[mcl6136]

I sure could use some support...my therapy reached a stage where i was totally overwhelmed. I was dealing with so much real world stuff like working to solve my clutter, get stable financially and i was on a great path..then to make a long story short..i mentioned something to my t...i guessed something of a personal nature about my t..this is typical of me because i pick up subtle clues from surroundings and people and the whole say anything theory of therapy lends itself to blurting which i rarely do in real life. i was correct and t kind of freaked out. Did not handle it well. I regret doing so and tried to back off but the damage is done. It was so impossible in my last session that i had to just back away. I said i would not be coming back. I did not see this coming and now...another ridiculous termination? It is a holiday and i am completely undone...feel like i may harm myself. No longer drink but feel i might...support please.

[lostmyway21]

I'm sorry that this happened. I'm not much of any help tonight but, I'm here for you the best I can be.

[stopdog]

I am sorry to hear you feel undone. Are you sure you cannot try to talk to the guy about it. Is this the life coach (were you seeing a life coach or am I confused about someone else doing that? If so sorry)

[InTherapy]

I'm sorry that this happened.

I don't think it's a reflection on you, but a reflection on T. If your inference was just guesswork and clues, then I don't think your T should really be upset.

It sounds like maybe your T was/is worried about boundary violation; that you had been doing research on her or somehow underhandedly found out something which she would not normally reveal to clients.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Hang in there. Hopefully your T will calm down and think about it this week, and be ready to address it in a calm way in your next session.

[healed84]

(((hugs)))

[Asiablue]

Do you think this can be sorted out Mcl? I don't think it sounds like you did anything wrong either. In what way did the T freak out?

[granite1]

i'm so sorry. did you really want to terminate or was it just a reaction to your session.

So sorry this happened. But since you made the decision to terminate, you can change your mind, right? This sounds like a rupture, and ruptures can be repaired. It sounded like you were doing so well with this T, are you sure the two of you can't work it out? Maybe T is feeling bad about her reaction? Can you try one more session to see if it can be salvaged?

Crappy to have this happen on a holiday ....... Please don't self-harm. Then you'll feel even worse. Call a friend??

[unaluna]

you found out t's a face-eating zombie? I can see why that would be a problem. seriously, what could you glean that would be so distressing as to throw the r/s down the dumper? and you know i've pulled a few whoppers in my time. I mean, you don't have to say; i'm just sayin' i'm pretty surprised and YOU know that's saying something. i'm sorry you're in this distress. hugs.

[ListenMoreTalkLess]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

i was correct and t kind of freaked out. Did not handle it well. I regret doing so and tried to back off but the damage is done. It was so impossible in my last session that i had to just back away. I said i would not be coming back. I did not see this coming and now...another ridiculous termination? It is a holiday and i am completely undone...feel like i may harm myself. No longer drink but feel i might...support please.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I can imagine a T handling just about anything badly, but I'm having a harder time thinking that it's impossible to get things back on track.

You said you would not be coming back, but unless your T said "good, stick with that", isn't the door still open? Can you imagine yourself going there and saying, can we get back on track, can you help me get back on track? You can say that you felt T handled it badly, you can say whatever you want. But is it truly unfixable? Because it sounds like you want to fix it, but are backing away instead. It's okay to back away, but it seems like that is not what you want.

[learning1]

mcl, I agree with what the others said. But if you mainly just want support and not encouragement to try again, then I support you whatever you want to do regarding the latest t or life coach. Obviously you didn't say much about what happened. If it was the life coach, maybe s/he has completely different boundaries than the t's we're used to discussing. Maybe s/he had given you a lot of personal info and/or isn't trained to contain their reactions the way a t does. Just guessing. I know I could be light years off base.

[designer]

Please don't be too hard on yourself - I have tons of issues yet like you, I can pick up on things and people. Many times I just keep quiet about what I feel but every now and then I put my foot in my mouth and just say it out.
If your T has issues then you have just helped him realize that he too needs to get things straightened out. Good for you for speakin out - don't do self harm - its kinda a spiral thing - once you start, it keeps happening over and over and over again. We are all for you - YOU DID NOTHING WRONG - be good to yourself -you will either find another T or He will come around

[SallyBrown]

Please don't take this out on yourself -- you did NOTHING wrong! T's reaction is on T. And even if it was a bad initial reaction, that doesn't mean it can't recover with a little time to regroup in between. It might be worth it to try one more session given that life is so overwhelming right now.

But whatever you choose, this isn't your fault and you don't deserve any punishment.

(((((((((mcl))))))))))

Blah, I'm SO sorry. I know you already went through one crappy termination....hopefully, this doesn't have to be another one. I know that my T and I had a LOT of "misses" over the years, but we were able to find our way back to each other.

What I do know for sure is that drinking or self-harming won't help. Reaching out here is good. Is there anything else that can help you stop your mind from spiraling out?? Watching a movie, reading a book, calling a friend??

Thinking of you.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I am sorry to hear you feel undone. Are you sure you cannot try to talk to the guy about it. Is this the life coach (were you seeing a life coach or am I confused about someone else doing that? If so sorry)

That was indeed me, mcl. Yes this therapy was going well but blurting out some personal data about t really changed the shape of things. Now i see that the whole life coach approach while it lead to practical results with very tangible things is frought with other perils. The whole masked nature of traditional ts feels really hokey and laden with bad power dynamics but...this does too? Am i just supposed to play dumb? That seems ridiculous too...i wish i was not an intuitive person....

[Chopin99]

I'm sorry, mcl. I think therapy of any sort (including life coaching) is just an inherently strange relationship. Therapists are as different as anyone else. Who knows why she freaked out. Did she just have a bad day? Did she seem personally disturbed? Sometimes people are intuitive; T's shouldn't automatically think that clients are stalkers because they figure something out.

Seriously, don't hurt yourself. It is not worth it; you're worth more than that!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by InTherapy

I'm sorry that this happened.

I don't think it's a reflection on you, but a reflection on T. If your inference was just guesswork and clues, then I don't think your T should really be upset.

It sounds like maybe your T was/is worried about boundary violation; that you had been doing research on her or somehow underhandedly found out something which she would not normally reveal to clients.

I don't think you did anything wrong. Hang in there. Hopefully your T will calm down and think about it this week, and be ready to address it in a calm way in your next session.

I dont think there is going to be a next session and that is why i am freaked...when i did my blurt ..t was visibly upset..i said. I am correct arent i? T stonewalled and we got into a strange back and forth in which it was a face off..and then i said..i just dont think that i can work with you not knowing what this approach seems to rule out. And what it rules in. I stood up to leave and i said i really need to know what you are willing to deal with and now..no progress. I waited. Then i met t outside the office and impulsively said I cannot come back. T wanted to set up a final session to say goodbye. I said I am saying goodbye now. I was so thoroughly flipped that she had handled my righton declaration so badly that i just ran for cover. I dont know what to do except hide at home, have withdrawn socially and feel like i might as well just quit therapy altogether. Honestly, i get more from chatting with friends but i dont even want to see them. I feel defective...too flawed for even a shrink to deal with. BAH!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Chopin99

I'm sorry, mcl. I think therapy of any sort (including life coaching) is just an inherently strange relationship. Therapists are as different as anyone else. Who knows why she freaked out. Did she just have a bad day? Did she seem personally disturbed? Sometimes people are intuitive; T's shouldn't automatically think that clients are stalkers because they figure something out.

Seriously, don't hurt yourself. It is not worth it; you're worth more than that!

thank you so much!!
You guys amaze me!

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by SallyBrown

Please don't take this out on yourself -- you did NOTHING wrong! T's reaction is on T. And even if it was a bad initial reaction, that doesn't mean it can't recover with a little time to regroup in between. It might be worth it to try one more session given that life is so overwhelming right now.

But whatever you choose, this isn't your fault and you don't deserve any punishment.

Thank you so much. I am afraid that i will once again be t shopping...i need someine who can really meet me on being sensitive and work on trusting rather than rejecting my sensibilities and abilities....

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by nightsky

(((((((((mcl))))))))))

Blah, I'm SO sorry. I know you already went through one crappy termination....hopefully, this doesn't have to be another one. I know that my T and I had a LOT of "misses" over the years, but we were able to find our way back to each other.

What I do know for sure is that drinking or self-harming won't help. Reaching out here is good. Is there anything else that can help you stop your mind from spiraling out?? Watching a movie, reading a book, calling a friend??

Thinking of you.

Thnk you for your kindness...i was truly stunned and when i said i just dont know if i can come back, t was like..ok! Which really hurt, and the bottom line is...i feel rejected and misunderstood. So what if i have a clean basement. I am miserable.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

i guessed something of a personal nature about my t..this is typical of me because i pick up subtle clues from surroundings and people and the whole say anything theory of therapy lends itself to blurting which i rarely do in real life. i was correct and t kind of freaked out.

Your T should not freak out.

I'm always guessing stuff: mostly to prove how clever I am. T is unphased.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Your T should not freak out.

I'm always guessing stuff: mostly to prove how clever I am. T is unphased.

Good for you whether or not you are clever i cannot say though i have suspected as much. I did not think i was guessing it..it just came to me and i blurted it out and t was not unphased. The conversation took a therapy ruining turn for the worse. I am afraid it is over and i am afraid that t has kind of pinned this on me...telling me we should meet again but the deal is this. I feel that i would be better off hiring a girl friday or handyman for very mundane tasks around my house that i am talking about in my so called therapy/life coach stuff at this point. I have hired a web developer to launch a small business project and an organizer to help with clutter and am putting myself on a budget for the first time ever...good things are happening in my life but i am doing this...not t. And when i leave the therapy room, i think well back to work. It seems a pointless check in that i could do myself at this point. Or go onto stickk.com or something. I guess in the end, i am much less enamored of the whole life coach thing after all.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by designer

Please don't be too hard on yourself - I have tons of issues yet like you, I can pick up on things and people. Many times I just keep quiet about what I feel but every now and then I put my foot in my mouth and just say it out.
If your T has issues then you have just helped him realize that he too needs to get things straightened out. Good for you for speakin out - don't do self harm - its kinda a spiral thing - once you start, it keeps happening over and over and over again. We are all for you - YOU DID NOTHING WRONG - be good to yourself -you will either find another T or He will come around

I do feel i have tons of issues...for once i felt like i was developing some kind of rapport with a mental health service provider. Then this. I appreciate your reply. I just honestly feel too humiliated to go back. I have made a deal with myself. I will not self harm but neither do i have to go back. The deal, while not wonderful, got me through the horrible holiday night.

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by Asiablue

Do you think this can be sorted out Mcl? I don't think it sounds like you did anything wrong either. In what way did the T freak out?

It was really whacked..i blurted something out...sorry i have to be vague and then suggested that we have a wager about it...i bet you..and then backtracked saying i cant take your money...and i am like...you take my money all the time and it just went downhill from there. I was so bewildered. It is like my whole set of perceptions problem has followed me into this t relationship and ruined it. Add this to the fact that it has caused a lot of social isolation and i spent the fourth totally alone and you have a recipe for disaster. I am glad to be going to work because i am very worried and need help. Please dont urge me to call t. T seems really clueless. Thanks for all of your help, gang....mcl

[mcl6136]

Originally Posted by mcl6136

It was really whacked..i blurted something out...sorry i have to be vague and then suggested that we have a wager about it...i bet you..and then backtracked saying i cant take your money...and i am like...you take my money all the time and it just went downhill from there. I was so bewildered. It is like my whole set of perceptions problem has followed me into this t relationship and ruined it. Add this to the fact that it has caused a lot of social isolation and i spent the fourth totally alone and you have a recipe for disaster. I am glad to be going to work because i am very worried and need help. Please dont urge me to call t. T seems really clueless. Thanks for all of your help, gang....mcl

Sorry this was not clear...t said..i will bet you....i said okay fine...then t said..i cannot take your money....