C O U C H 39 -The Renaissance Period

see what happens when you dont put lol after

ok i am supose to be making these cards ror this group i am going to tomorrow and i have done nothing because the theme is childhood memories and i am having a problem with it .i have decided on golden books but i am still not making then grrr i must focus and get them done

I can't help It - SD always sounds so serious!!! Thanks granite now I am

I stand firm in my non use of lol, little dancing icons, or weird punctuation meant to imply smiling.
You kids get off my lawn. Back in my day we didn't have lol. We wrote words all the way out and used complete sentences. And we liked it that way. Along with walking up hill,in the snow, both ways.

The old lady next door to us used to throw chocolate chip cookies at the kids to get them off her lawn, so then they started going on her lawn to get the chocolate chip cookies!

Yeah, yeah. And when Abraham Lincoln was your age, he was PresIdent!

you forgot bare foot and carrying the bus on your back.
and i would never ever trespass on your lawn

Ha ha ... SD carrying a bus on someone's lawn!

Need vodka, but can't so settling for carrot juice with a bit of hot sauce.
Mother hobbled to the door trying to look more frail than ever. Out passive aggressive game, good times.

4 more hours and vodka will be ok

I dunno. As a parent, the fifth or sixth or sixtieth time my kid pulled the cookie jar off the shelf, I would no longer be giving that kid empathy or support. I would still love the kid but I'd be saying, "serves you right" and thinking the pain was self inflicted and might serve to teach the child a lesson since he or she was clearly not listening to me. In fact, if the behavior continued, I would probably start imposing punishment in addition to whatever self inflicted punishment the kid was receiving from hurting him or herself.

Like if my child ran out in the street, I would NOT pull him out of the street and reward the behavior by showering him with love. I would WANT to do that, but for his sake, I would be VERY stern and really get after him verbally. Only when I was sure he understood the error of what he did would I cuddle him and tell him how much I adore him and would hate to see anything happen to him.

I'm doing my sister's tax return. Its driving me crazy. She needs them done for the FASFA and school financial aid... and of course my nephews 1098T is wrong and needs to be corrected... it has him getting more scholarships than tuition costs.

I am ashamed of how I handled myself as a parent this afternoon. Ugh.. I don't want to screw up my kids like my parents did.

So much going on with everyone lately. Working has really cut into my couch time. I suppose that's one benefit to today being my final day of work....more couch time lol.

Anyway....for some reason I am seriously craving a baked potato. Weird

Wiki...I'm sorry you had to deal with your mother doing that today. Many times, people who are BPD have no idea what they are doing, especially if they are not ready to change anything. At first when I read what happened, I agreed with stopdog's response; then once I thought about it, realized that since she (and only she) can want to change. If she is dead-set against that, no amount of explanation would have done any good. Today you helped her experience natural consequences, the best type in which to learn. Unless she truly lives in her own world, at which point nothing will help.

Why can't you have vodka?

AN APPEAL FOR CALM

Most of us here are easily triggered, and when we are triggered we tend to lash out, triggering others. That seems to be happening a lot this week.

I know a lot of people are hurting, but I still believe in this forum.

May I humbly suggest that people use the block feature? That will protect you from known triggers without triggering anyone else.

Take care.

PS:

On the subject of "Who has blocked whom?", I suggest "Don't ask, don't tell."

I know - a couple of weeks ago I bought a small bag of Canadian yellows. I think you can't call them Yukon golds for some reason. But I had been craving them too! Totally yummy. I boiled a cabbage a while ago, froze servings, so one day I made "bubble and squeak" - cabbage and potato, right?

I agree with the principle here. After that many times, the child needs to experience natural consequences. Rather than telling them "serves you right", though, I'd ask whether they understood what happened. If they do not, I would try to teach them why. All of this, however, is based upon the age and developmental level of the child. Once they understood, then they would receive the empathy.

I don't have kids, but I have noticed with my clients that they learn more from natural consequences than any form of behavior modification strategies. For me, my "aha!" moment, when I realized just how much my behavior affected others, was completely tied into natural consequences...not only for me, but a couple of other people mired in my situation.

Just one opinion out of many!

Oh man. This subject is near and dear to my heart as a parent. I think way too often "I hope whatever I just said isn't on my son's list at a therapist's office one day." I mentioned this to my t once. She said with a little chuckle that's why there will always be therapists but I didn't find that humorous in the least bit. I believe that was one of the times I threw my pen across her office.

You can freeze cooked cabbage portions Hankster? I had no idea.

So I a not under the influence of any substance, not even cool whip, and yet I still sent a seriously unfortunate email to my T. Just want to crawl in a hole now and never come out

Morning couchies! Hope everyone's having a relaxing day. I started my Sunday with an Artist's Date (re: Julia Cameron, "The Artist's Way") I took myself over to where t's office used to be, because it's such a beautiful little campus, there's a particular fountain there that I have always found so very peaceful. So I took my sketchbook and pencils and went over there in the quiet early morning and sketched the fountain. (well, attempted to anyway. I'm still very rudimentarily if that's even a word learning.) I spent an hour there, very calming. I got so into my drawing that nothing else existed for that time/space other than me, the fountain, my paper & pencils. I wasn't thinking about anything at all - just moving with the pencil across the paper. It was wonderful. Now I shall attempt to catch up on the couch!

Chopin, I agree that was an unfortunate word choice and not what I actually have ever said to my kids. Usually I said something more like, "now do you understand why I tell you not to do that?" My point remains that I believe that improper behavior should not be encouraged by showing support. For me and for most trainers of various types (human, canine and horse) that I have met, showing support or affection in the wake of poor behavior reinforces that behavior rather than extinguishing it.

Why not? It's gross anyway! I used plastic containers this time but plastIc baggies are good too. One cup is a pretty good serving. I cooked mine in beef broth last time, REALLY tasty. A big head of cabbage will give you about 8 servings.

wow hankster thank you for this. Maybe if I arm myself with this mantra I will be able to handle a visit back to the parental home. My brother's being stationed in Korea next and he's going to be visiting our parents before he goes, and their house is half the country closer than his current home so if I'm going to see him, it will have to be at parent's house. I will arm myself with the following, and say it several times in the mirror every morning while there:

"I do not define my life by my mother's chosen limitations, and I will not feel guilty about this." Heck, maybe I'll get it put on a t-shirt.

I like this choice of wording. That's a teaching moment.

It does reinforce it. I've been teaching my employees about this lately because sometimes they will coddle a client following a negative behavior...thus the behavior continues, increases, and escalates.

That's why I like natural consequences. Nature's teacher is quite fine, even without our help!

Choppy, you're confusing me, but maybe not. You said you dont believe in consequences, that everything happens for a reason. I know I don't like when somebody says, "if you do that, there are going to be consequences!" That just sounds like bullying or threats, even if you're a kid. I mean, talk it out, find out what is really going on. In the cookie jar example, hey maybe the kid needs a snack, not a smack.