Do you ever feel like T thinks your not telling the truth?

My T tells me that she believes what I am telling her. Yet, sometimes her words make me question that.

Last session she told me that I am so put together, strong, beautiful, smart ect. That she has counselled people who have gone through something much less severe than I and with a totally different outcome. That she wonders how I came to be as strong as I am today given all the different aspects of abuse I suffered. It made me immediately go into this I don't think she believes me state.
She also told me that when sharing about a memory that I had not told her before that I showed no emotion as opposed to the last time I shared a memory with her. My immediate reaction again was she doesn't believe me. There was one other thing she said that I can't totally remember off hand that made me question as well.

Do you ever feel like you are just telling a story about someone else when you are talking to you T, where no emotion is attached? I find myself doing that. I believe its one of my defense mechanisms because I can't stand being vulnerable. It's extremely difficult for me to trust people. Yet, logically, I know if I don't share, this whole process will take longer, so I find myself just spurting info out sometimes. Then I feel horrible after, raw, for sharing so much, but I can go through the whole session without a single tear.

I would hate for my T not to believe me. My mother didn't believe me when I shared about one of the men who sexually abused me. Maybe my fear of not being believed stems from that, it's like I can't let my guard down. My T is really going to have to win my trust, I hate to be like that with her because she seems really nice, but I don't know her well enough.

Have any of you ever felt like your T didn't believe what you were telling them?
Have you ever shared a memory with a T without showing emotion?

hangingon

I think that you answered your own question! Good work. Are you going to talk to your T about this?

Hello, I would hope my T understands all I tell her. I just returned to therapy after a long absence. I was told; I not only have depression, which I normally was dealing with but also BPD. This really distrubed me; yet I had most of the symptoms.

I do understand the "anti-trust" thing; Ive struggled with this a lot with those in the mental health profession. I haven't had this problem with my new T because she is really supportive of us who have issues with mental illnesses. I also believe she see's my symptoms (constant rocking) and knows there's something going on within me. Perhaps its because you show no "outer signs" of anxiety that makes her doubt your sincerety.

I also have found with my own issues, I haven't gotten to the root of most emotions and therefore, I appear "disasociative" or distant from the present situation. My T said this is because I was protecting myself. This could be the case with you as you alluted to. Have you been going to this T for a long time or just begun the process? If she is a good T she will be able to see the "truth" from a lie. However; why would someone lie? Therapy cost too much for one to just make up stories right??? Also, If the latter were true would that not show a greater need for therapy.

I hope your T does see your need for clearity and that she knows what your stateing is truth; otherwise, both are being used and losing precious time and money.JG+

I know my T believes the the things I tell him, even when I am emotionally disconnected from what I am saying...which used to be often, and unfortunately, isn't the case so much anymore. (I could stand a little more emotional disconnect and quite a bit less dissociation right now).

Sometimes he has said things that have made me wonder if he believes me, and I have come out, right then, and just asked him. Logically, I think, I'm sure T knows I wouldn't pay good money to come in here and make crap up. Duh! But I was told a LOT growing up, "if you tell, no one will believe you anyhow", so I do have to fight against that fear.

Just like everything else in therapy, I think this is something you could bring up with T. It takes a lot of time to REALLY trust, but in the meantime, some reassurance wouldn't hurt

Hangingon,
I definately understand what your're saying a telling past events as if your the narrator instead of the lead character. My memories of the past are often like movies without a sound (emotion) track.

I think it is a defense or coping mechanism.

...."That she wonders how I came to be as strong as I am today given all the different aspects of abuse I suffered. It made me immediately go into this I don't think she believes me state."
i think your T, inho, is trying to get you to the feeling level of what happened to you. so she posed that reply about your being as strong as u are today. she is seeking how you have coped with it. sometimes our coping "skills" are avoidance of our feelings. that way we don't have to cope cause we numb it. i feel like yes, she does believe you, she hears you. she's asking your input because she believes you when u tell her something.

"She also told me that when sharing about a memory that I had not told her before that I showed no emotion as opposed to the last time I shared a memory with her. My immediate reaction again was she doesn't believe me."
most times when we share our memories we will exhibit a feeling associated with it...like joy, sadness, anger, happiness. when u showed no emotion about the memory she was asking what were u feeling cause you showed no feelings. she believed you again, but was trying to help you show the feelings/emotions associated with the memory.

" Do you ever feel like you are just telling a story about someone else when you are talking to you T, where no emotion is attached? I find myself doing that. I believe its one of my defense mechanisms because I can't stand being vulnerable. It's extremely difficult for me to trust people."
there's your answer...it's not that she doesn't believe what you are telling, she is not seeing an emotion attached to it. this is where u will need to try to trust your t, imho. your T cares about you and wants to help you help yourself. perhaps it's called a leap of faith when we just go ahead and trust blindly but the rewards of doiing that, jme, were incredibly helpful to me in the end.
hope you'll keep us posted and let us know how the therapy is going. sounds like you're motivated, just reticent...afraid to trust...but you can decide to overcome that so u can get better.

I have been seeing this T for about 2 1/2 months now. So in a sense, it is a new relationship and I have always been hesitant about trusting people.

I ended up sending her an email stating that sometimes I wondered if she believed me. In it I mentioned the statements that were made as to why I feel that way at times.
She wrote me back saying that she believed everything I was telling her and clarified the statements that I had taken to mean something else. It was good to get that from her.

Of course I emailed back about wanting to believe her but that it's hard for me to do right now having not been believed in the past. This is the way I feel right now, I didn't want to lie to her about those feelings. Yet, I feel bad for sending it to, for not giving her the same respect in believing what she is telling me.

I know it has to do with my lack of trust, I could have said thanks and left it at that but that wouldn't get me far. I am trying to be as honest with her as possible. I have kept this stuff a secret for way too long because the first time I ever told, I was scolded and told "how could you ever say something like that about a man who takes care of the family". From that point on I never told a soul, until now. Now, as an adult, I know that it was too much for my mom to hear that my step-dad had done things to me. I tried to pretend it never happened but it wouldn't go away.

She is very supportive, and I really want to believe that she believes me but sometimes I would still rather deny that it never happened.

hangingon, I think your approach to therapy is a good one. The fact that you have decided to be upfront and express how you are feeling is good. I think it is also good that you are not sitting back twisting and weaving your own meaning to what she said. You asked her directly for clarification. I've done that a few times, and it has been very helpful. Why I don't do it more...I think I just like the stress of worrying :-0

Your T sounds like she is taking you questioning and doubt as part of the process. I often feel like my T must really get pissed at me when I don't trust her with something. But, she seems to deal with it OK. I think they are used to people always questioning their intent.

HO, you are motivated to help yourself and work with your t. that is , imho, the key to getting better. thank you for letting us know that you contacted your t. trust is learned and i believe in time you will attain this goal. just keep on being up front with your t. it will fall into place and you will suddenly realize you are changing...for the better.!!!

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I'm so glad you e-mailed your T and she e-mailed you back. 2 1/2 months is still the beginning of the relationship, and it makes total sense that you are still in the stage of building trust. It's hard. But it sounds like she is willing to put in the effort on her end to help you learn to trust her, and that is such a good thing. Good for you for being so open with what your concerns were and asking for clarification....that's how therapeutic relationships are built

It seems to me that she is telling you a compliment on how strong you are and were in face of horrible stuff you went through. Sometimes it just amazes T's on how resilient some people can be, usually this resilience will continue and you will be likely to heal.

((((((((hangingon))))))))


Yes. Yes to all of the questions.

I have told my T horrible things without shedding a tear, even showing a shred of emotion...Those are the times that she has told me her feelings about what I have told her...I have no idea why this technique is helpful for me but it is...I suspect there will be a time (if I stick this out) that congruent and appropriate emotion is attached to my memories. Geez, at least I hope...

As for the truth piece...I think my T believes I am telling as much of the truth as I can in the moment. There have been times when I have straight up lied. Or I have minimized, glossed it over, made a joke... I have been so used to hiding and protecting that when this has happened it was an automatic response not thought out. My T has not outwardly doubted me in therapy though, except for the times when I say "I don't know" then she questions me...

When I was younger this used to bother me a lot but as I got older and realised that I really wanted some help, I didn’t really care whether the pdoc believed me or not. Most of what had happened was unbelievable anyway so what difference did it make. And besides, each pdoc I was referred to over the years had all my notes and could make up their own mind about me from them.

You know, I've been seriously questioning the truthfulness of my pdoc. I think he lies about little things. I actually don't question his med knowledge so much, but I do think that he fudges on details. Twice now--
First time, he told me that "his office" forgot to mail me labs for bloodwork.
but he has no secretary. He couldn't say "I forgot.'
Second time, he told me he hasn't received labs back that I got over a week ago. These, I was told are both mailed and faxed to his office, and since the first time they were sent within 2 days of the test, I'm having problems seeing how it's taken a week.

I am actually going to check up on this. The guy strikes me as so arrogant-- I think he can't admit if he's unprepared or has made a mistake, which is not a good combination in a doctor. Lord grant me doctors with humility; I like them so much better.

Kkins

Thank you all for your replies.
It's so nice to know I'm not alone in this, that I am not totally weird feeling like my T doesn't believe me at times, even though she assures me over and over that she does believe me.

She has been great, i'm just a pain with my trust issues, it's very rare for me to get close to anyone. In fact, I don't think I have ever really opened up to anyone about how past issues have really made me feel, let alone talk about them. She actually sent me another great email about trust taking time, and telling me that I have no need to apologize to her.

I know I really have to open up about these things if I want to heal but when I do talk about them, it sets me spinning for a couple days.

I have this huge, huge fear that if I open up and share these secrets I will be worse off, that I will end up losing control, or being crazy. My defense mechanisms have worked so well for so long and they still do in a sense. Yet, I am also beginning to realize that they cause me to keep people out, and I want to be able to connect more with people, more than surface level. I never thought it would be so difficult to attempt to heal.

Kiti,
If my pdoc did something like that I would be cautious as well and want to confront him on those issues. I hope you are able to get the help you need from him.

Hangingon

"I have this huge, huge fear that if I open up and share these secrets I will be worse off, that I will end up losing control, or being crazy. My defense mechanisms have worked so well for so long and they still do in a sense. Yet, I am also beginning to realize that they cause me to keep people out, and I want to be able to connect more with people, more than surface level. I never thought it would be so difficult to attempt to heal."

Hanginon,
This is intense high level thinking. I sure hope you explore this more, because you've come up with one of those "lightbulb" moments that I am so glad you shared with us. Yes, we have evolved all kinds of defense mechanisms, and they may work at the same time they hurt us. I just really wanted to thank you for sharing this last part, because I think you said it so well, and it's how a lot of us feel. And please share more revelations with us as you progress on this path. I learned so much about myself just in reading the paragraph you wrote .
Kittykins

I cant remember a time that i felt like my T didnt believe me and totally support me. Often times when i do tell her something about a particular memory , i do not get emotional. ( i dont cry in T at all really) But apparently i show emotions in other ways.. Like for example after talking about a particular subject , she may comment about how hard she saw that talking about that was for me. When the truth was ,that i was under the impression that i had kept myself pretty well composed. Fortunately she doesnt compare me and my healing to others , since we all heal differently.

my3sns,
My T has also mentioned a few times that she can hear the pain in my voice when I am talking. That she can tell a times how hard it must be for me. The first time she said it my immediate thought was whatever, she's probably just saying it so I will cry or something and I am not about to let the tears out right now.

Kiti,
That "lightbulb" moment actually happened before I started T. It was one of the main reasons I began to seek out therapy, to help me to learn how to become more intimate with people, also because I had begun to feel depressed out of no where and I didn't want to mess up my schooling. Its something I never thought I would do in my whole life. I had only heard bad things about therapy from people who were misinformed, so it was hard for me to break through that.

When I first started therapy, my intention was to keep the childhood SA a secret, ufortunately it all goes together. As of now I am glad I finally did seek out a T; I just hope I don't regret it in the end.

hangingon

You are doing good work here Hangingon, don't stop. This is how you are going to work through this with her.......

Again, good insight, keep working.........

I think things get conected and I too never was going to mention the SA when I went for treatment for PTSD but it got connected - things interrelated - feelings - thoughts - reactions - so I ended up dealing with the SA too - am still dealing with it - this may sound crazy (it wont be the first time for me to sound crazy LOL - crazy IS my middle name) but somtimes my problem is I dont believe myself so how can I expect my T to believe me?

I hope things improve for you soon

Phoenix
Thats exactly where I am at alot. Not believing myself because my memories are so vague, or fragmented. I can remember things right about to happen then the memory goes blank. This can be very frustrating, I just need to accept it but more than not I want to deny those things ever happened.

Thanks Sannah
I hope I can keep doing this, I have never let people see the side of me that really hurts and letting my T in is not going to be easy.

hangingon

sometimes you have to open old wounds to get all the poison out and let it heal - thats what it feels like to me - it hurts....

- hang in there oops hang in there hangingon! no pun intended! take care

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