Can't shake the thoughts this week

Thanks Sanity.

It's not that I need the 'spies' LOL more that I don't want to push him into a decision by saying "dump her or else" when I am not sure I even want him. I want him to make these changes on his own accord - in a way to prove to me that he's not playing games.
I will run if I think he is lying in the slightist (that word looks weird so I'm not sure it is a word now??)
I think my main aim in meeting him is to put my feelings tore st once and for all.

belle, i think that whatever happens this week you'll really see what he's made of. if he gets together with you and is in any way discussing getting back together while he's still engaged to her then he's just repeating the same pattern he started when he cheated on you. if he either breaks it off with her beforehand or meets with you and immediately comes clean with her and breaks it off then maybe, just maybe, he's starting to change his ways. whatever happens i wish you the best. you deserve to be happy.

Belle, what will this meeting do for you? What are you expecting from this? I too hope the best for you but if you meet him without acknowledging what you want, or don't, you're walking into a game already started via text. You would not be selfish to take care of YOU. When trust is a factor hear Byantine's thoughts. When you're not sure, take your time.

I'm not sure what I expect from the meeting. I will listen to what he has to say and then see how I feel.
I would like answers to the many questions that had floated through my head and this time I will ask them all.
He may change his mind before then.. I can see him thinking "I don't deserve her" and he's right but it doesn't change what my heart is saying at the moment. I haven't 'missed' him like he seems to have missed me.
I am a different person now than I was back when we were together.

If he does wish to take the second chance I am offering then there is alot of work to be done by him before we could even be more than friends. He needs counselling of some sort.. has to be totally separated from her for a fairly long time.. Not to mention that they couldn't work in the same place anymore.. either he leaves or she does.
Can't have his cake and eat it too.

I can't promise that I wont take him back and I can't promise that I will even still love him when I see him.

I feel in control... the one thing that I wanted was for him to realise his mistake and tell me.. he has done that now and I feel at peace.

Hey all

I text him last night to ask if he was going to end things with Lisa. He said he didn't know. I am not going to be the other woman and have decided to cut contact with him until he has done something that will show he meant what he said.
If he shows something substantial before wednesday then I will met with him, if not then there is not point.
I understand it will be very hard for him seeing he works with her - his problem not mine and if that is a deciding factor - that he stays with her because it's 'easier' than having trouble at work (especially seeing he is in a management position) then it just shows the real character he is.
After 6 months of them being together, personally I think he shouldn't be having doubts.. but I think we all knew that he was an idiot
As he said, I deserved everything and he gave me nothing.
I'm a different person to what I was when we broke up.. I am a strong woman with a life of her own (well almost! I'm getting there anyway) and I am not going to get myself into a situation where I will be hurt again.
He has to get out on his own, show that he is making imrovements, treasure me and treat me like the worthwhile person I am before I can consider anything more than friendship.
On the flip side.. if he does nothing then I am finished with him once and for all.

Good for you, belle.
I still think (like many others here, apparently) that you should quit all contact with Mark. What is that 'obsession' about keeping a friendship with that guy?

Belle says these are the condition precedents. Your move.

Good luck.

You sound strong Belle. You've come a long way baby. May the momentum of growth you are see in yourself continue to strengthen you. It is a wonderful moment when you can see a positive change in yourself. I like those moments. A gift from the suffering. When we see them.

great
Yes Belle....stay strong....being single is not end of the world....there is so many people to meet.....and so many thing to do....life is beautiful....
Mark shouldn't have you easily this time....then he will do the same again....just stay strong and don't contact him till he makes a move....trust me he will.....
I bet you that he had a fight with Lisa and that's why he's turning back to you!!!
Take care of yourself and don't think too much.....be patient and relax.....you won't lose anything....

i just love everything you said in your last post, belle. this horrible situation you have had to endure has truly made you a much stronger person. kudos to you!

Thanks everyone.

I haven't contacted him today and I am not going to.
If he is honestly trying to make amends then he will make positive moves to getting back with me and making the changes to himself that are necessary for me to even CONSIDER a friendship.

I'm off to yoga - I am exhausted but if I don't go I will regret it later in the week I am sure.

No problem with ranting I need to do it too or I go crazy.

Remember though people who are here now are the ones that matter, people who decided to go don't deserve anymore of your time and day <333.
Hope this cheers you up.

I just hope I can be strong enough to see this through to an outcome... wether it be never speaking with him again or beginning a new relationship with him.

I just got back from yoga and all I want to do is text him... Please keep me strong xx

Text somebody else

Marjan, I like that! "Text somebody else" Good call. A Belle, what level/kind of yoga do you practice?

LOL - that is exactly what I did.. I text my best friend instead hehe... kept my mind off him for a while. It's morning now and I feel anxious - will he contact me to meet up or just keep stringing me along.... it's a little pull at the heart strings and I hate it. I am not going to give in.
Hi garden... I'm actually not sure what it is called... Claire (our instructor guru) has said I am sure... I think it's VINYASA ... I have only been going for about three months now (just once a week).. it was something I always wanted to do but never had the inclination when I was with Mark.. so it was one of the 'new' step out side of my self things that I have taken up I love it.
Last night the first half of the class was leading up to doing the side splits towards the end... I didn't get all the way down of course but I enjoyed giving it a go LOL

good...stay strong...

Belle....I have a question for you....Does Mark really worth all these dramas and pains that you have now?
I'm afraid being with a guy like him would create more pain in your heart and less peace....

I really am not sure... I think that is why I am trying to stay strong and distance myself emotionally from it all.
I don't know what I want to be honest.
I haven't eaten properly since Sunday - i didn't need to have that as an added stress atm. Work is flat out busy (which is good cos it takes my mind off everything) and I have deadlines that are impossible to met so not eating properly isn't helping how I feel... I am trying really hard to keep 'stable' in my head.
I know I love him still - not 'in love' with him... that would come back if we were together I know.. but the main question going through my mind is "what about the future???"
Also there is a huge possibility that he will do nothing more now that he has told me he misses me... and that frightens me so much. If he does nothing then I will hate him for even telling me in the first place - I was really in recovery and now I feel confused again.

Honey, please stay strong. Its a bumpy road - I know - but you owe it to yourself to keep focusing on yourself and whats good for you.

Mark is not the guy that would make you happy. That is the bottom line and the most important thing. You will find someone who will be good to you and it will just happen easily.

I am in the same situation - as you know. I miss him so much and there are moments I think my world is tearing a part. But I dont call. I know that if I do I will go backwards. I am workin hard on moving forward. There are a few books that help me. I can msg them to you if you want?

Hugs, and remember - you are special and deserve all the love in the world xxxx

at least if he doesn't tell you anything now, then you know what to do....CUT HIM LOSE from your life completely and no turn back....just run forward....

Mark is so selfish to put you through all these....It looks like he had a bad day with the new girl Lisa and that's why he texted you.....

Belle....sometimes it's okay to be honest and see things clearly....wait and see....if he wants you, he got to show it.....

stay positive and by that I mean to take negative stuff out from your mind....and please eat....you don't want to get sick.....

take care
Marjan

You are going to do what you are going to do, Belle. Please promise yourself one thing. If you end up disappointed that you do not beat on yourself. It just could be that for some being lovable, loving, trustworthy, vulnerable, soft, generous and noble is only a matter of convenience.

In my view, you have not accepted that you do not need another to have meaningful life. Which is not to say you will not meet the person who is worthy of being the father of the children you want.

As I have said before, I wish you only the best.

Thanks everyone.

I have eaten today and eaten properly Marjan so don't stress please xx

Byz - I have actually accepted that I don't need anyone to make me feel whole... it was a revalation! If by chance I do find the right person to share my life with so be it... but honestly I am happy with my life as a mature, single, financially stable woman... and I don't need anyone in my life to make it complete..
It's a the silly want for love that holds me back some.

I haven't heard from him yet... it's 3pm Wednesday... He has to come to me as Marjan says...

I am staying STRONG on this xxx

Update:

He has the flu and can wants to meet another day...
I am in limbo over this so I text him back saying;
"Depends on the reason to catch up. U have me in limbo with telling me you miss me, miss us. If you are staying with Lisa then I don't want see the point to be honest. I can't have you stiring feelings up in me and not following through."

I think I may have miss read his intention with the message - but really I don't see how I could have thought anything else than I did.

He replied with;
"I didn't think it was possible to have anything but a friendship, that's what you always said. I do miss you and I do miss us. I just wanted to see you and talk to you. I don't know what I am going to do but I would never start something while I'm still trying to work that out, it wouldn't be fair to either of us. I'm sorry if that's the impression I gave you. I just wanted to see you"

My reply;

"That's why I wanted to see you, for a decision one way or the other. I was happy to put history in the past and try to start something new, be it friendship or more if that was possible. I am in limbo over what you said. Sorry to be hardarsed but if you don't love Lisa but may love me I want to know."

And his reply:
I didn't tell you I missed you becuase I wanted you to take me back, I told you because that's how I feel. You are the only person I could tell how I'm feeling. I can't even think about another relationship until I sort this one out. I can't leave her to be with you. If I am going to leave her it has to be because I don't want it anymore. I never actually thought you would consider a relationship with me again and now I am really really confused"

Finally my reply (SO SORRY FOR THE LOOOOOOONNNNGGG POST BUT NEED TO GET IT OUT INTO THE WORLD);
"We need to talk face to face. If you want a relationship with me you couldn't jst go from her to me. That was NEVER an option. You need to sort out your S**T and we can be friends but you have to be free and clear of emotional baggage from her if we were to try again. I can't promise anything will work out, I've been so hurt by you, but the chance to find out is there if you want to fight for it"

He replied with Thankyou.

So I seemed to have gotten myself into a situation that wasn't really there.. or was it???

Taking a step back and looking at it he was asking for friendship and support... he can't have me support him when he's emotionally unstable about his current relationship... I can't do it. He has made me a crazy woman for the past 3 days without even knowing it - all because he said he missed me...

Belle - he is manipulating you. He is not being honest. He want that cake and to eat it. He is not committing to one decision or another. Why do you need this? the drama, the pain, the not knowing, the feeling that someone else is controlling your emotions and the path of your life...

If you do meet with him - you know where this will go... And I think the question to ask is: would it put you in any way closer to all those things you want and need?

If I were you Belle, I would have stop talking to him.....and have my dignity!
He is causing you so much stress and pain....why do you want such a person in your life? why?
I know you are fragile right now, but I saw a good progress in you, then you spoiled it by letting him to contact you.....
The fact is "He left you going after somebody else and it looks like he is still with her and he just wants to be friend with you"....why do you give him the chance even?
stay strong....keep your head up....stand up on your feet and ignore him....let him to beg for your attention and if he doesn't, then bye bye!
I know you do what you want to do....but I thought it's good to tell you this
I've been in your position before and I know how hurtful it is, but in the other hand we got to learn to let go and move on.....
What has happened to your other guys? any new dates?