Disappearing Act after Sexual Encounter

stay strong. i've read your thread and you're doing great. he is only interested when it is convenient for him. sad really but i know that is very hurtful to you. you're at a good age to start picking better guys so you end up with a good one who will be there for you. i remember a guy once telling me the big secret with men and dating that most all men do is they just want to keep their options open. sounds like that is exactly what he is doing with little regard for your feelings. take care.

hey my friend.....Just don't call him and don't text him....
I know it's hard for you to do that....but you need time to get over it....then you will be proud of yourself and he will be pissed being dumped!
This relationship won't work, although you want it to work.....so why to give power to him? If even it works, you still have to make him beg for your attention....
one more thing....he's not the only guy on the earth....there are billions of them....have fun....

take care and stay strong.....
with love
Marjan

I had to chime in. The hardest thing to do is not be wanted by someone...Althoug we want to be even if it's negative attention. You really know what you want and what you don't want....why settle for someone just to be wanted (if only for a day or a few hours)? I played that game...thinking he'd come back to me...in reality I didn't want him back. I just wanted to feel good that he wanted me....and that's sick. You don't want him...you want to be wanted....but there is someone out there who geniunely will want you and will love you in a good way....not for a blow job now and then. Sounds cruel but guys dress up as loving you for sex....and it happened to me so I know that being sexy and available won't get the man....and in the long run ....he wasn't even a man...just a mixed up kid in man's body.

Respect yourself and treat yourself special and someone else will too.

UPDATE:

After he text me Saturday night. There is a website that I joined to meet other people to do same interests activities (jazz, dance, festivals, etc) Well turns out he joined the same website, I didn't know that until I went to the event. Well there was an Movie event planned for Sunday with the Leader of the group. I RSVP'd for myself and another girlfriend of mine. So we planned to do lunch and catch the movie at 2p. Well around about 1p he decides to call me. He leaves a message saying this is not right...you could at least pick up the phone. Well i am still doing good and i don't answer. So he starts continously calling. So I finally decide to text him and say that I am at the movies, I will call you another time. He sends a text saying Call me now, I am here at the movies and there is no 1pm showing. Well the leader emailed me and changed the time, but she did not update the website. So he didn't RSVP but showed up anyways. So I couldn't believe that he was there. So I text him and told him I was out with a friend, lets talk later please. He called twice and I decided to just turn my phone off. So we never met up at the movies, but I ended up calling him later that evening. Well we have a long talk about me getting sick and starts telling me how he feels embarassed and scared that I accused him. I tell him how insensitve he is and that it was immature of him to not call back and goes into apologizing. He told me he did research and wants to know what my doctor said. So I go into telling him what my GYN said and I tell him that I am going for STD testing and Oral STI testing and I think that he should. So he agreed to do that. All in all I ended the conversation with telling him that I am so tired of being disappointed by him. I asked if he had issues talking to me about things and why does he clam up about serious issues. He said he doesn't have difficulties, but he has alot of things going on. So he went into telling me all about it, but I told him that I had things going on as well. So I told him that I think its best i step all the way out of the picture. I agreed to be his friend and that he could call me anytime, no sex, no kissing, no seeing each other. He has been calling me everyday since and we did end up meeting at a park yesterday to walk and talk. Today I feel like an azz, because I know what I should be doing about this situation, but I just keep accepting him back. Also, I have met two other guys, so I am starting to date others, but its not really what I want to do, but I am trying to keep my options open so I don't hurt, but I know I probably need to give myself I break from men and clear my head all together, to be ready for someone that will respect me. I am sorry PC Family, I went against what I should be doing. I usually don't have a problem letting men go that aren't good for me. I just need to know when to let go of him.

Thanks for the love PC Family. I appreciate all of your advice. However, I have done the opposite as you read above. I feel so stupid, but it seems so hard to let go of him. I know how this relationship is not healthy for me, but its like I still have hope because I care about him. I can't believe I am even saying it. I wish it was just as easy as one two three to block him. I have never been in this situation before. I have no problems meeting men, but there is something about him that I can't shake.

I was wondering how you was doing! I am glad you posted an update.Hopefully things will get better for you....i know EXACTLY how you feel and what you are going thru as i was in a very similar situation awhile ago.Matter of fact,my little disappearing act started up his old ways just about 2 weeks ago and strangely enough HE got the silent treatment from ME which is kinda funny.I used to hang on every text he sent me,would rearrange my schedule when he wanted to meet up at the very last moment.I know i was in it much deeper than he was .Thankfully now i have a regular,steady man who fiils any of the empty voids i have in my life, that i was searching for HIM to fill at that lonely time .Now if only i could get my sleep habits better,lol......that came from my new thread i just posted on here about me sleeping too much.Anyways......take care of you......you are worth more than just being used

wow....you know it all
Yes...we want to be loved and wanted even if we don't want the person....that's so strange....if we reformat our brain to get rid of this self grasping and attachment, life will be much easier for us and others...isn't it?
love you all

Hello PC Family,

Hope all is well with you. Just wanted to let everyone know that I finally ended things with him for once and for all. I am STD Free and DRAMA Free. I ended things last Saturday for good. Of course I went and gave him another chance after he followed me to the movie theater the last time. However, last week he started acting different and distant. Started being disrespectful towards me and also when he found out about my education started making me feel bad for being intelligent. He started calling me a nerd trying to be cool. I was so shocked by this. I would think a man would be proud to have an intelligent woman by his side. However, he may want someone unintelligent and emotionally and finanically needy. That is not me. Well to make a long story short, he called me last Saturday just as usual. Well I try to call him back on his cell and he doesn't pick. So I thought to myself maybe he is working. Well I call his house phone and guess what??? His Ex girlfriend picks up his phone. I couldn't believe this....a third time he does this to me. I spoke to her and told her who I was and she said that her and him were more than just friend, etc. That when they argue, he talks to other women. I started stratching my head and saying to myself (is she really ok with this). I immediately told her that she would never ever have to worry about me with him again. Three strikes you are out buddy. I said this is too much drama. They go back and forth and when things aren't right with her he comes calling me. I don't want to be apart of the drama and confusion. I couldn't believe. I knew she shouldn't be answering his phone, because he told me she snooped through his stuff befrore. So apparently he has done something for her to snoop and go through his stuff. So that was my signal to end all of this madness. I went through unnecessary mess with him. So I call him after talking to her. He tries to act cool. So then I blast him with the news that his ex or whatever the hell she is picked up the phone and we conversated. I told him that I am a human being and didn't deserve to be treated that way. He can't go around playing with people's emotions the way he has. Then he starts saying I don't know why I keep letting her come back to my house, all we do is argue and she snoops through my things, I know its not going to work out, etc. I said you know this is an ongoing unhealthy vicious cycle that I no longer want to be apart of. You know that relationship won't work, but you keep allowing her to come back anytime she gets the urge. I told him that he was damn near 40 and still playing games. He says I wasn't playing with you, he says he doesn't know why he keeps letting her come back because she blows up his phone, etc. I just told him finally that I can't do this again with him and told him good luck with her. I told him to LOSE MY NUMBER and NEVER CALL ME AGAIN! That I have lost all respect for him and that I didn't deserve to be treated like he did. I also told him what goes around comes around. He text me later that day and said Ok, if thats what you want, he wasn't trying to hurt me at all. He just can't explain why he allows her to come back. I didn't respond back. So its been a week and a couple of days since I told him to lose my number. I do in fact feel good, it was the hardest thing to do, but was for the best. Thank you guys for your support. This chapter in my life has ended. I am ready for the new chapter to start. Since then I have started meeting other men. Wow, I really was wrapped up in him and not allowing anyone else in. I still do miss him, but I know he isn't for me.

Stay strong my friend....as you said, you don't want to be part of this drama....this guy would never ever grow up...he will be 60 years old and do the same things...he doesn't want to be adult...so why bother yourself...
let him go off from your body, wash him off from your brain completely....
I can hear you that you are missing him....I am in the same boat as you....but then when I think logically and I remember all the hurtful things that he did to me like not calling me after sex or flirting with other girls in front of me, then I don't want him at all...
Actually, I feel so strong for not wanting him and not letting him to be with me...and I think he's so pissed at me too...
You don't want any STD, specially that you are so young....just keep in your mind that if results are negetive is still not 100% that you are clean, because some STDs can stay dorman for awhile....yes, that's the scary part of the whole virus thingy....I'm sure that you are clean, and there is nothing to be worry about, but I just wanted you to know that....and that's the most important thing, YOUR HEALTH....I was stupid enough to sleep with him although he told me that he has herpes, but thank GOD, he broke up with me...each time, we had sex, I was so nerves, couldn't get that off from my mind, because even with condom still there is a chance to catch them....last time, I was with him, I told him that yes I am concern about it...and then I didn't let happen to just sleep with him...and he knows it and he's so pissed at me....well...too bad...he goes and sleep around, I don't want to catch his sh..
I'm sure one day we will find that special person and we will both be very happy to be dumped by these jerks...
take care of yourself and stop calling him
Marjan

Thanks Marjan! I have completely stopped calling him. His number and everything that reminds me of him has been erased and thrown away. Yes you are right. I will be tested again in 6 months for everything again. Yes we will find that special person. Take care of yourself my friend.

good...but not too worry about it...I don't want you to take stress...I'm sure you are good and clean...
I found out to remove somebody compeletly off from my brain is by stop any kind of communications with that person...I usually turn off my instant messengers and stop going to the places that that person goes and stop even contact with common friends...I know it's brutal, but this is the way I disconnect...and it works pretty good....
It's really funny...but now, I don't login to both gmail and yahoo instant messengers...because I have another guy who was playing with me for over 5 months and chatting with on yahoo...I don't want to have any contact with him....and gmail is Aaron....probably, this way is better for me...chatting was taking too much of my time....
one more thing I want to add....You should know that you can't change anybody's behaviour towards you, but you can change your own thoughts and behaviour....so, telling him that you are human being and why he treated you poorly is not going to work at all...

with love
marjan

Yes I will take your advice and stop going to places we used to go. I feel good though since I told him that. Well I knew that from the begginning. I figured that out that I can't change him, but wanted him to know that I am human being with feelings and that he shouldn't have mistreated me that way. I had to let him know how disrespectful he was even if he didn't realize it. My closure I suppose, but I felt good saying the words "LOSE MY NUMBER and DON'T EVER CALL ME AGAIN"! Also, I won't stress, I just rather be safe than sorry another test will not hurt:-) Thanks for your advice Marjan!

no problem my dear....I can see your positive attitude and all it is important is you...how you feel towards the situation and what you said....
you are very young and you will forget about this jerk very quickly....there are so many other good guys out there that we don't usually pay attention to them....You know what strategy I'm taking for myself...I'm going to just make friendship with guys...if I stay friend for a month or so, then I can figure out which type of person he is, then I can go from there....but players and jerks usually don't let you to have that time, because they know they can't make it to the next level, so they usually make the move very quickly at the beginning of knowing you....then eyes are very important, they said "eyes are the window to person's mind" and that's true...from guy's eye you can find out which type of person he is....I want kind and generous person...I think I can figure out with their eyes....besides we don't have to fool ourselves by thinking they would change...they would never ever change!
good luck
Marjan

Oooo You are so right about trying to be friends for about a month first to see where things go from there. I was thinking three months. Thats usually when I see the true colors to be honest. You are right jerks usually move and thats pretty much what happened with the last two guys I dated. Wow interesting observation and its so true. Yes I want someone that will respect me for who I am and treat me the way I should be treated. However, I have to start respecting myself more and realiziing I deserve better as well. It starts with me first.

NLD1179, I am going through something similiar sans the sore throat. I went out with someone else's boyfriend who is a felon, crackhead, liar, thief and a cheat as well as on parole. Not exactly man of the year eh? LOL I had to say goodbye to him in my journal because his girlfriend stalks him everytime he comes near. Next time he comes near (and crackheads always do) I'm not opening that door! As a matter of fact I want the opposite. I want a soft, gentle, drug free, intelligent, funny, cute sexy woman. So if you meet any, send 'em my way (grin). I'm just going to get heavily involved in my lesbian coffee club and my lesbian reading club. You know, I almost feel sorry for his girlfriend...he's gonna tear her life apart. She knows what I know about him and still she stays!? I tried to actually help her and tell her what this drug does to people but she wouldn't listen. She's gonna have to learn the hard way...first hand unfortunately.

BRAVO, NLD!!

Glad to hear that you've done what's best for yourself.

There IS someone waiting for you out there, and you're now on the road to findings...YAY YOU!! I'm so happy for you.

Shangrala

NuckingFutz, Sorry to hear that...I went through alot with that jerk. I should have known when he became ghost when I told him about my throat again. What person would be so cold and insensitive when they are the cause of my illness. Oh well I now see that those were all signs of someone that didn't give a rat's azz about me. Also, he was quite immature for his age (36). Good luck in finding your lady love:-) Yes I said the same thing about my ex-jerk's girlfriend. She literally told me this is what he does when they argue, is talk to other women. I am thinking what woman in their right mind would deal with him knowing everytime they argue, he will be with other women. Someone insane?? Yes we all learn the hard way sometimes. Good Luck and Thanks for sharing your story.

Yes I am happy for me too. I feel like weight has been lifted off of me. Yes I know there is someone out there waiting for me that I have been longing for. I just have to be more patient and not allow anyone to come into my life just for the sake of having a MAN. Thanks for your support!

No problem, at the end of dealing with a similiar issue. Was with a guy (oy, me with a guy, that will teach me) that is a felon, on parole, lies, cheats, and steals. I am shocked that his gf is still with him knowing all these things. She's "fixing" him though, enrolled him in school, got a car and moved in with her...she doesn't know you can't fix a serious crack addict. I keep a baseball bat by the door now. I smile everytime I see it

NuckingFutz, you are funny for keeping a baseball bat by the door lol. Yes unfortunately sometimes when you fix someone up they will eventually leave you. So she will see one way down the line that she is not helping him.

From what I hear in the crack recovery circles, it's harder to kick than say smoking...she has little to no chance of "fixing" him and as for her, I actually tried to point out she's kinda up against the Dallas Cowboys...she ain't got a chance in you know, down there of fixing him. He however, has a very good chance of ruining her life, destroying her chance at a decent education, blowing her credit out of the water, and so shocked that he would do anything bad to her, that she just won't understand what happened...she's in deep denial and deep doo doo!

Meanwhile, I've been practicing my Mickey Mantle swing stance...I won't swing, but he'll get the message. You know, actually have great disgust towards this guy now...looking forward to my next lesbian meet up group next week!

How about you? Any new leads on the romance train?

good riddence to him, Loser with a capital L!!! dont look back, only forward, he isnt worth a second of your thoughts or your time, take care of yourself!!!!

Well, after all of the mess I went through. I decided to give online dating a try. I was really afraid of it and embarassed. I used to feel like if I have to go to online dating, that I am desperate. However, I have realized its just another way to meet men, besides a bar/club. So, I have had one date so far, but when I met him in person there was no connection. He seems to be a homebody, and I am a very outgoing person. Otherwise nice guy. I have since then met someone else off of the site and the conversation and interestes seem to be in tact....We haven't met yet in person though. So we will see what happens with him. Also, old flames have been calling me now. Its like when one relationship fails they all get a signal and start calling. However, something registered they are old flames for a reason, right?? One of my old flames, I really thought he was the one, but again as I got to know him, he was non-romantic, not willng to compromise, boring, homebody. I know that If I stayed I would be miserable. However, I am hopeful that I will meet someone special one day. Good Luck with your meetup NuckingFutz! I will keep you posted on my romance train:-)

Thanks Babydoll233, I am learning this more and more that he is not worth a second of my thoughts:-) Have a great day!

that's so impressive....good that you go dating...I am on online dating, but I'm barely login into it....I even paid for three months, but I think I'm not ready for any relationships really....one guy puts his phone number for me, but I haven't called him yet...it's been two weeks now...
I'm busy with my family right now....got to go to Sacramento to take care of my sister who has to have surgery for her kidney...hope things go well with her....once I feel more relaxed and more me, then I will start the online dating with more energy....but gosh in mean while I'm dying to be with him one more time....I just try to stay away from him...I haven't gone to my dance class for two weeks...I miss my dancing...hope I can go dancing this Sunday if I'm back from Sacramento!

take care
Marjan

I am not ready for one either, but nothing wrong with dating you never know what may develop. I know I won't be jumping into a relationship so quick, so dating gives me time to get to know them. Things are going slow..just they way it should. Gives me time to think about what I really want out of a relationship. No No No don't think about being with him. Be strong, my friend:-) He is not worth your time. Hope things go well with your sister. When you return you may be ready to return to your class.