. I tried a squishy ball, but it didn't help. Maybe if I was angry that would help relieve some aggression. To help with anxiety I needed something that I could fidget with a bit more. I also like the slinky. I like the sound it makes when I rock it back and forth. Kinda soothing.

I think I feel anxious before sessions because I am afraid of what we will talk about and what emotions will surface. I feel like when I actually say stuff out loud to someone else it makes it real. I have to deal with it right then. I don't get to push it aside. Sometimes it scares me and sometimes it just hurts like hell.

[mixedup_emotions]

I absolutely have the anxiety before seeing T, especially when I'm dealing with a crisis or when I am concerned about trying to figure out what to talk about....

I also have a lot of trouble with sharing, being open and honest about my feelings, experiences, etc. I can either talk about experiences "matter of factly", emotionally unattached....or I can't talk about them at all, because I just can't speak when I'm emotionally attached for fear of losing control, feeling things I don't want to feel....

...and I also hate the feeling of being "analyzed" like a lab rat, like he knows something about me that I don't know - or that he's going to figure me out before I do....and that it's going to be bad....

UGH. Sometimes I hate therapy.

[zooropa]

Originally Posted by mixedup_emotions

...and I also hate the feeling of being "analyzed" like a lab rat, like he knows something about me that I don't know - or that he's going to figure me out before I do....and that it's going to be bad....

UGH. Sometimes I hate therapy.

that's a big part of it for me, too. I feel like she's analyzing every single thing (which, she IS, duh! lol!) and I get so freaked out. If I wear this, what will that mean to her? If I paint my nails, will she think ___? If I don't, will she think ____? Everything from what I wear, what time I arrive, how I sit on the couch, every word I say and how I say it...it's agonizing for me to feel like I'm being so closely observed, when what I really want to do is be invisible.

[velcro003]

Yeah, i've been going for almost 2 years and STILL get nervous butterflies/stomachaches before. every. session. It is just ANNOYING now. On days when I'm actually nervous about something--that is to be expected (like tomorrow! gah!), but not for times when I'm not. It makes no sense.