[hopealwayz]

Recently, my T was going to terminate me. Then, he decided to give me one more chance with the agreement that he was going to write me a set of rules. He gave me 2 pages of very rigid and tightly suffocating rules that I feel takes away my trust, safety, and freedom to open up. Also, he said that he will be the one who decides what we discuss in sessions and I don't have any input. So what I want to talk about doesn't matter.

I think that countertransferance is playing a part in this but he won't acknowledge that idea.

I want to stay with him.

However, I decided that I'm going to take 2016 off from him and go back at the beginning of 2017 to see how things are then.

I think he just needs time and space from me.

It's all so confusing.

[hopealwayz]

I'm hurting so badly. I really don't even want to live anymore. I have no hope for the future. I just go through the motions and put on fake smiles for the world.

On top of my painful life situation, the T who I thought would not abandon or hurt me, has emotionally abandoned me. He once said that he'd never give up on me. But he has.

Where did all the compassion go?

Am I really that bad of a person?

[atisketatasket]

If he was going to terminate you, what makes you think he would take you back on as a patient? He's not obligated to do so, I assume?

[hopealwayz]

He agreed to give me another chance if I followed a list of strict rules.

Sounds like you may just need to find a therapist who practices in a way the is more suited to what you think you need. This therapist doesn't seem to be it. Why stay on if it clearly isn't working? Find someone who will be a better match for your needs.

[atisketatasket]

But another chance in a year, or now? Has he made any kind of commitment for 2017?

As I recall from your posts last week, he terminated you both by letter for too much contact and in person when you came to his office to see why he wasn't answering you.

Is it possible that he is just not the therapist for you?

My guess is that he will not take you back as a client a year from now.

[hopealwayz]

On Friday, I did a phone consultation with a therapist. He ran my insurance and said he'd get back to me on Monday to let me know if they will pay for it.

The problem is that I'm broke and I don't think I'll have health insurance next month.

My current T was such an important person in my life that the thought of losing him makes my heart ache. Even though he took away my discounted fees and began charging me the full fees after the termination talk incident, I still tried to find ways to scroung up the money to see him.

I have major attachment to him and also romantic feelings towards him.

[hopealwayz]

Originally Posted by atisketatasket

But another chance in a year, or now? Has he made any kind of commitment for 2017?

As I recall from your posts last week, he terminated you both by letter for too much contact and in person when you came to his office to see why he wasn't answering you.

Is it possible that he is just not the therapist for you?

He is giving me another chance now. In fact, I have an appointment scheduled for Tuesday at 12:00 PM. It's my decision to take a year off.

It is possible that he's no longer the therapist for me. But, I blame myself. I screwed it up just like I screw up all other relationships in my life.

[hopealwayz]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

My guess is that he will not take you back as a client a year from now.

I hadn't thought about that.

It sounds like your therapist doesn't have the directness to simply terminate you and refer you on, so he's trying to make things so uncomfortable for you that you'll terminate on your own. He's hoping you'll take the hint and you aren't I suspect.

You might want to start looking for a different therapist if you want to continue with therapy. If finances are a constraint and insurance is about to be lost, you may need to look into low cost clinics, etc. to find services you can afford if you want to continue in therapy.

This therapist doesn't seem at all interested in continuing to work with you. I know that hurts and you have all sorts of transference issues going on, but you may be looking for something from him that is simply never going to be.

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

He agreed to give me another chance if I followed a list of strict rules.

The whole "giving me another chance" thing is a really big red flag that this therapist is pulling a power trip on you. You don't have to grovel at a therapist's feet begging for another chance, changing yourself in order to meet the therapist's rules. That's all sorts of twisted and unhealthy.

He is clearly going to run his practice and his treatment of you his way, and it is pretty clear that his way hasn't been working for you lately. Advocate for yourself with a different therapist who is more able to meet you where you are; this one isn't the one from what you have shared here on PC.

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

Recently, my T was going to terminate me. Then, he decided to give me one more chance with the agreement that he was going to write me a set of rules. He gave me 2 pages of very rigid and tightly suffocating rules that I feel takes away my trust, safety, and freedom to open up. Also, he said that he will be the one who decides what we discuss in sessions and I don't have any input. So what I want to talk about doesn't matter.

I think that countertransferance is playing a part in this but he won't acknowledge that idea.

I want to stay with him.

However, I decided that I'm going to take 2016 off from him and go back at the beginning of 2017 to see how things are then.

I think he just needs time and space from me.

It's all so confusing.

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I'm hurting so badly. I really don't even want to live anymore. I have no hope for the future. I just go through the motions and put on fake smiles for the world.

On top of my painful life situation, the T who I thought would not abandon or hurt me, has emotionally abandoned me. He once said that he'd never give up on me. But he has.

Where did all the compassion go?

Am I really that bad of a person?

A 2-page letter of rules you must comply with? You have no say in the discussion topics? UNACCEPTABLE!! Seems ludicrous to me for a t to exercise his power of control over you in such a demeaning, demoralizing way.

You need to drop this fool like hotcakes permanently. Straight away. Given your painful life situation, and the added pain brought on from t, you should get online this weekend and search out a new t. Can you get a few names and numbers lined up so you can make phone calls first thing Monday morning? You need a t and there are plenty of good ones out there. This jerk of a t doesn't deserve another second of your time.

[ilikecats]

I think you should get a new T. I know you have transference and stuff going on, but a new T could help you work through that. This guy doesn't seem very nice.

[IceMachine]

Please find the strength to disconnect from this idiot staying will only cause you more harm.

[spring2014]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

Recently, my T was going to terminate me. Then, he decided to give me one more chance with the agreement that he was going to write me a set of rules. He gave me 2 pages of very rigid and tightly suffocating rules that I feel takes away my trust, safety, and freedom to open up. Also, he said that he will be the one who decides what we discuss in sessions and I don't have any input. So what I want to talk about doesn't matter.

I think that countertransferance is playing a part in this but he won't acknowledge that idea.

I want to stay with him.

However, I decided that I'm going to take 2016 off from him and go back at the beginning of 2017 to see how things are then.

I think he just needs time and space from me.

It's all so confusing.

hi hope,
I would agree with everyone here on the forum that you should see another therapist . this therapist that you're seeing is taking advantage of you by placing strict rules on you . to me he sounds like a control freak and he needs to stop giving you strict rules on what goes on in your sessions with him . he doesn't give you that much freedom whatever is on your mind . you have to make that decision to terminate your services w your therapist . this doesn't sound right to me at all . I wouldn't even give him a second chance . don't put yourself in a situation that he will be the one making all of those decisions for you and your his victim for falling into a trap like this . get away from him hope . there are better and more qualified therapists out there who will let you decide when its time to terminate therapy .





Diagnosis : Anxiety and depression
meds: Cymbalta 60 mgs at night
Vistrail 2 25 mgs daily for anxiety prn
50 mgs at night for insomnia with an additional 25 mgs=75 mgs when up past 1:00 in the morning

[JaneTennison1]

This sounds like me. I would have begged my T for another chance and complied with any rules given, my heart is broken over things being over. I remember all the compassion and it hurts. All that said I think a gap is a great idea to get some space and find out that you can received compassion without having to follow rules and act a certain way. You are worthy of more than he is offering you.

Also reminded of this quote, as hard and difficult as it is "I know—better than anyone—that once someone’s made up their mind to leave you, there’s nothing you can do to make them stay.'

[AllHeart]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

My current T was such an important person in my life that the thought of losing him makes my heart ache. Even though he took away my discounted fees and began charging me the full fees after the termination talk incident, I still tried to find ways to scroung up the money to see him.

Yet you are willing to take a year off from seeing him so it sounds like you have more strength than you realize. Maybe at least take the year off AND see a different t during that year. Then you can re-evaluate later. As mentioned, there's a chance this guy won't take you back anyway.

[hopealwayz]

You are all absolutely correct.

Thanks so much for all of the support.

It is giving me a lot of stuff to think about.

I don't know what caused a change in him. He used to be nicer.

I texted him about the year gap earlier but he hasn't read it yet.

[hopealwayz]

Originally Posted by AllHeart

Yet you are willing to take a year off from seeing him so it sounds like you have more strength than you realize. Maybe at least take the year off AND see a different t during that year. Then you can re-evaluate later. As mentioned, there's a chance this guy won't take you back anyway.

That's a good idea to maybe see someone else during that time. I talked with a T on Friday on the phone and it is so awkward and weird with a different therapist.

[Chummy]

I think it would be better for you to look for a new T. This current T doesn't sound that good. Terminating, then he decided to give you another chance, 2-pages with rules...

I can understand why it would be so hard to lose him. My current T is also a important person in my life at the moment, but mine haven't give me rules and such. I'm going to lose my T for at least 4 months. It's a different situtation than your in, but the thought of going to lose her hurts me so much. Even though after she's back I can probably see her again.

Taking some time off from therapy might be good. I don't know if you can go so long with a T, for me it won't work because I would definitely relapse. And you can look around for a new T. Maybe meet a few and maybe you'll meet someone you click with and who would be better for you than your current T.

[JaneTennison1]

I have a new T and all I've done so far is complain about ex T. In my head I keep thinking of everything that is not the same nbut then I think a. I haven't really let her show me what her T style is and b. Ex T had a style I liked but look how that ended. Maybe new isn't bad.

[DelusionsDaily]

I had a pdoc do the same thing and I'm so glad I decided to do what was best for me despite the consequences. Who is he/she to say he/she knows best. I have come so far since getting a new T and prescriber(she an NP not a Pdoc). 2 years of mostly stable emotions and sane behavior. It's nice to have a clean slate sometimes. 2 pages of strict rules seems a bit extreme my pdoc gave me 5 rules and I still had to get away.

I say do what's best for you!

[hopealwayz]

I don't want to leave him.

[JaneTennison1]

Originally Posted by hopealwayz

I don't want to leave him.

I know. It's important how this ends and he will shut you down if you don't end it. Take a break, see what's out there. You are worthy of care an compassion and he is no longer the right person to provide this to you.