The Couch 115: Corduroy Pillows Are Making Headlines!

Crocus, would it be possible to outright discuss with it with him?

I've had a moment where I "broke the rules " / crossed T's boundaries in between session and then asked her next session if she was mad at me. She said no she wasn't angry, but I kept saying she could be hiding her anger because "it's not therapeutic for me for you to express anger towards me"

She said something like "Let me invite myself - not as a therapist, but myself fully into this space..." and we then talked about my breaking of boundaries.

So sorry if me talking about my experiences of therapy in other to commiserate / attempt to validate is annoying!

Thank you, QM. It makes me feel a little better to know that somebody reads what I write. Your T sounds like she was pretty well attuned to what you needed right then - did it work out all right in the end?

(I tried to talk to him about it on Thu, and then I texted him yesterday saying that I was feeling rather miserable about what I said. Not much else I can do about it I guess.)

cooties? unless i am sharing my eyeliner with someone else (who does that!), i doubt I will get infected with cooties. Also, navy blue sounds like a terrible idea for me, not to mention, very 80s
OMG, this post made me realize my couch is corduroy!! hahahaha.
Ummm...i am not sure him telling you that you are being irritating is helpful in any way? That would piss me right off! And then i'd REALLY be b!tchy to him. Also...is he a doctor? a scientist who researches chronic diseases?!? Otherwise...
I suppose that is a better explanation of what he thinks. I listen to the Dr. Drew podcast, and an interview I just recently listened to, they were talking about how chronic diseases sometimes manifest from trauma. That isn't to say they aren't real (because they are), but the causes stem from trauma. The body is a crazy thing.
I think it is SO fascinating that any pain or sensation you feel while sleeping is intergrated into your dream. I have had many dreams where something was wrong with my mouth/jaw, and i will eventually wake up with a sore jaw/mouth--always from clenching my teeth.
I find this strange. She might not read them!? Who doesn't read a text when it comes through? I actually think it might be harder to do that than to actually avoid reading a text. That seems silly.
Oh, Crocus!! I do think you have a rapport with your T. Your T seems kind, and seems to enjoy you. I bet you didn't screw up anything.
Good for you for being proactive about it all. I hope you go into your next session and he allays your fears.

It worked out alright in the end for me. I essentially can text her though her boundary is she might not read and will never reply.

I was very doubtful at first. Kept asking "You didn't say no, but you're not saying Yes" until she said "Listen to me, I'm saying yes you can text."

Then I also asked if she would eventually resent "giving texting" to me and "taking it away", and she also said several times that "I will never give you something that I will resent giving. I will not take this away." and I kept asking if she was absolutely sure.

I also had one event where I thought she was taking away "reading QM's letters" and was really really upset and told her "You're taking things away" while crying (I don't usually cry so yep yikes!) so we talked and it turns out that I had wildly misunderstood and literally misheard what she said. She added on the reassurance "I will always read your letters.".

I really, really hope your T will be attuned to your needs. Every one deserves a good, caring, attuned T....you definitely deserve one!

Haha I think she has me muted on the app (I should have clarified it's text messages through a social media app, not regular text messages) so my messages go through but she doesn't get notifications. Therefore she can choose to read (if she wants to) at her leisure.

I have some people IRL whom I do "peer support" with and I set them to mute too, (eg WhatsApp allows for it). This allows me to check only when I've the emotional energy to do peer support, without getting woken up by messages at 3am, while work texts and work calls still trigger notification sounds (I work in IT so I have to be available by smartphone 24/7...).

I don't read all texts. I don't feel an obligation to respond to them either. Like phones - just because it rings does not mean I have to answer.
But I seem to be not the mainstream when writing to the therapist - if I write the woman - it is not to get a response (she does not respond well in person, I have no faith the woman could respond appropriately in a text or email) but more to get something away from me. The times I have forgotten and not told her not to respond, her responses have been useless - now, if I write, I am much more careful to instruct her not to respond.

Well, MC would probably say it's good he's saying I'm irritating because otherwise I would just assume I am anyway. Kinda like I often worry he's (H, not MC) mad at me, so one session we talked about how I needed to ask him if I was concerned about that, and, in turn, he had to be honest in response. So if he was mad, he had to tell me. Though, yeah, "irritating" is a little different... (Plus I feel like I'm irritating if I keep being like, "Are you mad at me?")

This morning he told me he researched some of my symptoms and e-mailed me what he found (of course I've researched them too and, like, am seeing a doctor). He said it could all be just from low vitamin D, which I did test low for (supplementing now) or from low B12, which I also got tested for, and which was fine. I feel like I should be glad he's looking into what might be going on with me, but I'm also kinda annoyed that he's like "Here's what it probably is!" Especially because he doesn't have a copy of the really extensive questionnaire/health history I filled out for the doc.

I'm supposed to be talking to the doc Wed. or Thurs. of next week--Mon. is a federal holiday, and they're always closed Tuesdays. I wish she could have responded more to my e-mail rather than having to wait, but I also understand that she probably wants to have a dialogue about it, maybe ask me more questions, etc. (I have a regular followup appt. scheduled with her, but it's not for another month...) So we'll see...

I agree about not having to answer the phone. So much of what I get on home and cell is telemarketers (despite being on Do Not Call) that unless I recognize the number or am expecting a call, I don't tend to answer.

In terms of texts/e-mails to the therapist, I at least want to believe they're being read, even if I don't get a response. There have been a few times recently when T admitted she accidentally deleted it an e-mail, then couldn't find it in the trash or anything, or the other day, she said she never received one. Or if I sent one late at night, she'll admit she didn't have time to read it before session the next day, but at least she's honest.

MC is a bit inconsistent, like there was one really important thing I sent to him, where I asked him to say he'd read it, and I didn't hear back for days, texted him, and he said he had the flu and would read it later. Still hadn't read it by our appointment time, so we discussed topic. I totally understand if he's sick, and I wouldn't expect a response, but maybe at least skim the e-mail to see if it's something important... He's become much better about responding to things lately, particularly if I ask him to let me know he got it. And he's said he doesn't mind my sending a text being like, "Hey, I sent you kind of a big thing 2 days ago, have you read it?" (Note that I don't e-mail/text him all the time--I just go through periods of a couple weeks where I might do so often because I'm working through something, then not text/e-mail for a month or two.)

Getting ready to head to t in a few... guess I'll talk about last night's anger at h. Although I can't help but wonder if a good bit of that is a result of my mother having been here. I am going to light some sage and smudge my house to clear the energy. Serious.

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Wow looks like t has a client right before me today there's a sign on her door now that say "in session" and another car. Good for her i find myself glad!!

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Grocery shopping is done. Now need to get the pups from the groomer and finish laundry and wait for sibling 1 and inlaw 1 to come over

Absolutely bored silly yet no motivation tofind/make myself something to do

It is not the same thing if he says "you are being irritating" (=ascribing a negative characteristic to you) versus "I'm mad at you" (=informing you of how he is feeling at the moment). Even I know that and I know nothing about relationships - so hopefully a trained MC would pick up on that difference as well....

That's a really good point. It's the difference between H saying "I'm feeling irritated by you" and "you're being irritating." MC often says that any feelings we have are valid and not right or wrong, it's about what we do with those feelings. But yeah, H saying I'm being irritating is not the same thing...(even if I most anyone would agree that I was being irritating!)

Hey couch back from t, good session again, we talked about last night's anger at h, we worked on that dream I shared with you guys recently, good stuff came out of that, she felt like the trainee t was part of me, my animus likely (the male 'part' of me), and so I did an active imagination sitting there in her office and talked to the young male trainee t. I told her I'd tried to do that several times to no avail, it never went anywhere. It was one of my more interesting Actives, because my stubborn-ness intruded so we got up and perused the sand play shelves for something to represent my stubborn-ness so we could 'set it aside' and I found something, and put it aside on the table then went back to the Active. I asked him who he was and what his name was and he wouldn't answer those. she said try asking him if he wants to be a therapist so i did and he said duh, why do you think i am here? i told her, he is so sarcastic.and we shared a little chuckle about that. and I asked a few more questions like "what do you want of me?" and he said basically that i need to get out of his way. hmm. and some other stuff and then t and i talked about do i think about being a therapist? And i said well not like with adults like you do, no. But I have thought about it as far as working with kids. I always did enjoy working with the younger girl scouts at camp, when i taught swimming lessons and canoeing at camp and stuff. And she said "Art, your eyes lit up when you said that." So my homework is to make a concrete first step towards that end - do some research on what it would take, and call a couple local grade schools and ask to schedule an informational interview with one of their counselors. And at the end of the Active Imagination I invited the young male t or my animus to help me do these things, told him i needed his help and input. This is all so very fascinating. What a great session!! I need to go put another load of laundry in and fold the stuff in the drier and write a grocery list, then I'll be back to get caught up here!

Gosh I;m going to need bigger pockets with all these people.

your chillis are safe, I have Chilli Defender spray.

Pardon me, Mr. Churchill, but you were wrong about Russia. It's therapists who are a riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

Velcro - I hear the 80's looks are back! You're welcome!

I think they just get off on messing with people who will try to find order or reason in what they do.
It became better for me once I started recognizing the woman's traps better and started playing my own game rather than trying to figure out how to go along with hers. Sometimes she will try to join mine, but I generally rebuff her.

*hops in BunYip's pocket with kettle and teabags* Shh, don't tell Stopdog!

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I second that, but I think it's a good thing in my case, so I didn't quote the head-banging emoji. It's perhaps her way of letting me figure stuff out on my own - if she's deliberately obscure about some things it makes me think harder. Or something. Maybe I'm all wet though.

I've always liked leg-warmers... not much chance to wear them in the desert, but... I still like how they look!

Wait, I always thought that quote was about Greta Garbo? But, googling brought up Churchill (and partly Garbo too).

(On a less facetious note: am sorry, it's sucky).

Oh thanks for the kettle. It'll keep me warm as T room can be chilly. Last session I asked him to turn the a/c off and he nearly fell asleep.