Couch 238: Appreciating Small Progress Couch

Well my session today is supposed to be over the phone, hopefully the person will call in.

Since I was almost hospitalized in the psych hospital again last month, I looked into getting a Psychiatric Advance Health Care Directive so that I could have my Dad or my Sister act as my agent if I am deemed unable to make decisions about my care. So I contacted a lawyer and told her what I wanted. She asked for $350 up front via Zelle so I sent it to her. Then I sent her the requested information. A few hours later, I get a Durable Power of Attorney for Finances. I was like, what's this? This isn't what I was expecting. It didn't have anything in there about health care or psychiatric care. So I replied to the woman and was like, um, I don't think this is what I requested. I told her I was heading to bed for the night and if she had questions about what I wanted we could talk in the morning. When I got up in the morning, I checked my email on the phone and there was an Advance Health Care Directive that covers medical and psychiatric stuff. With nothing filled out. I probably could have saved myself the $350 and found it online somewhere. Although finding one that was CA specific might have been a bit harder but anyway, so now I have that to fill out. But then I was wondering about the financial one and trying to figure out if I needed that one. So I am asking several people that I know and trust what they think. The lawyer lady said I needed it. So complicated. I just wanted someone to be able to make decisions for me if I am in the psych hospital and they don't think I can take care of myself. Now I have like 42 pages of a Health Care Directive and 20 something pages of a financial directive. I am in way over my head.

Kit, you could probably talk to the attorney about what exactly it means and what you need to fill out. But I would check to see what the $350 covers, to make sure it would still cover talking to her about this. I am wondering, too, if the $350 includes her signing it, which might be needed to make it a legally binding order? In other words, the $350 was likely for more than simply sending you the forms. But I would ask before talking to her, so that she won't be billing you more.

And for the financial directive, maybe that's needed in case you're hospitalized for, say, a few weeks, so that your father (or whoever you put on it) could take care of your bills, like access your bank accounts if needed, etc.? I really don't know--just speculating.

I imagine this is something that Stopdog could maybe help with....

Well my session today is supposed to be over the phone, hopefully the person will call in.

I'm having a virtual session with Dr. T in a little over a half hour--the last one before he has a week off. I'm really uncertain what to talk about, as we've been addressing a lot of therapeutic relationship stuff lately, but it feels to risky to have those sorts of discussions right before a break, in case there's a misunderstanding. I have a tendency to withdraw/be rather distant the session before a vacation, and I don't think that serves me well either. As then I might just end up talking about surface stuff, which I don't really want to do.

A natural topic would be my health, as I just got my blood work back from my physical, which I'd been worried about, and it was all fine. Even my Vitamin D was in normal range, which is hasn't been for years (I suppose supplements and spending time in the sun do in fact help....I know, shocking!). But I don't want to think "OK, my numbers are fine, going to continue as I am!" Because I know I need to make changes. So that's a topic that would be useful to me, but also not particularly risky in terms of "we could have a conflict, then I won't see him for 10 days." Perhaps I'll go with that? Really wish I was seeing him in person....

I do see his backup, R, twice next week (in person), so that helps.

Also, regarding the money to charity, I don't know about religious guidelines for that, aside from the tithing thing that I think is for Catholics (I'm very technically Catholic, but have been to like 2 masses in my life, I think, one of which preceded a wedding). I want to say tithing is 10%, but I may be wrong.

I wonder if you could give back in other ways so that you could save some of your money? I know you already do some volunteer work, but could you do some more of that in place of the money? It wouldn't even have to be stuff you could do in person--you work in payroll, right? I wonder if there are any sort of services using your job skills that you could provide for the church or people in the congregation or community? Like I served as secretary for our local public health association for a couple years and was in charge of their Facebook page and some other communications (all volunteer). Or else could you help to raise money for a cause, without it being your money? Help organize an event that's also a fundraiser? Just throwing some stuff out there so that you could be giving back while still having enough money for your own needs.

Also, regarding giving gift cards and things like to your coworkers--are you familiar with the Love Languages? One of them is gift-giving, so it could be that's yours, so you express your appreciation (or love) by giving gifts. Whereas others might use words (words of affirmation) or doing something for the other person in return (acts of service). The other thought is that maybe you don't feel valuable enough in some way, so you're using money in a sense to try to make up for that? Those seem like good things to talk to your T about. And in terms of the financial aspect/charity, could it be something you address with either your pastor or pastor's wife, in addition to your T?

I do hope your session goes well, LT. I always found the session before and after a vacation or break to be difficult as well. I didn't want it to be too deep or too fraught with potential upsets.

I get what you are saying about your health. I got a good report from my labs and I was like yeah! But I know I am still overweight and need to do some stuff about that.

I hope the backup T is helpful as well! And in person! That's great!

I hope whatever you choose to talk about will be helpful and that you will feel good about the session.

Crossing fingers and sending hugs. Kit

I hope you get to have your session and that it is a good one!

Hi Kit,

I appreciate what your pastor is saying, and yet....when giving has potential to put you in a position of hardship, maybe it's time to look at it again?

There's something slightly punitive to me about the way they've phrased it.

HUGS,

Lost

L's not moving!!! Her H is going to be assigned here!...permanently!

Possible translation:

'I'm sorry you're feeling like that, but it's here. What can you do?'

L's not moving!!! Her H is going to be assigned here!...permanently!

Thank you Quietmind 2, as always, I value your input!


First off: the thing with the coworker: I think this goes deeper than I had originally thought/understood when I bought her the gift card. My only thoughts I had when I was buying for her was that she helped me out and I took time away from her schedule and wanted to know that she was appreciated.


A friend of mine sort of challenged me to go deeper with it so I have been trying to analyze it a bit more. I think if this was a coworker that I got along with well, I might not have gotten the gift card. A verbal thank you or a thank you email might have sufficed. But I have also given gift cards to coworkers that I get along well with so I'm not sure that I was trying to "make up" for not getting along well with her. I'm not sure. I frequently buy my coworkers a coffee or lunch or something. (I mean, not all of them, but the ones I come into regular contact with). But they also reciprocate, so it's okay. This coworker works in NY and I work in CA so we don't really have a reciprocal relationship like that but it felt right in my heart at the time that I gave her the gift card. Only later when a friend questioned me about it, did I think, oh did I do something wrong? BTW, I still don't have an answer to that.


Secondly, about charity and donations and so forth. Yeah, I spend a lot of money on charity and donations and stuff like that and I am not saving enough for myself. I have been contemplating whether I should step back some from some of my commitments to charity and what that says about me as a person. It is coming in direct odds with my religious beliefs which is hard for me because it's a core part of who I am and how I identify with the world around me. On the other hand, I can see that I am suffering in some areas because I'm giving a significant portion of my income away. It's something I am currently wrestling with and I haven't come up with a good answer.


Thank you for your care and concern for me. I appreciate it!