[Elektra_]

do i tell my "psychologist" she sucks and hat i hat her and have o leave caz they won give me another OR suck it up and see how much longer i can take such incompetent being?? lol cant even have help

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

do i tell my "psychologist" she sucks and hat i hat her and have o leave caz they won give me another OR suck it up and see how much longer i can take such incompetent being?? lol cant even have help

It's kind of hard to give you advice on so little information. Can you tell us more?

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

do i tell my "psychologist" she sucks and hat i hat her and have o leave caz they won give me another OR suck it up and see how much longer i can take such incompetent being?? lol cant even have help

I agree with the above, we need more information in order to understand your situation better, if you can.

[Elektra_]

she has no empathy for me. she just presents this blank face and sometimes a condescending look. shes passive-agressive anytime i swear (im not allowed to do it). this time i was quite upset and she basically told me to knock it off or she would end the appoint. she distort what i say in order to be what she THINKS i feel. she criticizes me all the time (thats her idea of confrontation lol). i hate her

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

she has no empathy for me. she just presents this blank face and sometimes a condescending look. shes passive-agressive anytime i swear (im not allowed to do it). this time i was quite upset and she basically told me to knock it off or she would end the appoint. she distort what i say in order to be what she THINKS i feel. she criticizes me all the time (thats her idea of confrontation lol). i hate her

Hm, have you tried to tell her these things or discuss them with her when your in a good-ish mood? If you have and she disregards what you say, perhaps look into finding a new T? It's took me over 10 years to find the right mental health professional to work with me! And if you can't 'tell' her to her face for fear of her judging you or whatever, write a letter and give her it.

[Lauliza]

I don't think anyone should see a t that they hate. But, sometimes we interpret people's reactions one way when they are jntended another way. Is this the first t you've been to? If not is this a pattern of relating to your Ts or have you had others that you have gotten along well with?

Therapy isn't for everyone and sometimes they will say things we don't want to hear. Either way I think you should talk to your T about your feelings. If you can't work things out, you should find another T, Perhaps in a different practice...Good luck!

[Elektra_]

for money issues i tried 12 Ts (including psychiatrists)... i stick to 3 and this is 1st time i have some T with this kind of behavior. as i said i CANT change.. i have no money. this is mental association that let me stay without paying a thing. talk to her?? i think my face says it all and she couldnt care less. what im going to say? u are incompetent? lol and she would tell me to **** off lolol

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

for money issues i tried 12 Ts (including psychiatrists)... i stick to 3 and this is 1st time i have some T with this kind of behavior. as i said i CANT change.. i have no money. this is mental association that let me stay without paying a thing. talk to her?? i think my face says it all and she couldnt care less. what im going to say? u are incompetent? lol and she would tell me to **** off lolol

Okay, you could both try to write down what bothers you about each other, then swap over lists and see what you can work out together. Sometimes it can be caused by a misunderstanding or something. Either way, try this because if you got to have this person, you and your t need to really try to work things out in your relationship. Answer this also if you can please:
Have you tried to calmly tell her how you feel about her without being offensive?

[Elektra_]

here is the thing. i had other T there. she was sweet, i could call whenever i needed and i really liked her. after 2 months they dismissed her. i think my actually T must have almost ALL patients now (which isnt good either). as i knew my actual T from a CV course i was doing at same time, they put me with her. i told my ex-T it wouldnt be a good idea caz i didnt like her (she knew some situations i told her). she told me to try and then if i didnt want it to send an email to change T. i tried for few and in 1st sessions she pissed me off, i came out of there even worse than i came in so when i got home i sent her an email saying i wanted to change.
she told me to go there. she said some BS and i said ok ill continue then. thing is she made this statement: u can continue the course but we cant give u another T. my reaction was WTF???? its been more than 6 months and to be honest im quite sick of her make me feel like im an idiot and criticize everything i say. she knows it bu as shes perfect she wont ****ing change a thing or even be COMPETENT enough to ask me whats bothering me or maybe look AT HERSELF. so yeah shes perfect and im the one that had many ts caz im too ****ed up (SHE HAD THE NERVES OF SAYING THIS EVEN AFTER I SAY ONE PER ONE THE REASONS I HAD TO QUIT).

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

here is the thing. i had other T there. she was sweet, i could call whenever i needed and i really liked her. after 2 months they dismissed her. i think my actually T must have almost ALL patients now (which isnt good either). as i knew my actual T from a CV course i was doing at same time, they put me with her. i told my ex-T it wouldnt be a good idea caz i didnt like her (she knew some situations i told her). she told me to try and then if i didnt want it to send an email to change T. i tried for few and in 1st sessions she pissed me off, i came out of there even worse than i came in so when i got home i sent her an email saying i wanted to change.
she told me to go there. she said some BS and i said ok ill continue then. thing is she made this statement: u can continue the course but we cant give u another T. my reaction was WTF???? its been more than 6 months and to be honest im quite sick of her make me feel like im an idiot and criticize everything i say. she knows it bu as shes perfect she wont ****ing change a thing or even be COMPETENT enough to ask me whats bothering me or maybe look AT HERSELF. so yeah shes perfect and im the one that had many ts caz im too ****ed up (SHE HAD THE NERVES OF SAYING THIS EVEN AFTER I SAY ONE PER ONE THE REASONS I HAD TO QUIT).

Right, I hear your pain. You have three options that I can see and its totally up to you, all your choice!

1) Write her a letter telling her how you feel in a respectful way, write from the heart. Then give her that letter. Emotions sometimes can come out in the wrong way, on both her side and yours. I find that letters can be took mostly, in a good way where as if you say something, or she says something it can come out in the wrong way. I know you probably don't want to try this but I think it's worth at least a go.

2) You can continue on the rocky road and see where it takes you.

3) You can quit seeing your t and forget about therapy or keep on trying to get a new one, by keep on explaining your situation and how you feel, that she cannot connect with you.

EDIT: I've had a bit of a think about your situation. If you choose to write a letter and give it to her, and find that it doesn't work. Perhaps, you could take a look at writing what your problems are with her down and her problems with you. Then swap them. I do think you should at least give it ago because what we have to work with here is limited. If that doesn't work, another thing I can think of is if you haven't already, ask your t can you both work on building your relationships up before you work on the stuff that you need to work on.

If the suggestions above fail, you could try this:
I think what you need to work on your relationship with your t is for her to accept that you use curse words to express yourself. And that you both must be willing to forgive one another and put the past behind you, to try to start the relationship again. But before you do this, perhaps do a sort of 'closure' session about the old relationship you shared and what the problems were and what you could both work on in not letting it happen again. Although, both of you need to be respectful to one another when doing this so it doesn't turn offensive.

NOTE: I am always here if you want to vent out your frustrations in private message. I never take what people say to me heart and nor does it effect me. But I am a good listener and I don't judge. Hope what I say helps, and if it doesn't. I will see if I can think of any other ways to help you in your situation. Keep on keeping on

[Elektra_]

1- respectful lol difficult one. and even if i do write it she will only deal with it during session (***** made her email available but doesnt reply lol makes sense huh?) so i would have o confront her anyways and i wouldn be pleasent. most likely she wont own any fault or whatever...

2- yeah

3- i have no life so if i quite therapy ill just die. geting new one? when i wrote this post i actually were checking her qualifications.. she has only 2 years of experience lol so i checked other one but hen i though oh man i dont have stomach to start over once again...

note: thanks

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

1- respectful lol difficult one. and even if i do write it she will only deal with it during session (***** made her email available but doesnt reply lol makes sense huh?) so i would have o confront her anyways and i wouldn be pleasent. most likely she wont own any fault or whatever...

2- yeah

3- i have no life so if i quite therapy ill just die. geting new one? when i wrote this post i actually were checking her qualifications.. she has only 2 years of experience lol so i checked other one but hen i though oh man i dont have stomach to start over once again...

note: thanks

Confronting someone by letter when your angry is better then perhaps coming across as agressive. Don't you think? I learnt the hard way, but thats another story. Haha. And yes even by letter you'd have to confront her but it'd be the letter that was doing the talking, not your mouth therefore it has a bigger chance of coming across in a better way then if you said it. I know when i'm annoyed at someone, even though I don't want to I get real angry and I can't let go. But I found if I do things via letter, it goes a little better.

Personally, I wouldn't quit. No matter how hard it got and I understand that starting over is hard, I really do. I've had to start over with psychiatrists five times over already and tired of it. But I keep trying. Because if you keep trying you'll eventually find the right one that fits! And oh boy is it rewarding when that happens. As I said though, its up to you to what you want to do as its your life and I'm sure all of us on here, will support you in whatever you do. But choose wisely, then again you probably know to choose wisely

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

for money issues i tried 12 Ts (including psychiatrists)... i stick to 3 and this is 1st time i have some T with this kind of behavior. as i said i CANT change.. i have no money. this is mental association that let me stay without paying a thing. talk to her?? i think my face says it all and she couldnt care less. what im going to say? u are incompetent? lol and she would tell me to **** off lolol

You could always think about what it is you really want to get out of your time with her and what in your life you want to change.

Tell her that therapy doesn't seem to be helping now and ask her what she thinks can be done about that. Tell her your goals for therapy and that you want to meet them but need a different approach. Maybe she will be receptive to changing her ways if you say it like that.

[Elektra_]

i mean... ill have to talk about it when she talk about the letter...
is more than proved im not entitled to have help sooo

Originally Posted by Hoppery

Confronting someone by letter when your angry is better then perhaps coming across as agressive. Don't you think? I learnt the hard way, but thats another story. Haha. And yes even by letter you'd have to confront her but it'd be the letter that was doing the talking, not your mouth therefore it has a bigger chance of coming across in a better way then if you said it. I know when i'm annoyed at someone, even though I don't want to I get real angry and I can't let go. But I found if I do things via letter, it goes a little better.

Personally, I wouldn't quit. No matter how hard it got and I understand that starting over is hard, I really do. I've had to start over with psychiatrists five times over already and tired of it. But I keep trying. Because if you keep trying you'll eventually find the right one that fits! And oh boy is it rewarding when that happens. As I said though, its up to you to what you want to do as its your life and I'm sure all of us on here, will support you in whatever you do. But choose wisely, then again you probably know to choose wisely

[Elektra_]

i stayed with her caz she seemed practical u know.. other Ts would just talk no do something specific or exercises. lol i need to change all of it
i have no goals for therapy. i never discussed that wih any of my Ts. just one once told me what goal she had for me.

Originally Posted by amee200

You could always think about what it is you really want to get out of your time with her and what in your life you want to change.

Tell her that therapy doesn't seem to be helping now and ask her what she thinks can be done about that. Tell her your goals for therapy and that you want to meet them but need a different approach. Maybe she will be receptive to changing her ways if you say it like that.

[Hoppery]

You are entitled to have help. Just sometimes, help is rather hard to get right. It takes the right person, right time, right state of mind and all sorts of right 'things'. Good for you for trying though!

Also look at the whole closure session on an old relationship suggestion. I'm not sure if it'll work but in your case, I think anything is worth a go? And I'm no expert, but if no one is willing to try. No one will get anywhere. My last phycratrist, didn't even want to try with me. He didn't give a damn. But I still tried. Let me know how it goes. If all else fails, get a new t if you possibly can. Just keep telling them, about your situation and hopefully they'll know you really did try hard to get along with this t. Maybe you need a goal. Maybe you need to try to find a t that will do it in a different way to the rest of them? Trying something new is scary, but can be also a good thing.

Originally Posted by Elektra_

i mean... ill have to talk about it when she talk about the letter...
is more than proved im not entitled to have help sooo

[Elektra_]

no one is gona be a T for free. so if i ever change will be to ones i met before and like them bu didnt have money to pay. but as im too ****ed up to get a job i cant pay a thing and this wont change if i dont have help.. so is a cycle. sorry, i dont ge the "whole closure session on an old relationship suggestion"..

[Hoppery]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

no one is gona be a T for free. so if i ever change will be to ones i met before and like them bu didnt have money to pay. but as im too ****ed up to get a job i cant pay a thing and this wont change if i dont have help.. so is a cycle. sorry, i dont ge the "whole closure session on an old relationship suggestion"..

Okay let me explain what I mean by it. If I can.
You know how at the end of the last session with a therapist ever or those who terminated a therapist have sometimes a session to end everything and tie up loose ends sort of speak? Well, what I can see is you have a bad relationship with your t. So I thought if you try what I suggested and still can't work it out, maybe you could have a session to let each other talk to each other with respect but let each other say what you need to say in order for this, bad relationship to be able to move onto a new better relationship with each other. I'm not an expert though and these are only suggestions to try and help you. But I do know that if you don't sort out your problems that you may have against each, the relationship can never move on truly.

[Elektra_]

oh i never did that with anyone. thats what i dont get. they are never transparent in what they think is wrong with us or even say what they are doing.. actually when i sent that email that i wanted to terminate that time i told her she didnt like me and i didnt like her. she said no, its not liking u... she basically made clear she didnt feel anything towards me lol

[shezbut]

Elektra_,

Pardon me for interrupting, but it sounds to me as though the T that you're currently seeing has her walls up (perhaps to prevent T attachment) to make this therapy about YOU. She didn't say, "I don't like you." What she said was, "Not, it's not liking you.." which I take as her meaning: It's not about liking or not liking you ~ instead, it's about doing her job to help you.

Do you see what I am saying? I can feel your anger and resistance to trust opening up to this T. Perhaps you should start your next meeting with her by sharing your thoughts and feelings with her via a written message. Hand it to her, or read it allowed. But, in my personal experience, I can go a lot deeper and more intellectually (straight-forward) when I write it out.

Both my pDoc and T used to really appreciate me taking the time to write it out, as it helped them understand how I was feeling (and why) a lot better.

Gentle hugs to you!

[Elektra_]

as i said before i had some Ts and i didnt feel this way about them. she clearly couldnt care less if i drop dead.

[Elektra_]

oh lol i didnt understand when u told me u had added.. now i see it..
she just will say she has no probs with me lol i dont think she wants a relationship... there is no connection there.. never was. she has no empathy for me lol
lol cursing... im already used to it... it seems is home policy which had NEVER happened to me before. the other one would warn me too but u could see there was quite a difference in behavior. she was still sweet when she warned me. this one just acts like a bi.tch about it. i keep swearing anyway lol even though sometimes i do it quietly.
her seeing the way i come out of sessions wouldnt be HER PLACE to make sure i wasnt mad? or something about her?

Originally Posted by Hoppery

EDIT: I've had a bit of a think about your situation. If you choose to write a letter and give it to her, and find that it doesn't work. Perhaps, you could take a look at writing what your problems are with her down and her problems with you. Then swap them. I do think you should at least give it ago because what we have to work with here is limited. If that doesn't work, another thing I can think of is if you haven't already, ask your t can you both work on building your relationships up before you work on the stuff that you need to work on.

If the suggestions above fail, you could try this:
I think what you need to work on your relationship with your t is for her to accept that you use curse words to express yourself. And that you both must be willing to forgive one another and put the past behind you, to try to start the relationship again. But before you do this, perhaps do a sort of 'closure' session about the old relationship you shared and what the problems were and what you could both work on in not letting it happen again. Although, both of you need to be respectful to one another when doing this so it doesn't turn offensive.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by Elektra_

as i said before i had some Ts and i didnt feel this way about them. she clearly couldnt care less if i drop dead.

I also think.your T has her walls up and is trying to keep therapy about you. She said "its not liking you...", that means its not about her opinion of you, but how she can best help you. That is what therapy is about. They may not be someone we'd want to hang out with but they can still be very helpful to us.

Also, If she is sensing anger or aggression on your end (I only say this because you point out she doesn't like you to swear, and tells you to knock it of or she'll end session) then she will set limits on what is said in session based on her comfort level or how safe she feels. You don't say if you are just swearing or swearing at her - they are two different things and I'm not sure of the context.

If she is inexperienced as you say she may not know how to handle the situation (i think youd be better off with a seasoned T). But you clearly have strong negative feelings about your relationship with her and this can't be helpful to you. I wish I could offer more advice.

[Elektra_]

u know my first T would tell me that "this is about u not me" whenever i showed interest in her life. still she wouldnt be a bit.ch when i cussed (which btw is about my life not at her obviously!!!) she wouldnt even care about it!!! and would show she cared about me!!!! if i have negative feelings is because of her not me. and if u trying to go there explain why i get along really well with other T of the same place or other Ts i had for that matter!!! u talking to me like is my 1st rodeo! if i could tell her to **** off i would in heart beat caz I KNOW for fact she is doing s.hit. im just putting up with this caz i have no choice.

[Lauliza]

Elektra,
I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything about you at all. I was just trying to come up with different reasons to explain the way she responds to you.

If its just comes down to her being b****y and completely unhelpful, then you should address it fast. You can tell her you've thought about terminating and see if that opens up any conversation with her about why. Then maybe she'll get where you are coming from or help you find a new T.