Couch 200: The Bicentennial Couch.

Lemoncake · Jul 11, 2019, 03:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlessedCheeseMaker

Funny you should ask. A couple of weeks ago one of my cockatoo painting s got irreparably damaged and another canvas is sitting there ready to go but I am nervous to begin in case this time it isn't as good as the first attempt but I have learned so many new skills since then it just might be better, but why take the chance it might be crap so says my addledbrain

It's okay to make mistakes. If it doesn't come out as well as you hoped- so what? Everyone has to start from somewhere, not many people can paint from the word go and you don't have to compare yourself to anyone but yourself. You're making improvements and that's all that matters.

Lemoncake · Jul 11, 2019, 03:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

Funny Girl!

Hehehe mischief managed.

SheHulk07 · Jul 11, 2019, 03:56 AM

Almost 3am here and haven't been able to fall asleep. H called me a while ago and told me about a driver he had that stood in front of his car at the airport and wouldn't move. Threatened to sue him and the driving company. People are a bit much. I told him he should have called security but instead gave the guy a few dollars and another rider gave him $20 apparently. I told H he better not stay out driving until 7am again.
I talked to T about the hospital today and he told me he appreciated me bringing things up like that even when I'm unsure about it. He said he feels that part of me thinks it might be a good idea and I agree, but I told him no time feels like the right time. I told him my fear now that I'd go in and my grandma would die while I was in. We didn't talk much about it, so I didn't tell him I'm thinking of agreeing this week after my class ends and my son's birthday if I'm still feeling like this. He told me before we ended that he is being sincere about calling him if I want this weekend because it would be better than if I did SH and ended up hurting myself.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 11, 2019, 09:17 AM

OK, most of you on here know the history of my T and the stone. I told him Monday in session that while he was away, I tried using the stone I've had since about August to feel connected to him, but it didn't help. So I wondered if I should just give it back. He asked if I wanted to trade in the stone for a new one. I said, "But I'm concerned it would make you uncomfortable?" To which he said, "But I'm offering it to you." I told him I'd think about it. I would like another stone. Do I take him up on his offer? I want to ask him to pick which one he loans me (he picked the first time, I picked the second time--he has a lot of stones in there!). Part of me wonders if he'd (perhaps unintentionally) pick the same one I had originally. Part of me would like to have that one again, part of me feels maybe it has bad associations.

So, do I take him at his word that he's good with it and accept another stone? If so, let him pick? Take whichever one he offers (unless I hate it), even if it's the same stone as the original one? I know, this is all up to me, just sort of in a debate about it in my head. I could wait till he's about to go away again in a couple weeks, but part of me thinks it might be better just to do that now. I may also ask him what else he might be comfortable with to do before he goes out of town, like writing me brief note or leaving me brief voicemail, so that I'd give him a couple weeks to decide what he's comfortable with (part of the issue with original stone and note is that he said he felt put on the spot as I asked him the day before the interviews).

Omers · Jul 11, 2019, 09:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

OK, most of you on here know the history of my T and the stone. I told him Monday in session that while he was away, I tried using the stone I've had since about August to feel connected to him, but it didn't help. So I wondered if I should just give it back. He asked if I wanted to trade in the stone for a new one. I said, "But I'm concerned it would make you uncomfortable?" To which he said, "But I'm offering it to you." I told him I'd think about it. I would like another stone. Do I take him up on his offer? I want to ask him to pick which one he loans me (he picked the first time, I picked the second time--he has a lot of stones in there!). Part of me wonders if he'd (perhaps unintentionally) pick the same one I had originally. Part of me would like to have that one again, part of me feels maybe it has bad associations.

So, do I take him at his word that he's good with it and accept another stone? If so, let him pick? Take whichever one he offers (unless I hate it), even if it's the same stone as the original one? I know, this is all up to me, just sort of in a debate about it in my head. I could wait till he's about to go away again in a couple weeks, but part of me thinks it might be better just to do that now. I may also ask him what else he might be comfortable with to do before he goes out of town, like writing me brief note or leaving me brief voicemail, so that I'd give him a couple weeks to decide what he's comfortable with (part of the issue with original stone and note is that he said he felt put on the spot as I asked him the day before the interviews).

I say go for it and switch them out. I know I would ask T to pick the stone and hear all about it being something to comfort me and to have meaning for me... and ultimately he would find a way around picking one for me.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 11, 2019, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Omers

I say go for it and switch them out. I know I would ask T to pick the stone and hear all about it being something to comfort me and to have meaning for me... and ultimately he would find a way around picking one for me.

Thanks, Omers. I'm trying to tell myself if it still makes him uncomfortable, he wouldn't have offered (which I think is why he said, "But I offered"). Or perhaps he's putting my comfort over his slight discomfort? I forget if you were around when the whole "Stonegate" went down, about a year ago. But my T seems to have shifted quite a bit toward me since then.

Omers · Jul 11, 2019, 10:18 AM

I was not here for “stone gate” that was during one of my long breaks from PC.
T’s can be so weird though. I am very thankful that my current T has stated clearly from the beginning that his boundaries are fluid based on where he is at the moment, where I am at the moment, and where we are at the moment. I tend to think of boundaries as written in stone and freak out when they change (it has usually ended badly for me). So hopefully the moment has changed and T is truly comfortable with their offer to let you switch stones.

stopdog · Jul 11, 2019, 10:21 AM

I always kept mine quite firm so that it didn't matter to me what the woman did or did not do. I was unwilling to be at their mercy.

Echos Myron redux · Jul 11, 2019, 11:10 AM

Well, I am realising that therapists are the biggest bunch of ***** imaginable (certain Ts including my own excepted) and I am questioning my career choice.

NP_Complete · Jul 11, 2019, 11:18 AM

I posted on here last night about wanting to give my therapist a small gift in recognition that we started therapy 3 years ago. But then I felt self-conscious and deleted the post. This morning I woke up and realized there are a lot of feelings around my ambivalence about acknowledging this "anniversary". I hesitate to call it that, but don't know what other word to use. I ended up crying for an hour and writing down what I was feeling, which made me realize I probably do need to offer him the gift along with what I wrote. I'm really nervous about bringing these things up with him because I know it's going to make me feel very vulnerable. I've realized that I feel like I was some sort of chump in my relationship, that it felt one-sided a lot of time and that I don't know if he even actually loved me. In therapy, I feel a lot of real emotions about him and our relationship and I really, really don't want to be made a fool of again in any relationship. Acknowledging this "anniversary" is making me feel like a complete fool. But I do acknowledge it and I can't change that. He has been important in my life for the last 3 years. He's probably going to love this crap, but it hurts.

WarmFuzzySocks · Jul 11, 2019, 11:47 AM

At the beginning of this week, I almost called my t to see if she had any openings. Things are pretty rough. But I thought, nah, I’ll be fine. And I am. Except I was ticking along being fine this morning when a friend texted me to say “Checking in, thinking of you.” I had to get up and close my office door because I started crying, just out of the blue.

So, not fine. Divorce is stupid and I am mad about it.

ChickenNoodleSoup · Jul 11, 2019, 11:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

OK, most of you on here know the history of my T and the stone. I told him Monday in session that while he was away, I tried using the stone I've had since about August to feel connected to him, but it didn't help. So I wondered if I should just give it back. He asked if I wanted to trade in the stone for a new one. I said, "But I'm concerned it would make you uncomfortable?" To which he said, "But I'm offering it to you." I told him I'd think about it. I would like another stone. Do I take him up on his offer? I want to ask him to pick which one he loans me (he picked the first time, I picked the second time--he has a lot of stones in there!). Part of me wonders if he'd (perhaps unintentionally) pick the same one I had originally. Part of me would like to have that one again, part of me feels maybe it has bad associations.

So, do I take him at his word that he's good with it and accept another stone? If so, let him pick? Take whichever one he offers (unless I hate it), even if it's the same stone as the original one? I know, this is all up to me, just sort of in a debate about it in my head. I could wait till he's about to go away again in a couple weeks, but part of me thinks it might be better just to do that now. I may also ask him what else he might be comfortable with to do before he goes out of town, like writing me brief note or leaving me brief voicemail, so that I'd give him a couple weeks to decide what he's comfortable with (part of the issue with original stone and note is that he said he felt put on the spot as I asked him the day before the interviews).

Personally, I'd pick the stone I'd like the most myself. If I asked my T, it'd just be setting myself up. He might choose the right one and I'd be upset, or he'd choose the wrong one and I'd be upset too.

If you feel comfortable with whatever your T chooses (even if that is to answer 'I don't want to choose for you, you can take one on your own if you want to'), then that's fine. If you're not that comfortable with that, I'd personally still go with getting a new stone if you want one, since from what I know of your T he seems like somebody who wouldn't just claim he's okay with it if he's not, but maybe not ask him to choose.

Lemoncake · Jul 11, 2019, 11:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LonesomeTonight

OK, most of you on here know the history of my T and the stone. I told him Monday in session that while he was away, I tried using the stone I've had since about August to feel connected to him, but it didn't help. So I wondered if I should just give it back. He asked if I wanted to trade in the stone for a new one. I said, "But I'm concerned it would make you uncomfortable?" To which he said, "But I'm offering it to you." I told him I'd think about it. I would like another stone. Do I take him up on his offer? I want to ask him to pick which one he loans me (he picked the first time, I picked the second time--he has a lot of stones in there!). Part of me wonders if he'd (perhaps unintentionally) pick the same one I had originally. Part of me would like to have that one again, part of me feels maybe it has bad associations.

So, do I take him at his word that he's good with it and accept another stone? If so, let him pick? Take whichever one he offers (unless I hate it), even if it's the same stone as the original one? I know, this is all up to me, just sort of in a debate about it in my head. I could wait till he's about to go away again in a couple weeks, but part of me thinks it might be better just to do that now. I may also ask him what else he might be comfortable with to do before he goes out of town, like writing me brief note or leaving me brief voicemail, so that I'd give him a couple weeks to decide what he's comfortable with (part of the issue with original stone and note is that he said he felt put on the spot as I asked him the day before the interviews).

I would say don't think twice.It's alright. He's changed from when you first started seeing him. If he said he's comfortable= trust him. If you don't like the one he picks out it's okay to tell him to do it again! I have my lego mini figure and it really does help.

Lemoncake · Jul 11, 2019, 11:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WarmFuzzySocks

At the beginning of this week, I almost called my t to see if she had any openings. Things are pretty rough. But I thought, nah, I’ll be fine. And I am. Except I was ticking along being fine this morning when a friend texted me to say “Checking in, thinking of you.” I had to get up and close my office door because I started crying, just out of the blue.

So, not fine. Divorce is stupid and I am mad about it.

Your feelings are valid. You don't have to do this alone. Please reach out to T and let her be there for you.

unaluna · Jul 11, 2019, 11:59 AM

"I once loved a woman, a child I'm told..."

Lemoncake · Jul 11, 2019, 12:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SheHulk07

I talked to T about the hospital today and he told me he appreciated me bringing things up like that even when I'm unsure about it. He said he feels that part of me thinks it might be a good idea and I agree, but I told him no time feels like the right time. I told him my fear now that I'd go in and my grandma would die while I was in. We didn't talk much about it, so I didn't tell him I'm thinking of agreeing this week after my class ends and my son's birthday if I'm still feeling like this. He told me before we ended that he is being sincere about calling him if I want this weekend because it would be better than if I did SH and ended up hurting myself.

I hope you can reach out to him if you need to over the weekend. If you did check in voluntarily would you be allowed to leave later on? (sorry im not sure how the US system works).

In the UK we have one charity that offers free short term stays if your feeling suicidal.

Lemoncake · Jul 11, 2019, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by unaluna

"I once loved a woman, a child I'm told..."

gave her my heart but she wanted my soul....

You GET me original una!!

Lemoncake · Jul 11, 2019, 12:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NP_Complete

I posted on here last night about wanting to give my therapist a small gift in recognition that we started therapy 3 years ago. But then I felt self-conscious and deleted the post. This morning I woke up and realized there are a lot of feelings around my ambivalence about acknowledging this "anniversary". I hesitate to call it that, but don't know what other word to use. I ended up crying for an hour and writing down what I was feeling, which made me realize I probably do need to offer him the gift along with what I wrote. I'm really nervous about bringing these things up with him because I know it's going to make me feel very vulnerable. I've realized that I feel like I was some sort of chump in my relationship, that it felt one-sided a lot of time and that I don't know if he even actually loved me. In therapy, I feel a lot of real emotions about him and our relationship and I really, really don't want to be made a fool of again in any relationship. Acknowledging this "anniversary" is making me feel like a complete fool. But I do acknowledge it and I can't change that. He has been important in my life for the last 3 years. He's probably going to love this crap, but it hurts.

I'm sorry you're struggling so much with this NP. I would use the term anniversary too. Your relationship with his T is not the same thing as with ex-H. This milestone is a testament of how far you've come. i hope you can share your gift with T.

Lemoncake · Jul 11, 2019, 12:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

Well, I am realising that therapists are the biggest bunch of ***** imaginable (certain Ts including my own excepted) and I am questioning my career choice.

You get good ones and bad beans everywhere. Maybe try to remember the reasons you chose to go into therapy in the first place. Are you fully qualified now or still training?

susannahsays · Jul 11, 2019, 12:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stopdog

That would annoy the bejeezus out of me. I am pro letting go of life in 99.9% of situations (I am often the court appointed guardian for the dying/unable to communicate person and have been in a lot of those meetings).
OF course, I also have the final exit book memorized, a stock pile of various methods depending on what has befallen me, instructions in my poa NOT to resuscitate me, and directions to my friends and loved ones to club me and/ or walk away for a day if I collapse.

I am also pro letting go of life, and I wish there were better options in place in this country to make the process less drawn out and tortuous for all involved (if desired). However, if I were the doctor in question and I cried, it wouldn't really be over the fact of death per se, but because I felt an overwhelming sense of empathy for the loved ones of the person who was about to die and for their loss. Of course, me crying would not be helpful to them.

I don't personally cry in situations like that, probably because I have not yet experienced the loss of a person that is close to me. I do sometimes find myself almost tearing up when I hear someone's pet has died or is about to die. It is not for the pet that I am sad. Their suffering is over or about to be over. I feel empathy for the suffering of their person or people.

Maybe this doctor has some sort of loss in her past that she is reminded of when she loses a patient.

susannahsays · Jul 11, 2019, 12:59 PM

I don't like kid's cotton candy, but when the state fair comes around, there is a vendor who makes it from maple syrup. I haven't had it in a while, but it's delicious.

susannahsays · Jul 11, 2019, 01:14 PM

On dentistry, whenever I'm feeling sorry for myself, I think about how horrible things would have been had I been born in another century. I'd probably have a mouth full of rotten teeth. If a tooth gave me pain, I'd either have to live with it, or have it pulled - without anesthesia - by some random who wouldn't even sterilize his instruments. At some point, I'd probably be down to a few teeth, and that would really weaken the integrity of my jaw and make it look all scrunched. I would have a very hard time eating anything but mush, so the nutritional deficiencies I would likely already have would be compounded. I wouldn't remember what it was like living without halitosis at that point. And it wouldn't occur to me to provide any dental car to my dogs, so they would also suffer.

I haven't had to have much done at the dentist so far - a couple fillings and my wisdom teeth taken out. They were really impacted and also caused me to frequently bite my cheeks in the night and while eating. I did have to have one of the sockets reopened and debrided due to post-op inflammation, which was fun. But, luckily, I haven't had to have any root canals or crowns so far. They don't sound fun.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 11, 2019, 01:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

Well, I am realising that therapists are the biggest bunch of ***** imaginable (certain Ts including my own excepted) and I am questioning my career choice.

Perhaps you can help give them a better reputation? All careers have their...whatever is hidden by the *****.

LonesomeTonight · Jul 11, 2019, 01:22 PM

Thanks for the advice re: stone. Ended up talking about various other things (including some stuff with H, a bit with my parents, a bit about me being sort of an empath--they all tied together). Then at the very end, after we scheduled, I said, "I was going to talk about something else today but didn't." T apologized, and I said, no I chose not to discuss it yet. That it was about his offer of a new stone. T: "So did you make a decision of yes or no?" Me: "No, I think I need to talk about it more. It's never a simple yes or no with me, I guess. I know, I'm complicated." T (in an affectionate manner): "You're not as much of a pain in the *** as you think you are." Me: "Aw, thanks! Guess that's your line of the day?" T: "Wonder what the people on PC will think of that one?"

Earlier in session, he also said I needed to write a book, because I had so much knowledge and ideas that it would be a waste not to (this was somehow in reference to my mentioning an advice column, Dear Prudence, on Slate). Me: "Can you write that on a note to a publisher when I submit one?" T: "Well, that note from me and $3 will get you a cup of coffee." Me: "True."

stopdog · Jul 11, 2019, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Echos Myron redux

Well, I am realising that therapists are the biggest bunch of ***** imaginable .

I have been subtly hinting at this for a while

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