I think I'm a stalker...

Because it is a different scenario. My ex-T abandoned me. There's a lot of hurt, anger, saddness, etc. The OP has a good relationship with their T atm. But acting on the thoughts is stalker behavior. It's not innocent.

It's not a colleague in this scenario; it's a patient - a patient that T presumably knows a lot better than we do.

And I agree it should be spoken about, because I think doing so would benefit OP who seems disturbed by it.

No one has used the words 'dangerously pathological', but I think this is implied by phrases like 'let it spiral in to something worse.'

I think the aggressive component makes a significant difference... And acting on aggressive thoughts will yield more destructive and problematic behaviour than acting on non-aggressive thoughts and impulses. So saying OP's behaviour is like yours would be - were you to act on your impulses is incorrect.

I appreciate everyone's response. Still undecided if I will bring it up or ignore it. Or if she brings it up whether I will be honest or pretend it's a coincidence.

For context, it's a huge parking lot next for a shopping centre. It's very busy so she likely things we just bumped into each other.

The scheduling stuff is due to running out of public funded sessions. I don't think T like patients have to pay too frequently. The plan is to try to stretch it to monthly sessions.

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Also in terms of intent. I had no intent to communicate with her, to follow her or to hurt her.

Although the that doesn't excuse invading her privacy

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Loco, I have struggled with being away from my T also. I would look up his picture and listen to his seminars on you tube. i felt like a creeper. i was too proud to admit i needed more time with him. I did overcome this fear, got through strong transference, and am finally able to ask for what i need from him. I did tell him about the transference and he was awesome because he let me talk and never shamed me or made me feel awkward. Do not be afraid To tell T what you are experiencing. It eventually gets easier.

Being a patient isn't a get out of jail free card. Stalking doesn't suddenly become ok because they're a patient.

How do you think serious nasty stalkers get started? I stressed very clearly that I did not class the OP as dangerous - I even said I thought he sounded lovely. But stalking starts somewhere and I think it is sensible to understand that it could spiral and so take action (like talking to the T) to prevent it getting worse.

You seem very defensive about this - No one is condemning you, or OP, or anyone else on this forum that has experienced this type of transference. This is a subject that comes up repeatedly here. But at no point am I going to say its ok to do this kind of thing. Its not.

I miss my t I call her answer machine to hear her voice.

I would never suggest ANY pathological and/or threatening behaviour BECOMES ok because a person is a patient. I would see any such proposition as absurd.

I also see it as absurd to suggest that someone may well be at the beginning of a VERY serious pathology because they once watched for a glimpse of their T in a parking lot.

It's benign stalking, but indicative of a need that isn't being met. I hope, even if you feeling uncomfortable talking about what you did, that you will at least tell her how unbearable the long intervals between sessions are. I haven't stalked someone in person but I am a compulsive google-stalker with certain people, particularly in the beginning of the relationship. I am a researcher by nature, which makes it worse. I struggle with knowing some things I shouldn't. I know I am 100% harmless, but I would be mortified if T discovered that I have seen his *public* family tree with birthdays and names of every family member. I wish I could unsee it. I want to tell him it's public so he can remove it, but I can't! So I am not upfront about that, but I make it known in other ways that I feel very attached to him, and I struggle with separation. He is very clear on that, and I feel he is more gentle with me knowing that I struggle.

But that being said - it is true that I am being defensive, because I do have attachment issues and some obsessive features. Were it to be suggested that these aspects of myself were likely to be dangerous, or were somehow illicit I would feel ashamed.

I can understand why someone who has been targeted by a stalker would be alarmed at hearing of any kind of similar behaviour.

I don't think you're a creep. But I do think (and I'm sure you know this) you should not do this again. In my opinion, it's okay to google your T, think about your T a lot, listen to T's voicemail, etc. because that does not hurt your T and it brings comfort to you. But following your T or waiting for your T in a parking lot would scare or unsettle her if she saw you, so I think that's over the line. Even though I know your intentions are innocent, and I know you're doing it to comfort yourself and not to hurt anyone!
If it makes you feel better, I used to do this. I knew the apartment complex my T lived in and I would go out of my way to drive past it, hoping for a glimpse of her. I was never brave enough to tell her about it, but I know it would have helped me if I had. I hope you can find the courage to talk this out with your T.
Sorry your sessions are farther apart now, I know that's hard.

To the OP: can you tape your sessions (audio) to review and maybe hold onto the connection that way? That is, if you can't go back to your usual schedule of sessions?

I've started taping and it's been really helpful, mostly because I am so stressed out with a current life situation that I can't remember what happened, except for what I am able to type during session.

In my opinion the word "stalker" has no place in this discussion, other than the OP using it. If you have even rudimentary understanding of attachment theory, it's easy to see what's going on. Unless there is some indication of malice, "stalker" is an inappropriate and pathologizing label to throw around.

As for therapists having a dangerous job… if they don't want to deal with this sort of behavior from clients, then they should not be engineering a relationship which by its very nature brings it out. I think it's ridiculous to lament the poor therapists in these scenarios, when clearly it is the clients who are suffering.

I agree that a client should bring the issue up if they wish to continue, but how many therapists are going to be able to handle it without hitting the panic button? Puts the client in a bind.

To the OP: I think bringing this up to your therapist may be a good idea, not because you have done anything wrong, but because it illustrates the difficulty you are having with the less frequent session schedule. Perhaps you could bring it up to your T without judging yourself negatively for it: "T, these long gaps between sessions are just not working well for me. In fact, the other day, I had such a need to feel a connection with you that I just sat out in the parking lot for the proximity." Just leave it at that. That is all you did and it doesn't seem like you had any ill intent or did anything that was in any way invasive of your T's privacy, and I don't really think it needs to be framed as "stalker" by you, and I suspect if approached that way, your T won't get that sense from it either. Maybe in framing it that way, you can really talk about the problems with connection and attachment without getting into judging yourself harshly for what you did to cope the other day. You may also find, in just being honest with your T without attaching any negative context to it, you may be able to find ways to cope without having to physically be nearby.

I just wanted to say that I like the way lolagrace suggested bringing it up to your T! That sounds like a straightforward and honest way to tell her about it.

I have a twist to add to this thread. My T was stalking me for YEARS and my friends did not tell me. What can anyone do about a T who stalks their clients?

Dang. Document the behavior and report it to the appropriate licensing bodies / police ASAP, I would think.

Might should be a different thread so this one doesn't derail from what the OP's question and issue are. Just a suggestion.

I almost completely agree with this. However, I doubt many Ts would hit a panic button because a patient who is not coping well with cutting down sessions tried to get a glimpse of them once in a parking lot somewhere! But... if there are any Ts around perhaps they could give their input.

First, how are you, loco4? You haven't posted in your thread again. I hope you are feeling better about your behavior and have told your T how infrequent sessions affect you.

I can identify with your behavior because I have done it too. I don't consider myself a stalker though I know some people on this forum considered me one when I started a thread about driving by my T's house. I did it when she moved to a different house too. I didn't want to cause her any harm. I just wanted to see where she lived. I felt guilty and told her. She understood but didn't like it. I never did it again.

Years before with my first T, after I terminated with her, I realized I could see her office at night from my doctor's office nearby. I used to go there on purpose. I realize that's a very stalkerish activity. I wrote her a letter and confessed, and she sent me a certified letter firmly suggesting I see aT right away. I did.

I felt compelled to do those spying activities in order to get closer to my Ts. I have attachment issues and that's how they manifest themselves. So now I Google instead so I can't be called a stalker anymore?

Early on I mentioned something about my 'stalkerish' impulses to T. He didn't really respond so I asked whether it didn't scare him? His reply was "I don't scare easy".

At one time, when I was very anxious I drove past his house. When I mentioned it during our next session he asked whether it helped at all!

I really don't understand why other Ts discussed here seem to react in a rather hysterical fashion. I do understand that these behaviours have something in common with the behaviour of destructive and malicious stalkers, but inferring that there is a serious threatening pathology here is just bizarre to me.

Most of us already perceive ourselves as flawed, bad, ill, undesirable, threatening and a burden, so I just don't see the need to add to all of this when its fairly clear we are NOT a dangerous subset!

Could we maybe view it as we all have different preferences and beliefs regarding ways that people will act? Some therapists will match up great with some clients, some won't, and the key thing is to find a relationship where the therapist and client get each other. Some people will want a therapist who isn't anxious, some people won't mind an anxious therapist but would mind something else. Our expectations are all really different.

I don think anyone is saying therapists aren't allowed to be human. It's just usually better for clients if the therapist's own stuff isn't leaking into the room.

It also seems to me like there is a false dichotomy here of either the T needing to be an inhuman saint, or otherwise the patient must be a great danger. Since no T is an inhuman saint it would follow that the patient should be ok with being regarded as a threat.

But this is absurd. The therapist must make reasonably balanced judgments about a client. If the T cannot do this, then the T is simply not doing his/her work. And I understand that some patients might work well with Ts who have anxiety issues, but I cannot see how a patient would NOT be harmed by a T who projected those issues onto him/her.

Agree. I would say that is reciprocal though: It's just usually better for therapists if clients' own stuff isn't leaking into the therapist's personal life. I don't think that happens too terribly often (and I don't think that applies to the OP at this point at all), but it can happen and when it does it can become problematic. I do think that on those occasions when it does happen (again, don't think that is the case yet with the OP), the therapist has to decide how to best handle that kind of intrusion with the individual client. I would suspect it can often be handled with discussion with the client, but if that doesn't improve the situation, then the therapist might have make decisions regarding their own sense of comfort and safety.