[TheMisunderstoodOne]

In my case, I havent had me a woman in a ill minute. (a very long time,) When I moved here when I was 20 (Im 27 now) I came 2 establish a future for myself. I started workin a week after I got here, and started college 2 months after. While I was goin 2 college, there were many attractive women, in which some of them became attracted to me eventually. At that time, I was at the onset of p sz. AT that time, I didnt realize that I was havin subtle symptoms such as antisocial behavior, an awkward walk, and the inability 2 respond appropriately 2 social ques positive manurisms, and body language from those females. Eventually, my lack of a smile and seemingly unintrested demeanor made those women to start disliking me because I think they felt like they were rejected, which was never my intention. Now, everywhere I go, most ppl talk negatively about me, and NONE of them actually know me, My social status, my meds, and my limited income contribute 2 this problem...

[Leed]

I think alot of your problems can be solved by just smiling at people and saying "Hi" when you pass them or are in a social setting with them. It's hard to ignore someone with a smile and who says hello to you. Just try to be more p ositive, hold your head up a bit, and be friendly. That's a start.

Take care. Hugs, Lee

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

I understand what ur try 2 tell me. The thing is ive been robbed of that feeling to smile back. ITs not neccessarily self confident issues. Its more like a feeling of mistrust (due to the lack of understanding and the fact that most ppl around here talk negatively, which creates false rumors and accusations.) ALso, my negative symptoms make me appear coldharted and just an asshole. In reality, Im a real cool dude, and I do got a heart, but many different negative events that Ive fought through (including my p sz) have hardened my self 2 a point where I am conditioned to withstand much pain. The ppl that do actually know me know that im not the monster or weakling most ppl here portray me as...

[IceCreamKid]

To answer your question, I would have to say yes. A series of events and my reaction to those events has made me decide I am better off single for now and maybe forever.

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

I see, icecreamkid. Even though I would LOVE 2 have a relationship with a woman, the majority of them (at least in this city) have a certain prejudice against me because of false rumors and fear of the unknown. Some do talk positive about me though, but they dont really understand the reasons why I do what I do. Thats because ignorant ppl cant see past the reasons they dont understand. Instead, they make false assumptions/uneducated guesses. Then they create a whole elaborite (false) storyline based on incomplete info, appearances, and gossip. They place many labels on me, but labels limit the persons real personality and character. The worst part is gullible ppl believe the lies and judge accordingly. WTF happened 2 all the real women out there? I know I sound mad negative right now. but thats my situation right now. I guarantee they would think much differently IF they actually get to know me...

[SakuraLi]

Originally Posted by TheMisunderstoodOne

I see, icecreamkid. Even though I would LOVE 2 have a relationship with a woman, the majority of them (at least in this city) have a certain prejudice against me because of false rumors and fear of the unknown. Some do talk positive about me though, but they dont really understand the reasons why I do what I do. Thats because ignorant ppl cant see past the reasons they dont understand. Instead, they make false assumptions/uneducated guesses. Then they create a whole elaborite (false) storyline based on incomplete info, appearances, and gossip. They place many labels on me, but labels limit the persons real personality and character. The worst part is gullible ppl believe the lies and judge accordingly. WTF happened 2 all the real women out there? I know I sound mad negative right now. but thats my situation right now. I guarantee they would think much differently IF they actually get to know me...

Hi TheMisunderstoodOne, I understand your plight in a way. My boyfrind of 7 1/2 years has SZ. He`s a kind, descent guy but the symptoms of his condition do make things very hard I have to be honest. But I know there is a good person inside his heart. During the first 4 years of the relationship he went untreated for his condition and as a result did some pretty hard things to deal with. Wanted constant contact with me, paranoid I would leave him, suicidal and obsessive about what I was doing and obsessive that other women wanted to be with him which made hime look like a player. I had no idea he had sz but I though he was like bipolar or something eventually he had a major break down and he voluntarily checked into a treatment program and for the last 3 1/2 years hes been on track and complied with his mental health wellness. but he still gets delusional and worried occationally however for the last several months hes been different less involved with the relationship etc overall its been a very hard road and probably wont last but that is the reality for some people NOT ALL people my personality is probably not condusive to being with him. but for anyone, personality compatibility is the key. there are women out there who are able to deal with the ups and downs of being with a mentally ill guy. but also you have a responsibility to help educate people about your condition so they will understand no one automatically knows what sz is and how to deal with it. its not the ennd of the world if someone has it but both partners need to work as a team to help take care of the condition togethher

[SakuraLi]

Oh one more thing I forgot to say. People are not neccessarily just ignorant and unwilling to understand the mentally ill. Not everyone has had the opportunity to know, love and care about a mentally ill person. It doesn`t make someone bad if they don`t understand and when they see frightening behavior and want to stay away. You can`t really blame someone, all you can do is help others be educated about what sz is and have some understanding to them as well.

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

Mad true, and very well put sakurali. I hope your man does well, and u have a very important and useful virtue... Which is understanding. (Which I also have.) Dealing with a mental illness can literally change your life. It brings obstacles that the majority of the general public cannot relate or empathize with. But, considerin the fact that u gave him a chance and got to know him to a certain extent sheds a positive light on my situation, and others that are goin through something similar. Unfortunately, there is no cure for sz (or other mental illness) Even though medication can help some, its like a mechanic fixin a damaged vehicle. They fix one thing, but create a problem or two in the process. Even tthough you stated that your relationship might not last, the fact that you actually invested the time and effort to make it work, is more than I can say for a lot of ppl. I hope your bf can improve his sz to a point where he can function good enough to live a better life. Thanks 4 sharing!

[yagalada]

I met my husband in the psych unit lol. I don't think we should necessarily ghetto-ize ourselves but my most rewarding relationships from being romantic to deep friendships have been with other mentally ill people.

I went to a day treatment program for a long time. I met a lot of cool people and it was refreshing and took the anxiety away, I felt like I could bond with people and form friendships and I wouldn't be judged as much. I isolate way too much.

But, its getting to the point where I'm afraid to be around "the normals." I have a baby and would like to join a mommy and me group and choke every time I start the process to introduce myself meetup and start going to the group.

Do you have a group in your area, or clubhouse type of thing that you can go to just hang out socially? Here we have various centers in different communities for anyone with a mental illness, they're run by Human Resources Unlimited, we also have the recovery learning center and meetings like the hearing voices group. These groups have been helpful for the social and vocational aspect for me and a lot of other people I know.

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

Tru Tru. Lately ive been thinkin about joining a social group at a place meant to help ppl with mental illnesses. This site for me is the first step of establishing and maintaining a social life. When i was baker acted, I was put in a new enviroment. At first, my anti social behaviour and lack of speech got ppl talkin. I was at my worst psychotic episode, before I started takin meds. Eventually i met certain ppl that were mad cool and one even helped me through the worst times! The bad part was, when I left there, I never saw them again... Im glad u got the chance to bond with other ppl, And I dont believe that non-mentally ill ppl are normal. There aint no such thing as a normal person. Everybody got something wrong with them in some way, shape, or form. Thats because noones perfect. Im just different in many ways. I dont fit the stereotype, neither am I limited to labels. Normal is limited to ones own perspective. I wish u well in ur relationship, and thanx for sharing!

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

@ SakuraLi No doubt, ur right about that. Its just the ones that know that im ill, and attempt to trigger my paranoia and anxiety with negativity. I understand that most ppl are ignorant about my illness let alone myself. However, Im also aware that certain ppl want to get to know me, but they misinterpet my facial expressions and actions, so therefore I seem unapprochable and always aggitated. Its the fear of the unknown. Also, and I know this sounds like delusional thinking, but ppl have found a way to eavesdrop on my conversations of me talkin to my family members. How do I know for sure? Well, the proof Is all around me. I can read pplz by just being aware of my surroundings. I can hear ther saying my personal business and their body language makes it apparent. I only talk to familly and some cool neighbors. So how is they know my personal problems if all the ppl talkin about me havent even met me? But still, im doin me and Ive gotten 2 far 2 give up! U got a good point tho, and thanx for ur comment!

[SakuraLi]

Originally Posted by TheMisunderstoodOne

@ SakuraLi No doubt, ur right about that. Its just the ones that know that im ill, and attempt to trigger my paranoia and anxiety with negativity. I understand that most ppl are ignorant about my illness let alone myself. However, Im also aware that certain ppl want to get to know me, but they misinterpet my facial expressions and actions, so therefore I seem unapprochable and always aggitated. Its the fear of the unknown. Also, and I know this sounds like delusional thinking, but ppl have found a way to eavesdrop on my conversations of me talkin to my family members. How do I know for sure? Well, the proof Is all around me. I can read pplz by just being aware of my surroundings. I can hear ther saying my personal business and their body language makes it apparent. I only talk to familly and some cool neighbors. So how is they know my personal problems if all the ppl talkin about me havent even met me? But still, im doin me and Ive gotten 2 far 2 give up! U got a good point tho, and thanx for ur comment!

I know what you mean, some people around us are just nosy even if we don't know them! I've witnessed the same thing by observing people around me too, it happens to everyone at some point.

But yeah just try to block them out they don't know you, what they think is irrelevant.

[SakuraLi]

Originally Posted by TheMisunderstoodOne

I understand what ur try 2 tell me. The thing is ive been robbed of that feeling to smile back. ITs not neccessarily self confident issues. Its more like a feeling of mistrust (due to the lack of understanding and the fact that most ppl around here talk negatively, which creates false rumors and accusations.) ALso, my negative symptoms make me appear coldharted and just an asshole. In reality, Im a real cool dude, and I do got a heart, but many different negative events that Ive fought through (including my p sz) have hardened my self 2 a point where I am conditioned to withstand much pain. The ppl that do actually know me know that im not the monster or weakling most ppl here portray me as...

If it makes you feel any better, for the first 25 years of my life I didn't want to smile at people when they smiled at me, I didn't like trusting people as a kid and I still don't but I'm working on that, I have struggled with social anxiety and self esteem issues my whole life, I was the typical quiet kid that no one really included in anything, but I'm not even mentally ill, as far as I know. Although I do have my quirks. LOL

I also knew a mentally ill guy in college with whom I had run-ins. He was out of control and always trying to trick, use and dominate me but I was determined to rise above the BS and see the good in him. I think he was bi polar and showed most of the signs of SZ. He didn't ever smile besides the time we met and one other time. He appeared cold hearted as well and was always trying to touch me, so I had to sit and stand at a distance when I'd talk to him.

He was outgoing and nice to other people though and had a bad attitude with me, and he knew a lot of people and seem to be well liked but he revealed a lot of his major personal issues to me even though he supposedly didn't trust me. He always got mad at me all the time and said he didn't want to talk to me, yet he'd always talk to me anyway and return my calls promptly most of the time but then he'd act like he was annoyed with me. I was always nice to him, tried to be friends with him and cared about him and he only wanted to use me and not be friends with me.

I only knew him a semester, and he told me not to call him over the summer so I didn't and when I called him the following semester, he was talking a bunch of BS to me and I blew up on him and told him he had issues. Well he got so mad at me that the next time I saw him he said I didn't want to have any more contact with me and to never call him or speak to him again! Well I never called him again, but if I happened to see him in the hall I would try to say hello and he would say hi back occasionally. I wanted to be mature and gracious so I didn't want to ignore him. I think it was so immature for him to act that way.

I'm willing to be friends with and be in a relationship with a mentally ill person but how do I go about doing that when all I've experienced was mistreatment and neglect?

I've had many mentally ill guys in my life over the years. Mentally ill guys seem to be routinely attracted to me and I'm nice to them too but they always end up mistreating me. My theory is that men can smell the dysfunction on me and pounce.

Plus, my dad had suffered from post traumatic stress from be a solider in the military. As I grew up he was so mean and cold to me and I had no clue what was wrong with him and he had a very rough childhood at times so that no doubt added to his meanness, so I am well acquainted with mentally illness other than in the guys I meet.

Mentally ill people aren't a problem to me as long as they don't abuse me. Unfortunately, I've only had heartache with all the one's I've encountered thus far in my life.

Mental illness is very common but no one likes to talk about it. I think that it is possible that some women who run away from the mentally ill have had their own history of hurtful experiences suffered.

I don't want suffering to be my only experience with guys who are ill. I would assume that the one's who actively emotionally hurt other people don't know how to manage their own hurt, issues and mental health so that they are not piling on hurt to others as well.

So it is quite a dilemma from both the ill and non-ill person's perspective. Hurt, pain and fear is on BOTH sides, how can both ill and non-ill people come together in harmony without the fear, is it even possible? I wish it was possible.

[SakuraLi]

Originally Posted by yagalada

I met my husband in the psych unit lol. I don't think we should necessarily ghetto-ize ourselves but my most rewarding relationships from being romantic to deep friendships have been with other mentally ill people.

I went to a day treatment program for a long time. I met a lot of cool people and it was refreshing and took the anxiety away, I felt like I could bond with people and form friendships and I wouldn't be judged as much. I isolate way too much.

But, its getting to the point where I'm afraid to be around "the normals." I have a baby and would like to join a mommy and me group and choke every time I start the process to introduce myself meetup and start going to the group.

Do you have a group in your area, or clubhouse type of thing that you can go to just hang out socially? Here we have various centers in different communities for anyone with a mental illness, they're run by Human Resources Unlimited, we also have the recovery learning center and meetings like the hearing voices group. These groups have been helpful for the social and vocational aspect for me and a lot of other people I know.

Hi there, great insights :-) Maybe you could find or start a mommy and me group of your own with other women who have the same condition as you.

That way they would understand the unique challenges that you face. It would also reduce your anxiety about joining a mommy and me group where the women aren't familiar with mental conditions.

[Evening]

I have never had a relationship and I know I never will. I gave up even looking at guys a long time ago.

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

@ SakuraLi Wow Im sorry that ur experiences with relationships with certain mentally ill ppl were negative. Mental illness works in mysterious ways. Its severity and symptoms vary from person 2 person. Unfortunately, theres no such thing as a perfect relationship. The bad thing is theres no way to tell if a person you might be intrested in is the one youve been lookin 4. The only way to truly know someone is to invest time and gain mutual understanding, Of course theres the process of dealing with the things u may not like about that person, but if u can look past that, it might work out. Ive also had a rough upbringing, and in my teens, Ive lived the lifestyle of a gangster in the streets. At least u gave certain mentally ill dudes a chance and thats sayin A LOT. But use ur past experiences as knowledge to spot potential problems in a relationship to avoid further harm. I wish you luck in your future relationships, and I appreciate ur insight and open mindedness!

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

@ evening Yea sometimes I feel the same way about relationships. Im tryin to improve myself to be a better person and 2 increase my chances to establish and maintain a successful relationship. Ive been single for a ill minute, and Ive never fell in love with any of the females in my past relationships. I hunger for a good relationship with a female, but my situation prevents me from doing so. I havent given up yet, and I know theres someone 4 everybody. It truly sux to be mentally ill, but I have to keep on fighting, or else everything that ive fought 4 would be in vain... Do you actually want a relationship? Or do see it as a lost cause?

[sunflowers07]

I am trying to get back out there in the world, and am so scared. I recently shot myself and since then have had no contact with any of my old friends. No one knew that I had mental issues b/c I hid it really well somehow. Since my incident my family thought it best that I move back in with my parents and start fresh. But I don't know how to do that, what if the crazy does come out when I meet someone, then what. The medication does help but there are no life instructions are included. I wish I had some great words of wisdom for you, but I don't. I just wish you the best and I understand.

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

@ sunflowers07 Only you had your reasons why u did what u did, and Im no one to judge u. When I first got sick, I was in isolation most of the time. I was shook and I didnt wanna leave the house. Since my support from most loved ones were real limited, and I wasnt gettin the help that I needed from so called therapists. So, With my eperiences with livin life in proverty and pain and mental conditioning from my martial arts training, I began the very difficult process of geting my life together. Ive been battling paranoid schizophrenia 4 over seven years with little to no support from the majority of my family members. Its an uphill battle, and a hell of a rollercoaster ride. Now I look back, and conteplate on my accomplishments and a more openminded perspective on life. But mastering yourself takes a lifetime. Mastering yourself with a disability is much more difficult. I hope your journey to find yourself and getting ur life back is successful and positive! U can do it!! Thanx for ur support and understandin

[lavieenrose]

I've struggled with depression, anxiety, and ADD all my life. I'm in my mid-fifties, and have never been married. I've had various relationships with men here and there, none lasting more than 2 or 3 years. For the majority of my life, I've been alone, and have always hated it. I still want to meet someone, but I haven't even made an effort in over 10 years. I'm drawn to men who function well, and are relatively healthy, but I'm also intimidated by them, and think that they would not be interested in a woman who's so fearful and insecure. At the same time, I can look pretty "normal" from the outside. I feel terribly stigmatized for being on disability, though I do a very little bit of professional contract work for a court. I can be kind, interesting, but I'm introverted. Why must it be so difficult to meet eligible, like-minded men? My scarcity mentality doesn't help, I'm sure. In very small, slow ways, I'm working on it.

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

I know what you mean, lavieenrose. I havent had a relationship myself for almost a decade, and im 27 now. Even though ive made some progress in improving myself and my situation, Im still strugglin with whats goin on in my life right now. And yeah, I know how it is to endure BS from the stigma, mentalism, and the negativity that comes from having a mental illness. The fact that my income is very limited, and a lack of a social life/status dont help either. But Im also workin on it. Its very time connsuming, and it requires patience. I have that virtue, its difficult but important skill 2 master. I wish you luck in your quest to finally find somebody for yourself. When you can muster up enough strength and courage to feel ready, then take that first step and work yourself up. You can do this! It might not be easy, but Its very possible!

[Evening]

Originally Posted by TheMisunderstoodOne

@ evening Yea sometimes I feel the same way about relationships. Im tryin to improve myself to be a better person and 2 increase my chances to establish and maintain a successful relationship. Ive been single for a ill minute, and Ive never fell in love with any of the females in my past relationships. I hunger for a good relationship with a female, but my situation prevents me from doing so. I havent given up yet, and I know theres someone 4 everybody. It truly sux to be mentally ill, but I have to keep on fighting, or else everything that ive fought 4 would be in vain... Do you actually want a relationship? Or do see it as a lost cause?

Deep inside I do, I'll rarely admit that to people though. I tend to lie and tell people that I have had relationships, and I'm not remotely interested in one now, both of which are big old porkie pies. I have too many trust issues for a relationship and intimacy disgusts and terrifies me. So I gave up on the hope of it ever happening a long time ago. There's no point wasting my time searching, you know?

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

I see. Sometimes solitude can benefit certain individuals. Personally, I long for a relationship, but at the same time, Im not afraid to die alone. Ive been single 4 a ill minute (almost a decade) N ive had the time 2 really get to know myself better. It seems that youve givin up hope on finding a relationship. Sometimes solitary can be positive, but its harmful if you are afraid of dying alone. I got certain legitimate reasons why I dont trust ppl, but I realize that not all ppl r ignorant and are deserving of a chance of friendship (or a serious relationship with a female). Im sorry that u have 2 go through that, evening. If you really do want a relationship (whether its a casual friendship or a serious relationship) then you must know what u want and take small steps toward that goal. As a mentally ill person, I know how difficult that can be. But if u choose to be by yourself, then make sure you are able to except that and move foward with your life. I hope this helps...

[SakuraLi]

Hi TheMisunderstoodOne, I want to thank you again for being encouraging to me and being positive and kind. It really cheered me up some. Its great that you are sharing somethings about yourself and sharing the wisdom that you have learned as well. I don`t meant to be negative and counterproductive but can you give me some tips on how I can go about separating from my boyfriend in a kind, gentle way that won`t trigger a break down for him? You seem to have a very nice tactful and positive way of putting things. And I am so terrible at being tactful. I`m so messed up emotionally right now that I need to be able to have the option to walk away from my bf if things don`t get on track soon. Things have not been great between us for almost a year! I just feel unloved, and depressed. But Im considering trying to wait it out till June at the latest and if things arn`t better I`m leaving him. I`ve done everything I can to let him know how I feel but very little has changed, he puts his needs above mine and wont compromise. He`s always gilted me into comprimising for him but he wont do the same for me. I feel that if it don`t start getting better after a whole year in limbo it will never get better! But what ever happens I want to leave him in a kind, descent way so I`m not being hurtful to him, he`s stressing too much about work and school I don`t want to add to it. Any tips would be greatly appreciated.

[TheMisunderstoodOne]

@ SakuraLi No Problem! Im glad I can help in some way! Unfortunately, theres no easy way to break up with somebody. And, yeah, certain ppl are prone to overreacting. A relationship should be a mutual 50/50 equal partnership. However, if one partner isnt happy or satisfied with their relationship, then it should be adressed and eventually come to a solution. But, If the solution doesnt work, then problems start to destroy it. In your case, I believe from what uve told me that u have done everything u could do 2 make it work. That supposed 2 be a two way street. He supposed to step up and try to come up with a mutual agreement. If not, then you will have to start finding a way 2 end it. I understand youre tin the process of that. U have 2 b real with him, no matter what.U will have to prepare yourself for a possible overreaction. It might make you sad or feel guilty when that time comes, but you will have 2 b strong against a negative reaction... U have 2 look out 4 urself 2! I hope this helps...