Dear T: I need to tell you something, but I don't know how Part VI

Dear T,
I was disappointed that after a year of working together when I relayed my sui thoughts, even though I was communicative nothing would happen, you did not reach out to me in the week between sessions to see how I was. I know, I know we've not once spoken between sessions, except for scheduling, but I was visibly distraught in session and surprised your concern didn't carry over past the 45 minute mark. It took me a day to realize why I was checking my phone so much, to recognize I was hoping for a check-in call from you.

That has to hurt. I hope you can bring this up at your next session or call your T to discuss this.

It might help you to post this as a new thread on the forum to ask for other people's experiences in a similar situation. It is my impression that T's do not do check-in calls unless you and they have specifically agreed it is necessary to keep you safe. Other people may have experienced this differently or see it differently.

Oh, thanks to you both, maybe I'll start a new thread. I've never wanted contact between sessions plus my T does NOT do any e-mail or texting with clients but I read some of the posts on here of Ts who do check on them during crisis and I felt envious or letdown by my T not doing it. I hadn't thought that I needed to ask for it, this is valuable insight. I was a million times clear to her I was safe and the thoughts were just that and nothing more.

This is sooo hard (((hugs)))))
My first T reached out after a bad session when I was really sui. She asked me to come in and see her on Sunday free and then text me monday morning to check I was ok. She didnt do text or email either.
I think its a ts responsibility but you cant make them care enough to do that. I am sorry she didn't reach out to you but its more to do with her probably than her not caring, maybe she cares too much and by reaching out she will be letting herself care too much

,
Dear T,

I'm thinking of you and I miss you. I'm sad and angry but I'm o.k. I haven't really processed losing you yet. Not at all in fact. It doesn't seem real. I have tucked away my feelings for you in a box and I've placed the box in the corner of my mind. They are safely contained for now. The big crash has not happened yet. Something tells me you have not heard the last of me. It may be a phone call or a letter but I'm not ready yet. I hope you and the kids are o.k. It's crazy I know but I liked your kids. Never met them but they are part of you so of course I'm going to like them. I'm sorry things ended the way they did. I can't imagine never seeing you again but I suppose it's all for the best. The bad part of losing you is that I've lost my therapist and friend (I felt YOU were my friend even though you didn't feel that way about me). Yea, I'm angry about that. Very angry and hurt. Not over it by any stretch.

dear t....... so much for this 'break' I thought I wanted. wah! it's been going on 3 weeks since we talked and i broke down last night and sent you an email. i fought the urge but i lost. i know it wasn't anything earth-shattering. i just well - it was that whole needing to feel that connection again. like when i texted you that picture of the snow back in feb. crap. when will this ever go away. i am doing my inner work of course, working on my dreams, etc. Ah. I know what I need to do. I need to do a sand tray and let my hands solve the puzzle that my intellect cannot as Jung so aptly stated. I promise I won't bother you again until our appt on may 1. I made this bed, after all. I can do this. (But i still miss you.)

Love you! And, yes I know you love me back. I can feel it all the time.

GTGT

Thanks for reminding me that I haven't emailed my fasting blood sugars to you this past week. I will start again this morning. I'm glad you care enough about the physical me, until I can get to that place of taking care of the cellular me. I feel so safe and secure in your care.

Love you more each day,

GTGT

Dear T,
you make me feel so safe and loved, it almost brings tears to my eyes. I have never felt that before, and it feels strange, but nice.
Thank you.

You told me you are afraid my eating disorder is going to kill me..was this comment designed to scare me or do you truly believe this?

......and surprised your concern didn't carry over past the 45 minute mark.


Yeah mine's concern does not carry over past the "Theraputic hour" either. He has let me leave fully triggered and suicidal. I was perplexed by this and stopped trusting him and go into session now with my guards up and I block his every move. He has not figured out how to get past my defenses and he gave up. He just keeps me because I keep going and paying his full price out of pocket. Yes yes he is a nice, sweet, good guy....all that a therapist is supposed to be in session. I am unable to detach myself from him at this time.

FM,

When I thanked you for seeing kiddo today. You said, "Thank you," hugged me, and said, "We'll get there." We both see he's finally looking at what kind of future he was going to have - surprise!I was starting to think that my future include a forty year old virgin son addicted to video games. Thank you for telling me he's a great kid, and I've been a good mom to him.

As a side note, I think it's pretty awesome the way you are so open with text and email. Complete opposite of any T I've ever had...and that I do believe, is a good thing.

Nervous about talking to you today. I haven't been taking the Lithium that you prescribed for me. I only took it for four days. freaked out about side effects that will happen if I take it. I feel like a failure because of it.

Dear T,

I have a feeling I am probably going to hold back when I see you this week /: I'm a bit annoyed with you for not telling me you would be off last week until the last minute...and that you let the session go longer than normal. I'm sure we could dissect that the whole time but I doubt I'll share it with you....I hate how analytical I get! I get so fing nervous that everything is blown out of proportion. Sometimes I wish I never cared about "deep" stuff and could go through life oblivious of my stupid feelings and all these fears about other people!!

I try to control everything about our time together. I know it's rather futile, but I can't seem to stop it.

Oh. And I missed you.

T, I'm actually really angry and resentful towards you and I don't know why.
Probably just cause every. single. time I see you outside of session you're always laughing
Actually it's likely I'm just annoyed at myself and need someone to direct it at?

I don't want you to believe me. I don't want you to listen to me. I don't want you to hear me. I don't.

T please stop using such big words in your emails. I cannot understand them without reading the dictionary first. I am not a colleague just a client who needs their t

Dear T,

I miss you. I'm sorry it was all too painful for me. Maybe too much for you to? Hope you are well.

Dear T,

OUCH you hurt me.

I haven't let you know, and maybe I won't. Seems just too, too vulnerable to risk revealing it.

but ow ow ow..........

Sometimes when you're talking to me I'm not listening. I'm just looking at you so I can memorize you and this calm moment for the rest of the week.

and now i've told you, and the silence that has followed is deafening.

I feel like I have just backhanded you, who have been patient with me.

Sending you lots of hugs and support, SAWE, i hope thats OK and not too much.

Dear T.

I had a great session today, you made me feel really heard and valued. I really am going to have to tell you soon.