[AnxiousGirl]

Hey all. As some of you may or may not know I've been seeing a physiologist for GAD for about 2 years (almost 3). At first, I didn't want to go (my parents basically made me go) and on and off I've slowly started to accept it. Talking to a T is hard for me, as I'm a reserved person who takes YEARS to adapt to anyone. So sometimes therapy has been hard for me since I don't really say what I feel but beside that I just always hated the idea of going. It just makes me feel like something is wrong with me or I'm not like "normal" even though I know this isn't true. I just feel it. So lately I've just been mad at a lot of things, mainly anxiety related, and when I get this mad, I usually just feel like nothing in this world can help me get over it so I become sort of hopeless. Now I'm feeling this way and I'm thinking of just stopping therapy instead of wasting time and money (therapy is not cheap lol). I live at home so obviously I spoke to my parents about it and they said it was up to me and stuff but they were hesitant about the fact that I still haven't really gotten over a big part of anxiety I have (even though I have gotten over smaller stuff) and they worry what I would do to help myself.. To which I replied I would just read online self help stuff.. Im not blaming anything on my T, this is basically all on me.

I don't know what to do, or how to end therapy, or if I should even end it. Im just tired/mad/fed up and so much.

Thanks in advance.

[thesnowqueen]

Because I generally feel quite desperate for the support T gives me, I'm not sure I can totally relate. Do you think this is the right T for you? 3 years sounds like it should be enough time for some trust to have been built and for you to be able to be a bit more open with the T. Even with anxiety. If there has not been any real progress in that time the T should have referred you to someone else.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by thesnowqueen

Because I generally feel quite desperate for the support T gives me, I'm not sure I can totally relate. Do you think this is the right T for you? 3 years sounds like it should be enough time for some trust to have been built and for you to be able to be a bit more open with the T. Even with anxiety. If there has not been any real progress in that time the T should have referred you to someone else.

My T is great for me. She's caring, kind, and patient which is what I need in a T. I know for a fact that any T I see I would have this issue. Even with people I know I'm still reserved. My trust with this T has been growing recently too so it's not like I want to switch T's. If I decide to stay it'll still be with her. But thanks for your input. There has been progress, but now it's the harder things and everything feels like it's piling up and I'm getting fed up with everything.

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

My T is great for me. She's caring, kind, and patient which is what I need in a T. I know for a fact that any T I see I would have this issue. Even with people I know I'm still reserved. My trust with this T has been growing recently too so it's not like I want to switch T's. If I decide to stay it'll still be with her. But thanks for your input. There has been progress, but now it's the harder things and everything feels like it's piling up and I'm getting fed up with everything.

the part I bolded - when I've said things like this in the past and asked to slow down t has said that's usually an indication to turn up the heat as she says. i don't know if that's true for everyone, but it worked for me - there were several times during my 5+ years with current t that this happened and I went twice a week for a short time more than once. and it helped.

Then again, it might also just be an indication that you need a break to kinda let the work you've done up til now 'gel'. i've taken breaks off and on and i know others here have too. (In fact i'm on a break right now, this time i feel like my break is not so much to let things gel, but a trial run for terminating.)

The answer is inside of you - you know what's best for you. I wish you all the best!!

[thesnowqueen]

If you are feeling hopeless currently - which is something you said in first post, then it sounds like it's not a good time to quit. It's a time for more support, not less. And I agree with Artemis that this COULD indicate a break-through of some sort?

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by artemis-within

the part I bolded - when I've said things like this in the past and asked to slow down t has said that's usually an indication to turn up the heat as she says. i don't know if that's true for everyone, but it worked for me - there were several times during my 5+ years with current t that this happened and I went twice a week for a short time more than once. and it helped.

Then again, it might also just be an indication that you need a break to kinda let the work you've done up til now 'gel'. i've taken breaks off and on and i know others here have too. (In fact i'm on a break right now, this time i feel like my break is not so much to let things gel, but a trial run for terminating.)

The answer is inside of you - you know what's best for you. I wish you all the best!!

Thanks for the reply! Glad that your T was supportive. I was thinking about the whole break thing but then I feel like I won't go back lol. Just a quick question, when you asked T to slow down did you mean that you didn't want to go see her anymore? How did that whole conversation pan out? Maybe I can say something along the lines you did to my T.

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by thesnowqueen

If you are feeling hopeless currently - which is something you said in first post, then it sounds like it's not a good time to quit. It's a time for more support, not less. And I agree with Artemis that this COULD indicate a break-through of some sort?

Thanks for the reply! Maybe it's just me feeling too much but I don't see it as a breakthrough. I feel like it's like rock bottom more than anything :/ But if two people saw it as a potential breakthrough than maybe I'm missing something.

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

Thanks for the reply! Glad that your T was supportive. I was thinking about the whole break thing but then I feel like I won't go back lol. Just a quick question, when you asked T to slow down did you mean that you didn't want to go see her anymore? How did that whole conversation pan out? Maybe I can say something along the lines you did to my T.

I had asked to come less often... at the time i was going weekly....instead i went twice a week briefly and that got me through that period of wanting to kick my process out the window.... when I've taken breaks, I've known i would go back. Will this time, too. Not ready to say goodbye yet...

And i did some really good work going more often.

[growlycat]

Idk, lots of people here voice the wish that they had gone through therapy when younger. If you end up doing it later even with insurance it is pricey. Only you know what is best for you of course but if it were me I'd keep going. But voice your frustrations to t. Don't hold back

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Idk, lots of people here voice the wish that they had gone through therapy when younger. If you end up doing it later even with insurance it is pricey. Only you know what is best for you of course but if it were me I'd keep going. But voice your frustrations to t. Don't hold back

Thanks for the reply. Yeah I know what you mean, a lot of people always say the same thing to me like take advantage of it, it'll help in the long run and stuff, but I mean I hate feeling like theres something wrong with me. It's like I go there once a week for issues that I find stupid of me to even have when I compare myself to others (like fear of driving..). And that all just makes me feel less than everyone else you know? And I hate it.

[thesnowqueen]

I know what you mean - it's like therapy is kind of 'proof' that there is something wrong with you. And when one already feels flawed then this just seems to magnify it.

I'm unsure how helpful therapy is if you genuinely don't want to be there but it does sound really concerning that you feel you have hit rock bottom. Like it's a time for extra support - not less (as I said before!) In any case, good luck with the decision

[BudFox]

I'm not clear how therapy would help with anxiety.

Three years is a long time to continue something that is not addressing the greater part of the problem. In most areas of healthcare or in any profession, that'd usually be considered failure on the part of the paid professional.

[Ididitmyway]

I will be honest. It doesn't sound to me like therapy is helping you or that it will help at any point in the future. You don't sound motivated and, I suspect, it's because therapy was mostly your parents idea, not yours. So you feel more like you are obligated to go rather than want to go.

May be I am wrong, but that's the impression I get. Forced therapy can't be effective. If I am correct, I suggest that you talk to your therapist about it and see what he says. If I were a T in this situation, I'd invite you together with your parents to discuss it but I don't know what he will do.

[AnxiousGirl]

Sorry if I gave the wrong impression. I started wanted to go maybe a few months ago so like it's me who wants to go sometimes. Ive gotten over the initial reason I went to see my T in the first place so technically we managed to succeed in the sole reason I went to see year 2 years ago. Now were stuck on a hard thing and its just making me feel like a failure. She's been great and she's had clients seeing her for way longer than I have. We haven't failed I know that 110% because we've managed to get over 4/5 issues I'm having, this is just a bigger one.

Therapy is not the only way to work on ourselves and issues. Maybe stop it for a while and see how you feel, or reduce the number of sessions. Anxiety is also one of my main issues and I enjoyed going to therapy sessions for the most part, but also tend to spend an incredible amount of time thinking about it and analyzing everything when I go to regular sessions. I actually feel better now after ~2 years of therapy that I go only once in a while, ironically I feel more relaxed in general.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

. We haven't failed I know that 110% because we've managed to get over 4/5 issues I'm having, this is just a bigger one.

All this tells me is that this will just be harder to conquer/take longer, and that is okay-but definitely not a reason to quit therapy. It can be frustrating at times, and I know how that feels-believe me.

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks for the replies but I don't think I want to continue anymore. It's all my fault that were getting nowhere because I'm too scared to even start with getting over this one horrible fear I have that is with me 24/7. It's getting to the point where I feel genuinely hopeless and doubt that anything will help me so I have to just live with it.

Not sure if I should email T saying all this + say ill come in/or we can talk on the phone to end it truly because i don't want to just email and say I'm done with therapy, I want to email saying how I feel and why I want to end it then end it via in person or phone (whichever she prefers i don't even care). Wow, I was able to get over 4/5 things and now this one that literally controls my life has won. I feel like a COMPLETE failure right now.

[velcro003]

AG- You are NOT a failure. I understand how you feel, bc I feel that way too about myself in regards to certain things. Like I said before, all this means is that this is a very difficult issue for you, and it isn't a linear fix. Does your T know about the issue at least?

[AnxiousGirl]

Originally Posted by velcro003

AG- You are NOT a failure. I understand how you feel, bc I feel that way too about myself in regards to certain things. Like I said before, all this means is that this is a very difficult issue for you, and it isn't a linear fix. Does your T know about the issue at least?

No my T has absolutely no idea about all this and honestly like I don't want to email her then her to say "well talk about it in session" then when session comes theres barely anytime for anything anyways. So like honestly I might as well just stop for now (who knows maybe years from now I go to therapy again). I just feel like I'm waiting everyones time and T should focus on someone who is willing to put in work/knows they will get better, not someone who tried and couldnt and feels hopeless.

[velcro003]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

No my T has absolutely no idea about all this and honestly like I don't want to email her then her to say "well talk about it in session" then when session comes theres barely anytime for anything anyways. So like honestly I might as well just stop for now (who knows maybe years from now I go to therapy again). I just feel like I'm waiting everyones time and T should focus on someone who is willing to put in work/knows they will get better, not someone who tried and couldnt and feels hopeless.

Hmm. Could you send your T an email saying that there is something you want to talk to her about, but are terrified, but really it is important to you? That way she doesn't focus on something else? You are not wasting anyone's time, though I understand. I've been with my T for almost 2 years and i haven't done much progressing. I actually laid on her couch, curled up and stared vacantly into space last week for an hour while she tried to get me to talk. I did ask her if she wanted me to leave early since I was clearly wasting her time.

She said I can do whatever I want, but I wasn't wasting her time. I bet your T feels the same. I also feel hopeless, and like I don't actually try or want to change, and my T says that no matter what, she will still be there. It is nice to hear.

[Ididitmyway]

If you feel like you've made progress with 4 things out of 5, then I don't see how this is a failure only because there is one thing left that is more difficult for you to work through than others. I am not telling you how to feel. I am just saying that your perception of your lack of progress contradicts the reality. Working successfully 4 things out of 5 is a progress, not a failure. If you feel you are not capable of continuing the work and that the fear that still remains is too big for you to tackle at the moment, it's ok to take a break and give yourself some time to decide what to do next. As others said, therapy is not the only way to work on anxiety. Frankly, if all you need is just to learn how to manage it, there is plenty of free online resources you can use. There are also alternatives like acupuncture, herbs, massage, yoga, so you can search for alternative practitioners in your area. It's ok to stop at the moment any way you want. You can either call your T or email her and explain why you are stopping or you don't have to say anything, just inform her that you need a break and that you'll let her know when you are ready to resume therapy. The final decision is always yours. Do whatever feels right for you at the moment and do not concern yourself with how your T will take it. She should be okay with whatever you decide.

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by AnxiousGirl

No my T has absolutely no idea about all this and honestly like I don't want to email her then her to say "well talk about it in session" then when session comes theres barely anytime for anything anyways. So like honestly I might as well just stop for now (who knows maybe years from now I go to therapy again). I just feel like I'm waiting everyones time and T should focus on someone who is willing to put in work/knows they will get better, not someone who tried and couldnt and feels hopeless.

You are not wasting anyones time. There is a reason you feel like you do, and a reason you have whatever problem you have. There is also a reason it is so hard for you to confront it. I sometimes feel like I should give up because I'm just not worth the effort, resources, attention and time. However, I'm also at least partly aware that this is not a healthy part of myself that is talking. I agree with others that therapy is not the only way to deal with things (or always the best way) and that there are times it is better to take a break. However, feeling like a hopeless project is not in itself a good reason

Here's my thoughts: firstly, just stopping therapy suddenly can be very hard and painful, and there can be a huge feeling of loss, and you can be left with all the emotions you were feeling in therapy when you ended all churning around you. (I'm speaking from experience here). If you want to stop, an option is to have a conversation with your T about it and do a planned ending. This might allow you to celebrate your successes and end on a positive note.

Secondly, you sound like you have a lot of emotion around the issue of whether you can or cannot get anything more from therapy at the moment. Can you discuss this with your T? Is there a possibibly that you can take a break to think about whether you want to carry on?

I also have felt a bit sad about 'needing therapy' at times. But perhaps everyone could benefit from good therapy if they tried it/ could find a good therapist?

[AnxiousGirl]

Thanks for the replies everyone. I've hit an all time low right now and I can't do it anymore. Im going to email my T and go from there, I honestly have given up and am so hopeless at this point I don't think anything can help.