Can a therapist lead a client to be dependent?

Can a therapist lead a client to be overly dependent on them?
Cause that's what happened to me. I have mother transference of my therapist too. I find it hard to cope without her. She has reduce the phone calls to one phone call a week to stop the depencey. But its causing me a lot of distress. Meaning I find it hard to use the skills I learnt in therapy and applied it on myself. Most of the phone calls were vaildatation from my therapist and she told me it can become addictive getting vaildation especially if you don't have vaildating environment.
The phone calls wasnt slowly reduce it was like one week cut to one phone call. So it was huge shock for me and I find it hard to cope. So I usually depend on my partner which not fair on him cause that cause him stress too.
If say my therapist tells my partner to redcue the depencey on me. So he won't say feed the monster of my dependcey. I just have panic attacks! I find it hard to cope.
So I have no idea what's going on.
If anyone has any insight what's going on that be much appreciated.
I just would of thought I be able cope with the reduce phone call without a panic attack or rumainte on it.

I do experience traits of Borderline personality disorder
And I experience OCD.

I'm sure many here will disagree with me but unfortunately I do see a pattern on this site of therapists who allow the dependency to build from the beginning. IMO I do not think therapists should allow clients to start the level of outside contact that leads to the dependency, especially for those with BPD and attachment disorders who tend to want this kind of contact more than others.

You and so many others on this site end up suffering when the T tightens the boundaries and reduces outside contact. By teaching coping skills from the beginning and forcing the client to use them from the start I feel it would be so much easier and humane for the client. I also feel this would tend to speed up recovery time rather than leading clients down the road to dependency and dragging on the treatment.

I have empathy for all of those who suffer from this type of treatment by therapists who allow it. Once it starts, I can easily see how clients would not want to switch to another T with tighter boundaries who may be able to actually help them. In answering your question, yes therapists do lead clients down this path and I am sorry about that.

Yes, I had this experience (or codependency I guess). I was in very bad shape when I was seeing number 3 (SI, SH, life crisis due to health, leaving abusive marriage).

Anyway, at first I kept the barriers well up, but as we went to two sessions a week and started therapy by email, they broke down. I don't think she meant to encourage dependency, I just don't think she was thinking outside the moment (a habit of hers). We also both knew my seeing her had an end date (I was working outside my home city while I saw her) and I think she felt desperate for time, so stepped up things to move faster.

So it was very hard to leave due to all that, and she didn't maintain typical boundaries after I left (we kept emailing), which led to her thoughtlessness creating more problems several times. And then I went back for a session and we ended things formally--but like three months later she was doing the same thing again, though I very specifically told her not to contact me. Finally she stopped after talking to my current therapist.

I am grateful to her for some things but also still experiencing the fallout from the above at times.

Yes, I think it's possible. I'm worried my current T is leading me there. The only advice I have is talk about everything. I tell my T EVERY SINGLE THING about how I feel about him, so that there is no confusion on his end. He knows I'm overly attached and he knows how I feel. I trust him to set the boundaries appropriately (and hope he does so).

That being said I can see how the change in contact would be hard. We talk about 8-9 times per week (not a traditional 1 hour weekly session kind of thing). I feel it really hard when he is on vacation or there is a holiday. However, I feel secure that he won't decrease the time, since it is basically a 1 hour/week equivalent. So I guess in your case, I would want whatever the agreement is to be consistent and it sounds like your T hasn't done that.

Thank you for your reply I really appreciate that and taking your time to read it.
It happened to me once before with a pervious student therapist from the same place I go too.
I agree with you what you said. She told me my therapist they do that to build the relationship but I think she lead way too far deep. Made it worse.

What's your advice or suggestion to cope with this? Should I just end therapy? I did say to her its probably best I should end therapy but she didnt like that and wanted me to stay on. But just causing suffering and my realtionship with my partner.

Yes it appears that many therapists cultivate dependency and unhealthy attachment in particularly vulnerable clients.

It kind of saddens me to read on here how many people don’t go to therapy to improve their life or have a safe place to talk or what not but go to therapy because they are overly attached to their therapists up to the point that their entire life is in shambles or put on hold because they can’t function without relying on their therapists 24/7.

It appears that therapists cultivate it all while clients’ life is only getting worse. For many people on this forum therapy is about therapy and therapist, nothing else. It would be fine if it didn’t bring so much suffering to clients. I blame therapist for all that.

Obviously not every therapist cultivates dependency and not every client is prone to be dependent and attached. But it happens often enough, at least from what I see on this forum.

don’t think they usually do it on purpose but definitely they can. it’s how the abusive ones groom

Quite honestly I think anyone who has been a therapist for any length of time or have dealt with BPD or attachment disorders know exactly what they are doing.

T always say they have seen or heard it all befire. I am not a T but I know just reading this site that loose boundaries regarding outside contact can quickly lead to dependency. Then when it is pulled away the client suffers.

Luckily for me I have avoidant attachment and I do mot have BPD traits but I know many who do. I am also lucky that my T has solid boundaries and stresses that it is unethical to allow dependency. If he allowed me to email whenever I wanted or worse yet encoraged it, I can see myself getting caught in the loop as I have seen so many others. Maybe it is because my at specializes in trauma, dissociative disorders and BPD. If he allowed everone to email or call him all the time hecwould not have time for anything else.

Teafruit it is always your therapy and your choice and I am sorry your T led you to this point and then changed the rules. If it were me and I could find the strength to do so I would look for a T that specializes in BPD and holds strict boundaries. I know that is easier said than done once it has been allowed and become a habit but it may be easier to accept from a different T. Also DBT is very helpful for BPD. I have been in DBT classes for 2 years now and it has helped tremendously with my emotional deregulation and distress tolerance.

Yeah my therapist said how was building the realtionship. Yeah eay too far deep. She probably saw it going that way. I remembered how I called her 3 times but she didnt call back. I called the receptions so it wasnt you know her work phone or personal phone. It was cause I was having panicked attack. I had no idea she doesnt work on that day so the following week she said to me " ringing 3 times wont make me call you faster" it really hurt me when she said that.
She just got notifications on her phone by email. That was the day she reduce to one phone call the following week I wasnt allowed to call my keyworker anymore only of I want to work through some thing. So I felt even more rejected. So I dont bother calling the keyowler cause I dont trust her. I keep her far away incase they try to gain my trust again and reject me again..

This is my impression as well. Unfortunately, I think some people are so desperate to be heard and seen that it becomes all-consuming when they finally are. I tend to cling to people I like more strongly when a) I have a smaller social circle b) the person is giving me something I've been starved of.

In the year I went to sessions, I spent more time thinking about therapy than I would have liked, but the focus was always on my issues more than on my therapist. I know I had some low-level attachment issues (I wanted approval and to know he occasionally thought of me outside sessions, but I didn't care that he had family relationships that meant more to him, saw other clients or went on holiday for weeks at a time), and I never felt able to address them. But I stayed in therapy because I knew I was making progress in other areas, and those areas were worthwhile.

There was a point where my therapist refused to hug me, and it left me feeling completely rejected and uncomfortable sharing things I needed to in order to progress. I realised that any further sessions would just become me sitting on a couch feeling unlovable. Therapy would become about my problems with therapy, and I didn't see the use in that.

So I left. Right decision.

But that might not have happened if I didn't have my wonderful husband, supportive best friend and job to fall back on. I could cut my therapist out because he was part of my life. If your therapist IS your life, it's harder to do.

Nope.. .

I go to therapy to have safe place to talk but in doing so I am overly attached that I do not function without relying on him.

How does someone go to therapy to improve their lives or have a safe place to talk that has a attachment disorder, cPTSD, BPD, dissociative disorder and NOT get attached to someone who for the first time hears and sees them, nurture them like the parent they never had? How do you stop the brain from doing that? If the therapist is strict, stern with tight boundaries healing does not occur.

Where is the fine line? I do not want to go back to where I was before therapy. I think I will take this painful attachment over the hell I was dealing with before.

It is fine for the client to be dependent on the therapist for a while. It's how healing occurs -through a secure attachment. Obviously it takes time for the attachment to become secure but with a safe and boundaried t it can. The important word is boundaries - the therapist needs to be self aware and have worked through their own stuff as much as possible, plus be having regular supervision, in order to ensure the focus is on what is helpful for the client. Sadly it seems from a lot of the posts here that is not always the case.

I think it's more a case of "is a T skilled enough to resolve attachment issues", or else all the clients my T sees would be dependent on her. They're not.

How do you know if her other clients dependent on her or not? I have no idea if my therapist’s other clients are dependent on her or not. I suspect not but I don’t really know for sure as I don’t know what issues they have. It would be unethical of her to share such thing.

Quote:

Originally Posted by The mouse I think it's more a case of "is a T skilled enough to resolve attachment issues", or else all the clients my T sees would be dependent on her. They're not.

I agree. Attachment in the form of transference - when properly handled - is the classic way to work through deeper issues. I wouldn't fear it or resist it, nor would I obsess about it; step away and allow your subconscious mind work things out.

Yes, some styles of T can make dependency worse. I ran into a similar issue with an old T. I don’t worry about it with current T. The difference? Old T let the dependency get to where she was feeling resentful or angry towards me... BUT she made it sound like it was because I was too needy. For the record I am still just as needy... current T knows how bad my dependency could potentially get. We got to a point where he was getting a LOT of emails between sessions and it was bothering him as he felt pressured to read them ASAP and respond. We talked about it sand made a couple changes... I can still email as much as I need and he will eventually read them as he has time... maybe before next session, maybe not... depends on his week. He no longer answers all of them. If I need a reply I put in the email that I need a reply and then he replies. He also replies if he feels the need to. The other thing we did was to rank the importance of the email so he knows if it is important it will say so in the subject line. I know these would be harder with the phone but it shows a different way of working it out. IMO the problem is not the dependency but the emotions it creates in the other person that they may not have healthy ways of working through with you.

I don't buy this idea that therapists can reliably calibrate their behavior to avoid provoking dependency. There are too many variables in a human relationship. Plus therapy is dependency-inducing by its nature. I think certain therapist behaviors can increase the likelihood of dependency or intensify it.

Usually it's said that dependency can be avoided if the therapist has "good boundaries", is aware, non-reactive, patient, non-judgemental, etc etc. In other words, if the therapist behaves according to some impossible ideal. And so people search and search for this perfect therapist, like searching for a soul mate. This kind of dynamic in real life would be labeled as unhealthy by therapists. Also, seems many therapists are in the profession because they have emotional problems, so doesn't seem prudent to search among this group for a savior who can lead you into some idealized dependency.

Your reason?

Yeah thank you!
The mouse doesnt know. He/she is creating a assumption without facts.

They shouldn't ideally but some therapists' actions (e.g. pattern of giving in to clients or allowing too much) inevitably seem to lead to client dependency.

I am really surprised at how many Ts allow outside contact... It leaves no agency or personal responsibility for clients who are all too keen to run to T without trying to self-support (or self-soothe). It used to be: therapy - clients process for a week - therapy which would lead to clients to manage their lives and/or emotions.

Scarily enough, for many clients, instead of focusing on one's own life, patterns, coping etc. (which fosters independence), the main focus seems to be on their relationship with their T. This is not the purpose of therapy. The T relationship ought to enable changes in one's life outside the therapy space.

It all seems to have been distorted into some sort of over-reliance on T and/or power struggle to get Ts to change. Again, it is not a T's job to accommodate every client need or whim. Therapy is meant to be a safe space but it does not mean that everything goes. We are bound to hit boundaries, which is a good (if painful) thing as it helps shine a light on some aspect of ourselves we need to work on. Or at least informs on how we come across in the 'real' world.

I guess accountability is in the same neighborhood as dependency? I feel like I am more accountable to my t than I am to myself, and that's part of the reason I'm taking a break from seeing her right now. I need to practice being 100% accountable to ME. She didn't agree with me on that concern, of course, but tough toenails. It's how I feel. She is also very focused on the relationship being super important, says that "this doesn't work" without the relationship, etc. But I feel like we are too close in some ways, I dunno. I just needed to pull back for awhile and try to look at this 'relationship' objectively.

Geez. I think you're wrong.
I can contact out of session.
Most times I don't.
But all this self sooth rubbish.
Have you rea that out off "client no no's, 101"?

I always, feel when I read rigid posts, like this that the person is, cut off from they're own desires, to have a, T email out if session and reveal more about themselves.

I can't help the assumptions you make about me. That's your prerogative.

Feel free to indulge in your rudeness.

Well... what ever is happening in therapy. Is making me worse.
1) increased anxiety
2) pain attacks. To the point I have to put my face in old water
3) cant sleep. Have werid vidi dreams. Nightmares.
4) constantly worrying I can't have a break. Incredible ruminating.
5) increased OCD thoughts to the point I think people cursing me. I have to do my OCD rituals.

So there. What ever happening therapy is making me worse.
I just want to ran away from therapy. Just accept well...I will never get a job cause I'm mentally retarded.
I'm feeling very hopeless and powerless.

I dont expect you to understand. Cause not alot of people understand people with BPD anyway.