[faith224]

I am now having another problem. We were talking today because he said that it is scarying him how he feels. He doesn't know why he has been so insecure and posessive. He said that he thinks he has a problem. I confronted him about another issue we were having. He was always telling me that if I leave him he would kill me. If he can't have me no one will have me. He said that he would stalk me. He said that if I broke up with him that it wouldn;t be an easy break up. He would do anything in his power to get me back. He said that if someone else got with me he would hurt that guy. I told him how I felt about him saying that stuff and he continued to say those things. When I asked him if he was just playing around and that is nothing to play around with he said that he was not playing around. That he was serious and that he really feels that way and he hoped that he is not scarying me because he doesn't want to scare me. He said that he is acutly insane. He said that he has issues he needs to deal with. He also told me that if he killed me he would kill himself. He said that he doesn't know what he might do if I broke up with him. He said that that scares him. He said that he would never hurt me. I am so scared. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be with him anymore no matter how bad I love him or feel with him. I told him that tht is not love and the way he feels towards me is not normal. I told him that he needs professional help. I told him that I am scared. I cannot live in fear. I am at the point now where I don't want to break up with him, but I know that it is the best move to make, but at the same time I am afriad of him. It is like I feel stuck. What should I do. I know that I deserve so much better and he is not the one for me. What should I do? What is wrong with him? Do you think he will really do what I just told you? Help me please? This is tearing me apart. How can someone I love and he loves me feel this way towards me? What am I doing to make him feel thta he has to be this way. Or he has to feel this way?

[poison]

i know you want an answer faith, but to be honest, i'm not sure what the right answer would be....that's a pretty scary subject.

i'm not sure how comfortalbe i am even replying to it...i just want to offer comfort. does anyone else know about this? or just this posting?

there's always away out......and i really hope u find it, but i have nothing to offer you but comfort.

one thing tho...you aren't doing nething to make him feel that way....i really doubt any of this if your fault!!!!! so please don't think that it is.....

the only suggestion i CAN give is maybe research privatley similiar situations...either on the web, or whatever, to see what other victims in your circumstance did.....

i really hope this helps you somewhat, faith?

"Nothing makes us so lonely as our secrets."
-Paul Tournier

"While one person hesitates because he feels inferior, the other is busy making mistakes and becoming superior."
-Henry C. Link

[joepuccini]

This is a very, very serious situation. He immediately needs to get professional help and you need to the l alert the local women's crisis center in your area 'cause i'm sure they've dealt with this situation before. I pray things work out ok for you.

[bptoo]

faith,

I'm going to shoot straight from the hip. His obsession is not your fault and you should have gotten out months ago when this first started. I don't mean to be harsh, it's really not my style, but this man needs help and you can't give it to him. But you are in danger and need to get yourself to safety before it's too late.

bp

"All in all we're just another brick in the wall" - Pink Floyd

[faith224]

Thanks for responding back. I haven't heard from anyone in awhile about my post. Looks like you are the first. Since that last post I broke up with my man and I got back with him. We are together now and it doesn't seem like things are getting any better. I am going to get strong enough to leave him befire it is too late. Thanks for your advice and your help. It means alot. The weird thing is that right after I got back with him then I got replys to this post. It is like a sign or something. Don't you think? What would you do to get out of a bad relationship? I mean we have only been together for 5 months. We have been through a lot with each other in the last 5 months.

[faith224]

Thanks so much for your help. Yes I know that he needs professional help and since I have been in this relationship I have been getting counseling once a week. It is slowly, but surely helping me. I am going to be strong enough to leave him alone all together and not keep getting suckered back into the relationship. I think going to a crisis center might help. I will look into it. Thanks again for all your help. May God bless you.

[faith224]

Thanks for all your advice.You are so right. I will keep what you said in mine.

[Camelot]

Is there a domestic violence center near you? Most areas have a hotline listed in telephone books. Calls to the hotline can be anonymous and they are free for callers. Typically, hotlines operate 24 hours a day and are "manned" by females trained in the situation you described. (You could try looking in the Blue Pages of your phone book. They might offer free counseling.)

Most women who have died would have never thought that people who said they loved them would have killed them. THOUSANDS of women die each year due to domestic violence and abusive relationships. Thirty per cent of female homicide victims are killed by their husbands or boyfriends, according to FBI.

How do I know if someone could hurt me - questions:
Does this person ignore my feelings and wishes?
Tease and ridicule me about things important to me?
Often shows anger or uses threats or violence in the relationship to get his own way?
Encourages or pressures me to do things that make me feel uncomfortable?

Am I in an abusive relationship:
Do the things he says make me feel unworthy, stupid or less than?
Do I feel violated in any way by him?
Do I feel he is doing me a favor by dating me?
Does he hit, slap, push or kick me?
Do I feel intimidated or controlled by him?
Do I feel pressured sexually?
Do I feel I must give up friends for him?
Do I walk on eggshells for fear of upsetting him?
Does he make or carry out threats to hurt you?
Does he threaten to commit suicide?
Does he make his partner feel crazy and play "mind games?"
Does he name-call, criticize, publically humiliate or embarass?
Does he destroy personal effects (pictures, clothes, gifts)?
Does he use looks or gestures to intimidate; smash or throw?
Does he abandon or threaten to abandon partner in a dangerous place?
Is he using jealousy as a sign of love instead of insecurity?
Is he controlling what his partner does, who she talks to or her work activities?

If there is not a domestic violence center near you, you probably could call them collect. You might be able to obtain a protective order (if you obtain an order, you should carry the document with you at all times and keep a copy at home or work). SOme DV centers offer free cell phone use to keep you safe (phone may be only used to call law enforcement).

There are a lot of ways to keep you safe. Staying in a relationship as you described may be deadly. People who love us would not want to harm us.

[aussiechick]

I know how you must be feeling. The same thing happened to my mum, my dad told my uncle that he was "going to blow her head off." I can understand how scared you must be feeling, try to tell him that you would like to end the relationship, but make sure someone is there with you otherwise he may try to hurt you, my dad tried to run my mum over. If he continues saying things which make you feel uncomfortable maybe have a talk to the police and have a restraining order put against him. A word of advice, if you do leave him dont go back to him, dont feel sorry for him because you may feel too scared to leave him in the future.
My mum went back to my dad and now we are stuck here with the fat pig, like your boyfriend I think my father has a mental problem, mum felt sorry for him when we left him and now we are in the difficult situation of trying to get rid of him.
Take care and be careful
May God take care of you all
sarah

[faith224]

Thanks for responding back so soon. I am sorry that it took me so long to respond back, but I have been so busy and so much is going on in my life. I feel what you are saying, but I think I have found the right answer. I think the best thing for me to do is not be in a relationship with him. I am better off alone. Others know about everything I have wrote on on this site. I have no problems with sharing to someone I feel comfotable on sharing with. Or just getting it out so others will know that there is another side of him and our relationship. It is not all what it seems to be. I have broken up with him, but he still keeps making contact with me anyway and every way he can and I keep on falling right into it. I am so upset because he slepted over this girls house last night and he said it was because I wasn't with him and he was hanging out with his friends. This is not the first time he slpeted over a girls house before. There is no way I can be with a man who does that everytime I am not around him. I am tired of the bull [censored]. I just wished he would leave me alone all together. Pretty soon if he doesn't I am going to have to take it to another level and get a retriaining order on him. I am already keeping records of everything now just in case. A part of me sometimes feels like it is my fault, but I know deep down inside no matter how many times he says it is my fault I know that it isn't. He blames me all the time for his wrong doings and I can't deal with that anymore. What is his problem. Thanks so much for your advice and I hope to hear from you soon. I am still going to counseling right now and it is helping each week. I already see that I am getting stronger and stronger everyday. Thanks again!

[faith224]

Thanks for responding to my post. Yes, I do think that he needs professional help. He even knows he needs it but, I don't think that he will ever try and get it. He talks the talk, but never walks the walk and I can't deal with that anymore. I' m fed up. We did break up, but we are still attached to each other. He keeps coming around and it is making it hard for me to break away from him. He knows that he is making it hard on me. I might need to just get away for awhile altogether till I get over him because he will do whatever to stay in contact with me. It is driving me crazy. Right now I am going to hold off on the woman's crisis center because I am getting counselling once a week which is really helping me a whole lot. Thanks for your prayers and thanks for the advice. I hope to hear from you real soon. Take care!

[faith224]

Thanks for responding to my post. You are so right I should have got out months ago, but I was being so blind and didn't want to face the truth. I kept thinking that he was really going to change and I was really believing in him and everytime I got hurt at the end. Well I am tired of getting hurt by him or any man for that matter. I did break up with him, but he still tries to make contact with me all the time. He still wants to be with me and he won't leave me alone. I do know that he needs help. He really does. I thought that I could help, but you are right. I can't and it is up to him to want to help himself. I am going to do my best to stay away from him as much as possible. Thanks for all the advice. I hope to hear from you soon and again thanks!!!

[faith224]

Thanks for responding to my post. I'm sorry that happened to your mother as well. I told him over the phone when I broke up with him. I am also starting to keep records of everything. Just to be on the safe side. I will get a retraining order if he continues. If it gets worse I am going to have no choice but to do so. I tell him all the time, but he keeps bothering me because he thinks I am not. It pisses me off that he doens't take my words seriously even when I involve the police. Thanks so much for the advice. I have no intentions on getting back with him what so ever. Yes, I think my ex boyfriend has a mental problem and he needs help. I feel sorry for him too, but I need to think about myself and my life now and stop feeling sorry for him. I hope all works out with you and your mother and she can finally leave your father for good. You both deserve a better life. I want to thank you again for all your advice and for sharing. If you ever need to talk I am here to listen. How are things going now??I hope to hear from you soon.

[overcome]

Been through this. The only asnwer is to get out. He uses fear to control you. My ex husband stalked me, threatened my life, and the life of others. Finally had enough, told him I was going underground, and we would see who will kill who. Needless to say the next time he saw me was on a street in the area, and he put pedal to the metal getting away from me. In his mind, he had no idea what I was going to do. That was a wake up call for him to stop the madness and move on down the road. Its all about control, your boyfriend's issues are his, the next female he encounters will have the same problem. The dangerous thing is to let abusers take total control, when that happens, they will take your life. However if you take control, leave him, get protection from the authorities and male members of your family and be ready to defend yourself if you have to, he will have no choice but to leave you alone.

[faith224]

Thanks so much for replying. I am so sorry that it took me so long to write you back. You are so right. The only answer is to get out. I broke up with him, but he still remains to hold on to me no matter what I say. A few nights ago he said that I he is not scared of my mother and he is not scared of my brother. He said the only people who could stop him from coming to see me is the police. He said he is coming over and I can call the police if I want to and he said that he would tell them how much he loves me. He came over my house after I told him not to. After all of this I sometimes find myself running back to him. I can't! I need to be strong enough to ignore him and his phone calls. I am keeping record in a journal. Sometimes it scares me of how he is going to act next towards me. I am sorry about your situation, but I am glad that you got out of it. I need to let him know that I am not scared of him anymore and I am going to let him know that I am serious. I am not going to be Miss Nice anymore. I am tired of being walked over by him and not taken seriously. That is all going to change. You are right! He is going to have no choice, but to leave me alone because I know that he doesn't want to end up back in jail. What he does need is help. Thanks alot for all your advice and I hope to hear from you soon.