WHAT IS THE WORST THING THAT CAN HAPPEN?

**** If you are new in therapy and struggling with trust issues, this is likely not a good thread for you to read.

I hope you all will help me a bit today. I want to know what your worst therapy experience could possibly be.

I have a therapy session this afternoon where I would like to directly and frankly discuss my irrational thoughts and fears regarding physical contact. I am trying to get myself ready to take the plunge and actually explain in detail some of the things that run through my mind and how overwhelming this fear actually is on the inside. I'm doing a worst case scenario analysis to prepare myself.

This morning I am trying to figure out why I continue to resist discussing this issue in detail with my T. I know I feel naïve, stupid, embarrassed, abnormal when talking about it. As the thoughts and words form, I realize how irrational and skewed they are and then I don't even want to admit that I had them. But of course by not expressing them, my T has no idea how f*&^ed up I am, so she can't help me deal with them.

Therapy is where it is OK to express and talk about any and all issues. No matter how pathological, disordered, just totally wacky the issue or thoughts are, your T is someone who has likely heard it all before. More importantly, not only have they heard it before, they are trained to see through the wackiness to help the real you put these thoughts to rest and correct the distortions.

Here are my questions for the group:
1) If you have a good therapist, why would you still resist and not take advantage of this opportunity to de-clutter your mind and bring order to the disorder????

2) If you were to say something that makes you appear like a total shameful, complete idiot, evil, hypochondriac, (add any other judgment labels) freak-- WHAT IS THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN? Be honest here... this is why I put the trigger icon on this thread. In a therapy session, what is the worst thing you can think of that can happen?

> If you have a good therapist, why would you still resist...

Because you are not yet sure T is a good therapist.

> what is the worst thing you can think of that can happen?

That the therapist will invalidate you.

It can happen. You have to try to find out.

chaotic, throughout your post you talk about "irrational" thoughts and fears and how you think the therapist should "correct" these thoughts, tell you they are distorted, put the fears to rest, "declutter your mind." Is this really what a therapist is for? Would it really help you if your T "corrected" your thoughts?

When I was struggling with fears that my H would hurt me if I told him I wanted a divorce, I read a book called The Gift of Fear. It helped me accept my fear and understand it is there for a reason and not to shrug it off. In therapy we explored why I was afraid, the roots for this fear and the "evidence" that what I feared might come true and the evidence that it wouldn't. My T at no time ever said "your fears are irrational, just stop thinking them and all will be fine." That is not therapy. I think you already have a sense that your own fears/thoughts are "irrational," and it hasn't helped you banish them, so it really wouldn't help to have a T say that too, would it? Maybe you need to get beyond the surface of trying to banish irrational thoughts, and explore their origin. To talk about all that with your T and see if it opens up any paths to healing. You say how "overwhelming this fear is on the inside," so there probably won't be a quick fix--it will probably take more than one session. Have patience and treat yourself gently. This is hard.

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chaotic13 said:
If you were to say something that makes you appear like a total shameful, complete idiot, evil, hypochondriac, (add any other judgment labels) freak-- WHAT IS THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN?

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">That your T would be invalidating and dismissive, and say, "chaotic that's irrational, buck up and stop thinking those inane things, let me correct your thoughts for you and all will be well." Sorry to laugh, but you have made your T out to be very good, chaotic, so I can't believe she would ever say that to you. If you cannot trust her enough to share this difficult topic today, can you at least tell her that you have an important topic you would like to talk to her with at some point, but aren't quite ready to? Then at least she knows something is there, trying to come out, and she can work to help it out and build even greater trust. Trust doesn't come overnight, or sometimes even in a year. It is easier to work on really difficult issues and build trust if you see the therapist each week. You haven't seen her for 3 weeks so no wonder you are worried you won't be able to share. Today you might just "get to know each other" again since it has been so long. I think you are doing great.

the reasons i still haven't said things to my t are that i am afraid to show her my bad, tarnished, dirty side. i want her to like me, accept me, maybe even love me in the parental self and or keep me forever. if i tell her those things, she'll reject me (that is my fear). also i'd then have to take 'me' home after exposing all that and sit with 'me' in the same house. she only has to deal with me an hour a week. i don't think i could handle having to have the exposed me longer.

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Pachy said:
That the therapist will invalidate you.

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Sunrise said:
That your T would be invalidating and dismissive

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This is definitely a concern for me. I envision her saying, "Those thoughts are totally crazy and you know it. Just don't listen to them." Or "You are being ridiculous, no one is going to hurt you!"

Or my favorite... "You stupid ***, everyone feels that way! What are you getting so bent out of shape about?"

Other scenarios:
I tell my T, "Hey, I know we've joked about this but I am really freaked out when people touch me. Bah, Bah, Bah" And then my T gets up from her chair, laughs, you are just being a total freak and tries to give me a big bear hug.

My T says... "You know, I've been looking to get rid of you for the past 6 months. This issue is really freaky, not within my scope of practice, and will take a lot more time to deal with. I think you need to find someone else to help you with this one. Good luck with that massage class you signed up for at the end of the month--you're going to need it.

What's interesting is that your fears you just posted about sharing this topic show that you are worried she will invalidate you, but in your original post, you seem to want her to correct your thoughts, declutter your mind, set the record straight, etc., which all would be invalidating.

I think what Kiya said also shows up as a fear in your posts, that you are worried about what she will think of you (a freak, crazy, irrational, a stupid ***, ridiculous) and so won't accept you, like you, respect you, etc.

I think it would be really helpful to your T to share all your fears with her (from your last post)--that she will think ill of you, be dismissive of your concerns, want to terminate you, not give you enough time for this issue, etc. Even if you can't share the issue, you could share your fears about sharing it.

Good luck today. Just imagine these are non-touchy hugs --->

Great posts, sunrise.

My answers to your questions are.
1) Although I feel like I have a good therapist, I am afraid of letting it all out because I feel like I will relive some of the painful stuff.

2)The worst case scenario for me is being laughed out of the room or being locked up in a hospital. I realize these fears are irrational but that doesn't make them go away.

Yeah having our fears laughted at would be awful.

1). Just can't get over the trust thing?
2) the worst would be if t said, "I think you're totally correct. You're an evil, stupid, crazy, ugly, lazy, worthless, unloveable ***** and nothing will ever change that"!

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Gimmeice said:
laughed out of the room or being locked up in a hospital

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I was really afraid of this too.

Well... I DID IT! After talking about something else for the 1st half of the session... I warmed up and DID IT!

My T did NONE of the things listed in this thread. I shuttered, wiggled though the whole session but I was there and I told her that my fear of physical contact was a lot greater than I had let on.

There is a lot more I'd like to share, but I need to catch my breath. I just wanted you all to know... in my situation... my fear of being laughed at, dismissed, or told to get over it were not justified.

BTW, when making my next appointment when the 2-3 week suggestion was given... I said "2 weeks, I would like to come back in 2 weeks this time."

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Kiya said: also i'd then have to take 'me' home after exposing all that and sit with 'me' in the same house.

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OMG Kiya this is a big one for me too. I'm sure as the day passes and my mental noise starts up again, I will be dealing with this one.

THANK YOU ALL for helping me again today.

I am so proud of you. You were very brave. You did great! And your T came through for you. Plus you were able to ask for what you needed--more frequent sessions.

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chaotic13 said:
Here are my questions for the group:
1) If you have a good therapist, why would you still resist and not take advantage of this opportunity to de-clutter your mind and bring order to the disorder????

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I don't think it matters how "good" the therapist is-- if you are not ready to talk about something, then you are not ready. It is not easy to allow someone to see the most shameful, hurt, and fragile parts of yourself. Trust yourself to know when it is time. If you don't feel ready, then analyze the resistance with your therapist. Tell her that you have something difficult to tell her, but you aren't feeling comfortable-- process that with her. What is the opportunity that you mention? Every session is an opportunity for something-- don't put so much pressure on yourself. Trust your mind and your unconscious-- when you are ready, it will come.

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If you were to say something that makes you appear like a total shameful, complete idiot, evil, hypochondriac, (add any other judgment labels) freak-- WHAT IS THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN? Be honest here... this is why I put the trigger icon on this thread. In a therapy session, what is the worst thing you can think of that can happen?

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The worst thing that can possibly happen is that you have to sit there and tolerate your feelings with your therapist. In time, it becomes the best thing because you learn that both you and your therapist can regulate your emotions together. In time, you will see the acceptance. The worst thing that can happen is that you have to feel. The best thing that can happen is that you have to feel.

I'm editing this to add that I didn't realize you already went to your T and told her what you wanted to say. Well, I'm still going to leave my post here because another viewpoint is always good. Nice job!

(((((((((((foreverlost))))))))))

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foreverlost said:
1). Just can't get over the trust thing?
2) the worst would be if t said, "I think you're totally correct. You're an evil, stupid, crazy, ugly, lazy, worthless, unloveable ***** and nothing will ever change that"!

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OMG I am laughing - but from a place of "That's it!" and expecting the t or my MD to say that exact thing to me, too.

My list would have been stupid, crazy, ugly, lazy, worthless - and nothing will ever change that - don't call me again. and my MD always says "I agree with you!" so it wouldn't be a far throw to get "Yo're absolutely correct! Yours was just written funnier!! In fact, now that I remember, i did voice phone message to her saying something like "please remind me i'm going to get better and... that.... you won't send me away. Oy. I see her tomorrow. So i will get to test this theory!!

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Pinksoil said:
The worst thing that can happen is that you have to feel. The best thing that can happen is that you have to feel.

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I really like this one.

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Pinksoil said:
If you don't feel ready, then analyze the resistance with your therapist.

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I can do part of this really well. I can analyze my resistance. The 'with your T" part is very difficult for me. Over the past two weeks I had been going over and over and over my resistance and kept coming to the conclusion that not only my fear of physical contact was irrational but my fear that my T would not handle what I said appropriately was ridiculous. I was projecting, and her response today confirmed it.

Get this... I even told my T that last week I was flipping out a bit an kind of wanted to sit on the ugly couch and talk to her about it. This admission was very difficult for me to say and I couldn't believe I actually said it out loud. She said... "You should have called me." "You're allowed to call me. I would have talked to you." I think she actually may have meant it too.

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foreverlost said:
You're an evil, stupid, crazy, ugly, lazy, worthless, unloveable ***** and nothing will ever change that"!

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I've called myself these things quite frequently, especially a cold-hearted unlovable *****.

As for the trust thing, for me it comes and goes. I don't trust, then totally wear myself out resisting, avoid, worrying, etc... Then when I am exhausted I say F*&^ it, I don't care what happens and then take the plunge. Maybe one day I will stop wasting all that time and energy and just trust people I know to be trustworthy.

Why wouldn't you tell your therapist? Because admitting stuff out loud makes it (more) real.

Worst possible thing? Someone you trust uses your fear against you.

It took me awhile to realize that a very young part of me was braced all the time for my therapist to demand "payment" for his caring - meaning he'd want to have sex with me. Now - to say that to him sounded like the most presumptuous thing in the world (I am not attractive, young, etc.) but it also sounded like a huge insult to his professionalism, his character, etc. So I didn't say it for a very long time.

But eventually I did, and he nodded as if he completely expected this and he did a good job of reassuring me without rejecting me. (How do you say "I'd never want to have sex with you without it being insulting and yet you must say exactly that!?) But this list of awful things that could have happened were long in my head.

I'm impressed that you carried through today. Good job. Don't over analyze it. Let the good feeling sit for awhile and just enjoy it.

Chaotic, I'm so happy for you that your session went well. You seem to be growing in leaps and bounds!
You know what my initial response was to the original post? It made me think of posting on PC and the risk involved. What if no one responds or I am rejected? What if the writing style doesn't evoke the intended emotion or comes across as rude when it never was intended to and I alienate everyone. I can't hide behind my looks, body language, my position in society it's really just me in all my twisted glory--exposed. Sometimes it's as scary as therapy for me and also just as therapeutic. I think everyone deserves for being brave enough to share their vulnerabilities. Sometimes experiencing the human side of others is as healing as receiving the support.

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2) the worst would be if t said, "I think you're totally correct. You're an evil, stupid, crazy, ugly, lazy, worthless, unloveable ***** and nothing will ever change that"!

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My first therapist said to me at the ending of our relationship "I have never been treated so badly by anyone in my entire life."

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flowerb said:
Why wouldn't you tell your therapist? Because admitting stuff out loud makes it (more) real.

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WoW, this is so true for me. Yesterday in the session I felt really uncomfortable but really connected to my T. After talking about my fear, my T talked about EMDR and had me trying it once during the session. I've never done this before so I really didn't get what I was supposed to do or what she was going to do so it really didn't work too well. She asked me to think of a specific situation in which I get very anxious. To visualize it and really think about experiencing it. She paused, I think waiting for me to tell her what I was thinking about. But I just could not voice it out loud. It was like I could not fathom hearing the words, especially me saying them. Instead I just looked at her and said..."I got one." She accepted this and tried to guide me through the exercise. Last night this memory haunted me big time as I tried to go to sleep. I tried the eye movements, it helped while I was doing it but the feelings and sensations quickly return after I stopped. I don't think I am doing it right.

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kessa19 said:
It made me think of posting on PC and the risk involved. What if no one responds or I am rejected? What if the writing style doesn't evoke the intended emotion or comes across as rude when it never was intended to and I alienate everyone. I can't hide behind my looks, body language, my position in society it's really just me in all my twisted glory--exposed.

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I found this really interesting. I find posting on PC and writing to my T much easier because I CAN hide my looks, body language etc.. and say stuff I would never be able to say. Either way it is scary wondering if people will accept you post and respond.

(((Pachy))), I am so sorry your previous T actually said that to you. I truly believe what comes around goes around. Although I may know see it for myself, hurtful people will eventually reap what the sow.

I feel really lucky. My T really handled me well yesterday. I don't know where I would be if she actually did one of the worst things that can happen. I know in other areas of my life when I did a worst case scenario analysis and something bad happened, I felt really crappy but then pounded my chest and said I was ready for that. My personal ritual in these situations is to take my pulse to confirm that I am still alive and basically say a very loud F(*& 'em! However, this would probably be A LOT harder to recover from in this particular relationship. ((((many hugs to you Pachy))))

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pachyderm said:
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My first therapist said to me at the ending of our relationship "I have never been treated so badly by anyone in my entire life."

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Some things, whether true or not, just shouldn't be said! I remember my first therapist telling me I'd either be "told what to do, or ignored". It took me a long time to get over that and realize it was the therapist's thoughts or feelings on the subject and not "reality".

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kessa19 said:
It made me think of posting on PC and the risk involved. What if no one responds or I am rejected? What if the writing style doesn't evoke the intended emotion or comes across as rude when it never was intended to and I alienate everyone. I can't hide behind my looks, body language, my position in society it's really just me in all my twisted glory--exposed.

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chaotic13 said:
I found this really interesting. I find posting on PC and writing to my T much easier because I CAN hide my looks, body language etc.. and say stuff I would never be able to say. Either way it is scary wondering if people will accept you post and respond.

I'll try to explain...Because of my hx I tend to sexualize relationships (body language etc). A person can hide alot by being this way. In addition, looks can be a defense (i.e. I can tell myself, if I don't belong it's because of my weight). I also can be invisible and disregarded because of the way I look.
I hope that makes sense. I guess for me any connection is a risk. It seems to come so easy for everyone here. Intellectually I am relatively mature, socially/emotionally not so much.

kessa19,
What you said does make sense. I'm glad you are taking a risk and exploring this way of connecting.

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chaotic13 said:
After talking about my fear, my T talked about EMDR and had me trying it once during the session. I've never done this before so I really didn't get what I was supposed to do or what she was going to do so it really didn't work too well. She asked me to think of a specific situation in which I get very anxious. To visualize it and really think about experiencing it. She paused, I think waiting for me to tell her what I was thinking about. But I just could not voice it out loud. It was like I could not fathom hearing the words, especially me saying them. Instead I just looked at her and said..."I got one." She accepted this and tried to guide me through the exercise. Last night this memory haunted me big time as I tried to go to sleep. I tried the eye movements, it helped while I was doing it but the feelings and sensations quickly return after I stopped. I don't think I am doing it right.

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I'm glad you are giving EMDR a try, I think it has the potential to help. When I have done EMDR with my T, we need more than my usual 50 minute session. It seems to work best if we have 90 minutes, so we can get through the whole process comfortably, without being rushed, and without having to skip anything. From what I have heard about EMDR, it is OK to keep the thoughts about the fearful situation to yourself, you don't have to speak them outloud, just remember/think them while you are doing the EMDR. When I've done it though, I spoke them outloud. (I think that has some therapeutic value for me too, and allows T to help me better.) Often what my T does is have me tell him the traumatic experience without doing EMDR, or at least the gist of it. and then we put the EMDR gizmos on and do EMDR on it. So he ends up hearing some of it twice and he guides me through it with prompts, and it has helped him know what we need to do since he has heard it before. If that makes sense.... There have also been times when I just could not tell him and we needed to backtrack and spend some more sessions building trust.

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and basically say a very loud F(*& 'em!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">This made me smile because it is similar to what my T told me to do once. He said whenever my H does/says X, Y, or Z to me, inside just say f*&k you.

I think the EMDR could open up a lot for you, chaotic. I hope you get to try it again, and maybe some more explanation /reassurance of the process from your T might help? When I do it, I don't do the eye movements. I think I would find that very distracting and I might not even be coordinated enough to do it. There are other ways to achieve alternate stimulation of the two sides of the brain, so your T might be able to use one of these if the eye movements don't work for you. (We use these two electronic gizmos that give alternating pulses. I put one under each arch of my foot, but T says some people put them under their thighs. And I've heard others hold them in their hands. I find the alternating pulses very soothing. I wouldn't mind doing it even when I'm not doing EMDR.)

So good to hear your session went well, chaotic! I've learned a lot from all of your posts, so thanks all! And, I'm so sorry your first t was such an a@!h*&%, pachy. I'm assuming you have someone better now!