Trust/constancy

Ever since the last rupture with T I feel as though I have slipped back into the area of mistrust. He and I talked through this rupture but there is a part of me who is pouting.
And she is afraid and feels as though she is being given mixed messages. And, yeah, she told T that.

I just don't believe that he exists between sessions. He lives in that chair while I am sitting in front of him and then as s oon as I leave he beams up to the big ole' T planet where all of our T's hang out and party (and talk about Freud) until it's time to go back to his chair.

So, how are these two issues--trust and constancy--connected? I'm just not sure.

Peace.

I don't know. Do you mean consistency? how can we trust that "WE" meaning you and the relationship with T still exists outside your vision? Only time and going through the pain of wondering will resolve this. I think the pain of wondering and trying to fathom it all out is one of the steps forward. I dont think its possible to just wake up feeling that trust or there would be nothing to build the relationship on. this pain we go through IS THE RELATIONSHIP! I am coming to realise. I think.

(())hugs

I don't know. Do you mean consistency? how can we trust that "WE" meaning you and the relationship with T still exists outside your vision? Only time and going through the pain of wondering will resolve this. I think the pain of wondering and trying to fathom it all out is one of the steps forward. I dont think its possible to just wake up feeling that trust or there would be nothing to build the relationship on. this pain we go through IS THE BUILDING BLOCKS OF THE RELATIONSHIP! I am coming to realise. I think.

(())hugs

constancy, meaning object constancy... loosely it refers to being able to hold onto or remain connected, the feeling stays level and does not disappear when the "object" is removed.. or thats how i've always defined it, i may be off some.

i wish i knew sister. i call and leave messages.. to hear his voice.. to get a tangible sign that he is still there.. but i don't know.

i dont feel he is gone between sessions, i feel *i* am gone... i don't exist for *him* when i am not in my chair. i am instantly replace by bob, bill, john or whoever the %#@&#! that pretty girl is who is sometimes waiting there for the next appt.

i think the two have to at least ru parallel if not be interdependent. Are you pushing him away in your mind bw sessions? like unable to accept connection.... or you feel he withdraws? In the latter i would think it is a trust issue for sure, the first one? i dunno.

mine is trust related... am i replaced? does he give a %#@&#! whether i go home happy or in misery? there is a problem with wanting to be on T's mind you know? we all do that... but i just want him to just every so often wonder if i am ok. i don't think he does. i am rejecting it, rejecting the idea of caring, etc... so bw sessions he can't *be* there.

i dunno, maybe that doesn't make sense.

Good question Fluffy,

I didn't always but I am now pushing him away between sessions. And I think it's because I have trust issues right now. That he is not there for me. That between sessions, he disappears, not me--because here I am with me but where is he? GONE

So I think we both have mistrust but with different constancy manifestations.



Peace

Remember the days when you were able to hold onto him? When you could have a conversation with him in your head? When you could feel like he was there for you even when he wasn't physically present? Or maybe there was just general "feeling" of him being there with you or "in your corner" so to speak.

Try to think about the reasons why that seems impossible now. Talk to him about that. Because I know you had times when those things existed... so I'm wondering why they have gone.... why he has gone.

I think it is something more than trust issues. Who really trusts their T completely? Does anyone? I don't know. For me, it seems doubful that there will ever come a point in which I can 100 percent trust him on ever issues-- how can I 100 percent trust that he is not going to leave me?

I hope that you can discuss this with him tonight.

XOXOXOXOXO

For me, the worry/trust issue of T leaving morphed into not having that issue anymore, like having a symptom that's doing something for you and not needing that protection anymore and losing the symptom? I never understood it from within, living with it, had to wait until the symptom went away and look back and wonder why I felt the way I did originally.

I made almost tangible stories out of incidents that happened that I could remember and use later like a kind of tool. I still hear my T's voice in my head from 25 years ago saying, "Not with that attitude!" and use it when I get too ornery for myself. Think of situations you do remember and why you have chosen to remember those and take comfort going through them like they're a pack of magic cards that you're adding to as you go through therapy and that can be used singly or in combination to get you out of most scrapes when you can't "find" your T. Think of such times as "tests". You can't learn to manage on your own without some practice?

PInk, Perna,

Thanks.

Yeah Pink, I know I was able to have conversations with him in my head as recently as 2 weeks ago; But, (Perna) I cannot conjure up any feeling that is specific that goes along with that; and if I try to have a conversation with him now, it feels phony. He's just not real anymore.

I suppose it has something to do with the rupture but I did tell him all my feelings surrounding this and we talked through all.....

It's a void and I feel like I have to go in there this evening and fake it. Had a difference of opinion at work today and I thought, "oh that's what I'll talk about tonite, it feels safe."

What is going on here?

Not sure at all.

xoxoxoxo

I think your feelings might change in person. It can be hard, even for adults I imagine, to keep someone in one's "head" alive, especially if we're doing something else. "Trying to have a conversation" in one's head, if you think about it, isn't the right place for conversation and to "want" that, out of context as it were (Ho, hum, think I'll have a conversation with T in my head so I don't have to concentrate on this work I don't want to do) it could be a good thing that he's not "there?" It's harder to ignore the physical when it's right in front of you; all senses present.

Do let us know what happens tonight!

((((((Sister)))))))))

I hope you figure out things soon with your T! I know it is difficult. I love ya' and am here if you need me.
Take care.