Sick of being valued the least

Or you can accept that some people might seem better on the outside but still have their problems on the inside? And isn't it okay for other people to be better than us? We don't have to be the best at everything and it's a lot of pressure to put on yourself if you think so.

It is not ok for my younger brother to be universally recognized as a more likable person than me. If he is, then what point is there in my existence?

He can't be possibly universally recognized. There must be people who go don't even know him! How often do you see your brother? Do you all live at home? Move out and .live your own life. Have your own friends

Sigmund Freud would have a field day with you! Your thinking is so incredibly skewed.

A lot of people wonder what is their purpose in life, what is the point to their existence. Let's take your brother, who you are so pointlessly jealous of, out of the equation.

What do you have to offer the world? Please list those many, many things.

When my two oldest sons (close in age) would fight, I would threaten to take both their heads and bang them together if they didn't knock it off. Why didn't your mother put a stop to this bs?

You, and no one else for that matter, will ever be happy when you spend your life comparing yourself to someone else. Ever.

you can't force charisma really. You can become more charismatic but it has to be genuine - and I don't think you genuinely want to be, you just want to be "better". Which you pretty much state in your second option.

As I've said before - none of us here can actually comment on you, your coworkers, girls at the gym, or your brother... You have such extreme views and opinions of everyone in your life that the only thing we can be fairly sure on is that you're giving us an exaggerated black-and-white description. This is how therapy could help you - a therapist could help you break down some of that black and white thinking.

Now, as you seem to claim some desire for self-improvement.... Here is what I've seen and learned about you from your posts. I am not going to restate your own self-assessments because I have no idea how accurate they are. I am only going to share my own observations and opinions. Again - as I do not know you and only have your extreme black and white thinking to go off of, it's a bit difficult and who knows how accurate or inaccurate I am.

1) you have very low self-esteem
2) you are very shallow- the only positive you share about yourself is that you are youthful and attractive.
3) you seem to care more about being idolized than anything more genuine
4) you've got a contradictory belief that you're better than everyone but also worse than everyone
5) you mind-read others and are quite convinced/paranoid about what other people think about you - and you've yet to share any concrete examples that prove your thoughts.
6) you've expressed a lot of hate and jealousy towards everyone in your life
7) it seems like you are quite fake in your behaviour around others - you say they all say you are nice but I've never heard you share anything nice about what you do
8) you ignore or get aggressive towards people on the forum

Based on these things and others, I can say that yep, I wouldn't like you very much at all. Those sorts of views come out over time even when you try to suppress them.

I'm sure you are going to either ignore me or get aggressive as that tends to be your pattern. And yet, I keep responding to you. I respond out of a genuine concern for you even though responding in many ways feels like a waste of my time and effort.

Being genuine is a lot more important than being shallowly charismatic. I am both genuine and charismatic when I'm in social situations - being charismatic was a natural trait of mine but it got squashed down due to being treated poorly st home, but I've became more natural to myself over the years.

The people I tend to become closest with are the ones who value me being genuine as opposed to people interested in my charisma.

Your list isn't entirely accurate. Lets go through it real quick:

1) Yes, that one is accurate.

2) No, that is not the only positive thought I have shared about myself, if you pay attention elsewhere in this thread and others, you will see I have mentioned other things. However, in terms of qualities that actually attract people, yes my looks is probably the only thing. Like I mentioned, I am not charismatic or witty nor do I have any special talents.

3) I am not seeing the distinction between charisma and "something genuine". Charismatic people are naturally genuine and that is why people like them. People like me are inhibited because people taught us it isn't ok to be ourselves and now they overlook us in favor of more charismatic people. It is basically a cycle where the desirable(charismatic, witty, intelligent, fun, attractive) are allowed to become more desirable and the undesirable(awkward, mentally slow, boring, unattractive) are not given any chance or improve. And then people wonder why we are angry...

4) I never said I was better or worse than everyone. Only that most people seem to think they are better than me. There is no "better" anyways, society only creates this illusion by valuing certain qualities like charisma and intelligence.

5) I don't read minds but I am very good at reading between the lines.

6) Everyone? No, more like just a few people.

7) Yes I am fake in my behavior because whenever I do what comes naturally people seem to find me annoying. I don't know what else I can do other than fake the behavior that they want to see. Why would I come on here and brag about the nice things I do for other people? If I did, I am pretty sure you would point that out as one of your "red flags" anyways.

8) I do not ignore people, I just don't have a response for everyone. Also I don't always have time to respond since I have a job and other things to do. If I am aggressive with someone it is usually because they made a passive aggressive attack at me first. Then when I react with open hostility I am called out, reported and my post gets deleted. It is a lot like what my brother does: covertly attack someone's self worth under the guise of "intellectual debate" or "constructive criticism" and then portray them as the aggressor when they react angrily.

Anyways, I don't see any concrete suggestions on what I should do in your post. It seems you are just trying to excuse people who don't like me.

See, the idea that you are worth as much as you have to offer to the world is the whole problem. I don't have anything to offer to the world really whereas my brother is intellectually stimulating to talk to and fun to be around. According to that logic, which is how most people think, he is worth more than me. How is this fair? He didn't choose to be the way he is, nor did he work at it, it isbjust in his nature. Likewise, I didn't choose to be the way I am, in fact I try very hard to be intellectually stimuting and fun. It just doesn't come naturally. And people are too judgmental to allow me to ease into it. Why can't everyone just be valued equally since nobody really chooses to be what they are?

You ARE worth as much as you give!

Do you have hands, legs, a mouth, a brain? Then you have lots to offer the world.

You don't know how most people think. You are just assuming. You are wrong.

Why can't everyone just be valued equally? What a contradiction! Start with valuing yourself equally. Everyone has different assets and faults.

I am feeling motherly toward you. You are actually triggering me, so I'll back off. (Runs screaming.........)

We don't live together but we live in the same city and we still see each other. We have separate social lives for the most part, which is probably the only thing keeping me sane. But he knows some of my friends and occasionally he will hang out with us. It is more so the knowledge that IF we were ever to meet the same people, he would put me to shame with his superior social skills. Honestlty, I think I have this deeply held notion that since we are brothers and grew up together, we should be roughly equal in achievments. The idea of him being so much more desirable than me just seems wrong.

Well, if that is true, then I am simply worth less than more intelligent, charismatic people like my brother, who will always have more to offer to the world. And that is exactly why I feel the way I do. I wish society did not place value on people who offer more to the world, that way I could just sit here and think I am just as awesome as my brother. But unfortunately that is not the case. That is why I kind if hate the world. I am essentially a guy who refuses to accept his lowly status in the social hierarchy.

Simply put, you cannot say that people who offer more to the world(including people who are simply liked more) are worth more, meanwhile denying that my brother and people like him are worth more than me.

Yet again, I am confused, you definitely have a gift as I am not easily confused.

Tell me, where is this "Value Scale" you are getting your data from and what kind of variables are we talking?

To clarify: The people who value your brother (according to you as I have not heard from them) do they value his social skills and have his number on speed dial for a party, or will they take a bullet for him, should the need arise?

And if it's the former? Wouldn't you rather cultivate relationships that reflect the latter?
Just trying to ascertain where you're coming from.

I know this has been said in one way or another in probably each of your threads, but Shadix, it comes down to this...

You CANNOT control what other people think, believe or do, the only person you can control is you. Accepting your differences and shortfalls, and then improving what can be improved, is the only way to contentment.
This path you're on, leads no where, you're chasing pavements.
All that will accomplish is adding to your anger and resentment.

I just don't get it, you're obviously miserable, but reject the pathway to freedom from your misery.
Maybe misery is a safe space for you? idk, I'm not your T.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if I was you I would be sick and tired of it all and ready to eat toilet paper if I thought it would help me.

Why does it have to be an either or? My brother has superficial friends who just think he is cool as well as people who genuinely care about him. I believe that socially awkward people like me tend to have trouble developing either type of relationship.

Here's a question. Can any of you honestly tell me that my lack of social skills doesn't really matter? That there is a good chance YOU would personally find a socially awkward, "slow" person like me as enjoyable to be around as someone charismatic and witty like my brother? That I can get the same joy and pleasure out of life as someone who (I am stealing this description from another post which describes it perfectly) "knows intuitively what to say, how to smile, etc., to fit in in a social situation and attract positive attention" while I continue to be my socially awkward, quite possibly autistic self? Tell me.

I have 2 children. 1 is charming and witty in a classical sense. The other is autistic and charming and witty in a less classical sense but just as meaningful way. We can't all we a sex symbol or swimsuit model ya know? Not everyone has a genius IQ or knows what to say and is a social genius. We go through life just fine knowing that some people will get all the money, all the fame and perhaps more happiness than us. But perhaps not. Happiness is easier when you have everything but it's more meaningful when you work towards it. You can work on becoming more social and naturally skilled. You can make improvements if you wish. But you might be able to get further by accepting your limitations and even embracing them as you learn more about the interesting person you are and stop focusing on how interesting other people might be. Everyone has there own problems at the end of the day.

What does your Therapist advise??

Haven't been seeing a therapist for a while. Will probably start seeing a new one soon.

I'll take that as a "no".

Look....if I had my choice I'd be a Wealthy Supermodel with a high metabolism, endless energy, charm, wit and class. But I don't possess all these quality. Should I run around comparing myself to people who do? What do you think I will gain if I did? Should I decide I have no purpose because I will never get a recording contract and really want to be a pop star? If your answer is yes, you should run, not walk to a psychiatrist and get some help. You put too much pressure on yourself.

Before saying anything, I wanted to say first that I feel that I'm in the same boat. Or I was to be accurate because I've chosen to be alone after failing so many times, and I'm no longer trying to be around people.

People don't care. If you don't have something to offer people, forget about it. You would be lucky to find a girl to accept you. That's probably more likely than people liking you in general. I would be satisfied if that happened to me. So, you either change which is a painful process, or accept yourself and be hopeful that someone will come and accept you.

I'd also suggest not to include your brother in your social life if he is a source of stress to you. My brother when I'm home goes out with his friends all the time, while I stay at home with no friends or any one visiting me. I'm fine with that. I feel actually happy for him because he is not experiencing the pain I experience, hopefully.

The analogy does not fit, because you do not need to be that wealthy supermodel in order to be valued and respected by people. Social skills pretty much ARE required in order for a guy to be valued and respected. In fact most people seem to look at socially awkward males with CONTEMPT. This is evidenced by the fact that people often use labels like "autistic" and "socially inept" to disparage their adversaries. So it is really not the same thing at all.

Some people will do this....lots of them will use social awkwardness as a put down. These are not nice people and hopefully evolution will weed out these types of people if we choose to live a more enlightened path. The people who you meet that will not be the kind about who are, are often wooed by superficial charm. Then there will be the kinds of people who really get you. When you meet the right kind of people, all these other seemingly charismatic people will lose their shine and you will actually be grateful when they don't like you because you've seen their true colors and won't want to participate in the popularity game of life.

Not everyone in this world is going to like one another. Lots of people, several on this board even don't like me and go out of their way to make it known. In times past this would have bothered me and I would have probably tried to see if we could move beyond it. Now I've gotten good at recognizing when I don't like someone and usually the people who don't like me were on my "iffy" radar for awhile before I noticed their behaviors. But guess what, some people do really like me. And they are the most amazing people I could possibly dream of meeting. Genuinely GOOD people so I'm fortunate for the people who make it known they don't like me. It allows me too see how truly lucky I am for the wonderful people who do. Focus on the people who are kind to you, not the jerks.

My brother is 6 years older. He was always sporty, popular, invited to all the parties, every guy wanted to be like him and every girl wanted to be with him. I was a straight A nerd with buck teeth who thought my brother was the coolest guy in the planet while he beat and abused me to return the favor. All that popularity left him with STD's and a wife he hates so it didn't work out too well in the end. The tides can turn and the mighty do fall and land on their heads sometimes.

When you meet "your people". The ones who respect you and treat you as an equal, you will be grateful and stop caring about the jerks who tried to push you down.

Of course your social skills matter. Earlier I tried to outline the sorts of things you've displayed on the forum that contributes to your lack of social skills here. You dismissed them pretty much.

And yes, I have preferred socially awkward people over "charismatic witty" people plenty of times. Including men. It isn't the social skills that win me over in my friendships. It's how genuine someone is. It's what we have in common for interests.

And please stop using autism as an insult and as a self-label. Please go see a psychiatrist if you believe you may be on the spectrum. But don't label yourself, especially when you are using the label in an insulting manner.

Don't self diagnose please. Go see a doctor or a therapist and get evaluated if you think you might have XYZ. Please. Maybe because that's what I do for a living it totally bothers me when people label themselves with bunch of labels but no formal diagnosis. ASD is a formal diagnosis. It's incorrect to refer to every awkward behaviors as being "autistic".

And what's with calling yourself "slow". What does it even mean.

Also unless your brother is abusive to you why are you angry at him just because he is different than you? So what he is witty? Who cares. You are your own person. When are you going to see a therapist?

"Simply put, you cannot say that people who offer more to the world(including people who are simply liked more) are worth more, meanwhile denying that my brother and people like him are worth more than me."

Witty, charismatic people are better at being more entertaining and fun to be around than quiet, dull people.

Which person is better stranded alone on a desert island?

When most people think of autism, they think of people who display clear signs of having a disorder. Those are the ones who get sympathy and that most people would not make fun of (the exception being the Donald Trumps of the world aka bullies). However, people who are on the mild end of the spectrum will often just appear to be a person who lacks social skills. These people do not get sympathy, especially if they are male and try to interact with women. These are the guys you will typically hear women complaining about and making fun of. No, it is not just a few "bad apples" who disparage and belittle us, it is the mainstream majority.

I don't know if I am on the spectrum for sure. My previous therapist said it is possble I am on the mild end of the spectrum, but that there is no point in diagnosing it, because she would treat it the same as anyone who has poor social skills.

My question is, why does it make a difference if I am on the spectrum or lack social skills for another reason? Is it that I am not "excused" if I am not on the spectrum? That it is ok to judge me and disparage me, but if I am on the spectrum only THEN I have an excuse? This is something I don't understand. It's not like I choose to have poor social skills either way. It just doesn't come naturally to me. I for one do not believe anyone has a right to judge me or disrespect me regardless of my social skills.