[SecretGarden]

How do I separate from all of this? I am trying to find a balance.

I have been in therapy for years and prior to that studied Social Work and prior to that always knew I was a bit "off" or needy. Mom was a psychiatrist that started training in my adolescence. The house was a petrie dish.

Now I feel almost engulfed by it all and yet like a moth to fire I keep coming here and keep going to therapy (yes still needed right now).

I am a single gal, no kids, middle aged and wishing to even out a bit. It is hard. How to balance some of this....I do not know as I have been doing this so long. I am anxious right now and need to release and change.

It is a loss and an obsession. How do I fill it. And no I do not know what I want to do.

SG, can't you do both? Have therapy and live a normal life outside?

[SecretGarden]

Yes but I do not know how. I am embarrassed to say that. May speak to my psyche at this moment as I have from time to time but I seem stuck lately.

[SecretGarden]

This is kinda of connected and kinda not but .... just got the word that my BIL who has ALS is in the hospital and has made the decision to not go on the ventilator. He will be dying in the next who knows when..... I have known him sinse I was 10 or there abouts. My sister is strong and doing what she needs to do. My other sister went down yesterday. She is fine. There was some time that a group leader stated that it could be that I emote for the family. I wish I was calmer. But it seems that my issues are everpresent. Same lines... kinda...

[MissCharlotte]

((Secret))

I am so so sorry about your brother-in-law. The pain must be excruciating for you, especially as the family "conscience." The one who feels for all. I have that role also.

As for the rest, I think you hit the nail on the head when you said your home life was a petrie dish. That sounds conflicting.

I vote for what Mouse said, having therapy and having a life outside. That's what the rest of us do. In your case, your outside life means being involved with the psychiatric community somehow because it feels comfortable, like home? Is that really a bad thing?

But with so much stress on the family front maybe now's not the time for a big change...hang in here for now so we can support you.

Anway, there's my 2 cents.

Take gentle, gentle care right now.

Secret, I'm sorry for you pain right now!

[SecretGarden]

It would not be so bad if I was not so focused. Thanks.

[Perna]

SG, what helped me was when I started reading. I started with children's/fantasy novels as they addressed my issues best but it was interesting to see how one of my symptoms got "less" as the reading got more and then, over about 10 years, how the reading changed from fiction to non-fiction. I think the combination of therapy and "life" helped. But reading and journaling helped me find other interests over time. It was very hard for me too as I was use to my stepmother ruling my life and had spent that whole life in "resistance" to her so had trouble turning around and doing "my own" thing. I had to learn to "want" for myself instead of just "don't want" what she wanted for me :-)

You might try working with Julia Cameron's The Artist's Way http://www.theartistsway.com/ or other similar "workbook." That helped me the most to tease out my creative skill(s) (for me it was writing) and get the creative juices flowing so I could think more "broadly"?

[tranquility]

I know exactly what you mean. There was a time in my life when I was hospitalized multiple times that I became what I felt to be was a professional "psych patient".

I moved through that when I started to feel better about myself and found other interests. I still go to therapy once a month (16 years, same therapist). I find if I don't go I tend to stray away from my grounding. But I am not longer all about my psych issues.

Tranquility

[sunrise]

SecretGarden, I am sorry about the news of your Brother-In-Law. ((((hugs))))

It is sounding like you are focusing on therapy to the exclusion of your "real life" and want to develop the latter more? I think therapy should complement our real lives but not come to dominate too much. Sure, it's important but the goal should not be to have good therapy, but to have therapy that helps us have a good life. Or something like that. Speaking for myself, of course....

I'm wondering if maybe the emphasis in your psychotherapy is not aligned with this goal? You are seeing a psychiatrist for therapy rather than a therapist and so the approach may not be the one best suited for personal growth. Do you know what I mean? Perhaps someone with a more humanistic bent would be more helpful? I know my T says his role is to help me develop the whole person, my whole self, and this includes something like 6 elements (which I can't remember of course), something like the physical, emotional, spiritual, artistic, etc. etc. These are all aspects he can help me with, and we haven't gotten to all of them yet. But there are so many areas I can grow and develop in, and T can help me explore these things and grow. Do you do any of this in your therapy? Sometimes people can really focus on one thing in therapy but a broader approach might also be more helpful. Like instead of focusing on abuse issues from childhood (or whatever), one could spend time in therapy working to develop a satisfying and fulfilling artistic direction (or whatever). Do you know what I mean? See if you can work on getting that balance in therapy. A T with underpinings in the human potential movement might be helpful. And might help get away from the "too much psych" emphasis with its roots in your mother's profession.

Edited to add: here are the six areas of personal development (from transpersonal psychology):
intellectual, emotional, spiritual, physical, creative, and relational

[pegasus]

I have thought about your post a lot today, first of all, I'm sorry you are having such a rough time ((((((((((( SecretGarden )))))))))))

Psych Obsessed - I think it is a NEED, a need to know/understand in order to cope with life.

My whole life revolves around psych. I asked my T about it a while back and he said that it was definately a NEED. Heck, it's painful at times to analyse everything, infuriating, frustrating but circumstances are that if I dropped it all, I feel I would actually fall apart.

Try and get some balance if you can, going out for a long walk can help when it all gets too much. A quick crossword puzzle or mindless computer game can take the pressure off for a while.

Take care.

[(JD)]

[SecretGarden]

I wanted to thank each of you for your posts. Each were quite special and have great suggestions.

My brother-in-law died this afternoon. I will write more in a bit. My sis will need to do some of the same things I am trying to do to find new things and new patterns of doing things in her life. I will miss my brother-in-law.

Thanks everyone.

[(JD)]

[sunrise]

((((SecretGarden))))

((( SecretGarden )))

I am so sorry to hear that your brother in law has died. I know this is very hard for you and you cared about him a lot. I hope the fun and sweet memories of him will lighten your heart.

Hugs, friend



ECHOES

[pegasus]

(((((((((( SecretGarden ))))))))

[ErinBear]

Dear SecretGarden,

I'm so sorry to hear of the passing of your brother-in-law. I send caring thoughts to you and your family at this difficult time....please take extra-gentle care of yourself. Thinking of you.



Take care,
ErinBear

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((SecretGarden))))))))))))))))))))

Secret Garden, I am sorry for your loss.

[Cheri]

So sorry for your loss, SG.

[SecretGarden]

Thanks everyone.

I am so nervous and anxious. I want to be a comfort to my sister and we are going Friday. I took tomorrow off to do laundry, after seeing my pdoc (and hoping for some miraculous peace even in medication form..) I will be with family which is nice but I hope to calm down. Not good at this.... I know, they say no one is..but a bit worried about keeping calm enough to not make a butt out of myself.

I know he is better off.. Really he is.

Thanks all.

[lauren_helene]

I am so sorry Secret about your brother-in-law. My uncle died not long ago so I understand how you feel.

I was also at a rough spot in my therapy. Hugs to you

[SecretGarden]

Thanks for that reminder... You made it. :-)

Pdoc appt in less than an hour.

[Lemon]

I'm so sorry about your BIL.

I think other people have had great suggestions for you in this thread. I found Sunny's list of the different characteristics to develop very interesting. Maybe you could pick one or two of those and work on them in your sessions. I know that is easier said than done. I'd like a more fullfilling 'real life' too, but it is hard to take the necessary steps. I think the key is taking baby steps. Instead of feeling like you have to do something huge and life changing, could you just pick one activity that isn't too far out of your comfort zone?