Dear T:I Really Need to Tell you Something... Part XXXVI

When I decided to cancel my next appt,the anxiety stopped. I feel so much better knowing I not going to therapy next week... I wonder if I'll be brave enough to actually make the call.

I miss you so much today. This f***ing SUCKS.

R R R R R R R R R.

Miss you.

I fell victim to a smooth talking nut job and I mean that literally.

I know others who fell victim to him too. He's, what they call a chameleon. Sucks the life out of you and then ditches you.

Have you ever? What on earth can I do?

I watched season 9 episode 3 of Fraser the story line was:

Daphne stumbles across a file of one of Niles' patients, who is in love with him via transference. Niles refuses to talk about her, citing patient-therapist confidentiality. Daphne's paranoia sends her to extreme lengths to learn anything she can about her.

I know it's not really about you, but what you represent. I've always just wanted what everyone else had- I want a home. I want to feel safe and I want that Christmas tree with the baubles and the picture perfect family in matching Pajamas. My mother called on skype whilst she was watching a tv show, same thing like yesterday. The volume was too loud and she barely even heard me. So yes I'm feeling sad right now.

New pdoc was nice. Really. But I still don't want any meds. I want to let my disorder kill me.
I was glad to meet you in the waiting room. Do you hate me?

I miss you. When will I see you again?

Skype call 2:



I'm so tempted to write you an email telling you that I hate you now. If you think you've tamed me and that I'm going to roll over like a stupid puppy you're wrong. You're so fake- it's incredible. I bet you love it when I tell you that I love you and you're so wonderful. I can do this alone. I don't want anymore "therapy".

Edit:

>Zero emails sent.
>64 days No SH & I'm watching the 2001 Disney movie Atlantis.
>P.s I'm going to name my child Atlantis.

That lightning struck really close to your house! I hope it didn't scare you too much. It scared me.

I miss you.

I miss you.

I miss you.

Hello. I miss you.

can't stop sleeping but I guess that's ok

I desperately want to take you up on the twice weekly sessions but can't afford to, and now I wish you hadn't offered because I feel awkward telling you in case you think I'm trying to get you to do it cheaper or something...aaaargghhh...it felt so good that you offered and now it's just stressing me out I can't stop thinking about it and I'm also scared of needing you this much. Things can't get worse, we both know that. I'm just trying to stay alive. I'm scared and I wish you were here.

I want to give up

im drinking alone

i miss my roommate

where are you...?

I've not missed you as intensely so far this week for some reason. Not really sure why.
I've missed you of course, but it hasn't felt like like it has recently.

my roomie just called me from rehab!!!!

I am getting ready to send you a very long two paged letter. I am just having someone else proof read it for me first. It's very scary, but a big step therapeutically and I hope you will see it for that.

Honestly, you are amazing. That is all

[QUOTElucozader;6331175]That lightning struck really close to your house! I hope it didn't scare you too much. It scared me.
[/QUOTE]
this reminded me that my T in IP was struck by lightning twice in his life!
that was me the past two weekends.

I'm going to send you that email about the cousin stuff. It's not real and I'm just making mountains out of molehills. I still want to quit. Lets just call it a day already.

I was triggered yesterday and spent a while crying because I lost my lego minifigure that looks like you.

You really changed my life. I can't thank you enough for it. My clients don't know to thank you, but they should.

Thank you for everything!!! I love you!

Back to reality I suppose!

I'm really sick of stupid games. Tired and upset every day from stupid games people play. I am NOT participating. Is it so hard to get it through their THICK, ARROGANT, heads that I am blocking them out!!

I don't remember agreeing that you could go on holiday and nor do I remember you inviting me to go with you. Who gave the go-ahead for you to swan off with your handsome partner? This is a pure outrage. I am beginning to get the feeling that adult adoption is not an option in our relationship. Boundaries?!? Boundaries?! Too £ucking late for that lady, how else did you expect this to play out with all your talk of comfort and holding? £ucking holiday. No one goes on holiday in November and you should never go on holiday again. Tell your handsome, heartbreak butch to go on her own next time.

What's next?? You won't be inviting me for Christmas dinner?! Outrageous from start to finish.