Dear T: I need to tell you something, but I don't know how Part VI

All of this makes me think I have made a wise decision of mostly limiting my comments to the couch. Peace out.

I'm not sure I have an answer for you, either. Maybe just knock those types of posts on the head and we can forget about it?

Because the couch never has/causes any issues?! To be honest, I wouldn't know, it moves too fast for me, so I don't keep up with it.

I thought this thread was the least likely to ever have issues.

I've tried to reach you several times with no luck. I want to talk to you about my telling the good and the bad of how people use the forum. Remember you told me about the DBT expert that brought it up, and wanted therapist to log on. I brought it up to get people to not judge and condemn others that have problems less they be judged. We talk about my being on the forum and how it affects me. And, you and I have batted heads re: boundaries. I also process my audio comments to you on here and head responses to you. I know longer send a lot of emails, because people think its wrong - even though you prefer emails be to you. My thoughts on here are for you about many things in my life, including PC. I post when I feel strongly about things, and I stood up for what is right. Defending the underdog: emotionally ill (myself included), racism, kids, animals, whatever. Maybe those that are upset, will take a look in the mirror, and see what truly ails them about my post when it's in context.
Also AJ shared with me her experience at school, and seminar she did. I know you and I don't feel negatively about anyone with issues, neither does AJ still a little angry at her, so I guess I can try to understand what's going on until we talk on Tuesday. What to do. I hope you get this message.

I just feel comfortable on the couch, JSG. I haven't analyzed why or been very introspective about it. Whenever I venture away from the couch, it seems(to me) I wish I hadn't. It is my own issue, and I shouldn't have pushed it onto anyone else. Sorry. I also read this thread, but rarely respond, since I am greatly removed from my T, and haven't found another.

Me thinks this thread is getting to dramatic for my taste

Maybe GTGT, you ought to look at taking responsibility for your own behaviour sometimes - it's not always everyone else who has the problem or is wrong. You have made certain remarks, and several people have clearly noticed and you've been picked up on them. I don't want to upset you - I don't think anyone does - and I don't judge you. But your comments made ME feel judged, make me feel you're judging others. I know from previous posts you've been sensitive to things that have been previously been said on the forum - though I don't know exactly what or by who - but there are better ways to deal with it than to make veiled comments on here. Maybe by being more upfront and assertive?

We're all underdogs on here, GTGT - is why we need to try and support each other. And I have always tried to be supportive to you, and respect your journey in therapy.

not to play into the drama but..... eh, nevermind, anything I said would be playing into the drama. people are gonna be people are gonna be people and it's THEIR issue not mine so what the freak ev. I'm just gonna start telling t no matter what. That will serve me better than putting it here anyway.

Sorry if I've added drama.

Dear T,

I'm kind of out of it today and notice life is much easier when I choose to ignore everything ... Only I can't do it long-term. Or can I? Is it ok to just push my stuff aside and numb out? Why not?!? I'm telling you, so much introspection only leads me to start feeling like I'm losing it. I am starting to feel like maybe I don't even need to be in therapy.

Soooo, T, looks like we've come full circle here. Are you as annoyed and frustrated with me as I am?

Dear T,
You confused the hell out of me and I'm so mad at you. Part of me want to kick you in the shins, but part of me wants to give you a hug. This sucks.

What would you do if I actually laid it all out on the table? You'd probably think it was the meds. But it's not. They're not doing jack *****. I want this to work, I really do.

I, personally, would prefer to know when someone has a reaction to me (instead of it being said behind my back or in passive aggressive veiled ways), so that I have the opportunity to explore it - see if it fits or not, see if it has value, etc. - and, if I value the relationship, be given the opportunity to work through it with them. (Of course, within certain limits.)

Sometimes people aren't aware of their behavior and how it affects other people. And unfortunately, many times, people don't want to know.

I find that there are times when I consider posting on this thread - feeling vulnerable, struggling and wishing to express something to my T - but then find myself feeling nauseous and guarded because of how I see it being used. I'm disappointed that some believe that anything goes as long as you slap a "dear T" in front of it.

I'm thinking about never coming back.

Dear T,

I have so much trouble sleeping anymore. This whole mess is on my mind constantly. Why can't you just admit what happened and apologize? You owe me an apology at least. This is no way near over for me. It is only getting worse. I suppose you're really attracted to her. Why else would you confide in her? I never imagined she'd be your type. Guess you are two of a kind eh? You have a lot in common. Search and destroy. I think your mission is accomplished. I'm pretty much destroyed.

You are referring to goingtogetthere, as am I.

I don't usually post on here, but sometimes take a look. I'm often amazed by how vulnerable people are -on the forum, but really especially here. What I saw when I looked on here earlier today made my stomach turn (particularly what just_some_girl quoted). This has been going on for some time, however, it's very difficult to address because it's always indirect, veiled, passive aggressive (on a level I never could have imagined before). In my opinion, some of your posts, GTGT, are a slap on the face to everyone who bears their hearts and souls here, hoping for empathy, not mockery.

I tried to withhold judgment for some time until I read a post of yours, GTGT, which said (I paraphrase): 'Dear T, I've found out some people have blocked me, guess I'm touching a nerve here!!' This isn't an exact quote, but the tone of that post (as in some other cases) was triumphant (without the context of your other posts, it wouldn't have appeared this way at all). This is when I realized, that this is -in part and at times- your intention here, GTGT. One thing is to challenge people, write things that may be a bit harsh, but for the ultimate purpose of helping someone. It's not all roses on this forum. And you, GTGT, are supportive sometimes. But I often sense a tone of mockery and/or triumphalism in your posts that is at odds with the purpose of this forum.

I feel like you're going to slam me, Anne, for stating someone else's intentions (I know you hate this), if not mind reading. I do not usually do this. At all. Today, though, after reading what I read, I have felt I needed to finally say something. It's all been so indirect, veiled, cloaked, and I loathe all of these things. That's me. I certainly don't claim to speak for anyone else, this is my opinion and I felt the need to bring it out-into-the-open.

I'm aware I'm probably fueling a fire, my apologies, but at least it's out there.

This is excactly what I have felt all along. Thank you for writing this postBut then again to quote a former post. "It´s just us who has to deal with our crap." Nothing to do with the " healed" GTGT. Her T tells her so If these posts are written by a " healed person who have come along way", I don´t ever want to be healed. You spend alot of time in sessions with your T looking/laughing at this forum ( from other posts). Perhaps your T, is skilled enough, to see whats going on with you and your " interesting dynamic " in here? ... And how you make others feel?

Dear T. I almost cried leaving you today, knowing that it is the last time in a long while. How am I going to cope this summer without you? I am scared to fall into the same old habits, moving back to my home town...

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That's something I hadn't considered and I'm glad you said it-- it's a good point. I agree it's important for people to know how their posts impact others and I think it's important for people to be able to express how it affects them.

If your post had stopped at how you were affected, I wouldn't have raised the issue about how your post impacted me. Your post was also about GTGT's "honest motivations" and your questioning of her intentions. It made me feel like anyone who posted there would have to answer to you about what they "really" meant, and prove that it wasn't just passive-aggressive commentary on what they didn't like on this forum. This is what makes that thread feel unsafe to me.

I think that making statements about other people's intentions, beliefs, thoughts and other "inside their heads" is destructive and unhealthy, here and in real life. It's what marriage counselors try to stop couples from doing, and it's what Nonviolent Communication guru Marshall Rosenberg means by "violent" communication.

Ouch. That feels like a shot directly at me.

Dear T, i miss you so badly...

I don't have anything to say to you that I didn't say in my last post to MUE, except that I think it is an unfair characterization to imply that I "slam" people. I don't think there is any reading of what I wrote to MUE that can be said to be a "slam". It feels like a personal attack, and I think you could have made your point without dragging my name and the word "slam" into it.

I'm glad you found some value in what I posted.

I appreciate your feedback. My T says that when we are open and eager about learning more about ourselves, we learn to pick out the useful kernels even if it's delivered in unhealthy ways. I'm not sure I know of a better way yet.

I certainly don't expect anyone to answer to me or to clarify what they meant in their posts. I wonder, though, if your reaction is shared by others. That may be helpful for us - to try to differentiate what yours and what's mine - and see where the work lies. Perhaps if I just shared my perception and how I felt about it, it might have been received by you differently. It's certainly something I will look at.

It was not a shot directly at you. Not by a long shot.

Thank you for telling me.

Dear T, I think I had what may be a huge revelation, but not sure exactly what it means. I want to email you, but when you respond, outlook sticks in your facebook photo of you and your wife, and I HATE that. I wish I could ask you to change your facebook photo but that seems really intrusive.

Dear t, you can feck right off. I am sick of all this bull****
You hurt me just like t1 did and you promised you wouldn't abandon me. Why did you get so close to me and then just leave me?