[Victoria'smom]

1st session: talked about symptoms. Rules for healthy arguing with my husband
2nd Session: talked about apathy and impulsiveness
3rd session: talked about apathy, rules for involuntary or CPS called.

I have a week to find it deep down in me to trust him. How do you develop a trusting relationship faster?

[Asiablue]

I don't think trust can be rushed. It takes a lot of time I'm afraid.

[brokenwarrior]

I'm not sure I understand your question. Are you afraid to build a trusting relationship with him? Trust will take time to develop. Talk to him about it. See what you guys can work on to build that trust in the relationship.

[Victoria'smom]

How is therapy useful until the trust is built?

Don't think there are any rules to healthy arguing, I'd trust a T that helped me understand why I argue the way I do... Instead of bullet point therapy that always seems rather contrived. Trust yourself that you will know who works with you in an honest skilled fashion

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

How is therapy useful until the trust is built?

It can be useful in practical ways (some of which you mentioned--identifying ways to argue with your husband), and as you go through those stages, trust is being built and tested.

It's really hard for you to get to know how the therapist operates and where s/he is coming from, and vice versa, until you start to experience trust as things are brought up--they learn about you and you learn about them.

You also come to find whether or not it's a good fit. It's hard to know when that happens. Some people know right away, others take longer.

How do you feel about this therapist in general? Do you think he gets you?

[LindaLu]

Trust is hard and some Ts maybe harder to get to know (?) unsure b/c I've only had one. Trust is partly your responsibility to explore ways to disclose issues that are on your mind. I had many days shaking in fear how to take elements of my backstory to my T. Every session I brought either a current event or past event and explored it. She was never perfect and sometimes I wondered about her maturity/experience with my issues. But gradually we built a relationship.

Do trust your inner voice where to take these sessions. And trust your T will protect you by creating a safe space to explore. Do you want to press Reset button? You can do so at any time. Therapy is your space to build to your satisfaction. Good luck!

[sidney1771]

Are you required by law to see this therapist? If this is voluntary therapy, then trust issues are up to you. Have you established goals for seeking therapy? Do you know what you are working towards so you can measure success? If you haven't done these things, then I would work with him to put these in writing so that the two of you are on the same page, have similar goals and can work together. This is basic in terms of establishing trust between two people.

[Anne2.0]

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

I have a week to find it deep down in me to trust him. How do you develop a trusting relationship faster?

I'm not sure I understand the week deadline.

I have started with new T's (after a first T) twice, and I suppose twice more if you count a family therapist in addition.

It has felt to me that trusting others is at least as much about how I'm feeling about myself than how I feel about them.

Would it help to consider what you are worried about with respect to trust? For example, are you worried that he:

1) would hospitalize you if you told him X;
2) would tell your husband if you told him X;
3) would print your records in the local paper;
4) would make fun of or mock you;

etc etc.

Sometimes with worries, I try to put estimates on how likely they are to happen. And I try to remember that about 99.9% of the things I've ever worried about don't come true.

Finally, can you talk about trust with him? This was one of my best early-on conversations with my latest new T.

[ScarletPimpernel]

Trust takes time. If you trust someone too fast, then you have yet another issue. How do you know if you will work well with your T? You just have to go off instinct. New relationships are difficult; they take time.

Now, I did force myself to make my T more important than what she was. I needed to. I have Medi-Cal, so I don't really have the luxury of "shopping" for Ts. That and I really needed help. This allowed me to connect faster, bond faster, but it did not help me trust faster.

I'm curious though, as others have mentioned, why is there such a rush?

[Victoria'smom]

afraid to build a trusting relationship with him? No, but I need to say things that I don't trust him yet.

I don't really have the luxury of "shopping" for Ts. me neither you get who's assigned to you.

How do you feel about this therapist in general? Do you think he gets you? I think he scares to easily. He has worked with crisis families and other high risk patients but I fear when I'm at my worst he wont be able to handle it. I'm worried that I'll minimize the things for him unintentionally.

Are you required by law to see this therapist? No, but I don't want it to become mandatory.
Have you established goals for seeking therapy? to keep me out of the hospital measure success? I don't think there is a way to measure that.

1) would hospitalize you if you told him X; <------ that one.

I'm curious though, as others have mentioned, why is there such a rush? I've started to have difficulty taking my med and my thoughts are betraying me.

Do you feel you can be honest about your symptoms, but assure him you are not going to do anything over the holidays (that is, if you can make that assurance)? To be honest, it might not have anything to do with whether or not he can handle your symptoms so much as whether or not it would help you to get your meds sorted out more quickly by going IP. I know you've been struggling with this a lot the past few months. You've got to be exhausted by all of it.

I'm concerned from another thread of yours that your pdoc is not seeing you for another 2 months. Could your therapist get that moved up if you tell him what's going on and that you want to stay out of the hospital?

fwiw, I know what you mean about thinking a therapist is too soft. I've had those. I prefer the kind that give off strong vibes (not overbearing and obnoxious, just solid, if that makes sense).

[Victoria'smom]

Do you feel you can be honest about your symptoms, but assure him you are not going to do anything over the holidays (that is, if you can make that assurance)? I have to be honest. I have no choice but I want to trust him first. More over he has to trust me and my word. I am already being held to my word that I'll properly take my meds until I see him next.

Could your therapist get that moved up if you tell him what's going on and that you want to stay out of the hospital? He can only see me 1x a week. I am on his no show list forever.

[sidney1771]

Well, if you have to promise to take your meds like you you are suppose to, I think you might have bigger issues to deal with here. Getting your T to trust you is pretty important. Strict adherence to your meds is another. It seems like he is willing to help you and given the last two months of posts you have made, I'd really encourage you to not make any excuses and tell him everything as soon as humanly possible. Your judgment hasn't been great and by the time you think you can trust him...who knows what further problems will have happened.

If you were on the same meds for a few months and stable for a few months and living in the same spot for a few months, I'd say take your time and build the trust. But...that is not your situation. Take the help you have now and waste no time in spilling your guts. That's of course if you want help making changes that just might work.

[Victoria'smom]

sidney1771, Well, if you have to promise to take your meds like you you are suppose to, I think you might have bigger issues to deal with here.I feel it comes down to trust me trusting him and him trusting me, that's why I was asking how to build it faster.

It's unfair to say If you have to promise to take your meds... that I have bigger issues then trust. I have to learn to trust him. He knows how I'm doing as much as my guarded can give him. It's taken Psych central, x-pdoc,x-T 3 yrs. to convince me to try an anti psychotic regularly. I asked for one even chose the one that is the most likely to cause weight gain because I could be combined into one. As crappy as this year has been I have grown tons as a client. I will always have trouble with taking meds. It comes with the illness for me.

So as the face of the whole mental health field how do I build real trust between us? Currently I'm treating new T like my old T but I don't trust actually trust him.

Right, agreeing to take meds is not a bigger issue. These people are assessing risk, and if someone says they'll take meds, then there's less of a reason to go IP where it's only about med management. I have done this, and was better off for it. There was no threat--promise or else. It was more of, how can we make the least restrictive decision here?

As for building trust, I think you might not know the parameters until something gets pushed, and that means taking a risk. But I think you can make a good case for getting help without going IP. Do they have crisis teams that do home visits as an alternative to IP?

[sidney1771]

So as the face of the whole mental health field how do I build real trust between us? Currently I'm treating new T like my old T but I don't trust actually trust him.[/quote]

Completely up to you. If you want to get better then you have to start trusting him. Therapy is only as good as what you put into it. If you don't trust him, then you don't trust yourself. How can he help with problems that he doesn't know about? How can he help solve the puzzle when you haven't given him all the pieces. If you are afraid of what he will do...address that with him. What is the worst that will happen if you trust him...he might help? Try it and see.

[Victoria'smom]

So just be like "I don't need IP but x,y,z is happening and I need A,B and C from you". ? and just hope that I don't push a boundary? Could it be he's just to squishy because he doesn't know me? How can I make him more like a T that I trust or need?

Do they have crisis teams that do home visits as an alternative to IP? They do if Child protective gets involved, so no not really.

Sidney, The thing is I'm not trying to keep stuff from him it's I have this "wonderful" skill of side tracking people unintentionally. Which is why I think I'll naturally do it less the more I trust him. It's only after the session that I'm like **** I did it again.

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

So just be like "I don't need IP but x,y,z is happening and I need A,B and C from you". ? and just hope that I don't push a boundary? Could it be he's just to squishy because he doesn't know me? How can I make him more like a T that I trust or need?

Well, it really does come down to taking that risk because I don't think there's any way to know for sure in such a short time how he responds to things. I did exactly what you wrote above and said no to IP and what I would do instead (xyz), and she just said would I call if it got worse and when I said yes, she thought that was acceptable. So, it turned out well.

Can you start off by asking him how he responds to clients who are in crisis--if he's collaborative and takes their lead or if he errs on the side of safety and makes decisions for them?

[Victoria'smom]

I did exactly what you wrote above and said no to IP and what I would do instead (xyz), and she just said would I call if it got worse and when I said yes, she thought that was acceptable. So, it turned out well.
thank-you.

Can you start off by asking him how he responds to clients who are in crisis We talked about how he response and how he uses the ER as a second opinion, that he would bring my husband into the mix before and only if I'm currently in the middle of a life threatening act would he call the police. The thing is first session he had to answer the phone and he said "No, I only baker act to hospital A & B."

Originally Posted by Miguel'smom

The thing is first session he had to answer the phone and he said "No, I only baker act to hospital A & B."

Well, that was unfortunate to have happen in front of you, especially with all your fears. No wonder you've been on edge with this. I would tend to trust what he told you is his protocol in a crisis, which does not sound knee jerk. As for his comment about the baker act, I would tell myself that I have no idea what the circumstances are that the other person is dealing with.

Also, if you have the chance, maybe tell him that comment he made in front of you was alarming and you worry he'll do that to you. It could be a chance to meet your fear head on; that is, unless you've already been that direct with him (which is sounds like you have with the above reply of his). If it were me, I'd say what was that all about and am I going to have to worry about that with you? But that's me. I like to clear the air right away or I will stew and suffer.

[msxyz]

I have no idea how to trust someone after 4 sessions, I wouldn't.

[precaryous]

Trust needs to be earned and not easily given. Trust comes from trust building experiences.
I agree with others who have said that, unfortunately, trust takes time.

[Victoria'smom]

I always start the session with "No baker acting me today but (thing that needs to be said)" I know this sounds weird but I'm doing a faults trust but that wont last forever and if I do build on that couldn't one misstep bring the relationship to a halt?