[SwellFella]

Sucks that I see my freinds and family members having a nice relationship with their spouses and have little ones of their own running around while I sit here in the lonely quiet dark house.

My best friend always has a woman at his feet, nice ladies who I have tried so hard to get them to even make eye-contact with me, just toss me aside and fall for a guy like him or in a couple of cases left me for him because of his unique looks, or simply hes GOD'S GIFT TO WOMEN!!! Then he takes advantage of them, does a one night stand, then tosses them out because of it. Then in one case the woman cries to me about it, but still wont let me be his replacement, so again, I sit in the dark until she finds someone better.

OH LETS JUST PUT IT THIS WAY, MEN WITH EXTRA BAGGAGE LIKE ME GET PISSED ON AND DUMPED HARD!!!!

Im a simple minded fella with a simple minded job (welder) is just tired of coming home to a empty, dark house. To alot "HEY MAN, YOU ARE SO LUCKY!" But it does suck after a while.

My brother had everything going, good job as a artist, nice home, played in a cool band, a very nice woman at HIS feet, 100s of other friends at his feet then like in April of 2004 he threw it all away when he bit his own bullet, and im still here having to suffer through it. Yes the evil suicide gene that runs in the family got him, and I wonder every-day how long I have left before I join him, and why the hell am I here living with it period.

Nobody ever calls me to see how im doing, nobody ever asks me to go out to do anything. Its so difficult for me to make friends because when I do, oh well things like my car are the friend to them to take them places or to do favors instead of me.

I for once would love to be some one's "Favorite person" Never has happened to me, and maybe never will. It just gets to a point where I hate being around people or just hate them period. And to top it all of, I was a canidate for bullies growing up in school. No one gave a **** what I went through at that time. I fear people working a job, much less hate working a new job because of BULLY BOSSES!

And please whoever replies, DO NOT TELL MY I HAVE "ISSUES!" I so hate fad-words like that, that just irritate the crap out of me.

Im just mad and frustrated at life, sorry.

But im telling you, If given the chance, im a fun loving person more than you can imagine. Alot and I mean ALOT of asshole people in my life have pissed all over it HARD. I try very, very hard to overcome these things, but as you can see, I failed.

[saywhat?]

Hey Swell....
There's not a soul on this board, or anywhere else for that matter, that doesn't have issues. I used to feel very selfish and guilty about my "issues" b/c I thought it would be such an intrusion into my family's time and resources, not to mention my husband, haha! Foolish me....I worried so much for them and neglected my self and here we are! My family now avoids me like the plague. My husband and I go through 2-3 day cycles of crazy fighting/getting along. My Mom is the only exception, and that's b/c she thinks she can "fix" me. I am a social idiot and am just simply unable to meet new peope or make friends. My career was in an environment that should've made it impossible NOT to be social and make friends. Not me!! I was always the "fluffy" girl in the group, the girl that other girls took on dates to make sure their hot boyfriends wouldn't be tempted to stray. That trend started in kindergarten (not the dating part of course) and continued through middle &high school. And being one not to break a good ole tradition, at 37 I'm still stuck in the cycle. I'm sorry I'm rambling on so much, my point is to say that I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I did find someone to date online and we got married in 2009. Now I get to live this nightmare with someone right up in my face asking me questions all the time. We always want what we don't have, right?
Oh, and I had a bully boss too, for almost ten years! I wound up quitting that job in October b/c of those aforementioned issues, the damn ***** finally succeeded in driving me crazy!

One last thing....what's up with "the woman or friends at his feet"? Not a very sensitive way to express that thought maybe?

Good Luck....chatting online wherever is better than stewing in your own sauce in a quiet,dark house!

[SwellFella]

Originally Posted by saywhat?

Hey Swell....
There's not a soul on this board, or anywhere else for that matter, that doesn't have issues. I used to feel very selfish and guilty about my "issues" b/c I thought it would be such an intrusion into my family's time and resources, not to mention my husband, haha! Foolish me....I worried so much for them and neglected my self and here we are! My family now avoids me like the plague. My husband and I go through 2-3 day cycles of crazy fighting/getting along. My Mom is the only exception, and that's b/c she thinks she can "fix" me. I am a social idiot and am just simply unable to meet new peope or make friends. My career was in an environment that should've made it impossible NOT to be social and make friends. Not me!! I was always the "fluffy" girl in the group, the girl that other girls took on dates to make sure their hot boyfriends wouldn't be tempted to stray. That trend started in kindergarten (not the dating part of course) and continued through middle &high school. And being one not to break a good ole tradition, at 37 I'm still stuck in the cycle. I'm sorry I'm rambling on so much, my point is to say that I FEEL YOUR PAIN. I did find someone to date online and we got married in 2009. Now I get to live this nightmare with someone right up in my face asking me questions all the time. We always want what we don't have, right?
Oh, and I had a bully boss too, for almost ten years! I wound up quitting that job in October b/c of those aforementioned issues, the damn ***** finally succeeded in driving me crazy!

One last thing....what's up with "the woman or friends at his feet"? Not a very sensitive way to express that thought maybe?

Good Luck....chatting online wherever is better than stewing in your own sauce in a quiet,dark house!

They are at his feet because he is "God's gift to women" I cant count how many relationships he has had because he has had them crawling all over him, and whats messed up, I have been in the middle of a few of them. They call ME and ask me what he thinks about them. When he dumped two of them in the trash and when I went go to pick up what he has thrown out: *UP GOES THEIR NOSE AT ME* This is really basically a case of jealousy on my part I guess.

Now he will CALL me once-a-year and ill know the reason why, because its a time out period when him and her FIGHT...But ill know right away when he is back with her.. "Leave your name and number and ill get back to you" <--Which never happens. I moved here to Louisiana to start a new life in 2005 (away from New Orleans and Katrina) after living in crazy crowded Houston where I was born and raised, so 350 miles seperates me from my true friends. Im merely here also to look after my more and more dependant mother & pops, but we live in seperate households.

Hes been married twice already and now is on his third marrige, and I have never even been engaged. Has 2 kids both now in their teens.

My quest at this moment, is to marry the TRUSTING girl of my dreams that excepts me for who I am, have a couple of kids of my own who I will love to no end, and always have someone to come home to with open arms and to share cool events like every New Years Eve. I dont see it happening anytime soon. *Crickets chirp* Or even TALKING and SOCIALIZING with a nice woman would be good for starters. I figure by the time If I ever get around to marriage, ill need viagra to make a family if death by old age doesnt beat me to it first.

[cbbbeeyoko]

You seem to be jealous of your friends and your brother for having women throwing themselves at their feet, but by wht you said, you shouldn't be jealous at all. All you want is one girl to spend the rest of your life with right? Thats not what your brother/friends have. They are running through women because they arent compatible with just one. Why would you want to go through 100s of women and hurt yourself on so many relationships if all you want is one meaningful one. Ask yourself, would you really want to be on you THIRD marriage at this point in your life? You should strive to find the ONE girl that youll be with forever, because going after a bunch, wont end p well, because it hasn't with your brother or friend yet. Im sure if you try to go out (or take saywhat?'s advice and talk online) that you could find a girl that would want to spend her time with you too. If you don't push your "issues" on her, she would accept you for who you are, issues or not, because if someone loves you, they will accept you for who you are. Dont give up on life! You have alot to live for.

[SwellFella]

Originally Posted by cbbbeeyoko

You seem to be jealous of your friends and your brother for having women throwing themselves at their feet, but by wht you said, you shouldn't be jealous at all. All you want is one girl to spend the rest of your life with right? Thats not what your brother/friends have. They are running through women because they arent compatible with just one. Why would you want to go through 100s of women and hurt yourself on so many relationships if all you want is one meaningful one. Ask yourself, would you really want to be on you THIRD marriage at this point in your life? You should strive to find the ONE girl that youll be with forever, because going after a bunch, wont end p well, because it hasn't with your brother or friend yet. Im sure if you try to go out (or take saywhat?'s advice and talk online) that you could find a girl that would want to spend her time with you too. If you don't push your "issues" on her, she would accept you for who you are, issues or not, because if someone loves you, they will accept you for who you are. Dont give up on life! You have alot to live for.

Thankyou for the reasurance. You missed something, my brother can NO MORE run around with anyone here, because hes doing it in God's country. I dont expect myself to have 100s women, I was highly exaggerating. Just one, YES, who I can trust that wont screw around on me, and leave me for another guy like my best friend there.

I honestly think everyday why im not married, then I look around and see all the dammage that marriges cause and the extrmely high divorce rates and all the custody battles and what not.

Maybe marriage is not for me.

[SwellFella]

'Sigh', *depression intesifies*.

[cautious hope]

Hi swell. You sound as if you are suffering from huge past traumas. Do you see someone? The reason I ask is because it's very hard to get an accurate look at yourself when you are suffering so much. As for your brother, I'm so sorry. But you must see how shallow he felt inside despite being alluring and popular. You have a special strength. You wrote to us. I too, know what it is to feel half alive. And the fact you reached out to us lets me know that you will grow stronger and find your way. PROMISE! But first you need to get up and running. Work on yourself enough to be fully present for your future relationship. I can speak from experience that if you had a woman now, your past would interfere with your relationship. (It's also very distracting to focus on what you want when you are in distress)
Please today take a look at the things you ARE. You don't treat women with distain. You care for your parents, that means you honor your responsibilties. A man you can count on.

[blessthismess]

Psychotherapy, medication and Zoosk.

There are always negative issues in all of our lives, even your friend with all the action. We get back what we send out. You'll be just fine when you decide to not let your "issues" define who you are. If your not comfortable in the place where your at, move. Do whatever it takes to not feel the way you do.

[saywhat?]

Swell, the last statement you made said it ALL! *Maybe marriage isn't for you*

What you've described as the "perfect" scenario for you is very idealized.
(One perfect trusting/trusted woman and the two perfect kids that you come home to with open arms, etc etc.) I'm married and I myself wonder why anyone thinks marriage is the obvious conclusion to loving another person and creating a family. It does have it's positive attributes (mostly legal ones) , but the drawbacks are much more emotionally damaging in my situation. I know you're down and I don't want to drag you down even further, just know that in this situation, baby steps may take longer over time, but running might kill you.

There are alot of ahem, *longwinded* folks around here and plenty too that need a word or two for encouragement. Put your bag down and take your shoes off and make yourself at home here. Talk to people. You may or may not get a response every time, but at least make that effort and you've already taken the biggest step toward coming out of the dark silent house. My favorite "break the silence" habit is playing my favorite music LOUD on my iPod. Today it's Mumford & Sons "Little Lion Man" Let us know how you're doing.

[saywhat?]

And just for the record I WAS including myself in the "longwinded" comment in my previous post. Sorry guys! I try and try and still I write the novel,
saywhat?

[justjoanie]

Hey there Fella,
I know it's hard to be alone. I HATE being alone. Right now, I have a great partner that completely understands my depression, and supports me through it. I couldn't ask for more.
But I've been in your shoes too. Here's a question for you...... What are you doing to meet people? Do you have a place you like to go hang out? Do you go to church? How about Bowling or the Movies. I live in a small town, and it's really hard to meet people. Truthfully, I met my partner online.
Check out the newspaper and see if there are any "get-togethers" in your area.
Just my 2 cents (althought I think it sounds more like a quarter)
JJ

I'm sorry to hear about your brother.

Please don't take anything I say the wrong way. The first thing that popped out at me is your linguistics. You say things like "at his feet" and "his replacement". You don't want the type of women that would be "at your feet". You also dont want to be anyone's "replacement". You want to be an alpha male, but you don't need to be a jerk to be one.

SOME women mistake jerky behavior as confidence. SOME women mistake cockiness for confidence. This is definitely not all women and you wouldn't want to be with women that tolerate jerky behavior. Women are attracted to confidence...the same way that men are attracted to confident women.

The funny thing is that as soon as you stop treating this as a goal that needs to be obtained it will happen naturally. Just go out and have fun with women with no intentions and no expectations. If you have trouble meeting women you should try to get a hobby that involves other people.

Try online dating...just to get back into the pool. Plentyoffish is free and has a huge userbase. Again, don't have any expectations. In fact, you should expect that only 1 out of 20 will even respond to your messages. That's just the way online dating works...it has nothing to do with you so don't feel rejected. Even if you make new female friends it will help to build your confidence.

My last suggestion is purely optional. Get a motorcycle...a newer one. It is a huge conversation starter and you will get a lot of women that want to go for rides. If riding is not for you then consider something else that will get you out of the house and having fun around other people.

[SwellFella]

Originally Posted by allnamestaken

I'm sorry to hear about your brother.

Please don't take anything I say the wrong way. The first thing that popped out at me is your linguistics. You say things like "at his feet" and "his replacement". You don't want the type of women that would be "at your feet". You also dont want to be anyone's "replacement". You want to be an alpha male, but you don't need to be a jerk to be one.

SOME women mistake jerky behavior as confidence. SOME women mistake cockiness for confidence. This is definitely not all women and you wouldn't want to be with women that tolerate jerky behavior. Women are attracted to confidence...the same way that men are attracted to confident women.

The funny thing is that as soon as you stop treating this as a goal that needs to be obtained it will happen naturally. Just go out and have fun with women with no intentions and no expectations. If you have trouble meeting women you should try to get a hobby that involves other people.

Try online dating...just to get back into the pool. Plentyoffish is free and has a huge userbase. Again, don't have any expectations. In fact, you should expect that only 1 out of 20 will even respond to your messages. That's just the way online dating works...it has nothing to do with you so don't feel rejected. Even if you make new female friends it will help to build your confidence.

My last suggestion is purely optional. Get a motorcycle...a newer one. It is a huge conversation starter and you will get a lot of women that want to go for rides. If riding is not for you then consider something else that will get you out of the house and having fun around other people.

Easy for you to say to tell me this, because im apart of the 'LifeStyles of da po' and da' broke' because of this crazy recession.

I cant just go to a 'ONLINE DATING'.. Ive tried that in the past and everytime they want more and more handouts (it gets more expensive) and every woman there also expects every guy to be a MILLION DOLLAR man with a Brad Pitt or a very high profile look.

Have you ever seen a skilled nurse or a accountant married (or any white collar worker) to a welder? Im from a blue collar family thankyou, I barely graduated from Highshcool, barely got any college education, if you didnt read my first post I mentioned im very simpled minded, and get pissed on about it HARD by people like ****ing YUPPIE SNOBS. If they want to piss and look down on people, do it to these damn criminals that steal, rob, shoot, shoot up and are in prison and get out and repete the cycle at our expense, and what pisses ME OFF, they have their loved ones waiting on them with their kids waiting on them.. In other words, you have the most beautiful woman in the world, married to damn CONVICT TRASH! Lucky for me, I have a spotless record. As it is also, im living off paycheck to paycheck, and the only woman that would favor me is someone that has kids from a marriage gone bad or again their loved one is locked up, and they are soimply crack-tattoo TRASH! no thanks. I want a woman with extreme class.

So please dont tell me to just go out and 'Get a motorcycle' unless you want to help me pay the damn notes.

Im just hate my best friend because women easily choose him over me, and use me as a door mat.

One good advatadge if I have have a loving wife, she never have to cook for me or the kids, because thats MY department, I was a assistant chef. May go back into doing that, but as of late, I cant find the right place I can call a 'Home' for a job because what keeps me working at a place for so long, is friendly natured people with a sense of humor, not the job, the people! I hate working with people that are total a**holes!!!!

[SwellFella]

Originally Posted by justjoanie

Hey there Fella,
I know it's hard to be alone. I HATE being alone. Right now, I have a great partner that completely understands my depression, and supports me through it. I couldn't ask for more.
But I've been in your shoes too. Here's a question for you...... What are you doing to meet people? Do you have a place you like to go hang out? Do you go to church? How about Bowling or the Movies. I live in a small town, and it's really hard to meet people. Truthfully, I met my partner online.
Check out the newspaper and see if there are any "get-togethers" in your area.
Just my 2 cents (althought I think it sounds more like a quarter)
JJ

Nope, because around here youre either BUMMED FROM or pissed or, or shoved aside.

I dont know how many of you are from Cajun Country or ever been or ever lived here, but thats the way it is.

I dont know how to talk to people around here... Im afraid to talk to people around here.. Im afarid to assiciate with people around here because they will use you and your car to go help make drug deals, or in a worse case, take you out in the back and pout a slug in you and toss you in the dumpster or use you as gator food.

I lived in Houston of course, and my pops who married my mother when I was 2, his dad was born here.. During the depression he moved to crazy Houston to get a better life & job with alot of other Acadians, and helped make Houston get over crowded and crazy like it is today. Well 35 years of living with traffic, crouds and congestion ( it was so bad at one point, I was sitting in traffic in 90 degree heat, no a/c of course and suffered heat stroke, had to be taken to the ER) was enough, so my pops inherited a house from his Uncle and in early 2005 we moved here because THEY also wanted to escape Houston and retire here, and I managed to get a rent house next to them to start my new life. <-- I have probably explained THAT to at least 200 people all the years so far we have lived here, why? Because as soon as you talk to these Cajuns, and you "Dont have dat acceint" after your first sentence is their annoying question I cant stand.. "Where you from?"

The only people that are cool and socialble here are the elderly. I cant wait for my inheritence, because I plan to move to quiet, open Montana. Ive been there before, and I love it 1000xs better than this crap hole.

[SwellFella]

Looks like I just wasted my time of these replies, oh well.

Hello, SwellFella. What is your plan? What you are doing now is not working. What changes do you contemplate to unload the negativity and show people you might want to meet what a swell fellow you are?

[danvb]

Hmmmmmm... I'm probably wrong here, but I get the impression that no one here will be able to say anything that will be of any value to you. I dunno. That's just what popped into my head.

I DO hear the frustration, rage, futility and loathing in your thoughts and words. I hear someone that wants to let everyone know you're a real live person with wants and desires and needs. I hear a person that wants someone to love you and be loved by you in return.

Oh yes, you sound negative and angry and all that kinda stuff too, but that isn't really you, is it. Not really. You just sound that way because it's how you feel and is the only way you know to get people to hear you. Actually, I think you're scared stiff right now. You're frightened of being alone for the rest of your life but really don't know what to do about it. If this sounds like a lot of fluffy BS, oh well. Forgive me, but I think what I just said about you is true. Yeah, I can already hear you denying that anything I've said here might be true. That doesn't matter to me. I don't have to wear your pain. You do. I wonder though, I wonder if you are enjoying your pain. I don't know. That was just a passing thought I had. Some people wear their pain like a badge of honor. Naw, that isn't you. Never mind.

Anyway...

I'm not going to tell you that you have "issues". Heck, there isn't a person alive that doesn't have things in their life that they wish would work better. It's the human condition!

I think the question you might want to be asking yourself is "Ok, I KNOW about all of the things that I don't like about my life. I KNOW about all the crappy stuff, but what the heck what am I going to do to make those things better"? That's a tough question to answer. But, as cliche as it may sound, you're the only person that can answer that question.

Obviously, standing on a street corner telling everyone how miserable your life is isn't working for you.

I'm not going to insult your intelligence by spewing any platitudes or by telling you what a swell guy you are. I don't need to tell you that kind of baloney.

You know what's in your heart. You're also very familiar with that voice inside you head that tells you all those crappy things about yourself. You've gotten used to listening to THAT voice instead of the quiet little voice you have that tells you all of the good things about who you are.

Anyway, this is getting a bit touchy-feely so I think I'll stop here.

I just wanted you to know that I hear what you are saying. There is nothing I can do to help you though. All I can do is listen to you, attempt to understand some of the things that you aren't saying and acknowledge you as a fellow human being.

I wish you clearness of thought and the courage to follow your own heart.

Whew! I've gotten a little too long-winded in my old age. Sorry 'bout that!

Dan

[cc.sunflower]

First of all, there is nothing wrong with being a welder. I wouldnt care if you were a cook at McD's.
But I know just how you feel. I am lonely also and I have people around. The thing I noticed about those "other" fun loving people... self confidence. I lack it and it shows.

I cannot change one thing that happened yesterday, last week, year or in my childhood. So I am trying to learn how to accept my past, and to be a more out-going person. I am working on ME to make me happier and when that shows, I think people would want to be around.

I have to remember that when some one ask me how I am today, they dont want to hear my whole life story of why I am depressed. So I am trying to quit telling it .

I want to be fun and carefree. I want to enjoy life and I want a good man to do that with.

[SwellFella]

Ill be willing to go out and get the nicest valentines gift to anyone who will except it. Maybe the largest box of chocolate? I ought to go out and buy it anyways, and to mess with some people's mind, just open it and eat it right there. lol! The same thing I ought to do with a BIG WEDDING CAKE! Grab a fork when I go to pick it up and just eat it right there.

-Crys himself to sleep again.

[SwellFella]

Originally Posted by cc.sunflower

First of all, there is nothing wrong with being a welder. I wouldnt care if you were a cook at McD's.
But I know just how you feel. I am lonely also and I have people around. The thing I noticed about those "other" fun loving people... self confidence. I lack it and it shows.

I cannot change one thing that happened yesterday, last week, year or in my childhood. So I am trying to learn how to accept my past, and to be a more out-going person. I am working on ME to make me happier and when that shows, I think people would want to be around.

I have to remember that when some one ask me how I am today, they dont want to hear my whole life story of why I am depressed. So I am trying to quit telling it .

I want to be fun and carefree. I want to enjoy life and I want a good man to do that with.

Thanks