Do you ever feel like non-therapy people just don't get it? It seems they don't get what the big deal is and why we struggle so much being in therapy. They don't understand how hard this is or why we are up and down with our emotions concerning our therapist. It's like they think, "If it bothers you so much, then why are you going?"

I wish it were that easy. But it's not! I would say that just about every week, I tell myself I am not going back. That is ridiculous! Why can't we get past this? What is it about therapy that has us hooked, yet has us running away at the same time?

I know it is about our emotions that we are not comfortable with. It is about facing things that we have pushed down to avoid feeling the pain and hurt they cause.

I just want to get to a place where I am comfortable saying, "I am in therapy and that's okay." I am not really there, yet. Some days I am, some days I am not. I want to STOP thinking about it all the time. I want to STOP worrying about what my therapist thinks about me, or if I am doing stupid things in therapy, or if I am making a fool of myself, or if I am doing this just for attention.

Why can't I go to my appointments, come home and not think about anything until the next appointment? Why is it constantly on my mind? I want to STOP doing this, but I can't.

[with or without you]

Yes, I know what you're saying. I don't tell many people I'm in therapy. One friend did tell me that she thought it took a strong sort of person to go to therapy, I thought that was kind of her.

[cutebagaddict08]

Yes it is hard for people not in therapy to understand what a struggle (good and bad) it is to be in therapy. I'm still not comfortable with people knowing I am going (My husband, my mom, my sister, and two best friends know....but I am not comfortable with any other friends or family knowning yet.) and although these people know.....I feel at times that they don't really understand what I am going through.... (when I told my one best friend, I learned that she also is going to therpay;so we do support one another in that area when others don't understand.)
Yes, it is hard to go to a session, and then leave and try to forget all this hard issues that were brought up. I feel sometimes my mind races more after a session because now I'm thinking of all these new feelings (some good/some bad.)

[Broom Hilda]

No, I can't imagine anybody who hasn't been through therapy having any idea what we're going through. I don't tell anybody about it. It's nothing to be ashamed of, yet I don't want anybody to know.
I have the same obsessive thoughts and worries. I think a lot of people in therapy do. Isn't it funny how every feeling about therapy is classified as "normal". It doesn't matter what I say to my T it's "normal".I think you and I may be in the same boat. The hook for me is the unconditional acceptance and care. It's like a drug. I just keep hoping the end result is worth the time spent having therapy occupying my mind. I've decided I'm too invested to quit now. Or so I say. I know I could never walk away from that care. Rumor has it that it gets better in time and it's the road to recovery. Hmm... I'm not so sure that was supportive. Maybe I'm best as a lurker, lol. But I do understand where you are coming from. I hope you get things figured out.

[rainbow8]

Yeah, I can relate to these feelings, Squiggle! I don't tell too many people I'm in therapy. I feel weird, I guess embarrassed about it, especially being in it so many years. It's another world and I agree that only those in it too, understand.

Who'd ever think we'd need a whole forum on therapy? LOL. Not so funny, but why can't we just do it and not have to struggle with it, analyze it to pieces, etc. Why is it so difficult? Some people don't agonize over therapy so much. I think those of us who need/want the intimacy/love we get from our Ts are the ones who struggle the most. If I just didn't CARE so much about my T I'd be better off. If we didn't HAVE to have a relationship and get to know each other so well. It's the "agony and the ecstasy" to me. It's crazy, as others have said. Therapy takes on a life of its own.

I think I tried to explain about this forum to my T, how popular it is and how much there is to talk about therapy. She sort of understood because she's been in therapy too.

I wish therapy weren't constantly on my mind also. It takes over, and shouldn't. My Ts have told me that. Therapy is important but is not your whole life. But the feelings are so strong. I understand, Squiggle. Wish I had a solution, though.

[Sweetlove]

I would love to just go to my appointments, come home, and not think about anything till my next appointment!!!! I'm so sick of thinking about T and therapy. Don't get me wrong, I love my T and therapy, but sometimes I feel like its taking over my life.

To answer your question, I really don't care who knows I'm in therapy...I pretty much tell everyone. But, there are those people who don't get it AT ALL. They think therapy is a bunch of crap...and therapists need more help than their clients (some do). So, I don't disclose much about what I'm working on or my core issues. Some people just don't understand why I would need such help...oh, if they only knew.

I guess I'm different. I don't spend much time worrying about my relationship with my t. I don't spend a lot of time analyzing everything he says and does. I just don't worry about those things.

I don't talk about my therapy with outsiders much. Mainly because why would the subject come up in normal conversation. I don't hide it either. It just doesn't come up.

What I do do is think about what we are discussing in my therapy. I journal about it and then I'm able to put it aside, live my life, and wait until the next time I see my t.

I guess I just don't stress about my therapy. My life outside of his office is busy and stressful enough. I don't worry about my sessions between sessions.

When I do need my therapist between sessions, I have no qualms about calling him, scheduling an additional session or talking to him on the phone. I rest in the knowledge that he is there for me with consistency. Ours is a calm, trustful, consistent relationship that I really trust entirely.

I feel bad for those of you that struggle so much with your relationships with your t's. I wish for you that you could just trust in that relationship and not have all the ruptures. If your t's are worth their weight, you can trust them to be looking out for your welfare and not spend so much energy worrying about that. And I do think they are worth their weight, but you have to learn to trust in that.

[Melbadaze]

Oh its irrelavant whether others understand, I've realised theres a lot of people that could do with therapy that will never enter therapy and I just feel grateful my journey has taken me where it has. I've often said to T that I am so grateful I will not go to my final resting place being the screwed up person I started out being, if others dont choose to "examine" their lifes then thats their choice.

Thats for the not wanting to think about things between sessions, thinking is the greatest gift we have and we cannot change unless we think about it. Perhaps the wanting others to understand, and believe me some in therapy dont understand, is perhaps about your own inner battles?? because what others think is no longer any of my business, what I think is what I care about.

[deliquesce]

I feel bad for those of you that struggle so much with your relationships with your t's. I wish for you that you could just trust in that relationship and not have all the ruptures. If your t's are worth their weight, you can trust them to be looking out for your welfare and not spend so much energy worrying about that. And I do think they are worth their weight, but you have to learn to trust in that.

for me, this is specifically what my therapy involves - learning to trust, giving me practice etc. if i "just" trusted my T, i wouldn't be gaining any headway on my issues -- i wouldn't learn what is ok and not ok in the 'real world', how to cope with my trust in someone being shattered, learning what my boundaries are etc.

i wonder if the reason we are different, farmergirl, is that trust isn't a general issue in your daily living? i have BIG trust issues. it's the number one thing i need to work on - prevents me from having close relationships, being vulnerable, asking for help etc.

as for other people knowing - i don't typically tell anyone unless it comes up, but given that i'm studying psych & on a fairly restricted diet because of my meds, a lot of ppl ask me about it (but never in depth). i don't agonise over it with other people though, i use PC for that .

[elliemay]

Originally Posted by farmergirl

I guess I'm different. I don't spend much time worrying about my relationship with my t. I don't spend a lot of time analyzing everything he says and does. I just don't worry about those things.

I don't talk about my therapy with outsiders much. Mainly because why would the subject come up in normal conversation. I don't hide it either. It just doesn't come up.

What I do do is think about what we are discussing in my therapy. I journal about it and then I'm able to put it aside, live my life, and wait until the next time I see my t.

I guess I just don't stress about my therapy. My life outside of his office is busy and stressful enough. I don't worry about my sessions between sessions.

When I do need my therapist between sessions, I have no qualms about calling him, scheduling an additional session or talking to him on the phone. I rest in the knowledge that he is there for me with consistency. Ours is a calm, trustful, consistent relationship that I really trust entirely.

I feel bad for those of you that struggle so much with your relationships with your t's. I wish for you that you could just trust in that relationship and not have all the ruptures. If your t's are worth their weight, you can trust them to be looking out for your welfare and not spend so much energy worrying about that. And I do think they are worth their weight, but you have to learn to trust in that.

No, I don't think you are that different.

I'm like that now with my therapist and it's a lot of peace. It took some time to get there and, as you indicated, I had to learn how to trust in things.

Learning that was one of the most important things for my progress. I'm not an innate truster, but am so much better at it now in general.

I do think about things between sessions, I call whenever I need to and do a lot of work - in fact most of the work - between our scheduled times.

For me, it's been an overwhelming positive experience in my life. I really don't care what others think or understand about it.

Originally Posted by elliemay

No, I don't think you are that different.

I'm like that now with my therapist and it's a lot of peace. .

Oh, that's a great description -- peace. I like that.

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

I just want to get to a place where I am comfortable saying, "I am in therapy and that's okay."

Shame maybe?

I want to STOP worrying about what my therapist thinks about me, or if I am doing stupid things in therapy, or if I am making a fool of myself, or if I am doing this just for attention.

You want to be perfect?

Why can't I go to my appointments, come home and not think about anything until the next appointment?

Maybe because you are a doer and you want things fixed ASAP?

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

Why can't I go to my appointments, come home and not think about anything until the next appointment?

um..... because that's what therapy is all about, and you are doing well?

don't worry so much. Boy that's easy for me to say isn't it.

>>>>>> It's like they think, "If it bothers you so much, then why are you going?" [....] What is it about therapy that has us hooked, yet has us running away at the same time?

You can ***** about your job every day, but it doesn't mean you want to leave; it just means there are things you would change if you could.
You can ***** about your spouse, but it doesn't mean that you don't love them; having the other drive you a little crazy is part of the package, part of the fee you pay for closeness.

MY T said that she thinks those who come to therapy are very courageous people. Therapy is difficult work, painful work; of course we long to run away from it; but we don't go back because of being "hooked", can that be the right word? Or rather that we can start to see the benefits that come from it and they are so precious that we go back even if the work is hard, and painful, and others do not understand, even if they belittle us.
My own $0.02

Sannah responses in orange
Squiggles responses in purple

Originally Posted by Squiggle328
I just want to get to a place where I am comfortable saying, "I am in therapy and that's okay."

Shame maybe? Not sure it is shame. I just feel like something is WRONG with me that I am in therapy. Why am I so different? What can't I deal with life?

I want to STOP worrying about what my therapist thinks about me, or if I am doing stupid things in therapy, or if I am making a fool of myself, or if I am doing this just for attention.

You want to be perfect? I don't view myself as a perfectionist. I don't like to be embarrassed or humiliated. If I am doing something I think is the right way, and then find out that I have been doing it all wrong, that makes me feel like a fool.

I have always been 'different'. One who thinks outside the box. Never been able to be a 'cookie cutter' type of person. My therapist tells me that this is what makes me so unique, and I should embrace that about myself. She sees it as a good thing and wants me to explore why I seem to view it negatively.

She questions why I allow others to take away my power and why I don't stand up for myself and my beliefs. Why do I allow other's opinions overpower mine?

Why can't I go to my appointments, come home and not think about anything until the next appointment?
Maybe because you are a doer and you want things fixed ASAP? That may very well be the case. I am impatient. This causes anxiety, which causes fear. I don't like feeling like that, so I scramble to find the answers myself. I want it fixed now, so that I can move on. I do not like to be stuck in neutral. I guess I don't like to sit with an emotion or feeling? [/quote]
__________________

[ladyjrnlist]

Therapy is ongoing inside our heads even after the appointments are over.

[WikidPissah]

I don't tell many people I am in T. I don't really gripe much about it either. I need to have an agenda though, I have found that out. If I don't know for sure what we'll be talking about then I get really anxious.

I do have a hard time worrying about what T thinks of me. I need him to tell me he doesn't think I am a freak...a lot. lol. But he obliges, when I leave his office and when he responds to email, he always says it... "I don't think you're a freak, Eileen". Silly how a little phrase calms my fears for several days.

Originally Posted by Eileen2010

I need to have an agenda though, I have found that out. If I don't know for sure what we'll be talking about then I get really anxious.

I do have a hard time worrying about what T thinks of me. I need him to tell me he doesn't think I am a freak...a lot. lol. But he obliges, when I leave his office and when he responds to email, he always says it... "I don't think you're a freak, Eileen". Silly how a little phrase calms my fears for several days.

Lately, I always bring my journal notes with me. It does ease my anxiety and my therapist sees it as a positive thing for me to do. It works very well for both of us.

I also need for her to reassure me that I am not weird, strange, odd, or a freak! She is always telling me to stop labeling myself with such negative things. She reminds me that I have to learn that nothing I do or say in therapy is anything to be ashamed of, and I need to stop worrying that I am the only one who thinks or acts that way.

She replied to an email today and said, "You need to do what YOU need to do to heal. Even if YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE who does it that way!!"

She went on to say that as long as I am not harming myself in anyway, or doing anything that she feels is not in my best interest, I should go with my gut feeling and do what I feel to do. She is there as my guide, not as a person who dictates what I should or shouldn't do.

Now I have to believe that she means what she says, and go for it!

[Suratji]

Now I have to believe that she means what she says, and go for it![/quote]

Yes! Believe and trust! We who go to therapy are no different than anybody else. The only difference is that we are aware that we need some help and are willing to act on it. Everybody needs help whether they know it or not. We're all struggling souls and we each have issues. No one is exempt. The T is there to help guide us. They know that all of us need feedback outside of ourselves. My best friend is a therapist and she struggles mightily with abandonment issues and anxiety. That makes her an excellent therapist because she has so much empathy for the suffering of others. We have nothing at all to be ashamed of. We're all imperfect but those of us in therapy are willing to admit as such and we know we want to improve. I think we should be proud of ourselves!!!!!

[Sannah]

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

I just feel like something is WRONG with me that I am in therapy. Why am I so different? What can't I deal with life?

I don't like to be embarrassed or humiliated. If I am doing something I think is the right way, and then find out that I have been doing it all wrong, that makes me feel like a fool.

I have always been 'different'. One who thinks outside the box. Never been able to be a 'cookie cutter' type of person.

I am impatient. This causes anxiety, which causes fear. I want it fixed now, so that I can move on.

In your past, did anyone make negative comments about how you were? Did anyone make you feel bad for who you were?

Yes, I have sensed this "I want it fixed now" about you. I think that it is good. Could this be related to you not feeling good about who you are? (The anxiety and fear increases because you feel strongly and if you feel that you are bad, if you feel strongly this makes you bigger and then increases your bad feelings about yourself?)