Couch number 33!!!!!

((MUE)) I wanted to say that I had some issues with similar things- not to the extent of your pain though thankfully. Due to bad posture, tension, trying to basically shrink in on myself (while being fat, go figure lol) ,fear and all sorts of other things, I ended up in physical therapy for quite a while. It had gotten to the point where I was in pain all the time and was unable to turn my head or anything. I would have to turn my whole body to look to the side, bend forward to look down, etc. It was pretty miserable although nowhere near the level of pain that you are dealing with. Just wanted to say that it sucks and send you lots of support. After plenty of therapy, both physical and psychological, I am feeling so much better. There are times(like now) when I can feel my body being seriously impacted by the stress and other issues in my life once again.

((( murray )))

Thanks for sharing your experience with me. It means a lot to know that you can relate, especially in such a similar way. It also helps me feel hopeful of the possibility of getting relief by working through it all.

I had two MRI's done - one year apart from each other - and the 2nd MRI showed substantial damage, comparable to someone getting into a car accident or having some other kind of physical trauma. My neurologist was perplexed as to how I could have sustained that kind of additional damage in just a year without going through any kind of physical trauma.

It amazes me how we can hurt ourselves physically in such profound and damaging ways without even realizing it.

Hey there Apt So right about bookstores being so fun. I haven't been into a book store in so long. The ones near me have closed and I am still not great about driving anywhere outside of my comfort zone. When I was in college I would spend hours and hours in the fabulous bookstores around town. Ahhh, nice pleasant memories. Thanks

Sorry to hear that things have been hard for you. I wish you only good things. Anger is very difficult for me as well.

Ironic, we have this huge beautiful library right down the street from where I live and we hardly ever go there.....AND a used bookstore a few blocks away.....

I should be ashamed of myself.

Thank you, pocket riders. It turned out to be a good session. I told T that last session was excruciating and, of course, he said, "so, let's talk about that." But it was good. And apparently, it's possible to have a relationship with someone and be safe. Or so he says.

I can empathize with my fellow migraine sufferers. Mine are always the worst when I'm stressed. And then the pain stresses me out more.

I haven't been in a bookstore in far too long. They're the best places.

Hi everyone.

Just saw your cards Granite, they're great! Cards are really the only sort of craft I make (I need some stamps and ink).

Are you my emotional twin? I have a hard time getting angry too and my T wants me to get angry- or feeeeeel it. Well, I think if T got what I got when I did get angry as a kid then she wouldn't feeeeel anger anymore either.

Critterlady- good to hear your session went well. It's always such a relief when we come outta there alive!

Granite- LOVE the cards. They're just beautiful. HAve you ever posted pics of your craft room? I'd love to see it. I just got mine all cleaned up after 2 days of working on it. It looks good for now.

I'm struggling right now to stay in touch with people. My soul is trying hard, but my head seems to be failing me. I come here and post and it's like I'm invisible. I know I'm not, but I can only fight this need to totally disappear for a little longer. Does anyone out there have any suggestion to help me stay afloat ? I just need to know if anyone sees me.

Have you talked about that with T? That seems like something important to explore.

For me, I occasionally feel bouts of anger - but then it quickly becomes overpowered by feelings of guilt and shame. Most of my anger has been turned inward which is unhealthy. I hope someday I will be able to work through it in a way where I can feel and express anger while allowing the guilt and shame to be separate, rather than overpowering and suppressing the anger. It's easy to intellectualize it, going through it is much more difficult

((( karebear )))

I see you. And reaching out to express what you're enduring and needing is a great step. (( HUGS ))

Hollah at the peeps...
It's chilly here...registering 17° f, but with the ocean wind chill it's about -12° f. Yikes. Cold as a witch's...well maybe even a wiki's... um...err...uh...

So, how's the weather where you are at?

sorry Karebear...that was insensitive to barge in like that. (((hugs))) I just started posting without reading. Sorry.

I always notice you Karebear. I feel very invisible too. I'm struggling so much myself, that I think when I try and post something helpful, I just sound condescending...and ignorant. I don't feel like myself and I'm not doing very well.

And on the topic of anger, my T is sure I'm unconsciously angry. She's always wanted me to express it too, until she gave me a reason to be angry and then she was just angry, defensive and felt pushed away in return.

((( Nightlight ))) - I appreciate your posts. I'm sorry you're not doing well. I hate that your T did that to you. Seems so counterproductive, IMO. (( HUGS ))

Umm, wiki, might I suggest some extra padding your bra to take care of that issue?

It's 22 degrees here, but with the wind chill, it feels like 13 degrees. Brr. We're supposed to be getting snow tomorrow night. Not much, maybe 1-4 inches...but of course the news stations are acting like it's blizzard conditions. You watch, everyone will be draining the grocery stores of milk, eggs and bread tomorrow. LOL

Paying rent in person seems ... old fashioned.

MUE- I'm such a person of few words. I try so hard to say what I'm thinking by my words never seem to capture what I feel. I know I need to talk more and share what's in my head, but it's so difficult to do with anyone for me.

Growing up I was the 4th of 7 children. Everyone around me demanded attention and they didn't care if it was negative or not. Usually it was negative and I learned to keep myself quiet and invisible so I didn't get the punishment my brothers and sisters got. I'd sit all balled up in a chair, sucking my thumb (until I was ridiculously old), twirling my hair and rocking for comfort. When things started flying, I'd hide under tables. I conditioned myself to self protect by being invisible- and now the very thing that protected me as a kid makes me feel like I'm dying. I don;t know how to fix that.

it was so awsome to see you here. i totally see you and would hate to see you go away again. stick around with us and talk

I rent the place from the nanny family I worked for before this current one. They only live 2 blocks away so I just dropped it in their personal mailbox while out running errands.

No problem Wiki. I know that that's par for the course on this thread.

That's great awareness! Working through that awareness is the next step, and I totally get not knowing how to do it. It's tough to challenge our ingrained responses, to know that we don't have to replicate the resources we relied on in childhood. Taking risks to do things differently is HARD but can be very rewarding. I hope we both get to where we need to be....but at least we are here for each other along the way, right?

Maybe she just means that everyone dies eventually. Were you talking about death?

My insides feel heavy. I'm getting in a bad mood, feel a lot of anxiety. This is also hormones..its not taking a lot to set me off, and on that note..I should probably get out of these jeans, into comfy sweat pants and take some valerian root to calm down. I warned H to pretty much steer clear for the next 10 days or so.

I need to go chill out..Hugs to yous guys.

I see you too Nightlight. I think a lot of us feel invisible. I just don't know if I can be invisible much longer. If I'm gonna be invisible- i may as well be invisible. Know what I mean?

Taking my daughter out to dinner tonight. Will check back in later, peeps!