It's over- t broke all of my trust

I am so sorry.

Oh no. I am sorry you are going through all this. Keep posting here and let us all help you carry this. You are NOT alone!!!

I can't even reply to everyone like I said I was going to. Sorry........but here is an update. I did return my t's phone message and he was suprised that I had called him. I was oh so angry. I asked why he thought he could just change everything and that is not what we had agreed to. He said that he agreed that he would not terminate on me but that he never said that he wouldn't change the number of sessions.

Basically from what I got he had requested a skype conference with a DBT specialist from behavoral tech (Marsha Linehan's cronies) about me. He never even told me he was going to do this!!! And they did confirm that he had some "therapy interfering behaviors." I just love their own mumbo jumbo to make them feel better. The interfering that they were doing was fostering my dependence on them by reassuring me that they cared for me and are not going to abandon me. It was a negative reinforcer? I am not sure what that is at all. But apparently it didn't make my anxiety go down. And by meeting twice a week with me it just made me more dependent and less reluctant to make other relationships. Duh, because it was safe. So basically t and skills trainer t worked all their therapy magic to get me to love and trust and connect and then it must have appalled them so they are trying to shove me away.

I said that I was done because I didn't trust him anymore and didn't have any drive to continue therapy. He asked if it was true that I really didn't trust him after four years of working with him and I said yes. I told him he was a loose cannon and who knows what he was going to fire off at me next.

He pulled out that "wise mind ********" again. And then he said that I would be making a sad choice not to continue on with therapy.

I told him that I am not just a consultation or a dbt formula but I am a real person with feelings and needs. I finished off the conversation by telling him that he can fill my appointment times with another "fresh meat borderline" (no offense please) and hopefully he won't break their heart as well. AGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I told him I wanted a referral and he told me I would have to come in tomorrow to my appointment to get it.

That is horrible and very manipulative. Do you have to get a referral from this guy?

Just like Maslow's hierarchy of needs; the bottom level, the base of the therapeutic relationship is safety and security. Your T blasted both out of the water following your vacation (of all times). I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt until you posted about your phone conversation. I don't think I'd go to anyone he referred me to. I assume when T's make referrals, they recommend professional/personal friends.

I'm sorry, Kacey.

I'm so, so sorry Kacey! It really bugs me that he asked asked if you really didn't trust him after four years. He completely violated your trust by making such important decisions about your relationship, so abruptly, without consulting you or without having the DBT specialist talk to you. Though not the same, if you're married to someone for 40 years and the person cheats on you, you still lose your trust in him/her.

You don't need him for a referral (and it's pretty ******, rather unethical, of him to say that he'll only give you names if you have an appt with him). Go to the psychology today therapist locator website; this is how I found my wonderful T. I know that it doesn't seem like it now, but there is a great T out there for you! You will get through this!

((((( Kacey )))))

I am so sorry that you're going through this! I am ANGRY for you as well....This is the one thing that ticks me off about T's....that it's SO easy for them to not take ownership for their wrongdoings....that they can twist things around so that it's a learning lesson for YOU without looking at THEMSELVES....

I'd imagine that if there were some issues with over-dependence, that the T AND CLIENT could work together to create a game plan that is helpful for the client.

I just wanna SMACK him......

(((hugs)))

The worst way to end therapy is by running out the door.... YOU deserve better than that. Make an appointment and return, if for no other reason than to tell him why you feel he betrayed you. Your overreaction makes me think that perhaps you feel everyone has done that to you...and his doing so was more than you felt you could handle.

It could be that your attachment has gone beyond the normal transference... but that could have been partly his doing too... you might be able to discuss this and see if it's fixable.

It could be that HE felt he was in over his head with you.... and needed to draw back some at this time.

It could be that something in his personal or professional life has caused him to make such changes... you have no idea what he's dealing with (and it would be unethical for him to dump on his patients).

It does hurt to lose your therapist (or feel like you have)... he can't contact you so you need to make the effort and recontact him through his service. (Good therapists that I know don't engage in email with their patients at all...so consider that you got a bonus for a while ).

Breathe. You're growing. It does hurt. You can work through this...but trust me that you need closure with this T, or you'll suffer for a long time... and there may be elements of an adult discussion that allows you both to begin again with a clean slate.

I'm sorry, Kacey.

and this...

I agree with both.

Look, I think you need to keep your appointment with this T. If for nothing else, to regain some of your own power back. If your call surprised him, he may not be expecting you to show up. I would strongly encourage you to meet with him, in person, and discuss some of what you mentioned here.

If you choose to leave, I agree with those who have said find your new T on your own. My own personal experience involves a referral which ended poorly due to the professional relationship and friendship between T#1 and #2.

Kacey, i think he wants to meet with you to repair the rupture. Even if you cant repair it enough to keep seeing him, maybe you can get some closure. Just because he is the T and your the client, doesnt mean he was right. Especially when he didnt honor his agreement to answer your emails. He let you down in a big way. But here is the thing, Kacey, people are human. Even people we love and who love us deeply can screw up big time and let us down sometimes. People are fallible. I was arrested in jail, having flashbacks, terrorified out of my mind and my boyfriend called me and told me if i sent him anything for Valentine' s Day to cancel it because he was too stressed out about his work abd didnt want it arriving there. He wasnt supportive. He was just mad because my dog was being naughty and i couldnt pick her up because i was in jail but he' d already agreed to watch her for the night.

I decided to break up with him that next morning. The hurt was so deep. He abandoned me when i needed him the very most, not only that but he was mean to me. He thought everything would be fine when i returned and saw my face then knew it wasnt. I wasnt mad but soo hurt. I told him how i went through hell and he made it worse, and he was the last person i expected to do that. He made it up to me. It was my decision whether to go back or not, just like it will be yours with your T.

It's up to you. Keep an open mind and open heart. Follow your heart.
I may be reading the situation wrong, but i think he loves you and wants the opportunity to fix this if you will let him, but you dont have to do anything you dont want to do. If you REALLY want a different T, you can use his words against him
Say if he did you a disservice by getting you too attached, a new T is just what the DR ordered.

Oh yeah, pushing guy off cliff thought. I've had those once in blue moon but i thought it was inherited from my mom because she is homicidal. But i have them just like everyone else says, it's like a random thought like omg this could happen and then instantly i'm horrified it popped in my head and freaked out. I guess everyone has those.
Mine are usually violent stuff and if you knew me you would laugh. I am soo not violent.

Anyway kacey, stay safe , sweetheart. Let us know what happens. Whatever you decide is ok. ( except taking more sleeping pills) watch tv, eat ice cream, run naked through the street if you want, go to the hospital, or go to work, or call a crisis line, dye your hair
purple if you want, go dancing, move to mexico, join a biker gang, change your name, get a tattoo if you need to, jump on the bed,
Throw eggs in the shower-- do whatever you please but stay safe and no more sleeping pills. Sending you hugs and my dog sends kisses.

What a douche canoe.

:/ Do what you need to do right now for you.

Haha fresh meat borderline. lol.

Easier said than done, but don't give up. Start calling around and getting another therapist appointment (with another, this one sounds like a d bag)

Don't let this jerkasaurus rex set you back. You've fought it, you've made progress, you've done good work. It's not fair for you to get set back. Get back on that horse.

Someone posted and article that said people often quit just before or just after a break.

Anyway, Kacey, I think the important thing is that you decide whether to go or stay.
Either course will be painful, and either should ultimately be rewarding.

I am going to agree that you deserve the chance to tell him to his face how his actions have impacted you.

He could have done a much better job at actually talking things over WITH YOU before he made any changes. I know some Ts for people on PC have done things like cut down the number of emails or such. But they TALK to the client about the changes and the client understands the need.

You are not an idiot and you can understand if he thinks you need to try only going to one time a week for whatever therapy reason. But to just "do it" to you - without your input at all - well that is wrong IMO.

Go give him a piece of your "wise mind" !! :-)

Man, I want to underscore all of this! Being patronized, rather than talked to as things change, does not help in the healing process.

now kacey's sumb!tch T has ME worried about my r/s w/my T!

Mortimer , i'm lmao. Douche Canoe? Really? Who says that. How can i even picture that? You are too funny and then while i'm still
laughing at that you come up with Jerkasaurus-Rex. Then WePow says give him a piece of your wise-mind. I can't take anymore.
Kacey, show up to your appt with this DoucheCanoe and give this Jerkasauras-Rex a piece of your wise-mind. ;-)

OMG.................... LMAO! You all are too funny! Mortimor . Anyway just jumped on at work and have to get off otherwise if I get caught I will get in trouble. I do think that I will go to my apt today.........4pm. Pocket Riders PLEASE! Stay tuned, I am sure I will have a lot to say about this. Luv Ya Guys! Thanks for everything. It really means so much to me. -KC

I'm in your pocket Kacey. I hope that something can be resolved and if not, some real closure will come of this session.

Hoppin in your pocket, Kacey!!! GOOD LUCK!!!!

remember this: you have power, you are strong and courageous!
in your pocket too.

I'm in! I'm glad you are going today. You can do this!

im in your pocket. You can do it, know we all are here for you.

I'm with you too... even thiough it may be a little late. Keep us posted- we need to hear what the jerkasaurus rex has t say.

I'm hoping your appointment today goes well. I think you are brave !