[tryingtobeme]

Well after 3 1/2 years of therapy, I feel that I have got all that I can from my T. I love my T. He has been great for me. I would love to stay and see him every week if I could. I feel so attached to him. I like him because he is the one person that sits and listens to me and what I have to say with no judgement and helps me through things. I have not had the confidence to be like this with anyone else. Not even my husband.

I am really feeling this need though that one, we just keep going over things that we already have only from a different view or we do it to get me centered again. I'm trying to say that I know what he wants me to do, how to help myself in those times, but I don't. I don't b/c if I do then I am better and don't need T as much. How crazy does that sound? I don't want to loose/leave my T.

I still have this problem of feeling I need him to be like a father to me since I never had one that didn't abuse me. In reality, my life is very good without my real father. But I have T to go to every week, sometimes more than once.

I know I certainly want to taper the sessions and just not up and quit since that will bring up so many abandonment bells. This way we can work through all that. I am so scared though to even tell T this. Everytime we even get close to talk about this I freak out, feel I am abandoned all ready by him. It turns me upside down emotionally.

I know that I can do more things on my own but again, I do that then T dumps me. So I use him as much as I can. I call when I can even get just a little help from him. Sometimes I call him just because I know his voice will calm me down when I should be using the strateriges that I have learned and developed with him.

T doesn't know how deep these feelings of leaving go. He doesn't know that I feel I can do more on my own. I am so messed up for thinking this way. I know I am. I just can lose him though. Maybe I should say I can not leave him, ever in my mind.

Any thoughts? Suggestions? Every week after session I realize T is always right, and he is for the most part. Then I feel guilty for even going to T anymore. Has anyone gone through this? Does anyone know how I feel? I feel very wrong for all these feelings, like I am violating some rule or law or something. I feel so wrong.

[rainbow8]

Yes, I've gone through it several times. I call myself a therapy addict because I never want to leave! But I did terminate with a few Ts for different reasons and it was never easy. I agree that the best way is gradually.

First, I would suggest bringing it up with your T. Does he think you're ready to cut down sessions? Also, it's been brought up lately that you can be healthy and functional but still continue therapy. Therapy is growth, and we are all growing. When I terminated with my last T, we cut down sessions very gradually. Actually, I didn't want to do it but had to for financial reasons. It worked well to see her every other week, then every 3 weeks, then monthy after about a year. It took a long time. Then, every few months. She told me that I could see her every few months for "maintenance" and that it would be good for me. Not all Ts agree to that kind of policy, but maybe yours will. It turned out that I am now seeing another T weekly again, but that's another story.

You're certainly not violating any therapy law by continuing to see your T! It sounds like you still need him, and aren't ready to cut down yet. But, I really think that if you bring up the idea with him it will be quite productive. You can determine together what is the best course for you.

[Melbadaze]

I use to struggle with therapy and paying for it, take the money out of our household budget, nadanadana...now I get so much from therapy and my life has changed and have no doubts its something I needed to do for myself and I will decide if and when I'm ready to finish. I still get so much from it and now I'm past the earliest part of story telling and drama, I get even more out of it.

[Hope4joy]

This is a topic that is pretty near and dear to my heart so I hope you don't mind me chiming in. I really relate to all the things you are feeling here and after 2 years of therapy, I terminated last Spring. I count myself among the lucky to have a wonderful T that I am very attached to.

After about a month and a half, I went back. It's not that I wasn't doing ok, I was. I just had some big things going on in my life and I missed her guidance and support. Sure enough, we're about 3 months into it again and it's been very healing for me.

I'll never "terminate" again. What is more comfortable for me is to call on her when I need her, knowing that I can handle a lot on my own from what she has taught me. I agree with Rainbow, talk with him about your feelings. I felt so much pressure about the "ending" when in fact, her door was never shut. It's good to review what has transpired, talk about what you have learned, ways you've grown etc. but I think it's also ok to say I want to try some time on my own. It's so hard when we are attached to our T's.

I got so headstrong about terminating and going it on my own I didn't really listen to how she felt about it. I wish I had. That being said, we picked right up and now I am truly moving into maintenance mode. It works for me to know I can go back. It doesn't have to be forever (of course unless there are other issues which do happen).

Good luck.

[Verbascum]

The maintenance thing from rainbow8 sounds like a good option, if you like your T so much.

I have soms huge problems with my T and seriously consider terminating. I tried to talk about it last session before vacation, but she changed the subject twice. So I feel like if I terminate, I will have to do it all by myself.

But in your case it's you who's afraid of talking about termination? Can you be ready to stop, if you're actually not even ready to talk about it?

[sittingatwatersedge]

hi TTBM, nice to hear from you.

this was my whole thought

Originally Posted by Verbascum

Can you be ready to stop, if you're actually not even ready to talk about it?

well, one additional thought, which is that yr T sounds wonderful for you, and is not goiing to dump you. I bet T would feel gratified and happy to hear that there are things you can now do on your own; but when you are really ready to terminate, you will know it.

I say that because from time to time I think to myself "I'm done" and at same time I know, deep down, that I am nowhere near it!

wishing you great peace

[WikidPissah]

I don't think there is a T cut off point, or rule of when you need to stop. You said a few things that I totally get. If it's getting monotonous, and you are covering the same thing every week, maybe cutting back to every other week or just taking a 2 week break may help. I can tell you aren't ready to terminate yet, and you really don't have to until you are ready.

[tryingtobeme]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I agree that the best way is gradually. First, I would suggest bringing it up with your T. Does he think you're ready to cut down sessions? When I terminated with my last T, we cut down sessions very gradually. It worked well to see her every other week, then every 3 weeks, then monthy after about a year. It took a long time. Then, every few months. She told me that I could see her every few months for "maintenance" and that it would be good for me. Not all Ts agree to that kind of policy, But, I really think that if you bring up the idea with him it will be quite productive. You can determine together what is the best course for you.

Thanks Rainbow. I will certainly need to do it gradually and I was kind of thinking the same way as you did it. I think that would be so much easier since I have very very strong abandonment issues. When he leaves even for a day, it gets me so worked up thinking he's left me for good. So gradually will probably be the best way for me. I know I do need to talk more openly to him about it. I've been wanting to, I guess I am just trying to avoid the situation. That is what I do when I am really scared.

Thank you Melbadaze. I am hoping I will get more out of it by trying to do more on my own when I know I can. I just don't tell T that because I don't want him to leave.

Originally Posted by Hope4joy

After about a month and a half, I went back. It's not that I wasn't doing ok, I was. I just had some big things going on in my life and I missed her guidance and support. Sure enough, we're about 3 months into it again and it's been very healing for me.

I know my T would take me back if I needed to when I did terminate or taper sessions. We have briefly talked about it. He said that I could always come back. Kinda of like your's, the door is never shut. I can always come back if thinkgs are not going well. I guess I feel that I will have failed if I need to go back to see him or any T.

I got so headstrong about terminating and going it on my own I didn't really listen to how she felt about it. I wish I had. That being said, we picked right up and now I am truly moving into maintenance mode. It works for me to know I can go back. It doesn't have to be forever

Hearing this makes me want to listen to him even more. I do believe him most of the time, but I just never let him see that as I stated before. But very good way of looking at it and I think so true.

[tryingtobeme]

Originally Posted by Verbascum

I have soms huge problems with my T and seriously consider terminating. I tried to talk about it last session before vacation, but she changed the subject twice. So I feel like if I terminate, I will have to do it all by myself.

Verbascum, thank you. It sounds like your T just wants to ignore the fact that you don't feel comfortable there. I think you should terminate just by you saying what you did. I hope you can either confront her and she listens or give yourself the better option and terminate and find another T. Good luck to you.

[tryingtobeme]

Originally Posted by sittingatwatersedge

well, one additional thought, which is that yr T sounds wonderful for you, and is not going to dump you. I bet T would feel gratified and happy to hear that there are things you can now do on your own; but when you are really ready to terminate, you will know it.
I say that because from time to time I think to myself "I'm done" and at same time I know, deep down, that I am nowhere near it!
wishing you great peace

Thank you sittingatwatersedge. You make very good points here. I know my T would be happy to hear all the good things that I have accomplished. The few little things I have told him, he has been very proud of me. Even just the tiniest things. He really is geunily concered about his patient and even gets emotional when bad things start happened or are happening to them. Thank you again.

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

If it's getting monotonous, and you are covering the same thing every week

Sometimes it really seems this way. Others it doesn't.

[/quote]I can tell you aren't ready to terminate yet, and you really don't have to until you are ready.[/quote]

This is true that I don't have to, but I do feel a burden on him also. I'm just really confused. So many feelings around this.

[Middman]

I would just go less often until you can finally break away. It got to the point where when I asked advice, I already knew there answer, When that happens, its time to stop. But if you have the disposable Income it takes to keep on paying,and it makes you feel good, Keep going. Also think about other ways you could make yourself happy with the Money you would spend on going. A little has to do with age also, I think, I was much older when I realized, I just about know everything they could possibly say. And mature enough to stop. That's just me though, Also you can get addicted to therapy and such. No Joke! Its the Idea you can say anything,ask anything,Tell your deepest dark secrets to,and they cant tell! Very few people in real life has a friend that would do that for free, Anyway good Luck!

[tryingtobeme]

Thank you Middman. I can answer my questions with what my T would say. I know that is a sign that I don't need him telling me what I can do to help myself. Actually he makes me tell him what I need to do. Sometimes it takes awhile to get there but we always end up me coming up with the solution. I think that is good though. How will I ever learn if I am not asked to do it myself. Right?

[chaotic13]

A part of me has been hear for a while now. But other aspects of me still seem to benefit from it. At this point I'm planning on doing the taper off method. One thing that is in the back of my mind about quitting is how am I going to do it in a way that conveys how grateful I am for all that she has done for me.

[pachyderm]

If you can manage to turn your T into a bad guy inside your head, it probably will be easier to end therapy. You know, sort of like with the Iraqis: if they hate you, it will be easier for them to tell you to go to... Then they will have to depend on themselves.

[Verbascum]

Originally Posted by pachyderm

If you can manage to turn your T into a bad guy inside your head, it probably will be easier to end therapy.

Yeah I try that every day now I have to decide whether to quit therapy or not!

The problem is that the good and the bad are about equal. When I think of how gentle my T is with my dissociation, I'm very sure I want to stay.
When I think about everything else she did (everything else! which is a lot!) then I decide to quit as soon as possible.

I try to convince myself to focus on the bad things as you say, Pachyderm, but when the dissociation comes up... well, I guess I just dissociate on this decision too

[WePow]

Trying - sorry I am late to this thread. But this is something I have talked about with my T. Some of us NEED a person who we can depend on to always be there for us. My T has his own T. My T has told me that he doesn't go in to see his T unless he needs to do so. So he may go months without seeing his T. Then something may happen and he will need to see his T twice in one week. Then he can go for months again without the need for a session. But the good thing is that his T is always there for him. He finally has someone in his life who he trusts to be there when he needs that person there.

Thankfully, my T is kinda working on being that type of T for me. I am still afraid that he will dump me or hate me or expect me to make a go of it alone. But that is just my fear. I feel that if I am willing to do the work, that my T can become my "life T" ... that anchor person.

Have you thought about setting up something with your T where you can come in only when you need to do so?

[tryingtobeme]

Pachyderm and Verbascum.

This is just wrong and horrible to think this. You should never think of your T as a bad guy/person, whatever. I would never want to do that to anyone. Even if I had a T who I thought was bad at being a T. I don't even know what more to say about your posts other than it is absolutly absurd to think this way.

Originally Posted by pachyderm

If you can manage to turn your T into a bad guy inside your head, it probably will be easier to end therapy. You know, sort of like with the Iraqis: if they hate you, it will be easier for them to tell you to go to... Then they will have to depend on themselves.

Originally Posted by Verbascum

Yeah I try that every day now I have to decide whether to quit therapy or not!

The problem is that the good and the bad are about equal. When I think of how gentle my T is with my dissociation, I'm very sure I want to stay.
When I think about everything else she did (everything else! which is a lot!) then I decide to quit as soon as possible.

I try to convince myself to focus on the bad things as you say, Pachyderm, but when the dissociation comes up... well, I guess I just dissociate on this decision too

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by tryingtobeme

Pachyderm and Verbascum.

This is just wrong and horrible to think this. You should never think of your T as a bad guy/person, whatever. I would never want to do that to anyone. Even if I had a T who I thought was bad at being a T. I don't even know what more to say about your posts other than it is absolutly absurd to think this way.

I did have a in my post... Still...

[tryingtobeme]

Originally Posted by WePow

Have you thought about setting up something with your T where you can come in only when you need to do so?

Thank you WePOw. I think this is an opion. He's mentioned several time about me coming back if I ever needed once I do stor poing.

[rainbow8]

I'm just wondering when you see your T next. I hope you'll start to discuss your conflicting feelings about ending therapy so that you and T can work together on resolving them.

[tryingtobeme]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm just wondering when you see your T next. I hope you'll start to discuss your conflicting feelings about ending therapy so that you and T can work together on resolving them.

I see T tonight Rainbow. We have some unresolve feelings and emotions from last week. Also he is going to be out of town the rest of this week and I hate to start this conversation when I know it throws me on an emotional train wreck. I could always call him but I really hate to do that when he is away.

I plan to do it next week though as long as we can clear some open issues tonight which I think we can.

Thank you for your concern.

[tryingtobeme]

Hi Rainbow and everyone else who has been following this issues in the "Prayer's for brain scan needed". That one is offically closed so I will continue in here since we already started talking about it here.

I saw T last night. I wanted so much to bring up these issues of ending therapy, when, how, tapering sessions, and overall how this will work and if I am really ready. I just couldn't. He is gone the rest of this week.

I already feel some abandonment feelings since he is out of town this week. I know that is crazy and I shouldn't feel that way. I guess abandonment is a very strong feeling I have right now.

I know I need to bring this up with T next monday. I felt like I didn't want to talk about anything else in there except my feelings of ending. Buy am I really ready??? I am not very sure myself. Then again maybe even going every two weeks would help me see that I can get through things, that is if I even make it 2 weeks. I am very unsure and scared right now.

I'm trying really hard to keep all the abandonment feelings contained. I know my T will be back, but it can be hard.

[Perna]

Originally Posted by tryingtobeme

T doesn't know how deep these feelings of leaving go. He doesn't know that I feel I can do more on my own. I am so messed up for thinking this way. I know I am.

I think you would be surprised at what your T does/does not know/suspect. You aren't his first client and I know lots of people, myself included, who have felt the way you are describing. You're not messed up for thinking what you think; you're working hard at therapy and testing and trying new things, etc.; it doesn't happen like that, one day you wake up and are "ready" to leave T. It's as hard as anything you are going through now, but not harder than you can do when the time comes.