How to stop obsessing over someone. Please help me.

I survived the graduation ceremony which makes me happy!! x

how are you doing Bill ?

Good job Elin!



I am fine, thanks!

What happens next in your life, and in the fall?

Thank you!!

Glad to hear!

Well I´m going to do a new study in september, for 4 years, on a new school so that´s a bit scary but I´m also somewhat looking forward to it because its a study that really has my interest..

Well done! I hope you enjoyed it even. I guess that could be scary for many, when I had mine it was for studying drama, so I wasn't afraid of being up there in front of people then!

I pmd the pic of my tattoo, in case you can't find it on my profile. I'm happy with it!

Not been obsessing for more than a week..it is a start

How are u doing bebrave?

I'm ok, but tomorrow would have been my cat's birthday. I'm doing so much better with the loss than I ever thought I would, but I'm still just lost without him. He's been by my side, literally, for 12 years.

Then there is this girl, we're meant to be best friends or something (just online) but it's like she has this hold over me, and I hate it. I don't want to depend or rely on anyone, she hasn't even been there when I needed her most, it's not romantic feelings (anymore) but I still can't stand it. I keep pushing her away cos I don't want her having this hold over me, but then I always come back, and she says it kills her when I push her away but I don't know what else to do. I haven't told her in case it gives her even more power over me. And what if I ever have romantic feelings again? She's all but married, she doesn't want me, she never did and never will. It was my feelings for her that f**ked everything up, we were fine before that, now we're on/off constantly. I hate hurting her (or anyone) and I hate letting her down, but she let me down. I told her in January that I'd had a date set to end it (my life) and she just got really mad at me, so when we made up I said I'd never mention those things again (mental health issues) but then I had literally two words from her in 2 weeks, knowing about my cat, and how close we were. I always say I don't matter, only she matters, but dammit, I should be allowed matter too. I'm a person too.

Sorry to go on. Hope you're still ok. A week is great. I just want Bill so bad. But I realised that one of the things I like most about him is that he's on the other side of the world, I don't have to actually put up with him. Lol I'm so horrible, no wonder I'm forever single!!

I also don't understand why this girl even wants to be friends with me, she says she needs me to be her best friend forever, but I've been so horrible and acted so badly. All her friends and family even hate me. Why would she want anything to do with me?

So sorry about your cat..i will think of you and cat tomorrow.

Is the friendship even worth it for you ? You say she is not really there when you need her.. sounds like she mostly gives you stress instead of happiness.(sorry if im wrong)! Hang in there X

Hey I forgot to say that I unfriended her (again) last week, I have an email from her from 2 days ago, i haven't read yet, I'm afraid to, I know I'll get sucked back in. It's now my cat's birthday and I feel I need to tell her, I feel I need her (mind you I'm drinking)

I still can't believe he's gone, I'm thinking of everyone but, I'm so close to tears and I never cry. I have some Tokio Hotel cards to put on my door, I have a book to finish reading, my own book to type and a movie I want to watch.

I'm maybe slightly typsy, cos what else is there to do right now? I have a salon appointment tomorrow and I might bring my mam for lunch, I want to do something and she paid the vets bills so it would be a nice thing to do. She loves going for lunch and I know how upset she is too.

Ugh, sorry I'm all me me me. I'll be ok. How are YOU doing? Still daydream free?

I need to think about the "best friend" I really know I'm on my own now, but it's kind of a help to stop relying on others. I have myself so I'm good. Could you learn to think the same? (You always have me too though) I still want to kiss Bill though!!

You know, normally I'd have been hitting on you ages ago, but I kind of have more respect for you somehow. I hit on everyone, but I don't want to scare you away, I think you deserve more than someone who hits on everyone too.

You really seem like a nice person, this mentor woman doesn't know how lucky she is!!

And while I obviously don't wish you going through this distress, I have to thank you for allowing me to get stuff off my own chest here. If I've just said anything wrong, blame the drink lol, but I just want you to know I appreciate YOU, not just he thread topic, but you as a person and (I hope) friend. And I hope you meet someone special real soon. Xxxx

I am so glad I found this thread. I have fancied a coworker now for 5 months nonstop. I know being with him will not quench this thirst. In the beginning, it seemed we were at least on the road to being friends, then he acted like he wanted to run from me. He has severe problems getting close to people, so then he started dating a girl online whom he has never met in person. I have not spoken to him in over a month because I just want this to go away. It isn't healthy. Thankfully our job is non interactive. I know this isn't possible to truly love a man I am obsessed with. Trying a new therapist next week because the previous therapist used CBT which seems useless for this issue. I know because this is the third time in 9 years I have endured this hell, and CBT was useless.

Hey Elin, I actually went through a very similar experience as you when I was your age. I now know that I went through some maternal transference with a teacher who was amazinglyl supportive during my high school years. It was devasting to graduate and I kept in touch with her through email and return visits. I felt the same way, how was I going to continue life without her. At the time she was the only adult that could see my hidden pain and took the time to care and listen. BUT, eventually as time passed it got easier to not have her in my life. I found different support lines like therapy and friends and I grew wiser as aging brings. Your teenage years are truly the hardest and most confusing time of your life. I still have struggles but not nearly as intense as my teenage years. You will get over it, I promise and you will come to remember her in the most respectful and appreciative way.

@ bebrave aww thanks! I appreciate it sweetie X

Did you read the email yet ? Can you talk to your mom about all this ?

I was wondering if you ever tried stop thinking/daydreaming/obsessing about Bill for a day? Just to see how thats feels? If you did, please explain how it went. Stay strong.

@tarheelgirl80 i am so sorry for your struggle how did you get rid of this when you experienced this before? Hope your therapist can help you! Please let me know. X

@whiteroses02 aww thanks for your honest answer dear. Gives me some hope. I am so glad that you made it through it!

Elin95, yeah me and my friend are ok again now. We did have another fight but it's ok now. I can't talk to my mam about it, I wasnt able to talk to anyone when we fell out over my feelings for her and everything got messed up, because she's a girl, so I couldn't tell my mam. But I just realised, my friend doesn't seem able to let me go either. Even when I'm horrible to her, she still always wants me as a friend. I don't know why I keep fighting it, cos I always come back too, it's just the thought of depending on someone that I don't like. I can't figure out why she would want me as a friend either.

Anyway, yes I have tried to get over Bill. It didn't work obviously! But really it's ok cos he just makes me feel happy. I've tried to "make myself get over other people before too, it's hard alright. I usually only get over people by finding someone else to obsess over, transferring my affections, which doesn't really solve the problem, just switches it to someone else. And they never want me either.

You know why I think I like Bill so much? Cos he's on the other side of the world, I don't have to actually put up with him, I can just look at him. Lol I sound so mean, but, well I am mean!

Lol and then I wonder why I'm always single. I just like time alone, I don't like too much time with one person. I'm a bit of a loner I suppose. Even when I have dated, I was usually thinking "will you f**king go home now" lol. I'm so charming, it's why I have all these men flocking around me. Lol, /sarcasm, in case you didn't get that!

On a serious note, I do want to be wanted, but more for my ego's sake. I want to be wanted but I don't want to want anyone. Except Bill cos that's not gonna happen anyway, so it's safe. I'm just weird...

i hope you feel better and get over your cat. goodluck

[QUOTE=elin95;4565402]@tarheelgirl80 i am so sorry for your struggle how did you get rid of this when you experienced this before? Hope your therapist can help you! Please let me know. X

honestly, the first two times I went through this (so, 2006 and in 2011), they seemed to naturally run their course. Well, the first one moved away so that may have ultimately facilitated recovery because eh, I had no choice? Second one already lived in another country so that may have prevented the obsession from persisting a ridiculously long time. I just saw my new therapist yesterday, and she still wants to use a few more CBT techniques that were not used with the other two guys. I now must write down all the things I want to say to Ray, even though we do not actually talk any longer. Then she instructed me to think of reasons (real or imagined) why he may be a terrible boyfriend or lover, rather than putting him on the false pedestal. Hope this works!

[QUOTE=Tarheelgirl80;4577504]thanks for answering!! i really hope it works for you and wish you all the best. xx

I've "left" him, so to speak. Not that he'll even notice or care of course, but I was causing too much trouble on his page and I'm sure he and everyone else can do without that.

It's kind of easier to leave when it's for his sake, rather than my own. Yesterday I just thought about something else all day instead. It was suicide, but still. Today I can't stop thinking about him, again. I just want to tell him I love him, but it's not like he'd care. I mean I knew what I was getting into by letting myself fall for him, it's stupid and ridiculous, especially at my age. It's not like I even know him, I'm just stupid.

And it's not like anything matters really anyway. It's just things that happen, but they don't mean anything.

Hey you are talking about Bill? Does he have like, a twitter profile or something and does he reply to fans?

Do you have a safety plan when you get suicidal thoughts?

You are not stupid at all. Hang in there xx

He has a page and doesn't reply but there are constant fights in the comments. Like every day. But I'm not being involved anymore. With the fighting. I can't stop thinking about him, why does he have to be so damn attractive! I am stupid, it's just a stupid rockstar crush, celebrity obsession, whatever.

How are YOU doing since? I'm so sorry I haven't even asked but how are you now since you saw her? Are you ok? I'm here ok.

I an glad that you are not involved in the fights anymore

It is not stupid. He is quite attractive! Don't feel bad about it.

Me and my daydreaming isn't going too well :/ I just miss my teacher a lot but yeah

He's amazing! I try to stop loving him but I can't, he's too perfect! The whole band are! And they make me laugh which is a good thing.

I'm sorry you're missing her. Not sure what to say. Is there any way to get in touch, email, or would that make it worse for you?

How is it going here?