How do you know when it is time to contact someone or when things are bad enough that someone "needs" to know? I am not good at telling if i am ok a lot of the time i always think i am not that bad and that i am just weak and i should be able to deal with everything so if i cant i should just put up with it because no one will want me to bother them. Lately though i have had so much going on and my body is exhausted and i am not able to do a lot of even small things i am trying so hard but i just don't know what to do. My head is always racing i cant keep my head together and everything keeps going all scattered. I cant make it stop and i dont feel in control of myself i kepe having panic attacks and there is too much noise and i keep getting scared of the demons and i dont know who i can trust anymore because i keep getting scared that everyone will hurt me and nothing feels real and things keep coming into my head and i keep having trouble speaking and i can focus and i keep hitting myself and i want to scream all the time because it isnt my body anymore and i am stuck and they wont let me out and i dont know what to do i dont know if i am just weak and should suck it up or if there is actually a problem.

[Angelique67]

It's time, Eden. Definitely even past time.

[growlycat]

Yes, please reach out to someone.

[AllHeart]

It is definitely time. I'll bet you will breath a huge sigh of relief once you make that call.

Sending you all the support you need!!

[LonesomeTonight]

I agree that it's time for you. If you're unable to function in your daily life, then it's time. It also would be if you were facing a crisis that threatened your immediate health or safety.

(I had a crisis situation about a month ago, where I didn't reach out to my T or marriage counselor because it was late on a Sunday night, and I wasn't sure if it would have been OK to bother them. When I asked about it later, they reassured me that it would have been fine to call them. So now if I'm in a situation like that again, I plan to call.)

[BlueGreenTabbyCat]

I feel like I could have written your post myself- I had to double-take for a second. I feel in a very similar position to you. I hadn't considered telling anyone else but my therapist because I've not had very positive experiences in the past (people offering me a space to stay rather than being alone, then within hours letting me know how in the way I am which when I'm already picking up on how rubbish I am at being a productive member of society, was really difficult to hear being one example).

I wasn't sure if you had a therapist or anyone to talk things through with? To be honest I think you'd need more than just a therapist, they are amazing people but once the door is shut it can really feel even more like your on your own because you've just had a moment where you were not, the stark contrast is always something I struggle with a lot.

So having said that, I'd try to sort something out in terms of support if you can. And I am aware not all of us can. If you are lucky enough to have people around you it may be a case of leaning on one person for one thing and another for another thing or just time limiting everything. It can feel like juggling a bit but being without anything at all is far more risky and at least by being around people who know your not really OK atm is a better way of doing things if you just feel like emotionally your at the point of collapsing.

In my experience, if you are thinking about asking for help or letting people know, it's then you act and do something, because the next step is where your not able to see or think straight and then your just a ball of sensitivity and so overwhelmed by everything (let alone the insides of your head) the idea of telling anyone anything feels far and beyond and its way to late to start.

Write it down, take it to someone, if you can read it out then do otherwise leave it with them. Make it clear to them how they can help- people in your life may feel worried but not know what to do, people like to know how they can help and if they can help, but don't just wait for things to get too bad because they will and IME can do pretty rapidly.

I am seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist i dont know how to explain things to them and i get scared too. do you think my family would be angry?

[BlueGreenTabbyCat]

No I really don't think they would be angry- it's the exact place your supposed to tell people if you are at all concerned- if anyone were to react it would be with feeling worried and that can come out in various ways but angry? They don't have anything to be angry over- the only thing therapy requires is that you are honest- you get back what you give and if you hold it all back, your sessions run out and your left alone with your problems. If you share, you get a second pair of eyes and support with your problem and if they are doing their job right, you should be able to talk through ways you can cope when you are by yourself if there is no one to lean on. We all need someone and if there is anyone there, it's only going to bring you closer to say if you're struggling. Please try to say something- what is it your finding scary?

[BlueGreenTabbyCat]

(BTW its 4:30am over here in the UK so if I don't reply its because my sleeping meds have actually kicked in and I have actually fallen asleep- please don't feel it's anything you've said, if it helps, I'd love to know how it works out if you decide to say to your psychologist and psychiatrist how things are. IME it's a good thing to tell people what's going on when this is their job and if they feel it's something your family should know it should be done with your say-so which means they will work with you to let them know if they feel it's best for them to know. If you are worried about anything, please tell them this too- it's important and they can help with anything you feel afraid of happening).

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Its time you reach out. I am sending you support and positive vibes.

Originally Posted by BlueGreenTabbyCat

No I really don't think they would be angry- it's the exact place your supposed to tell people if you are at all concerned- if anyone were to react it would be with feeling worried and that can come out in various ways but angry? They don't have anything to be angry over- the only thing therapy requires is that you are honest- you get back what you give and if you hold it all back, your sessions run out and your left alone with your problems. If you share, you get a second pair of eyes and support with your problem and if they are doing their job right, you should be able to talk through ways you can cope when you are by yourself if there is no one to lean on. We all need someone and if there is anyone there, it's only going to bring you closer to say if you're struggling. Please try to say something- what is it your finding scary?

I am scared they will want to talk to my parents and or say i have to go to the hospital again i dont want to go there i cant go there cause they will hurt me and also i am scared of some other things but it is complicated. I just dont know what or how to do it like even if i called i wouldnt know what to say or how to say it.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by eden1515

I am seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist i dont know how to explain things to them and i get scared too. do you think my family would be angry?

Print out your first posy and hand it to them. Sometimes its hard to speak it, but you wrote a very coherent description. Your doctors will be relieved you trusted them enough to give them a copy of your post.

[Bipolar Warrior]

My dear eden, it really is time for you to ask for help with this. You shouldn't live every day being this scared of life, you really do deserve better, and I really don't think that anyone is going to be angry with you for letting them know. Your psychiatrist needs to know so they can change your medication to help get rid of the demons, and your psychologist needs to know so they can help you work through your troubles and fears. I also think your parents should know so they can support you. Trust me, they would want to know that their own child is suffering this way.

[RedSun]

Yes, I agree with everyone, it's time. Crescent's idea is good, if you could print out your posts here then it may help you get across whats going on for you. You are very brave Eden. Hope it goes well for you. xxx

Ok what exactly do you think would happen if I told them the following...

Possible trigger:

I have a plan to kill myself and a date set . I also feel like I have to kill other people sometimes I don't want to but I feel like I have to

. I have to do certain things to keep the demons away
. Nothing feels real
. I have a lot of trouble remembering things and have massive chunks of my memory that are just gone
. I keep having panic attacks all the time
. Sometimes I get really revved up like everything is too fast and I say weird things and can't sit still and feel like I am going to explode
. Other times though I can't even move and everything goes really slowly and sometimes I feel both fast and slow
. I feel like there are other people in my head and I feel like they put things in my head
. I am pretty sure there are other dimensions and that is partly where the demons are from but some of them are also attached to me
. I am also quite sure that certain people want to hurt me and that certain people aren't real
. Sometimes I feel bad if I sit on furniture because I feel like it doesn't want to be sat on and I feel bad because I think I have hurt it.
. I feel like most inanimate objects have feelings and personalities but it is hard to explain.
. I can't take medications because they will hurt me
. Sometimes I feel like I have magical powers well I feel like the other thing in my head does it is complicated
. I don't feel in control of myself at all really anymore.

What would happen if I told them this and I don't just mean would they be angry and please don't just say they will "help" me because that is not what I mean I want honest answers.

[AllHeart]

Really happy you shared all that you just did!! I don't know what will happen to you in your country, but, if you were in the US, you would probably be sent to a psych unit for evaluation and possibly in patient treatment. I hope you can tell someone all of this quickly, because it would be unfortunate for you to hurt yourself or someone else. You will get help, but I don't know what that will entail, exactly. But please, do get help. You deserve it.

[BlueGreenTabbyCat]

Hey Eden,

Just been reading back through your posts- that's a lot of stuff your carrying. I think it sounds really overwhelming and you sound pretty scared right and though joining up dots it sounds like you have reason to if you have had bad experiences in the past- it sounds quite normal to be afraid of saying anything right now.

But lets just look at what you have right now, and think about what your options are, because all this that your trying to deal with on your own; it sounds really really hard and it doesn't seem to be stuff that will just go away or that you will get used to. In my experience, trying to hide away or not think about things or avoid or bury things just gives it more power because you end up spending your life revolved around trying to not think, not say and not act on the things you are trying to escape from. It would be great if it were possible to carry on regardless but when we go through something traumatic like it sounds like you have, it isn't really easy or even in some cases, possible to just walk, things come back to haunt us no matter how far and fast we think we can run.

I also want to point out to you that the last experience you had which has put you off asking for help; that sounds like another added trauma in it's own right and something that warrants talking to those around you to make sure that if things do get bad again (and I'm not saying they will or wont) that the same experience is not repeated.

I would then suggest starting with that- starting with what happened last time. Talk to your psychiatrist and psychologist about what happened and how it felt and how it scares you off using the support on offer, else what is all the time and space to talk about for if you can't use it to help yourself?

The idea of talking about the hospital/treatment experience to those around you is to try to make yourself feel safe to say what you need to. It is important to feel that you have some and as much input in to your treatment and care as possible. It is also important that you trust those around you to have your best interests at heart if they feel you are not able to stay safe and keep yourself from harm. I know it must feel like people can suddenly turn on you- I have had a similar experience myself where I now can't use my own crisis center (which is tricky given on how I am feeling at the moment...) but if you don't try to work on changing it, it wont change.

I'm not sure if you have any sort of a "care plan" written up? Here in the UK we have care plans which are written up before we "lose the plot" (to coin a term!) and we can make it clear what is and what isn't helpful. It's in the best interests of everyone to make sure you are happy with any such care plan because otherwise it breaks down the trust and leaves someone who is struggling badly without a hope of getting support and can isolate and leave someone ultimately very hopeless. It's that which can then trigger a whole host of knock on problems and it's important to not get to a position which it actually sounds like you are very close to.

So here is a suggestion. What about when you see your psychologist and/or psychiatrist next, that you say how you are struggling to trust them with anything as you are terrified of a repeat of before. Your scared of being hurt. Explain to them what happened and then explain how it left you feeling and lastly how you view the services available and what that means for you when you are struggling.
It would then be a good idea to ask if you can create a care plan or some sort of written agreement with whomever you have chosen to speak to. There will be rules against things like risks to your life or to others so confidentiality would be broken if your psychologist or psychiatrist felt you were at risk, but you can then say how you'd like things to be handled and what you'd like to happen.
Try to think of it as if you had a younger brother or sister or friend who was in your position and you worried was in mortal danger (That would be the biggest risk to break confidentiality on) what do you think would be best to keep them safe, and do you think there would be some sort of compromise you could make with whomever you are discussing this with so you give them a small degree of responsibility to look after you and what would feel like looking after you and what wouldn't.

When and only when you feel happy with this- and it doesn't have to be a long drawn out process, just until you feel safer (know that when you have had a traumatic experience, part of you will always hold on to the unsafe part to some degree- it's normal, but you don't need to let it overrule any logic or letting yourself try to do things differently after talking things through), after you have a plan in place and know what's what, then you can begin to let someone know what is really going on.

If your questioning when, my hunch is that it's your minds way of saying it's a good time to ask for help. You need support- asking for help should be about support not about someone taking control and you ultimately feeling someone is hurting you or you are at risk.

Maybe if it's hard to start, write down for your next psychiatrist or psychologist session, all the things you are worried about happening and then all the things which are going on. You don't need to sit and relive everything if it's too much to do in front of someone but I do think it's important to reach out to someone and try to work with them rather than watching them what feels like taking over and hurting you.

When do you get to see anyone (professional) again? Do you think you can try to start to break down the barriers between you and them a bit? I hope your able to- I know you sound brave enough going on how you've gotten through last time on top of an already difficult set of mental health concerns.

Thinking of you.

[BlueGreenTabbyCat]

sorry- that's so long! I just wanted you to have a better idea of how rather than just why because I really think the things your talking about are very important to talk about because I don't think they're going to go away and keeping silent risks them getting worse and you feeling more and more isolated and harder to speak to anyone. Please don't let it get to that stage because it can lead you to a very dark place if you feel like you can't trust anyone and then can't even begin to start.

[Crescent Moon]

My guess is that they would put in place a plan to keep you safe. And they would do an assessment to figure out what they can do to help resolve the symptoms you're having. That might mean medications. It might also mean individual therapy and/or group therapy. The most important thing is that they know so they can keep you, and others, safe.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

You are dealing with a lot of scary things eden. Please get help so that you don't hurt yourself or someone else. I would guess if you mentioned that stuff you might be admitted to the psych part of the hospital. I know it sounds scary but you deserve to get better and not be hurting or having these feeling anymore. I wish you the best.

I dont see my psychiatrist for another 2 weeks and i dont know about my psychologist because i was meant to see him a few days ago but he cancled and i havent made another appointment so i dont know. As for talking about the last time i was in the hospital i dont think i can. I still get nightmares from the first time i was there and even small things that remind me of the place start making me panic evertime i have been there has been worse than the last and i dont think i could ever talk face to face about it.

[Crescent Moon]

Originally Posted by eden1515

I dont see my psychiatrist for another 2 weeks and i dont know about my psychologist because i was meant to see him a few days ago but he cancled and i havent made another appointment so i dont know. As for talking about the last time i was in the hospital i dont think i can. I still get nightmares from the first time i was there and even small things that remind me of the place start making me panic evertime i have been there has been worse than the last and i dont think i could ever talk face to face about it.

You would only need to go to the hospital if you are threatening to harm yourself or others. If you aren't doing that, then maybe they can just work with your meds.

Originally Posted by Crescent Moon

You would only need to go to the hospital if you are threatening to harm yourself or others. If you aren't doing that, then maybe they can just work with your meds.

Well if you read the other trigger thing then you would know but i dont want to write it all again. I just worry because if up end up there again they will hurt me and then some bad things will happen and i dont know if i can take that.

[BlueGreenTabbyCat]

Eden, do you think you can ask to see someone else? Eg not connected so directly to your past? It sounds like asking a bit much of you to expect to carry on speaking and being honest with someone who has already broken your trust.

Is there a superior person to the psychologist? Someone in charge of him/her? You could ask them if there was someone else you could be designated. Or (I'm assuming your a little younger and your parents may have a bit more authority in terms of your treatment) say to your parents you don't feel you click and are finding it hard to speak to them because you are not on the same wavelength...etc a slight white lie but could help things change, I'm sure at the end of the day no matter how hard it can feel, that your parents do care about you and want to help and will help if they can see a reason for them to do something. Sometimes people just need instructions on how to help, they get a bit lost in not knowing what to do so guess things for themselves. If you tell them exactly what you want and need they can have a better idea about how they can help. Things normally need explaining but you only need to give them enough that they understand why they need to do anything if you don't feel able to tell them the full picture. Remember; to them your welfare is the most important thing in terms of looking out for you so make it clear why any help or changes you need will improve or help your welfare.

I was just wondering if there are any phone line services you can call to discuss what is going on with someone? Here in the UK for example we have Childline and the Samaritans or Mind line which are a fantastic group/s of people on the end of the phone that anyone can call and talk things through openly and that way you can get a better picture on what services are available to you and how you can go about changing your team if you want to, but you gotta act fast because things take time and I get the feeling from you that you don't have a lot of time to waste if your already feeling unsteady in yourself.

Please don't give up, please don't keep everything to yourself; there is so much help out there it's just about accessing it. Your past experiences are not the only experiences people have, there are good and bad professionals out there and it sounds like you have not met the more helpful ones yet.

I don't have a problem with the psychologist I am seeing per say it is the ones at the hospital that are the biggest issue and I don't see them regularly it is only when I have had to go there and no the only 2 services tell me to leave because they wanted me to tell them the name of my psychologist but I didn't want to so they said I was not allowed to talk to them anymore. There are almost no services where I live as it is small we only have 1 public hospital and the mental health services are know round town for being terrible a friend of mine said that her friend waited 18 months for help and they didn't help her so she committed suicide. I am seeing my psychologist privately and even still I have already seen quite a few before hand so there aren't really anymore places to go. The people who I have a problem with are the ones at the hospital.