[KazzaX]

What are you supposed to do in between sessions?

I hear it every day, how you are supposed to take what you learn in your session and turn it into action during the week, or use it somehow during the week to make changes to yourself.

But if we are in there talking about our past all the time, how does that translate into action during the week? Like for example, we talked about why I am depressed in the session. So I go home and think "well that is nice to know and all, but now what do I do until the next session?". I asked this to my therapist and got the "only you know the answer" textbook response, but I don't know the answer so that is why I am asking you guys about it.

I could understand it if we were talking about something practical in the session like self harm or anger management techniques, etc. But when all you are doing is remembering stuff in the session, how do I translate that into action? Should I Just think about it during the week? Should I just NOT think about it during the week and just wait until next session? I have no idea. My last T told me I was thinking about things too much between sessions and to stop - to not think about it until next session. So how can I be proactive whilst not thinking about it ??

It's just that I know this therapy is heading the same direction as my last T (ie. a dead loss) and so maybe if I do something different this time, I can prevent that. But I have no idea what I should be doing different. It is in my control yet I have no idea how to control it in my favour. Any ideas?

[karebear1]

This is a really good question. I don't have any answers at all..... but I'm gonna keep my eye on this thread. I'm looking forward to see what others have to say.

Thanks for asking!

[unaluna]

This is such a general question - do you have a diection you want to go in? I don't do much in real life, I spend a lot of time on here, so I end up talking about PC a lot in session, but I feel like I am starting to meet work on my personal goals. At least they SEEM more reachable? No, that's just me doubting and downing myself. I AM having little successes. I had fruit (pear) and veg (steamed spinach) and egg-beaters for breakfast, that is OUTSTANDING for me. So for me, the support I get here, in terms of just reading posts, and sometimes responding if I have a strong opinion, or if it's a a good head-tweaker like the recent thread "if feelings are not facts", and sometimes just playing a game is fun, and "talking" to people is always rewarding and I think a privilege, and an opportunity I am very grateful for. Oops getting maudlin again sorry!

[ECHOES]

I hear it every day, how you are supposed to take what you learn in your session and turn it into action during the week, or use it somehow during the week to make changes to yourself.

I'm wondering where you are hearing this?

I don't think there is anything to do during the week, except live your life.
You may notice things.
You may notice more about interactions with people, you may hear yourself responding differently, you may notice you think more before responding, you may find you have gentler responses to others and to yourself, etc.
You may recall memories that you hadn't thought about in a long time.
You may simply continue to take in the good things from your session(s).

But there isn't anything you are supposed to be doing.

[skeksi]

I agree with Echoes, it's not like there's something you're supposed to do that your T isn't telling you. But you do sound frustrated with lack of progress, and that is something to consider and then take in to discuss with T.

I don't have any set pattern that I follow with what I do. Sometimes I leave therapy and don't think about it again until I'm driving to my next session (this is pretty rare, though!). Sometimes I notice, during the week, when I am having a reaction that fits a pattern I've discussed with T. Then we discuss it at my next session, and maybe start talking about why I do those things, or what I would rather do. Sometimes I spend all week freaking out about what we discussed, so I go in and talk about freaking out, and we discuss why I got panicked. Sometimes I do something different--break a pattern--and then go in and talk about why I was able to.

For me, I work on the same issue for a few weeks at a time, and then usually need to shift to something else for a bit before I come back to it. So there is often a thread running through sessions, kind of like I'm playing Chutes and Ladders--I'm at a different position each time I see T, and there are ups and downs as I make progress towards my goal.

The key is to find a rhythm in therapy that works for YOU.

[dizgirl2011]

Hey there,

With every client, comes a unique set of issues, circumstances, coping techniques etc so I guess really there is no rule as to what any client should be doing between sessions. It can also depend on the type of therapy you receive..for example if you were doing CBT, there is usually homework given for between sessions, whereas with person centred therapy there may not be any at all.
Some people just think over what was talked about in the session to see if maybe alternative views came up, they may consider how talking about a certain issue made them feel perhaps. Others may focus on what they want to talk about in the next session. Some people may push themselves to do things they fnd difficult in order to share this with their therapist and have support and then some people dont think about the session at all until the day of the next session....
I think the moral is that different things work for different people and it may be worse to stress over what you feel you should be doing, rather than just going with things and see how they pan out for a while.

You said you see things taking a similar route as they did with the last therapist....I think you need to ask yourself why and be as honest about it as you can,,,is it the therapist, is it you, is it both?

all the best x

[KazzaX]

Thanks for your replies guys!

I have read it allllll over the internet, as well as was taught at university, as well as where I used to work. I thought the whole purpose of therapy was you learn something in the therapy session and then you do some followup things at home and if you don't, then that means you aren't putting in any effort and you will get no positive results. That's what I was always taught anyways. They always said if you are only working on your issues in your session alone, then that is lazy and will get you minimal results (if any).

I don't want to be lazy. I want to be proactive. That's what it comes down to, really. And its a tough one because the direction I want to go in is to decrease my depression. Even if it was just a little bit. however, I am housebound and don't have the ability to wash my clothes/go out/shower/get dressed/etc so I am very limited in what I can do.

I believe my last therapy failed because I was doing the wrong thing outside of the therapy session. But since I don't know what the RIGHT thing is, then I can't change that and my new therapy is doomed to follow the same path. I asked my new T about it and got the textbook "only YOU know what you should be doing" speel, but I do not. So I was asking you guys if you had any ideas.

I'm just sick to death of all this mysterious BS that only *I* am supposed to know. And when I go looking to find answers, people treat me like I'm some sort of idiot for not just magically knowing it myself. If i knew all these answers then I wouldn't be in this predicament. Grrr, Whatever happened to that saying "it is OK to ask for help" ? Why is it all of a sudden so shameful and appalling for me to ask for help? Not you guys, i mean people in general.

[Joanna_says]

I agree with Echoes. I don't think there is something set that you have to do. And every week can be different. As every session can be different.

This are for me the things I usually do:
Most of the times T asks me some questions during a session where I don't find an answer for (if it is something that does not come immediately to my mind I feel very pressured when somebody is sitting there and waiting for my response). So I try to think about that question throughout the following days and take my time to find answers for them. Most of the time I send T then a mail with the answers I came up with or I write them down so I can decide later what I want to share with T about that.
I do write down lots of situations throughout the week that happen and how they make me feel and so when I return to T I can look through my list and see what is important to mention.
And whenever I discover something about me that I was not aware of before I try to look out for those things in daily life to be more aware of how I feel and how I react or if I can make a different choice in my reaction to that situation.

But I have noticed that although sometimes things we do in group don't seem much to have to do anything with daily life, it does make a difference. At some point one of my situations might return and to my surprise I see that I am thinking or behaving differently without having noticed that something in me has changed at all.
These moments are the ones that usually amaze me the most...

Sometimes I wonder if one of the most important things might not be just to trust in that T knows what he is doing and that things will get better, even though I might not see how that might happen. Just trust in that it will happen...

[KazzaX]

Trust is nice and all but the bottom line is, if I'm not doing my bit then nothing is going to happen. I just want to make sure I'm doing the right BIT, if you know what I mean. That's what I mean when I said the therapy is under my control, so I want to control it to my benefit.

We don't discuss daily goings on in my therapy, its only been about my childhood. And since I can't leave the house much, there are no daily situations to talk about in therapy. So there's just discussion of the past and I need to know how to work on this business between sessions or I will never recover. It is a tough one, thats for sure.

I'm going to try to talk her into getting me ECT next time I'm there though > I'm hoping she can pull a few strings to get me in there!

[stopdog]

Are you serious about the electroconvulsive therapy?

[learning1]

KazzaX, I'm confused because you said you're housebound and can't shower yourself. I'm assuming there's a reason other than your depression for that, right? But I remember in an earlier post you said your former t was concerned because you weren't showering as much. Do I remember that right? Have your circumstances changed since then so you can't shower independently now?

Anyway, you remind me of my ex-bf because you said you don't have very many feelings in another post. Do you tend to approach things in a logical way more than an emotional way? If you do, you're like my ex-bf in that respect. My ex-bf usually couldn't remember much of what was said during therapy. He didn't think about it much because he didn't know what to think about. He said therapy wasn't giving him any ideas about what he could do to change. That seems like you.

I'm going to disagree with Echoes and Skeksi a little. I think that for people who aren't used to thinking about feelings, it could be a good idea to think about feelings related to therapy. Or think about what you talked about in therapy, if you didn't notice any feelings.

I think maybe your last therapist said to stop thinking about your feelings because you started getting worse, and s/he didn't know what to do. I remember in another post you said therapy caused you to start having feelings, but they were negative feelings. You were getting a lot worse and then your t referred you. I think your t didn't know what s/he was doing. I think some therapists would have been able to help you when you started having feelings. I hope your current t would be able to help you if you started having negative feelings like you did before.

If I were you, I think I'd tell her in a LOT of detail what happened with your other therapist. Then I'd ask her if she could help you if that happened again.

[KazzaX]

Yeah, when I used to go to the old T, I could only just barely manage to shower myself once a week. She was worried about that. Now, I can only manage to do it once every 3 or so weeks. So technically I CAN shower myself, just once in a blue moon. To me this is as bad as if I couldn't do it at all. Nothing has changed since then - well the only thing is that my depression is worse. But other than that, no.

I think I still have negative feelings now, whereas before there was none. I think I got stuck with the negative feelings from that last T and now I can't switch it off. Maybe that's why my depression is worse. No idea. But apparently (my current T tells me) i have to just "sit with the feelings" and that is how this is treated. But I have been sitting with them for almost 3 years now..... what happens next? Should something have happened by now? I asked my T but she couldn't answer that one and I cant find any answers anywhere for that question. I have searched everywhere. I am sick and tired of sitting with these feelings. 3 years is enough!!!

That's what I have been thinking about what is said in the therapy sessions but i'm not sure what I should be aiming for here. I think about it but it serves no purpose because although I understand it, nothing changes. ANd it is not the sort of stuff I can say "oh well ok I will act a different way and see how that goes" and try stuff out like that. Its all stuff about the past where it is nice to understand it but it doesn't facilitate my recovery in any way. So maybe i am thinking about things wrongly. Maybe the idea is not to just understand it, but to do something else. WHat could it be?

And yes I am 100% serious about ECT. Its like they say in that movie "Desperation is a stinky cologne". It is very stinky indeed.

I am sitting here right now and my kitchen is full to the brim with about 3 months worth of dirty dishes and what not, all absolutely covered in mould, the place REEKS and there are bugs all over the place. And I sit here powerless to do anything about it. It seems such an easy concept to just get up and clean it but I cannot even manage that. I just want to go in there and smash everything to bits. I have a big urge to do that. I have been fighting this urge for a long time but I am getting towards the stage of saying "Fk it" and just going in there and thrashing everything to smithereens. You know what they say about people who have nothing to lose.

[KazzaX]

I am just wondering, do you guys really think I'm just here to make your life difficult? Attention seeking? Some sort of weird freudian issue? Some sort of self esteem compensatory thing? Maybe you think I am just here to be popular. Or maybe you think I'm just here to say to everyone "I am the QUEEN of the people with depression".

What is it do you think my ulterior motive for being here is?

I am just wondering what it is that colours your responses to me.

What do you think my ulterior motive is? It is obvious that you think i have one. So what is it?

I am curious to know.

Because I am going INSANE right now and I 'd just like you to fill me in on this bit. Enquiring minds want to know.

[KazzaX]

Come on guys, don't be shy.

Every time I write something on here the responses are ok at first but then they degenerate into disrespectful undertones of "you are just here to make my life difficult". Is that accurate? or am I getting it a bit wrong?

How do my entries make your life difficult?

Why do you care what a random person on the internet feels? And how does that lead towards making your life difficult? Why couldn't you just not read my posts? Why go on a site like this if it makes your life difficult?

I just want to learn. If I am making anonymous internet people (whom I don't know from a bar of soap) and their lives difficult, I want to know about it. And I also want to know the mechanics of how me interacting with a person on the internet one time in their entire life ends up leading to their life being difficult. If you tell me i can learn. If I learn I can change. Am I just that hardcore? Do I leave a life-altering taint on the lips of everyone whom I send a single message to? What is this taint? Am I imagining it? are you imagining it? ARe we all FKING CRAZY?????

I just want to learn.

Come on guys, this is supposed to be an honest forum. I am sick of all the insinuations and inferences, and its time to GET REAL. Lets get it allllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll out on the table!

[sittingatwatersedge]

Originally Posted by KazzaX

What is this taint? Am I imagining it? are you imagining it? ARe we all FKING CRAZY?????

Heh I wouldn't venture to speak for anyone else, but I am ...

KazzaX you once wrote
I think when it comes down to it, a lot of us aren't psychologists (well i think some of you guys are actually..lol, but you arent here as part of your work). So its not really up to us to diagnose people as being attentionseeking or not, or fishing for compliments or whatever. Its just a board for support - giving and receiving

how about just letting it be that?

[yang0868]

Yes, I think you are imagining it. FOR REAL!!!! BTW, if you are crazy, I highly doubt that you could be any crazier than me. SERIOUSLY!! You're going to have to try harder. Who said that your posts are making their lives difficult? You're posts have actually been a huge eye opener to me. I can SO relate to the "not feeling anything" and then all of a sudden, feeling something! My heart was dead for 8 years until T helped open it up and now feelings are just pouring in like crazy. I tried living life logically but it has taken me nowhere. I'm going to start living life by what my heart tells me for once. Honestly, I think you should listen to your heart. That's my honest feedback to you. What is your heart telling you? I know it's difficult to think with your heart (emotionally) versus your brain (logically). It's a process. You said that you started to have feelings and then your T referred you to someone else. I agree with learning1 that I think your T wasn't able to handle it which btw had nothing to do with you. This site really is a place of support and I think SAWE quoted you VERY well.

[KazzaX]

My heart tells me to die. My head tells me to die. There is a big consensus there. So if I cant listen to etiehtr of them then what else do i listen to?

I think ive got it. I am asking the wrong questions for this site. A site for support is where you come and just have a cry and then people do the momma thing "there there" and then for most people that cheers them up and problem solved. Right? And I am coming here asking psychological questions, not for support. ANd that is why people are irritated with me. Right?

I think thats it. Right???????

And why couldn't someone have told me earlier in the piece that I was asking the wrong questions and ishould be going somewhere else for this sort of thing, before I made a d1ck out of myself?

So because the momma thing doesnt work for me, I'm on the wrong site. Thats it isnt it!!!!!!!!!

Yes i think it is

[KazzaX]

Why couldnt someone have said "You arent at the right website for that sort of thing... trying googling (insert suggestion here). We don't do that here, we are a support site" or something like that ?

First, I don't see that anyone here finds you to be making their lives more difficult, so relax about that a bit.

I don't remember reading whether you are under the care of a pdoc or not. If you are, you really need to be knocking on his/her door and insisting that your meds be adjusted because clearly they aren't working well for you. If you aren't, it might be time to consider seeing a pdoc for some medical assistance with your depression as it does seem pretty severe.

What I do between sessions I guess is try to work on my thinking, on the messages that I've told myself for so long that aren't based in reality. Those messages, for me, are the result of my history. Do you talk to you T about those kinds of internal messages that you tell yourself because of your past? That's an important place to start, and it takes a great deal of work to truly change those internalized messages. I say this because you mentioned only talking about your past in sessions, and for me, that's what came out of all those sessions about the past.

Keep posting. We're listening.

[KazzaX]

Is this the right place for me to be discussing these things though? Cuz that isn't really classed as "support".

Sure it is. What you are asking is pretty typical stuff for this board. Don't worry about it. Just keep posting.

[learning1]

I don't think you are attention seeking. I think you're right, it's not up to anonymous people on the internet to decide who is attention seeking. I think most people like it when other people ask for help here.

It sounds like you got upset and sorry you felt like that. I hope you feel better.

Sitting with the feelings confuses me sometimes too. I don't think it means putting up with depression. I'm nervous about whatever it is we are supposed to do to get rid of depression, though. Sometimes I think my therapist must be really tired of me not getting it.

[KazzaX]

Well ok. I have no idea what my internal messages are, which is why we can't discuss it in T (because i cant answer any of her questions). I don't think in words. I think in sensations. There are no sentences or words that are equivalent to the sensations. So it is impossible to translate these sensations into words to tell my therapist. She knows this. Everyone thinks I say this just to be difficult but I only say it because its true. Everyone I have told this to (including on this board and also my two Ts that I have had) have gotten irritated with me when I said it. I don't know why. I'm not sure why its such a horrible thing.

[stopdog]

I asked about the ect because it needs ( at least in my professional experience) a psychiatrist, not just a therapist, and I did not know if your therapist was an md or not.
For what it is worth, I don't think you are here to annoy people and I don't really get that tone from your threads. I often get responses in my threads where it seems to strike a chord and I am often told to quit and other things that could be read as though other posters are somewhat frustrated or angry or confused at me- so I do understand the worry. I try not to take it personally and continue to try to work out whatever lead me to post in the first place. I try to look at it as a debate or opportunity to clarify or expand or whatever - in writing here.

[stopdog]

Originally Posted by KazzaX

Well ok. I have no idea what my internal messages are, which is why we can't discuss it in T (because i cant answer any of her questions). I don't think in words. I think in sensations. There are no sentences or words that are equivalent to the sensations. So it is impossible to translate these sensations into words to tell my therapist. She knows this. Everyone thinks I say this just to be difficult but I only say it because its true. Everyone I have told this to (including on this board and also my two Ts that I have had) have gotten irritated with me when I said it. I don't know why. I'm not sure why its such a horrible thing.

Perhaps it is because ts and others believe there is benefit in trying to express the sensation in words. It is the act of doing so - trying to express in words, even where there are no words that are equivalent.