Are vaguely suicidal thoughts you know you'll never act on at all significant?

Sometimes I think I'm very depressed and mentally ill. Then other times I read stories of things other people do and think, "Oh give me a break. I'm completely normal compared to that. It's ridiculous to even consider the idea of therapy when I don't do anything like that."

I have a lot of thoughts like, "Literally the only way to escape all of this would be to kill myself." I'll get super frustrated with a situation and how no one will take me seriously, and then I'll think, "I could take all of those pills in my medicine cabinet. Then they would believe me." I know I wouldn't do it, though, no matter how much it feels like the only option. I'd be too scared to..which sucks in a way because that basically means I have no options if I'm afraid of the only one that exists.

I read stories of people cutting themselves and then think I'm ridiculous for even thinking I'm bad off because I've never done anything like that. I can't picture myself doing something like that, the thought that it would accomplish anything just doesn't enter my mind.

I'm really confused on whether these thoughts I have mean anything at all or if they're just my way of being internally melodramatic.

SI has nothing to do with SUI. SI is an attempt to feel better. SUI is wanting to end everything.

Don't compare yourself to others. Two people can go through the exact same trauma, but will react differently. Two people who have the same diagnosis might have different symptoms. However severe or however you experience pain: pain is pain.

Only you (and maybe your doctors) can determine if your SUI thoughts are significant. Is having these thoughts new to you? Do they bother you?

I both SI and have SUI thoughts. Both are "typical" for me. Some days my thoughts are just fleeting: "Ugh, I just want to shoot myself". Some days they are worse and I think of actual plans. Interesting enough, neither are dangerous for me. It's when I have both SI and SUI thoughts that I'm in danger. But that's just me.

Don't minimize your thoughts. If they are worrisome to you, you should talk to your doctor. Get help before you wind up in a crisis and wind up in a dangerous situation.

It's called suicidal ideation and yes, it is always significant when someone thinks about dying. There are a lot of people who struggle, but comparing your struggles to theirs will drive you crazy.

If you are struggling then a good therapist can help. I know you struggle with your sister and your father not doing anything to make things better. Don't you deserve to feel better? Don't you deserve to be happy? I think you do.

The thoughts aren't that new. I think they started about two years ago. They don't bother me so much as the fact that I'm too stupid to figure out other options bothers me. If I were smart, I wouldn't be stuck here thinking death is the only way to get away from all of the BS. But I am because I fail at everything that you need to be good at to get by in society.

I won't deserve anything until I can figure out how to get the money needed to get out of this house and then, if I still feel like I need it, to go to therapy. People without the money for things are "entitled" if they think they deserve them.

You have the right to need, want, seek out, and recieve treatment to help you live your life to the fullest.

Does a poor person with a physical health condition deserve treatment? How about homeless veterans? Or people who do not have the ability to care for themselves?

What is it that makes you feel like you don't deserve help?

Struggling with your mental health and with your situation has no bearing on your intelligence. In fact, most people who struggle with mental health tend to be more intelligent than those who don't.

I can't imagine what it's like for you in your situation. I assume it is like feeling trapped. But you are not alone, you are cared for, and you are loved (maybe not by the people you hope to receive that from).

The idea doesn't come completely from myself; it's how society tells me to feel.

I wouldn't say such things to you. Just because you have a roof over your head doesn't mean it's a safe environment for you.

I used to feel the same as you: "society says" or "people say" or "they say". My T asked me who are "society", "people", "they"? And what makes them right? And who said we have to listen to "them"?

Things like this is what you can learn in therapy: how to expand your thinking to include "grey areas", how to help change your thought process, to learn to love and value yourself. Feelings, thoughts, and actions are all intertwined. Change one, the rest will change.

Everyone could use therapy no matter age, race, gender, sexuality, social status, education, experience, or reasons to seek therapy. You are not in an easy situation. You are at least taking steps to seek out support here... Which tells me you still value yourself and your life.

Well, regardless of how "right" I or anyone else thinks society is, I have to be able to play by society's rules in order to have access to basic necessities in a lot of ways. People who don't have the traits and/or skills valued by society don't get to earn paychecks like those who do (for the most part, I know there are exceptions, but you also have to be smart enough to figure out how to pave your own path if you're an exception). And regardless of how much money isn't everything, it certainly gives you access to a lot of things that are necessities or near necessities. Anyone who thinks money doesn't matter hasn't been in the situation of having nowhere to live besides a place where they are abused or of needing medical treatment and being told they don't deserve it because they're poor.

I dunno how to describe it. I just wish I didn't have to figure it out all by myself because myself obviously doesn't have the skills or knowledge to get anywhere. And don't tell me I do because I've tried enough to know that I don't despite the empty rhetoric.

Freefallin, have you considered that there is a connection between how you dismiss the significance of your suicidal thoughts, and the fact that you are depressed and thinking about suicide?

Your picture says "worthless," you call yourself "melodramatic," and you assume that nobody will take you seriously. IN the same way, you act as though thinking about suicide is no big deal. Now, I am not depressed (anymore, although I used to dismiss my own symptoms too when I was), but if someone told me I was worthless, being melodramatic, and that nobody would take me seriously, do you think that I would start feeling worse? In the same way, do you think treating yourself that way might be contributing to your problem?

Although you may not have the same symptoms as other people, your symptoms and the way you talk are consistent with someone who suffers from depression, and if you continue to dismiss your own suffering then your suffering will probably continue.

I don't "assume" that nobody will take me seriously. I have seen that nobody takes me seriously.

I don't deny that I'm depressed. I just think it doesn't really matter if I am if there's nothing I can do about it, and it's not severe enough to be considered an emergency or notable by, well, anybody.

I may not understand fully what you're going through, but I can relate to parts.

When I turned 18, my entire family abandoned me. My entire church (which my family did NOT attend and consisted of about 300 members) abandoned me. I was homeless. No roof, two changes of clothes, a toothbrush, hairbrush, no money, and no one. I never could imagine having the life i have now. But I did get myself out of that situation by seeking help.

If you are in the US, I'd suggest calling National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It's free, they can provide you with referrals, resources, and even be there just to listen. They are trained professionals.

I know it's hard to see beyond the darkness, but there is a future that awaits you.

Nooo. No suicide hotlines. I'm not actually suicidal as I said; I wouldn't do anything, and the last thing I need is cops knocking on my door and demanding that I spread my legs so they can search that I'm not hiding anything and all of the other demeaning stuff that happens to people who open their mouths to the wrong people. Honestly, I think being degraded in that manner would be what pushed me over the edge and caused me to have more than just thoughts. I don't know whose idea it was to make hospitals the place to shove all of the people who can't afford going to regular doctor's visits, but I won't let them treat me like that. I didn't do anything for them to treat me like that. And I also can't handle anymore medical bills coming in the mail for me.

I have tried contacting regular mental health hotlines that aren't "suicide" hotlines, and those were just further proof that no one actually cares about me. All they could do was offer to pray for me. Yeah, that will fix everything.

It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't too stupid and ugly to find a boyfriend. Everyone I know who is in a relationship has things so much easier because they have someone else to help contribute to expenses and to help figure out life with them. I have to figure everything out by myself, and if I can't, I'm SOL.

I'm sorry that has been your experience. That has not been mine. They have NEVER called the cops on me. And that number transfers you to the nearest crisis line. You can call whether or not your suicidal.

If you don't want to talk on the phone, you can visit the website at National Suicide Prevention Lifeline They have a chat system you can use.

If you want to see change, you have to put the effort into it.

k, nevermind

I used to have alot of those thoughts , in fact I was held a couple of days. My pdoc changed some meds , it's been a year and it's gotten better but ocassionally I do get them.

Lately I have been getting self h thoughts. Don't compare yourself though. You are you. There's nothing melodramatic about that.

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The one I see has said she thinks everyone has an exit plan.

If being depressed is working for you, then you can keep on dismissing yourself, putting yourself down, and not getting any help for yourself. Those things will keep you depressed very effectively.

I'm not sure where people get this idea that individuals who feel badly about themselves can just "stop putting themselves down," but it's part of my problem. I can't just like myself because you told me to, nor will liking myself change the fact that I fail at everything I try. I also don't get why people think it's acceptable to tell people who can't afford therapy to just go get it. I'm not out of therapy because I want to be.

I never told you to like yourself and stop putting yourself down. I just told you that if you want to keep getting the result you've been getting, you can keep doing what you are doing. If it's impossible for you to change anything about your thoughts, behavior, or situation, then how you feel probably won't change either.

Guess it won't change, then, but it's not because it's "working for me."

That's sad if it's not working for you and there's nothing you can do to change it.

Yep, it sucks.

Well, at least if you are sure nothing can be changed, you can feel sure about something and come to a place of acceptance about it.

((Freefallin))
I've had those thoughts too - 'If I killed myself, maybe then they'd care, but I'm not brave enough to do even that!'. It's the depression talking. You're in a very rough place and it is so hard to see any way out.
Btw, I very much doubt you're too stupid or ugly to find a boyfriend, but I would leave men out of it for now. There are plenty of us on this forum who can tell you that they can create more problems than they solve.