[heidu]

Well, I didn't really talk to her but I gave her a letter. I explained that she is my best friend here and I need her as well as want her in my life and I feel that for some reason she is pulling away. I've hardly seen or talked to her these past 5 months. Twice it was social for her and I and the other times it was to babysit her kids or she just stopped by to take my dog for a walk with her. That kinda hurt a little.

So I did it. I opened up and told her how I really feel and now I wait to hear the reply. I feel pitiful, like I am begging for her to be my friend. She's just the best friend I have ever had in real life and she saved my life and hung with me when I was at my lowest.
She's the one that can make me laugh when all I feel like doing is crying and she is the one that made me feel cared about when no one else did.
I have tried to be a good friend to her too but I feel in some way I must've done something wrong. This is so "normal" for me to make a friend and then they "get busy" and I never see or hear from them again. Usually I just give up but this time I can't. She is too good a person and too important to me. I am trying to have good days and do good things and I want a friend to share those good days with. What's the point of keeping up a good mood and trying so hard when I sit with myself all day?
So I did it. She's probably read it by now....I don't feel good.
Just needed to vent.
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[heatherm]

{{{{{{Heidu}}}}}}

I think you did the right thing. The ball is now in her court and it is up to her to respond. I truly hope that things do work out...it will at least make you feel better too knowing that it is nothing you did. It is amazing the amount of guilt we carry around eh?

Keep us posted on what takes place ok? You are in my thoughts today hun.


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

[heidu]

Thanks Heather and Ozzie. It's been some hours and I haven't heard back so that can mean alot of things. Maybe she's "busy". I almost laugh.
I was hoping I could slip it in her mailbox but she was just getting home from somewhere and I got busted in the act. I gave it too her, said hi to the kids and politely left.
Ish Ish Ish!!! Well, one way or another I will know the outcome soon enough and I can cross it off my "things to take care of so I feel better and can get on with other things that need tending to" list.

I am pretty sure I didn't do anything wrong but am more wondering if there is anything I can do to make it better.
I'll let you guys know and thanks for caring and replying. It means more than you know.
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[heidu]

I got a text message (cell phone) from my friend a little bit ago and she said I gave her some things to think about and she would do just that and get back to me.
Sooo, I still wait but at least I heard something from her.
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[Peanut61]

Wouldn't that be great to be able to have an open and honest conversation about this with her? Good luck - I'm really hoping that your openess and reaching out will pay off! XOXO!

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[heidu]

I need some input. Below is the letter I gave to my friend. It's been 4 days now and other than her sending me a message that she would think about things and get back to me I haven't heard a thing from her. Maybe it's just me but if a friend wrote me a letter expressing herself about how she felt and it was not good then I would contact her and make it a priority to talk things over. I wouldn't expect my friend to sit and wait and wonder and hurt. I was holding back tears when I delivered it so she knows I am really hurt, I am dissapointed and could use some input and support here.
Just a clue, my friend is alot like myself. We think and feel alot of the same things so keep that in mind if you are trying to "figure her out".
Thanks,
Heidu

Betty,
I am not sure what to say but something feels very wrong and I feel like I am losing my best friend.

It has always gone like this. I meet someone and things are good, I have a great friend that I enjoy being with a lot and then for some reason they pull away and are too busy and eventually we don’t talk anymore. I don’t want that to happen. Normally I just let it go because I don’t understand and figure they don’t want to be with me and don’t want to tell me why.

You are the best friend I have ever had. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. It’s not a big secret that I need you because you are a good friend and a good support for me. I don’t have a lot of people who understood or cared for me like you did. You saved my life. You spent time with me when I was at my worst.

I also enjoy spending time with you because I like who you are. You are honest and kind and we think and feel a lot alike. You make me laugh when sometimes I just want to cry. You’re smart and funny and sweet. I like those things in a friend. You have a good heart and I have never met anyone like you. You’re special.

When summer started you were working more and busy and I understood that but summer has turned to fall and winter is coming and we never see each other. I have tried to bring it up a couple of times that I missed you and that I was concerned that we weren’t hanging out but you just said you were busy so I don’t know what to say.

Part of me is hurt because maybe you don’t want to hang around with me anymore. We used to have our little chats in the evening a couple times a week after the kids went to bed and although it was short it meant a lot to me. It was nice to be with you and it really the only time I get out of the house or get to talk to anyone besides Bjørn.

I am afraid that maybe I talk to much and you are sick of listening to me or tired of what I am saying because I talk about my life which isn’t so great. I am trying really hard to make things better and to not be so depressed and so upset. It’s hard but I am trying. I sometimes don’t see the point because I end up having no one to share my good days or good moods with.

I am afraid that maybe you are sick of talking English with me and I apologize for that. I have been thinking a lot about that. I think that I have lost so much of “me” and I am alone a lot. When I am with someone I need to express myself and be myself and I can’t do that in norsk. I realize that is selfish and I apologize.

I am disappointed because I thought you wanted and needed me as a friend and it seems that maybe you don’t. I can’t believe that in 5 months you have only had a couple of moments to spend with me and I think if you wanted to you could find the time. I have never expected a day or hours or that we had to go out. Just hanging out with you at your house was great for me whatever we were doing or talking about. Like we used to do.

I wonder if maybe you are hurting and that’s why you are pulling away but I would hope that if you were you would talk to me about it. Tell me what’s hurting you. You have always been there for me and I would like to think that you know I am there for you too. I can only be that if you let me.

I don’t have a lot of good things here and not a lot of really nice moments but the best times have always been with you. The only time I really really felt cared about was by you. You have always made me feel like I mattered. All the times I have thought about leaving Norway the one thing that makes me want to stay is you. My best friend. Now I feel like I am losing that and I don’t understand.

I keep trying to think what happened. Did I do something, say something? Was it something I didn’t do?
It’s felt kind of uncomfortable when we have seen each other the last few times. I felt like maybe you were uncomfortable.
Please tell me what’s gone wrong and I will make it right. I miss you and I want to be friends again.



When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[heatherm]

{{{{{{{{Heidu}}}}}}}}

I have read and re-read your letter and all I can tell you is that I wish I was your "real life" friend . You expressed how you feel and put your heart on the line. I am so sorry that you haven't heard back from her yet. I am like you, I would have made it a priority to get right back to you if things were like this.

I am trying to find the right words for me to say.....I am trying to say it in a way that won't hurt you but I think she is letting her feelings known by not getting back to you. I am so sorry hun but that is what I am getting from her silence.

Please know that you did all you could....your letter stated how you felt...an apology if needed.....your emotions and your thankfulness for her friendship. You can't do anything else until she does....it is sad isn't it and my heart aches for you.


Heather

"The Pessimist complains about the wind, the Optimist expects it to change and the REALIST adjusts his sails." ~~~author unknown

[heidu]

I kinda felt the same. By not getting back to me she's is making a pretty clear statement. I guess this is the reason I usually just let the friendships go. This seems to hurt more. I just keep feeling loss on top of loss.
I don't understand at all what happened. We talked about friendships and the past with them. We have been thru the same things with friends. I didn't think she would ever do this. I just don't understand.
I feel so much like just giving up. What's the freaking point? It always goes like this and I have run out of people in my life to make it meaningful. If I put myself out there and make a friend it will only happen again. God, my friends, my husband and my family. What does it take? I know I am not perfect but I also know I really did nothing wrong. I haven't hurt them. I cared and tried to show it.
I am so dissapointed. I am not talking about "ending it" I just want to give up.
Thanks Heather and sorry to spew liek this. I can't even begin to express the hurt I feel all around me right now. It's just too much.
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[forgoten]

Dear Heidu,

Like some of you told me a while ago, you can't blame yourself for loosing your best friend.

I was backstab by my best friend, which I think and feel was cruel. Because, like you, I wouldn't had hurt her. I know you are asking yourself questions after questions and you can't found any answers. I think this is the worst part. If you could at least have one answer to this "why". Maybe "time" will give you that answer.

Sometime people move on in different path in their life and don't reliased it themself until they are on it. And because it is better for them, they choose not to take a step back. They leave people behind them that asked themself questions. It's not that they want to hurt those people, they just have to move on and they can not take those persons with them. They choose not to explain. It's just something they have to do to grow.

Heidu, you haven't done anything wrong. Maybe your friend choose another path. It would be better for you, If she could explain this to you. Maybe she is scare of hurting you. Which she does anyway. I know and I understand you need someone close to you in your life, specially because it is not going the best between you and your husband and you are in a different country. You feel lost and hurt. Just give it time and see. Sometime sweety, we have to move on without the persons we would love to bring with us, because they had choosen to not stand by our side.

I don't know if your friend is going to answer you or not. But I know you are a loving person and you will eventually found someone else. But for that, you are going to have to seek for it and not isolate yourself. Sometime, my dear special one, people give away the most precious thing, without knowing it.

I'm glad I have met you. You bring a bit of sunshine in my life, even if you are far. I thank you for it. I wish I could take your pain away. I know it hurt.

Love you
forgoten

[Serenity]

Oh Heid {{{{super major strong caring loving hugs}}}}
This has to be so painful for you.
You did the right thing writing that letter. You were very openand honest and I admire that so much...it had to have taken alot of courage and strength to not only jus twrite it...but give it to her. And the waiting must be agony.
I know what my own repsonse would have been had I ever gottena letter like that from a friend...and a close one at that. But I wont begin to try and speak for someone I dont know.
I recall you sayin she had said she read it and it gave her alot to think about. I will forever hope for the smallest chances. Maybe something is going on in her life that she cant share? You said she was liek you? I knwo "you" have a hard time opening up. Its a long shot but it could be. I dont understand her silence either.....but I do always try to be positive.
I wish I could say keep hoping....I really dont understand either.
Youare a beautiful, caring person Heid.....try to think positive and soemtimes things are out of our hands. Not because of anythign we do or dont do...it jsut happens and is so completely out of our hands. Its sad and its hard.
My heart aches for you Heid....wish I could hug ya for real
Much Love,
Jenn

[Peanut61]

Hi (((((((((((((((((Heidu)))))))))))))))) = I just sent you a PM. XOXO, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[heidu]

Forgotten,
Thank you for reminding of alot of important things. I know I am not to blame and I know I didn't do anything to make her not want to be friends. She si dealing with her own issues and I don't think I will get to hear "why" explained. That is hard. I do want to know why because maybe then I can tell her it's ok.
It just happened all of the sudden and there must've been something that made things change so much.

I am really confused and hurt. I was already feeling lost and hurt and this is a new blow.

I don't have a choice but to give life time and see but I am running short on hope that I will ever have special people in my life. They seem to keep leaving. There's not much left.

I know you are having a hard time not isolating yourself too. Please can we help eachother not to give up and not to be so hurt that we close ourselves off. It'll be hard but maybe together huh?

Thank you for caring enough to write to me today. You are special. I can feel the warmth and love.
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[heidu]

{{{{super major strong caring loving hugs}}}} back to you Serenity. I know you are dealing with your own stuff too and could use some support.

Thank you for the kind thoughts and sweet compliments. They are well appreciated.
Hugs again,
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[Serenity]

lol can we say D-E-N-I-A-L??? lol so much easier to pretend they arent there....rahter be here for you than worry about my own "Shtuffff"
Stay strong , my Heid, stay strong.....I knwo it hurts.

[PlanningtoLive]

Heidu,

I am so sorry. I admire the fact that you are so straight forward in your letter to your friend. No one has ever felt that way towards a friendship with me and I wish we knew each other in real life.

Forgoten is right - people move in diff directions and get so wrapped up in it that they forget the ones they left behind. I don't believe that you have done anything wrong....you were direct, honest and giving. The ball is in her court now. If she chooses not to reply, then it is definitely her loss.

I can only imagine how hard it must be to be in a diff country with new traditions, language, etc. and to feel alone. I think you are doing so well learning the new ways there and constantly striving to succeed.

You deserve so much in life........I sincerely hope that you open up to the possibility of new friends - one that is deserving of you.

Mary Alice

[heidu]

Gee, why do you think I cruise these boards offering support and advice. I deal with my own stuff in my own way basically on my own. Being here helps me though. It gives me a purpose and something to do.
I am not in denial.....well I am trying to be but life keeps slapping me in the face to remind me.
Hugs Serenity.
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[heidu]

You know me Mary Alice, "miss straighforward". I always try to tell my friends what they mean to me. Oddly enough or maybe not, I don't get much back and then eventually they are gone. This friend was different. She cared for me and loved being with me and I KNEW it.

I am doing the best I can. I can't say I am constantly trying to succeed but I am constantly trying to hang on. The ride is fast and bumpy with lots of curves but I haven't let go yet.

Thanks for you!!
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[Willow]

(((((Heidu)))))))
I keep reading this thread and feeling badly for you, but I don't have any words to tell you. I want you to know I am reading and feeling with you though.

[Serenity]

lol misread...not "your" denial...my own I knwo you keep it inside...but Im glad you were able to talk about this....it doesnt "solve" it but at least gets some of the burden off your heart when other people can share the hurt with you
*hugs* my dear friend
Always seeking Serenity,
Jennifer

[Serenity]

you know I luv ya

<A target="_blank" HREF=http://www.ladyjayes.com/somewhereoutthere.html>http://www.ladyjayes.com/somewhereoutthere.html</A>

[Rapunzel]

{{{{{{{{{{{{{Heidu}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Has she still not said anything? I think that your letter was really good, and if I were your friend I would have been right back to you on that immediately to reassure you that we were still friends and to make sure that we go do something. Maybe she's really busy? Or maybe she has her own issues and is absorbed in them and not in a position to be much of a friend right now? Or maybe she is one of those who needs to be the caregiver in a relationship and now that you are doing better she doesn't feel needed so much? You really opened up to her and exposed your vulnerability. Maybe she feels bad about the way she has been acting and doesn't know what to say?

I'm sorry that you are going through this, and also that I got behind and didn't see this thread until now. I hope that she gets back to you soon and your friendship is okay. Wish I could be there and we could go do something and have some fun.

She is Norwegian? Do you mostly talk to her in English? How good is her English? Do you feel like language could be the issue? Maybe it would be easier for you to each speak your own language, since it is easier to express yourself that way, but you can understand more than you can express in the other language. Then if either of you is not sure of something you can ask for a translation. It's also easier sometimes, particularly when talking about emotions, to say it in your own language since that is the language you feel emotions in, and then translate it.

It doesn't sound like you have done anything wrong. Even without a language barrier I have always had difficulty making friends and I think part of it is just that I will always be a newcomer and people already have their friends they grew up with. I'll never be in an inner circle like that with anyone. I'm sorry that you are lonely, and I wish that I could be there.

Wendy

<font color=red>"Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing." -Harriet Braiker</font color=red>

[heidu]

Thanks Willow. It's enough to know that you care and I KNOW you do.
Hugs,
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[heidu]

Serenity,
I didn't misread, I just suffer from a little denial myself so I understand what you are saying.
Hugs back,
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[heidu]

Still waiting but nothing. Thanks for giving me options to look at. If she's busy I understand completely. All I ask is that she send me a message somehow saying that she wants to talk or for me not to worry. Not hearing anything screames I don't wanna talk to you or I don't care.

If she has her own issues that she is absorbed in then I need to know that too don't I? The last of "maybe she feels bad about the she has been acting and doesn't know what to say" ia a possibility. The thing is she knows how I am hurting so I would think she would say SOMETHING just to ease things a little.

She is Norsk and her english is pretty good. She's learned alot. The problem isn't so much talking in Norsk for me it is understanding. So for basic stuff it's ok if she talks a little slower. Most of the time it's not working for me. I do understand that she may need to express herself in Norsk and she knows that is ok and I will be listening really hard. Like I am waiting to now.

Time....I have that and I just have to wait.
Thanks for caring Wendy.
Hugs,
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell

[heidu]

OKAY...so now I heard from her. She sent me a message asking me to come over tonite so we can talk. I am still stressed but things can go either way and at least I know I won't have to sit and wonder what happened anymore.

Thanks everyone for your support. It was greatly needed and appreciated even more. I'll let you know how it goes but remember it won't be till tomorrow.
Heidu

When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us.- Alexander Graham Bell