do you tell if you miss T

i read here sometimes how people get angry or upset when there T cancels appointments for holidays or personal reasons. do you ever let you T know you are upset .or do you just keep it to yourself

i don't always miss my T or get upset when she isn't there for whatever reason. but sometimes i do get upset for what ever reason. i have never said anything about it to her .although she has brought it up at times that i might be mad at her. i always shake my head no

i figure if she isn't there it is because of a reason and i can do nothing about it so what good would it do say something it might just add conflict or make her feel bad.

i also would love to be able to keep ignoring those feelings also so i can deal with her not being there and i can still be OK.

so anyway just wondering if you tell and if so how has your T responded

i think the reason for sharing is sometimes it can help to look at the reasons you missed your T; what else it brings up for you; basically all that "fun" kind of therapy stuff

i've said it to two different t's with different responses

one totally ignored what I said and continued on

the other helped me to talk about it and helped me to know it was ok to feel those feelings which I hadn't known before (and still struggle with)

could be worth exploring with your T (((granite)))

for me anyway, talking to t about it would be the way to go. even if i try not to tell her something she can tell that i'm holding something back and i end up spilling anyway even if i don't want to. she's good like that. {{{{{granite}}}}}}

I really was fortunate to have a T who never cancelled except when he had to have surgery. My feeling then wasn't anger or missing him, but fear that he might die (it was a serious surgery). And he pressed me to talk about it when he returned, and shared his fear that he might die, too. Any other missed sessions were planned well in advance--conferences, meetings and such--or were the result of my illness.

I definitely think it's important to share those feelings with your T. They often aren't about T, but more about something else that you're dealing with. The fact that she's asked you shows that she is prepared to accept the feelings.

I think you know already that I tell my T almost everything, so of course I tell her when I miss her, or when I'm upset that we're missing an appointment, or how hard it is for me when she goes on vacation. I want her to know how I feel because she's the main person I tell my feelings to, whether they are about her or someone else.

I think your T would welcome your sharing feelings about her with her, but it's not something you HAVE to do. It's scary because it makes your relationship closer and more real. My T has always been willing to accept my feelings about her. If she's going away and I'm angry, she acknowledges my concerns and tries to help me cope.

I tell my t everything so yep, of course she knows i miss her. She usually says something like "i know....i'm sorry its so hard"(with her being gone so long) Sometimes she says she misses me too.

I never tell my T if I miss him. I don't tell anyone else this type of thing either. I just don't want T to think he's that important to me... it would be giving him too much to hold over me.

I usually tell my T that I missed him...and many times, he responds saying that he missed me too! I don't recall ever talking in depth about it, but he is well aware of the fact that I hate feeling attached and dependent. It ebbs and flows though, of course, depending on what's going on in my life at the time or what work we've done in therapy.

He came to my show last Friday - and both sessions for this week (group and individual) were canceled cuz he took the week off for Thanksgiving...so I won't see him til next Tuesday at group. I really felt awful earlier this week about it, because I was longing to get his feedback about the show and to continue to feel the "show high"....but that feeling passed after I started judging myself and criticizing myself about it....and now I'm pretty much ok with the fact that I haven't seen him this week. Defense mechanisms at its finest! *shrug*

The very first time I cried in T was after he returned from a vacation. I had been in therapy for a while (probably over a year? ) and was realizing that I was seriously getting attached. It was hard to have him gone for the week, but I didn't realize how hard until my first session back.

I don't know quite where the tears came from and I can't remember exactly what they were about, but I know it was about missing T while he was gone. I CRIED. I'm sure I surprised both of us. We talked about it at the next session - what it felt like to cry, to have him see me cry, etc - because I had never cried before and it was so unexpected.

So, yes, I guess I do express my feelings about missing T. Although now I don't know if I tell him I missed him as much as I tell him that I'm scared about our connection not being there after the break.

I think our feelings about T are a really important part of the work in therapy, even when they're hard to talk about

Oh yeah, if I miss my therapist I always tell them. Do they need to know? Maybe,maybe not. Just seems like a good thing to do I guess.

I used to miss xt when I took a break, but not when he was away. But he really didn't go away much at all. Never told him because I hated myself for feeling that way. When I did have that bit of attachment I would punish myself by taking a few weeks off and not go back until I stopped missing him...Weird unhealthy relationship. That happened 3x in the 2 years I saw him.

No attachment to the trauma lady, I could care less whether I go or not.

I have missed T on occasion if one or the other of us has been gone. I missed 3 weeks this past summer when I was on vacation, and the occasional odd week when I have been out of town or he has been gone.

I have told him that I missed him and it wasn't really a big moment or anything, it just seemed kind of normal. It was acknowledged and we moved on, very much like I might tell someone else in my life that I missed them if I didn't see them for a bit. Not a terribly big deal.

Well, I find this question very interesting!

As I missed my T for months and waited with fear of Abandonment, hoping that he would want to see me. But he never took my call. . And I was so attached to him. But my family told me along, not to put all my trust in him. But keep my faith in God instead. I prayed that I could be able to see him, too. But its not happened. Lesson learned I guess.

I miss my T when she cancels (which is has only done once or twice in the 2 years I been going) but I wont tell her I miss her. I will usually just send a text back saying something along the lines of: "It's okay. I wont die because I can't have my appt". But that is part of the push/pull stuff. In other words its me trying to convince myself and her that I wont miss the appointment when it reality I do. lol

I find it is the having to be perfect and not miss this person that makes it bigger - a lot bigger. - than it really is. Talking about it makes it not such a big deal.not talking about it makes it a very big deal.

Time appropriate conversation. I told my T in email that I was afraid to miss her... and So I've talked about my feelings, but never told her that I do miss her. if that makes sense.. I am going to have to have this convo with her on Tuesday.. because I miss her... so I have to tell her... my rule is anything that i'm uncomfortable saying, I have to say.. I am afraid of telling her that I care about her. because i never expected to even like her! And she's the nicest person ever... ick. I just wanted her to be smart, and help me analyze stuff.. not compliment me and care about my well being and want to hear about the minutae of my life cause she does care.. blah blah blah.. I didn't think T was going to be touchy feely or warm and fuzzy, but it is... so I have to confront my discomfort with this and see how it bleeds into the rest of my life.. argh... We'll see how it goes..

I had this whole thanksgiving speech that i'd practiced on Tuesday.. but chickened out.. i ended up just e-mailing her.. "One thing I "forgot" to tell you on Tuesday, I am grateful for you, Doc!" lame LOL

That one I see always asks me if I have missed her after her vacations and such. It seems some of them expect to be missed.

I told my T I'll miss her while she's away. I don't know that my telling her did any good... mostly I just feel like an idiot for being so attached to her, and telling her how much I'll miss her made me feel like a bigger idiot. Oh well.

I remember telling my xt without even thinking about it (after he was away on vacation),,, I really missed you. It wasn't a big deal.

I never was able to tell him about getting angry when he would cancel though... I thought that made me sound so needy.

Yes, I do tell my T when I miss her, or when I'm mad that she was away. She is very good at validating and exploring those feelings. I pretty much tell T everything, as it's the way the real work can happen. What I hide from T can not be dealt with.

my t puts up with way too much of my whinning in my opinion lol. I would be so sick of me if i was her. She goes away a lot on vacation. like at least once a month. I hav learned to cope while she is gone, but that doesn't make it any less hard. i feel like as time goes on, i get closer to her, so every time she leaves is harder for me. i let her know, and we always talk about it. she does her best to reassure me, and im so thankful that i hav a t that is willing to aknowledge my fears and worries and talk about them over and over until i feel better (if that ever happens). she has been nothing but supportive and I am so thankful

Truth. You are far from the statement above. I experience you as a caring thoughtful person on PC. Our world needs more people like you to stand up and take their place. I for one am glad you have.

Your feelings are way okay!

I said this past spring when I knew he would be out of his office for a whole week and unreachable- that it made me nervous. A bit different, but I was more nervous about not being able to get in touch with him if I had to, then missing him.

Yes, I do tell my T. I am working on attachment issues related to trauma so talking about how I miss her in the present helps me work through my stuff from the past. Also, I feel that it's okay to be honest and vulnerable with her.