Couch 95: No title required

*hugs* I'm touched.

((MKAC))

((((MKAC))))

QuietMind - You're welcome to stay with us

Briefly caught up on the couch, hugs to those I may have missed.

Morning, everyone.

It was?! (thanks btw, CE) I thought he was trying to get me to feel sorry for him because he made his stomach hurt. I guess I misread that one completely. I think there needs to be a "google translate" that translates what men say into woman-speak and vice-versa.

Wow. Really? I wonder now how many other times he has apologized without saying the actual words "I'm sorry." It honestly never occurred to me, I guess because I tend to say I'm sorry way too much. Hoo boy my t was right that one time when I said to her "Why is it always me that has to change?" And she said "My dear, it's always us." Meaning of course that the only person I CAN change is me.

Thanks again, CE, for your response, you may have just helped me in a really big way without even realizing it.

Hmm. I was hoping that my dreaming would ease up on me once I made another appt with t. But I had another doozie last night. I'm like ok ok psyche, I give, I made the appointment, now let me be for a few days! Apparently it is not to be. My psyche probably thinks I'm going to cancel it before it gets here. Silly Psyche. When did I ever cancel an appointment in the past?!

I am still battling with myself over this though, part of me thinking I should have left our goodbye last month as our final goodbye, and another part of me saying hogwash to that, she's a professional, use her when you need her kind of thing.

Oh well. I'm off to work to help some people get their meds and work on last night's dream and ponder a little more on the revelation CE's comment brought out. And NOT obsess any further about whether or not I should have texted t yesterday for an appt.

Have a good day (night) everyone and for those with t today, a little extra good thoughts to go with you.

Thanks for the man-speak translation, CE. Art, don't feel bad, I wouldn't have taken that to mean "I'm sorry" either. Of course, I am a serial apologizer, so do with that what you will. Men are from Mars. . .

Feeling better today, thankfully, and back at work for the Friday Shuffle, that happy little dance we do because it's the last day of the week, time is running out, MUST.FINISH.EVERYTHING.TODAY!!! Hate Fridays. Even more than Mondays around here!

I hate digital money fraud. If you're going to steal from me at least come to my home and give yourself a challenge.

Decided to work from home today so I didn't have to deal with weeping in front of people. I am actually getting a fair amount done. H took care of the burial and is being incredibly sweet, supportive and amazing. He has such a loving heart. He is officially totally and completely forgiven for the rude remarks Tuesday after my therapy appointment. I realized a couple of things today. One, I love this horse more than anyone except my family and closest friends. Two, it is actually a bit difficult to feel "just" sad and not to beat myself up. Sadness without the complication of guilt is new to me.

On a more positive note, I have so very many happy memories with this horse. He was truly magnificent and one of a kind. I am actually smiling thinking about many of our adventures and funny, quirky things he did.

I am feeling very lazy today. I have no motivation to work at all. I also think I am feeling numb. I have not been sleeping well and was so agitated last night I had to take a Xanax to help me fall asleep. I know last night I shouldn't have gone out to the movies but the kids were sleeping over the grandparents house and my wife deserved a date night. So now today I am very tired.

I am worried that in 10 days my pdoc will be changing my meds if my sleep doesn't improve. But I worry that things will just be the same on the new meds. That this is as good as it is going to get. That it is just me being lazy. That the meds have already fixed the depression. I mean they must have by now I am on enough of them.

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Afternoon couch. I am home from CVS. I stayed 15 minites late because we were swampped and the next person didn't come in until 15 minutes after I was off. I offered and the pham manager accepted my offer.

Now, I am just relaxing until I meet mt dad for supper. When I asked him where he wanted to go, he said he wanted to try XYZ because he had never been there. Ummm, dad.....you do realize that the cheapest thing on the menu at XYZ is $17. I said that I didn't like anything there (and I looked at their 5 item menu and really don't) and asked if there is anywhere else he'd like to go. He picked a BBQ restaurant. Much more in my price range. Not that I should put a price limit on it, but I don't have an infinite supply of money.

Morning couch! Some interesting threads have popped up over night i will trundle off to read them. Take my imagination away from stalking ex (wholly in my imagination, but at moments feels quite real)

Runty puppy and I fell asleep last night watching Escape to Country. If i ever move to UK I'll not know where I want live in the Dartmoor area.

Maybe it really is a man/woman thing. If so, it might work like this.
For a woman, the important thing is to say sorry.
For a man, the important thing is to admit fault.

And maybe they are both saying the same thing in different ways.

A big complaint I had against Madame T is that while she sometimes said sorry, she never admitted to being in the wrong. Maybe I did her an injustice...

I watched a movie about a mother really similar to mine -- except no physical or sexual abuse. Autumn: Osage County. Anyone ever see it?

Oo look! There it is again. The man-apology.

I wouldn't call saying sorry without admitting fault an apology. 'I'm sorry you feel that way' is not even remotely an apology...

Just because someone apologizes/admits fault doesn't mean you can't still be angry at them either. Is it really an apology if they keep doing the thing they say they're sorry for doing? Or is it an excuse and an attempt to placate?

Theres your new business. Man-aup. Play on words for apology, up, application, and australia! Women send you what their men said and you reply back what the men meant. Or a guy could tell you what he was gonna say and you tell him how to say it.

Youre pretty good at this and you have the patience. Im just like, off with his head!

JS - you are correct as always. Off with his head!

Anybody - it doesnt feel like friday to me. Does it feel like friday to you? People saw me with my hat off yesterday and theyre all oh your hair is longer it looks nice. I think it looks like shredded carp. Im getting it cut next week. Why do people say it looks nice when it obviously looks like carp?!

My kid cooked supper. During cleanup I had to say "take the hot dogs out of the coffee pot." I'm scared to look in the toaster!

Evening, couch.

I am home from supper. Just my father came. His wife came down with a stomach bug and stayed home. I feel bad she is sick, as being sick is no fun...but, thank goodness I didn't have to deal with her.

Dad ordered a beer with dinner without asking me if I would mind paying for it. Luckily at the restaurant we went to it is only 50 cents more than a soda. Unlike my grandma when I took her out for her birthday ordering 2 martinis ($6 a piece). I know I shouldn't limit people when I am treating, but really, wracking up bill with alcohol?!?

I almost slapped the waitress though. When she brought the bill, she saw me pull out my wallet. I pay, she takes it to get change. When she brings it back, she sets it in front of my dad and says "thank you, sir, you have a good evening". Luckily my dad told her it wasn't his money as he passed it across the table to me. Just really?!? Oh well, maybe I am reading too much into it.

I got the letter from new T today. It didn't say much besides what I was seeing/feeling/thinking, was not what her intentions were and that we would discuss it next session.

Flying home early tomorrow morning. This has been a special time with my parents and sister. I need to get down here more often. It's just such a long drive so flying was the only option. I need to try to get the kids down here at some point. I'm ready to be home just because I miss my husband and boys, but I kind of dread saying good-bye to my parents. One of these days it will be the final good-bye, and I'm not ready for that.

I'm not sure one is ever ready for it if one is fond of one's parents.

Fixed for those who disagreed based upon unfond parental units.

Up until today I would have agreed with you. Now I'm not so sure.

Hey couch, work went by pretty quick today. Yesterday one of my teammates was complaining about one of the computer systems that we use at work and she said "Oh XXX why do you hate me?" in our team chat. That just sounded like the first line of a poem so I took it upon myself of course to write one, a humorous ode to our problematic computer system. I giggled all the way through it, the best line was something about it being "an average handle time thief". (anyone who's worked in a call center knows how important AHT is!) I sent it just to the gal who inspired me. She loved it so much she sent it to the whole team. My supervisor loved it so much he asked if HE could share it. What have I done? ha ha. It was pretty good, if I don't say so myself. Wish I'd brought a copy home with me.

Youre so creative!!

I was. When my mom left this world it was one of the most liberating days of my life. It could have come much sooner