Do some people just have a harder time being liked?

Throughout my life, I have found that people are easily offended by me, prone to dislike me, and see me very differently than I see myself. I try to remedy this with self-awareness and by being kind to others, but it's still a problem.

Are some people just people that people love to hate? What are your thoughts?

Also, how does one become OK with this?

I don't feel one becomes ok with being hated on, by everyone they meet.
I feel one, can become ok with being different from others, with different world views, opinions, morals, et Al.
Perhaps, it's time to branch out to different circles? Not sure, how to meet people more like minded, but it's perhaps being stuck in a social rut, so to speak?

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TBH I don't think anyone ever becomes okay with this, you just learn to deal with it and figure out the best way to emotionally cope.

I moved around a lot as a child, and I think that contributed to my depression because it became hard for me to maintain close and stable friendships. To date, I have no actual friends. I am closer to relatives and consider them friends and think I have a lot of good acquaintances.

In counseling, it was established that part of the reason why I was having the interpersonal issues I did was because I wasn't in the right job and I wasn't looking for the right people. I'm also female, introverted, very blunt and logical and that combination is unsettling to a lot of people. I've just learned that time goes by and people and life changes and hopefully that opens up new doors to meet different people.

I use to have trouble with my perception of how others see me; that can be colored by you, rather than the other people, too. I would look around at what people you are with and why; hanging with people who are negative and actively appear to dislike you doesn't do anything for one's self-esteem. I know when I was a teenager, I had a classmate who disliked me but I later realized she was jealous of me, did not know "me" but just what she thought I represented. That can happen a lot when one is younger I think. Before we meet many people from all walks of life, it can be easy to have preconceived notions of what they are going to be "like" from their clothes, who they are with, what they say/do, etc. and harder to keep an open mind.

that is how i feel when i respond to your posts. maybe there is some unresolved transference going on. Ie not between me and you, but between you and your past, that colors all your relationships.

I know that I am not a bad person because the friends I have absolutely love me. People who once initially disliked me have apologized for overlooking my kindness.

Strive, I'm a lot like how you describe yourself. People often classify me as aloof or emotionless.

I know that this is going to sound conceited, but I think that people are jealous and intimidated by me. I'm beautiful, smart, successful, charismatic, and confident. I think that people grow insecure around me. I had a T once say to me, "You're a very beautiful girl. You have troubles with women because they are jealous of you and you have problems with men because they want to sleep with you. You're going to have a hard time with friendships." I'm beginning to think that I should just quit trying because I can't fix other people's insecurities; I can only work on myself.

Sure, there are some interpersonal thing that I work on, but it feels like no matter how hard I try, I get abused by 90% of people, even if I haven't met them!

I've tried every avenue for looking for new friendships and most people just don't like me. They say mean things about me even if I haven't thought negatively of them. However, I can pick up a handful of close friends anywhere. Maybe the only friendships that I can hold down are with incredibly strong and understanding people, which cancels out most humans, I've learned.

Hankster, I am very interested in what you said. Could you please elaborate?

I used to say that people - coworkers, really - either loved me or hated me. But i think the ones who lved me were just more generous. They could see past the bad to the good. The bad being mostly my parental introjects, i think.

For instance, they didnt have consideration for my feelings, or for my friends feelings. But they would yell at me about how i treated people. Well, i just learned from them what to do; when push comes to shove, i eant what is convenient for myself, just as they did. That makes me untrustworthy and unable to empathize, and unable to trust my own judgment of other people. Being in therapy for reconstructive therapy - and being away from negative family influences - was the only way for me to change.

I lost weight the times i was away from my family. So maybe being in China will help you find your true self.

I've always felt like a target for some reason. I'm not sure why. People either like me or hate me, use me , etc...I think they can see the weakness in me, no matter how hard I try to defend myself from it.

I also often find that people misunderstand me. Probably that's because differ from others in terms of my experiences and way of thinking. Perhaps that could be a factor in your situation also. I now try to bare this in mind, and explain things differently.

Your point in trying to become self aware is the key here. In my experience, every reaction from people whether good or bad is based on their perception of something I've done or how I behave, mannerisms, etc.

With that being said everything is not YOUR fault either, there will always be a percentage of people that misinterpret your behavior and dislike you based on those things.

I've learned to accept that some people will be rubbed the wrong way and vice versa, that is just life. but if it seems to be happening a lot I tend to think its something in my behavior that is being misinterpreted consistently and then it's probably on me.

There is only one you can control and that is yourself. If you're being misinterpreted find out why and then see if its' something you can adjust, if not, accept that it it how it is.

This is something that has bothered me a lot. When I got kicked off my writing site I was told I just rub people the wrong way. Huh? I've been told these feelings are very common with people who suffer from the disorders (I hate that word!) that we do. I don't know about you, but I have a hard time keeping my filters up. If I think someone is rude or petty or unkind, no matter how nice I try to be to them they can sense how I really feel. So quit blaming yourself. It's just that you don't have the tools to be dishonest and that is not a bad thing. There are people out there who will recogize and admire this quality. You'll find them.

I have a very difficult time liking me now as well.. I used to. I have done therapy for several years (just for this reason) and it is still hard to accept me and my failures... You are lucky to recognize your short comings so early in life And will hopefully be able to find peace withing yourself soon.

I guess that I'm at the point where I try so hard to figure out what it is that makes people dislike me so often and try so hard to cancel these things out, but I am prone to meanness from others. Despite how I may rub people the wrong way, I don't deserve to be cyberbullied, called names, talked about at work, be lied to, or ditched. I do not treat people I do not like this way. There has to be a point in which I realize that I deserve better and that though I can work on stuff, it isn't ALL my fault. Maybe most people just suck.

It feels good to accept this in a way because it's a step towards loving myself anyway, but I'm not quite there. I've been tempted to cry for three days.

The nail was hit on the head with:

"If I think someone is rude or petty or unkind, no matter how nice I try to be to them they can sense how I really feel. So quit blaming yourself. It's just that you don't have the tools to be dishonest and that is not a bad thing."

I just want to love and be loved and I feel that everyone else is ruining it.

I really think people are discounting the value and power of the negative introject here. Other people can sense it in you. They might see it as a mean streak. It isnt really you, its your internalization of a negative influence in your life. But other people do see it as you. But since it isnt really you, you can get rid of it, with effort and maybe therapy. But it does feel unfair to be blamed for it - its not really you. Google it.

Some people are just mean. They are unable to deal with others who (they feel) intimidate them for whatever reason. Others who feel the same way keep those feelings to themselves, a sign of maturity. Unfortunately, these people seem to be rare.

I have never ever really been liked by others. It comes with being socially inept and quiet. I have often been the target of gossip. All my experiences have been with ladies I was barely acquainted with. That says a lot.

People who are sensitive and tend to react seem to be targeted. This isn't an excuse for people to resort to abhorrent behaviors. People choose to gossip. The target certainly doesn't make them do it.

I totally agree with what The Little Didgee said!

Just wanting to say that I feel the same way about how you've said you get abused by 90% of people no matter how hard you've tried. I have been seen the same way like you as emotionless or aloof by a lot of people, even people I have met them for the first time in my life.

What I realize is that sometimes people just discriminate. Some people will discriminate because of the way you look, the way you dress. And this is something I am trying to be at peace with.

Then, sometimes, some people are not comfortable with those who don't show emotions during a conversation.

I have one coworker who can't cope with people who don't show much emotions in interactions and he blames me for his inability to cope. I was hurt by the way he talked to me and calling me name when he externalized his negative feelings and I thought, "can he be more rude, antagonistic, self-centered and self righteous???", "wow, I can't believe an adult bully has just emerged in front of me, can't believe he never outgrows schools!"

So, naturally, I have to tell myself that:
There's nothing I can do about him except to tell myself that he's an A-hole, don't label myself emotionless or aloof because I know I have feelings and don't let this superficial label, which doesn't even based on accuracy, ruin my day, remember that my coworker has tons of unresolved personality issues and is probably struggling to deal with them, remember not to let him use me as a scapegoat for his problems, remember that he is the one who can't accept someone being different, and remember that he is not those incredibly understanding and empathic types.

Well, anyway, turns out my other coworkers also think he has poor interpersonal skills and they have been screamed at by him before. They have also experienced the times when he can't accept something and he just turns belligerent at people.

I just don't want it to affect my career. I vented to a friend and he told my coworkers how I felt and everyone is so upset with me. Why wouldn't I be upset about this and why am I in the wrong for venting my feelings to a friend? It seems unfair that I am expected to keep everything inside even when I am attacked in order to be seen as acceptable.

Hey bluecloud-
Next time this turd goes off on you, slowly lean in and look at his nose. Then say-you've got something hanging out of your nose. Another good one is to stare at his scalp and say-have you had hair plugs? Or stare at the side of his neck and say-what's that red looking thing on your neck?

He may just explode. hahaha

I know what you mean, especially when it comes to my nieces and nephews. I found out they told my brother and his wife that I'm creepy. I had no idea they felt that way. It's frightening to learn what other people really think of you.

I'll never be okay with it, but there is nothing I can do about it. I try to be as normal as possible.

But i think once you KNOW what they think of you - cuz i have the same problem - and if you can figure out where this reputation came from, things can get better because now you wont be wondering wtf is going on when they start exchanging these knowing glances. If you walk in knowing that they have these expectations, then i think you can avoid slipping into them. Easy for me to say - i totally avoid the family - weddings, funerals, everything. Its lonely, but im starting to actually like me and feel secure.

I don't know what else to say, but I have gotten to the point where I just can't put too much time to care about what other people think of me. I know I can keep a job, I am married, and I have my solitary hobbies and that's good enough for me.

I'm very reclusive. It does help mitigate the pain of being "different".

I am disliked by many and that' s ok I personally don't need nor want to be liked by all I'm a good person and if someone else can't except this about and snubs me because of their own perceptions then its strictly a personal issue with themselves and not on me

That doesn't always work in the professional filed though.